[Guiding Light Fic] Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow? - Otalia (4/8)

[jaina47]

Title: Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow?
Fandom: Guiding Light
Characters: Natalia Rivera, Olivia Spencer, Doris Wolfe, Jamanda, Josh Lewis
Category: Romance, Drama, Angst
Rating: NC-17
Word count: 30,863 (Total)
Summary: Happily Ever After. Ain’t it grand?
Spoilers/Timeline Moving In Day 2.0
Disclaimer: All characters (Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, blah blah etc.) and situations belong to Guiding Light, Telenext, Proctor & Gamble, etc. I'm not them.
Author's Note:  For a change, I have nothing to say that isn’t spoilery, so I’ll just shut up.
Beta: Many thanks to aimlessla, and the usual undying appreciation to Rysler for her assistance and nudging me in the right direction.

Part One || Part Two || Part Three



Part Four

Groggily Olivia opened her eyes. Overhead loomed the familiar ceiling of her suite at the Beacon. She blinked rapidly, not quite believing the other information that her eyes were providing - Natalia, standing at the foot of the bed. Olivia closed her eyes and opened them again. Yup, Natalia was still there. She let her head sag back onto the pillows.

"Is this what you call space?"

Natalia flinched and Olivia wanted to wince herself. The words had come out sharper than she had intended. So sue her. She wasn't at her best when woken from a deep sleep. It still didn't explain what the hell Natalia was doing here, not when she had been so explicitly clear about what she needed. But that was what Natalia excelled at, wasn't it? Pushing Olivia until she couldn't take it anymore, until she gave in to what Natalia - what they both wanted - just to make Natalia stop pushing. Not because she was ready. That was why she was here, wasn't it? Hiding in her safe haven, pitiful as it was.

Olivia could feel herself getting worked up, a head of steam building as she thought of all the ways, big and small that Natalia had been pushing her since she had come back to Springfield. Come live with me. Love my baby. Love me. Spend the rest of your life with me. Demand, demand, demand. She was Olivia Spencer. No one told her what to do.

Now Natalia looked annoyed. Olivia could read it all over her face, plain as day. It was also in the way her arms were folded tightly across her chest, her hands clutching at the opposite forearm. She knew Natalia, every quirk of her face, every minute shift in body language. Separation hadn't changed that, it had just introduced doubt into the equation. Olivia hated that too.

"No," Natalia said shortly.

Oh yeah, she’s definitely annoyed now. Served Natalia right for barging in here. What did she expect? An opened-armed welcome? Not freaking likely. Not today.

"This has nothing to do with us," Natalia said, taking a step forward, her voice sounding tight and pinched. "You would know that if you'd been up and taking your calls." She looked unhappy about that too. "I thought you were coming to the wedding."

The extension of that, that they would be going together lingered unsaid.

Olivia gave her a pained smile and pushed herself up on her elbows. "I'm sure you managed just fine without me."

The wounded expression in Natalia's eyes made her want to suck the words back as soon as she had said them. But, damn it, it wasn't her fault that this conversation had gone from bad to worse the moment Olivia had woken up. Olivia had told Natalia that she needed time and space to deal with this, but here she was, back again and thinking that pushing would make everything fit perfectly into her little plans. Well, it wouldn't and Olivia was here to tell her that if no one else was.

"Just...listen to me," Natalia said. "Please."

"Why?" Olivia demanded, the irritation that had been growing from the moment she had woken up to Natalia hovering over her flaring suddenly to life, going from ember to full-fledged blaze in an instant. She threw the covers back and pushed herself to her feet in an instant, marching to the foot of the bed until she was face to face with Natalia. "Why should I listen to you, Natalia, when all you do is constantly run me over and tell me that I'm wrong? That I'm not feeling what I think I'm feeling? I'm tired of it. Why don't you listen to me for a change?"

"I will," Natalia said. "I just, I need to tell you this. Please, Olivia, let me-"

"No. You've had your chance. It's my turn now and-"

"Alan's dead." Natalia blurted it out so quickly that it took a moment for Olivia to process what she had said.

"What? I..." she trailed off, at a loss for words and sank back onto the bed. "What happened?"

"He was at the wedding," Natalia said, her voice softening in response to Olivia's shock. "I talked to him." She glanced away from Olivia. "He had heard about us. He said he hoped we were happy." Her gaze flicked back to Olivia. "They don't know what happened. Whether it was his heart, or...or some complication from the surgery, or... Phillip found him. He was just sitting on a bench." Her lips twisted into what might have been a smile. "He looked happy."

"Oh God," Olivia breathed the words, horror mingling with shock. Alan had had his fair share of health problems and she knew he was getting older, but she hadn't expected this. They'd had their battles; half the time she swore she hated the manipulative bastard. Sometimes she felt a little fond of him. He had given her Emma after all when he had replaced her birth control pills with placebos. Even if it hadn't worked out in the way he had intended when she'd had an affair with Phillip. She wasn't prepared for the fight to be over - just like that. She had thought there would be more time, more battles. In a way they had made their peace, written out their truce, but nothing was settled. She looked back to Natalia. "Phillip?"

Natalia shrugged, not looking any more comfortable now that the news had been broken. "I don't know. Beth is with him. He's the reason I'm here. They've been trying to call you, but they couldn't get a hold of you."

"I took the phone off the hook," Olivia said, trying not to sound guilty. "My cell was off."

"He thought you should be there for Emma." Natalia swallowed hard. "We went by the hospital before the wedding. She wanted to see him and thank him for saving her Daddy."

If it had been anyone but Natalia, Olivia would have been indignant - furious - that someone had taken her child to visit a Spaulding. But she trusted Natalia to protect Emma. She was the one that Natalia had never let down... never except for that six week absence, where she hadn't called or written or emailed. Olivia blinked, shoving that thought ruthlessly to the back of her mind. Now was so not the time for that.

"Of course," Olivia said, swallowing back the lump in her throat that was making it hard to speak. "I don't want her to find out from someone else." She glanced down at what she was wearing and then around the room. "I need to get changed and then I can go get her." She stopped. "Where is she?"

"With Jane." Natalia gave a little shrug. "Rafe is supposed to be leaving this afternoon. I don't know..." She shook her head. "I can't even think about it. Alan's dead and Rafe...he could... It would be so easy..." Natalia trembled and sank onto the bed. "He could just...die...and then it would be all over, wouldn't it? He would be gone and he would never have a chance to do so many things." She looked up at Olivia with hollow eyes. "Life is just so short, isn't it? You have all the time and then, just like that, it's gone."

Olivia froze in mid-motion, her t-shirt half off. Her jaw clenched and then slowly she pulled the shirt the rest of the way over her head and let it fall to the ground, each motion clear-cut and deliberate. "Don't," Olivia said, her voice low and warning. "Don't use what happened to Alan - or with Rafe - to manipulate me, Natalia. I won't let you do it and it has nothing to do with us."

Natalia gasped and shot to her feet, stepping forward until she was toe to toe with Olivia. "That was not what I was doing. How could you think..." She let her indignant words trail off. "But that's it, isn't it, Olivia? Since I came back that's all you can do - think the worst of me. But you don't get to make me feel like a horrible person for loving you. There's nothing wrong with it. Stop trying to use everything that you can to push me away. I love you. Don't you see that?"

"What I see," Olivia said sharply, "is that loving me is all about you - what you need, what you want, when you want it. It always has been. Why can't it be about me, Natalia? What I need?"

"It is!" Natalia said, her voice rising indignantly. "It has been since the moment that I came back. Everything is about you. You're my whole world, Olivia." She sounded well and truly pissed now, long since having moved past annoyed. Natalia's cheeks were flushed red, the emotions surging through her reflected on her face, and her chest heaved.

Olivia thought she had never looked more beautiful. It was frustrating as hell and she pushed the thought away. Natalia's beauty was a distraction she didn't need. She needed to hold onto her anger; she couldn't give in just because Alan had died. That wouldn't solve anything. She tried to pick up the thread of the argument where they had left off.

"Your world, Natalia," Olivia said, jabbing a finger at her. "Your rules and how you want it. Love your baby. Move in with you."

"Because I want you to be happy," Natalia exploded. "I want us to be together. Isn't that what you want?"

"Of course it is!" Olivia countered, her voice high pitched and getting more shrill by the minute.

"Then why won't you let us be happy? We could have that. I thought we did. But then you left..." She sounded so confused Olivia wanted to comfort her, but her indignation and frustration were still fueling her. She couldn't stop it even if she had wanted to.

"On your terms. The way you wanted."

"Then why didn't you tell me what you wanted?"

"I did! You...you pushed. I said I needed time and space and you just couldn't let it go. I had to move in with you right away."

"You said yes," Natalia said, the sharp edge of her anger deflating in an instant.

"Like I could say no to you when you were looking at me like that, touching me, smiling at me with those dimples... You knew exactly how to get what you wanted and you went after it."

"I thought you wanted it too."

"I did; I do." Olivia pinched the bridge of her nose to stop the throbbing - and to buy herself some time. "Don't look at me like that."

"Like what?" Natalia sounded more hurt now.

"With those big brown eyes, like I kicked your puppy. You can't just...just look at me and get your way. It won't work like that, Natalia." Even as she said it Olivia realized the irony of that statement. How many times had she used her own looks to get what she wanted? To flirt and persuade and cajole until she won a lover, a husband, or just a business connection over to her way of thinking? Hundreds.

"I'm not doing anything," Natalia protested.

"Stop," Olivia whispered.

"Olivia..."

But Olivia didn't let her finish, grabbing both sides of Natalia's face and pushing her lips against Natalia's, capturing them with hers and swallowing whatever Natalia had been about to say.

Natalia let out a startled whimper, her hands going to Olivia's shoulders, and Olivia had a sudden flash of another kiss, the first one they had ever shared. Natalia had been startled then too, shocked beyond belief, and she had pushed Olivia away, making her displeasure well known. Olivia tensed, preparing herself for the rejection that she was sure was about to follow, but it never came. Natalia sagged in her arms, melting into her, her arms slipping around Olivia's shoulders and pulling her closer.

The rough fabric of Natalia's dress brushed against Olivia's breasts, free from the bra she had never bothered with, on her way out of the farmhouse that morning, and Olivia shivered, almost forgetting how to breathe at the contact. Time seemed to freeze for a moment. Natalia hesitated, breaking the kiss, and Olivia thought she was about to pull away. Natalia just met her gaze with a steady one of her own. Olivia had no clue what was going through her mind, and then Natalia was reaching down for the hem of her own dress, tugging it up her thighs until the material was bunched in her hands and then dragging it up and over her head. She tossed it aside without a second glance and then stared at Olivia.

Olivia stared back at her. So much smooth skin exposed. The roundness of her belly. The matching bra and panties set. She had no idea where to look first. This was insane. What they were doing made no sense. But...she wanted Natalia. There was no denying that. She took a deep breath and then decided to hell with thinking. What had it gotten them so far?

She moved forward, practically lunging at Natalia. One hand cupped the base of Natalia's skull drawing her to Olivia for a kiss that melted lips against lips and sent her tongue plunging into Natalia's mouth, seeking and demanding. Her other hand fumbled at Natalia's breast over the plain black bra and then she was tugging at the strap, as she kissed her, pushing it down Natalia's shoulder just far enough that she could push the cup down, freeing Natalia's breast from its confines.

Olivia kneaded the soft flesh in her hand, not haltingly or tenderly, but firmly, taking what she wanted. Natalia moaned and squirmed against Olivia, pressing herself closer and clutching at Olivia's back, clenching her fingers around a handful of Olivia's hair. Part of Olivia couldn't believe they were doing this - that she was doing this to Natalia. Her blood rushed through her veins and it was more than just physical arousal. She felt strong and in control. Feeling this way for the first time in months, it was a heady feeling. She was no one's victim. She would show Natalia who she really was, what they could have.

Not wasting the time it would take to turn them around, Olivia pushed Natalia back against the wall, the small section of free space between the closet and what had been her bed. Natalia grunted as she landed against it with a thud but she never let go of Olivia. Supported by the wall, her leg came up, wrapping awkwardly around Olivia's calf, kept further apart than either of them would have liked by the swell of her belly between them.

Olivia let her hand slide down from Natalia's breast, brushing over the roundness of her stomach and then long, slender fingers were tucking between smooth skin and the thin cotton of Natalia's sensible black panties. Olivia didn't realize she had been mentally holding her breath until her fingers slid through the thatch of hair at the crux of her thighs and found Natalia wet and waiting for her. She stroked her fingers and watched as Natalia gasped and arched up into her, clutching at her.

"Olivia..."

She froze, hesitating. They seemed so out of sync lately, she couldn't be certain what Natalia was asking for, what she wanted from Olivia.

"Olivia." This time the note of pleading in her voice was obvious. "Don't stop," Natalia breathed.

So Olivia did it again, stroking Natalia just to watch her squirm, but Olivia couldn't stop there. One stroke led to another and another until Natalia's motion had ceased to be jerky and became a desperate rhythm of her hips pushing against Olivia's forearm, the apex of her against Olivia's fingers. Olivia kept going and going, refusing to relent, watching as Natalia bit her lip and whimpered and pleaded and came apart in her arms. Even when Olivia felt the tell-tale jerk and clench of Natalia as she came, she didn't stop, pressing and rubbing until Natalia was coming all over again, panting out quick sharp breaths, her nails digging into Olivia's back.

And then finally Olivia did stop, stilling the motion of her hand, but not taking it away, as Natalia's breathing finally began to slow. She sagged over onto Olivia. Her arms that had been clutching so tightly only a few moments before now just draped over Olivia's shoulders, helping to support her weight. She was at Olivia’s mercy, boneless and incapable of moving. Her forehead rested against Olivia's shoulder until she managed to raise her head just enough to capture Olivia's lips in a sloppy kiss, not careless but undefined.

Unbidden Olivia pulled her closer, taking in the beat of Natalia's heart against her body and the soft puff of her breath against Olivia's shoulder. Despite everything that had come before it, Olivia felt strangely tender toward her, all her anger and frustration drained away.

"Come here," she said quietly. "Let's get you into bed. I've got you."

Natalia didn't resist, letting Olivia guide her toward the bed. Her legs felt heavy and weak, her muscles still spasming now and then. Once she stumbled, but Olivia was there to catch her before she could fall, her hand at the small of Natalia's back. Then Olivia was pulling back the cover on the bed and putting Natalia into it. Natalia looked so exhausted, so limp and wrung out, that Olivia half expected her to fall into sleep. The baby was draining her of much of her energy and the last few days had been far from easy.

Her eyes fluttered closed, but then Natalia pushed them open again. Olivia could see the effort it took. She held her hand out to Olivia.

"Come here."

There was no way that Olivia could resist that plea. Despite the way her body was throbbing she let Natalia draw her down to the bed, her back pressed against Natalia's front. Natalia wrapped her arms tightly around Olivia and clung to her even as her breathing began to even out. It sounded as if Natalia was falling into sleep.

Olivia closed her own eyes. To her keyed-up body, Natalia pressed up against her was sensory overload. Natalia's arms around her chest and abdomen felt like steel bands trapping her. She struggled to breathe. She forced her breathing to slow and remembered the way Natalia had come apart in her arms, so trustingly, never doubting that Olivia would be there to take care of her, when what they had shared just now was nothing like the beautiful act Natalia had always talked about.

Her jaw clenched and she resisted the urge to throw off Natalia's arms, knowing if she did it would wake the exhausted woman. She clenched her eyes more tightly shut. Maybe if she just stayed very still it would be okay.

Then she felt limp fingers stroking up and down her arm - Natalia's fingers. Her arm. Olivia tensed. So Natalia wasn't asleep after all. Olivia wondered what she wanted, if she was going to try to force Olivia to talk about things again. Olivia shifted, preparing to put her feet over the edge of the bed and flee again. Natalia felt her move and pulled her closer with surprising strength. Olivia was so startled she relented, stiff and tense against Natalia as Natalia pulled her down on top of her.

But all Natalia did when she finally had Olivia where she wanted her was stroke her face, lean up and kiss her. It was honestly the last thing Olivia had expected. That and the way Natalia was looking at her when she pulled away again, sadness mingling with desire. Olivia wanted to say something but anything she might say was stuck in her throat, trapped by all the other things she couldn't admit to.

Natalia didn't push though. She just let her hands began to wander over Olivia's skin with more urgency. Her lips found a sensitive spot just behind Olivia's ear and worked their way down her throat, lingering over a particular spot as Olivia tilted her head to grant her better access.

"Natalia," Olivia murmured. "What are you doing?"

Olivia heard her soft snort of amusement, felt it against her skin.

"What do you think I'm doing, Olivia? The same thing you were doing, hmmm."

"Natalia..."

"Shhh. Just let me..." Her hands began to wander, skating up and down Olivia's sides, skimming over bountiful curves. Her thumbs brushed against the side of Olivia’s nipple. Olivia twitched and grunted, her jaw clenching.

Her irritation returned in a rush. Natalia was teasing, playing, torturing her as she drew this out. Olivia was tired of being Natalia’s plaything. She didn’t want to be at Natalia’s mercy. She shuddered and it wasn’t from pleasure but discomfort. She felt bare, flayed open. She had an urge to pull away, to roll off Natalia and shower until her skin felt clean again, until she could scrub this day and every part of it off her.

That was almost worse. Being around Natalia had never made her feel that way before. Her body throbbed and ached, demanding attention, demanding Natalia, even as her heart broke. Determination seized Olivia where uncertainty had held her in its grasp.

Olivia took Natalia’s hand in hers, tugging it away from its gentle explorations and pushed it down to where Olivia needed it most. If Natalia was determined to do this then she wasn't going to hold back any longer. She was done with hiding who she was, pretending to be less for fear of frightening Natalia. She could take her or leave her. Natalia already had, once.

It wasn’t fair. It was even less fair that she wasn’t enjoying this, enjoying finally being with Natalia.

Natalia gasped, looking up at Olivia with wild eyes as Olivia began to roll her hips, pushing herself down on Natalia’s fingers, grinding herself against the palm of Natalia’s hand, struggling to feel something other than empty, angry and hurt.

Why couldn’t she make this be what she needed it to be? What they needed it to be?

Olivia shifted her hips, pushing harder, moving faster, trying to drive Natalia deeper within her. She needed more.

“Olivia.” The way Natalia said her name made her look up. Her eyes burned, but the tenderness with which Natalia stared back at her hurt worse.

Raising her other hand, Natalia wiped at Olivia’s cheek. It came away wet. Olivia blinked. Tears, not sweat. She shook her head, refusing to stop, refusing to let go. She was so close now, if she could just push herself over the edge. Olivia let her eyes fall shut.

“Olivia.” This time the way Natalia said her name hurt even worse.

“No,” Olivia said, not sure what she was denying, but knowing she couldn’t stop.

Natalia didn’t say anything. Olivia refused to open her eyes, lost, struggling, concentrating so hard, trying to drive everything else out of her mind. She was so close to the edge but she couldn’t push herself over it.

The hand that had touched her cheek, Natalia’s strong, slender fingers, came up to cup her jaw, the back of her neck. Natalia’s thumb stroked soothingly over her cheek. It was an unlikely touch, gentle and soothing, despite its unexpectedness. Olivia jerked, clenched; it sent her rushing over the edge, gasping and caught up in sensation until it began to ease, slowly letting her back down.

Olivia gasped, blindly letting her head fall forward. She felt Natalia’s arms slip around her shoulders, pulling her into Natalia’s body. She clung to her tightly, her face buried in the crook of Natalia’s neck, not thinking just breathing, holding on.

She wanted to scream, beat her fist against the bed, cry some more. Even release hadn’t brought relief. Olivia didn’t know what to do with that. Or with the woman crying silent tears beneath her.

*** *** ***

Olivia hadn't planned on falling asleep. Maybe she had been just as exhausted as Natalia. Somewhere in their brief respite they had shifted apart. Hollowness had replaced desperation. Now they were lying side by side on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. They had been that way for a while; Olivia wasn't sure how long they had been awake.

"I should go tell Emma," Olivia said out of the blue.

Natalia sighed. "I need to make sure Rafe is okay."

Olivia rolled her head over to look at Natalia. "We could tell them together."

"Okay."

It couldn't be that simple for them - nothing had been - but maybe all their arguments - or their energy for it - had drained away.

Olivia hesitated, then bit her lip. She didn't want Natalia to get the wrong idea and she had no idea what the other woman was thinking.

"This doesn't mean everything is okay." Olivia said it as gently as she could, but there was no way to make that phrase soft and easy to hear.

Natalia sniffed, looking over at Olivia with brave, wounded eyes. "Is this punishment for what I did to you?"

She looked so lost that it made Olivia's heart ache. Olivia hated that too.

"Is this what you need for us to be even?"

"No," Olivia said quickly, incapable of not leaping in to make things better when Natalia was hurting this badly. She ran her hands through her hair and sighed, rolling heavily over on her side so that she could look at Natalia better. "This - the way I feel - it has nothing to do with what you did." She pressed her fingers against the bridge of her nose. "I mean, it does, but not...not like that, Natalia. I just...I can't do this. I'm not ready. I want to be." Her voice cracked with frustration and desire. "I want it so much, but I can't."

The 'I'm sorry' was on the tip of Olivia's tongue but something held her back. She had fallen far and hard for Natalia, but she could not, would not apologize for the way she felt. In the end it wouldn't help either of them.

"Okay," Natalia said in a soft, broken voice that was anything but okay, and turned rapidly away from Olivia, sitting up and swinging her legs over the opposite side of the bed.

Her bare back was all that Olivia could see. She had the urge to run her hand down it, following its supple lines and slightly more-generous-than-usual curves.

Then Olivia heard it. The soft unmistakable sound of a hitching breath, a sob desperately trying to be stifled and hidden. Natalia was crying and she was the cause. Olivia reached out and then hesitated, her hand hovering just above Natalia's shoulder. She sighed again and pushed herself to a sitting position, scooting closer until she was pressed up against Natalia from behind. Olivia buried her face in Natalia's hair, tucked against the back of her neck and wrapped her arms around Natalia's chest.

"Don't cry," Olivia whispered, turning her head so that her lips were closer to Natalia's ear.

"Don't," Natalia said sharply, hoarsely through a choked throat. "You don't get to hold me and comfort me when you don't mean it."

Olivia flinched, stung by Natalia's comments. So many times she had been uncertain of touching Natalia, wary that one caress would finally push Natalia beyond what she could handle. But in the end it was a simple embrace that had Natalia pushing her away. She lifted her hands to either side of Natalia, palms out, and retreated to the other side of the bed in silence.

What could she say? Natalia had made her feelings plain and so had Olivia. The fact that her headache had returned, taking up residence just behind her eyes and throbbing with a vengeance, wasn't helping any. So Olivia rose and crossed the room, stopping to pick up her clothes as she went and going to the dresser, where a few odds and ends of clothing remained. She chose a bra and matching panties and began to dress. She couldn't help the way her gaze would flicker now and then to Natalia over her shoulder. Olivia couldn't see her face, of course, but she studied the line of her shoulders, the set of her body, hoping that Natalia had stopped crying.

When Natalia pushed herself up determinedly, Olivia knew that she had. Quickly she jerked her gaze around and refocused on getting dressed, both giving Natalia her privacy and not wanting to be caught looking. Natalia had made it clear that she didn't want Olivia's comfort. Olivia certainly wouldn't force it on her.

A handful of minutes passed in uneasy silence until Natalia stepped up beside Olivia to check herself in the mirror. Her hand trembled as she brushed a lock of hair away from her face.

"Can I borrow some concealer?" The question was asked as blandly as it could be, soft and quiet, commentary on nothing.

Olivia dug in her purse for a moment and then pulled out a small cosmetics bag, handing it to Natalia without comment. She retrieved her brush as Natalia rifled through it and began to work on her hair. It wasn't that she had an image to maintain or that she didn't feel she could go out looking a certain way - the transplant had taken her beyond that simple vanity - but she didn't want to worry Emma. Her little girl would have enough on her mind today without worrying about her mommy.

"Ready?" Olivia asked simply a few moments later. They both looked as presentable as they were going to get.

"Ready," Natalia agreed, although her heart wasn't in it.

Together they walked out of the room, Olivia lingering a little behind to pull the door shut behind Natalia. A few inches separated them on the way to the elevator; they never touched. To Olivia the distance felt like miles. She eyed Natalia's hand, just the slightest distance from hers. All it would take was the smallest twist of her wrist and she could claim Natalia's hand in hers. But. Natalia had stopped her before, rightfully so.

Olivia was hurting, but it wasn't fair to hurt Natalia, to push and pull and confuse her when Olivia couldn't sort out her own feelings. She would just have to deal with this yearning for Natalia inside of her until she could make sense of everything between them, of the things that she could and couldn't handle.

Comments

[pandora-007.livejournal.com]

This fic is giving me headache.. which means your writing is just amazing..
but seriously.. how much someone can take this? how much someone can live in expectations for crumbs throwing her way? how much self respect someone can swallow for love? i dunno if its because i would never take this in my own life but i dont think any love worth that much pain.. but.. anyone feels and think differently.. my only wish is slap Natalia over her head so she can wake up and start value herself.. cuz until she falls for Olivia's crap they will remain like this.. this mind bulling game Olivia doing with her is just excruciating..
yes Olivia is hurt.. yes Natalia did wrong by running.. but they are not teenagers.. Olivia is a woman with a long list of faults in life too.. so its time for her to stop judging Natalia.. forgive or let Natalia life her life..

thanks for update.. now im going to take some Advil and start work..lol

[jaina47.livejournal.com]

>>but seriously.. how much someone can take this? how much someone can live in expectations for crumbs throwing her way? how much self respect someone can swallow for love?<<

What an interesting way to put things. Because...that's exactly what Natalia did to Olivia, but Olivia was supposed to just move back in and live happily ever after? Hmmm. I'm not saying that Olivia's actions are right. Actually I'm saying that they're both wrong.

Just a little different perspective.

[bsofthewest.livejournal.com]

Pandora007 said it just about as perfectly as anyone could...I will just rely on her words, and also say that your writing is a mix on heat and psychology that makes me count the days until the next update.

[jaina47.livejournal.com]

Awesome! I'm really glad you're enjoying this. :)

[psychomonkey-29.livejournal.com]

Man, the way you write! :) This update was brutal on the emotions. I get where both of them are coming from but nobody is perfect and they both need to stop giving mixed signals. Either forgive and love or let each other go.

Waiting patiently for the next update!

[jaina47.livejournal.com]

Yeah, it is kind of a bitch. They've both been hurt so much. It's kind of like the perfect storm of hurt, pain and misunderstanding, mixed with a swirl of painful emotions that just won't let go.

[triggerhappy.livejournal.com]

is that loving me is all about you - what you need, what you want, when you want it. It always has been. Why can't it be about me, Natalia? What I need?"

just to make Natalia stop pushing. Not because she was ready.

She was no one's victim.

if she was going to try to force Olivia to talk about things again.

Olivia was tired of being Natalia’s plaything. She didn’t want to be at Natalia’s mercy. She shuddered and it wasn’t from pleasure but discomfort. She felt bare, flayed open. She had an urge to pull away, to roll off Natalia and shower until her skin felt clean again, until she could scrub this day and every part of it off her.

Interesting choice of words for what Olivia is feeling: someone taking what they want, pushing, victim, force, mercy, flayed open, scrub clean.
Olivia is a control freak for a reason, after all...

It took me forever to read this update, by the way. It's hard to keep reading when I have to constantly stop to wipe my eyes. But oh, it hurt so good! LOL
You have a real gift. :D

[jaina47.livejournal.com]

Yeah, Olivia is definitely at her most vulnerable here and it's not a feeling that she likes.

[wkgreen.livejournal.com]

(smacks Olivia upside the head) Stop making it complicated! Either forgive her or don't!

Waiting for more :)

[jaina47.livejournal.com]

Just that easy, huh? :D

[wkgreen.livejournal.com]

If you let it be. :)

can't access the next part

[cherokeenight.livejournal.com]

Really intrigued by this story.

The next part keeps asking for agreement to being over 14. Please help!

Re: can't access the next part

[jaina47.livejournal.com]

All of my entries have that warning because I post content that's way above PG-13 sometimes. You should just be able to click through to the usual content if it's not applicable. I checked to make sure there were no filters or locks on the post so you should be all good. I'm not sure what else...

Try this link maybe? http://jaina47.livejournal.com/329914.html