Twisted Sanctuary

It's always stressful to write fics in a fandom that I'm relatively new to and haven't written for before, especially when I don't have access to the source material anymore. 

No fun at all. This is why I don't write original fiction. Well, one of many reasons. 

Guiding Light Fandom - specifically the fan fic'ers.  I have a problem with you.  Not all of you, but, yeah, some of you.

I'm usually very live and let live when it comes to fic that I don't like. I figure if I don't like it, well that's personal opinion, and no one is forcing me to read it. I'll just be on my merry way and you can continue on yours.

But this time, I do seriously have a problem.  I'm starting to see something become a trend and I do not want it to be.  I'm a relatively new Guiding Light fangirl, but I really, really adore this fandom in ways that I don't think I've ever whole heartedly embraced a fandom before. I looked around, saw something I liked, saw a fandom that I could respect, enjoy and be proud to be a part of.  I checked my cynicism, jaded attitude and sarcasm at the door.  

A lot of folks do with this fandom, and I'll be the first to admit that at times the hyperbole can get a bit much. Nothing is perfect and this isn't either, but I honestly don't think I've seen a fandom like this before. 

This brings me to my problem.  We have a storyline that for the most part is doing it right.  We have two wonderful actresses that are fully and completely committed to telling this story in the right way.  They love the story and they embrace the fans, completely, without reservation and in ways I've never seen before.  This storyline is showing a love story between two women and it's not a gimmick. It's real. It's not just two women making out for male viewers. It's not meant to titilate. It's growing slowly. It's not going to end with one woman married or dead and the other yearning after her angstily for the rest of her life. No one is going to get "punished" for daring to follow their heart and love another woman.

Yes, there are obstacles and angst.  But they're real things. Not fake, contrived bullshit meant to keep lesbians in their place.  No happily ever afters allowed. 

So the beginnings of this trend I'm seeing in Guiding Light fan fic, I want it to stop. Now. Before it does become a trend.

Rape!fic is something that I've run across many times over the years.  Most of the time it's badly written and unrealistically handled.  Other times it's less like Rape!fic and more like Hate!fic where some troll uses the guise of writing a story to take out his or her issues with lesbians/bi women or just women in general.  That I can deal with. I don't like it, but you can't stop all the trolls on the internet and you shouldn't try or all you're going to suceed in doing is ruining your day and yours alone.

I have read well written stories that deal with rape.  Stories where it's a subject that is dealt with in a realistic manner and handled with respect.  I don't necessarily enjoy these stories.  Most of the time they make me uncomfortable, and that's what they're supposed to do. But I can respect and admire the story and the person that wrote it for the way that it was handled and for dealing with that subject in the way that they chose to do it. 

Here's my problem: One rape!fic is just infinite diversity in infinite combination. Two is a coincidence. Three is the start of a trend.  

What I want to know is why is this becoming a trend?  I may be young, and only relatively recently realized that my sexuality may not be straight up heterosexual, but even I know how hard it is to find media that is first not just completely heterosexual in focus but second portrays homosexuality in a way that doesn't make me just want to slit my wrists and give up now.  

We finally have something that is good, and doesn't crap all over the idea of two women being in love. No one is being punished or realizing it's just a phase or committing suicide or sleeping with a man before their wedding day to another woman or any of the dozens of other things that have happened before.  So why are we, ourselves, as a community doing this?  I want to know. 

And it's not just that people are writing about this, it's that people are reading this.  They flock to these fics.  They say that they love them and that they're okay.  They want more.  Really?  You want more fics where characters that we know and love and can see our lives reflected in are raped by men that have a problem with them loving other women?  Really?  No. I don't.  

I was going to lock this post to only let a few people that I know and trust read this little rant, but you know what? I'm not going to.  If you have a problem with me saying these things and asking these questions.  Have at it.  The comments are open.  

Some months weeks days I am such an idiot that it's truly amazing.  I've spent the last month freaking out and worrying and stressing because I could not get this fic written for the ncis_ficathon, especially because I thought that it was due on July 1st.  Turn out?  It's not due until August 15th!

As in a month and a half from now!  Damn! I mean, I'm glad it's done and all, but really, damn.  I could have been so much less stressed about this whole thing.

The allergies are going to kill me! 

GAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!  I cannot stop sneezing!

I now have a copy of Invincible in my hands.  My brother and his gf were kind enough to pick it up from the library for me when they went out today.  Now I'm debating whether I want to read it now or not.  The ambivalence that I have about this book is weird.  I want to like it and I might end up loving it, but I'm kinda dreading it too.  Like if I don't read it yet it won't suck.

*sigh* 

Why can't I write this stupid fic that I keep procrastinating about?

...to write this Star Wars fic.  Which is bad. Because I really don't want to write it, but the beginnings for this plot are pretty solid in my head.  And the more I listen to the crappy audio version of LotF: Betrayal that I downloaded, the more I want to write it. 

The problems with me wanting to write this are:

1) It would be a work in progress.  That's a problem because I have at least have a dozen work in progresses lying around in various fandoms and one of them hasn't been updated in close to five years.

2) I have way too many fics going at the moment.  I'm trying to finish up fanfic100, 10_fics. I've gotten one fic written for the Summer Calendar on dogged_by_muses but I'm still working on the other one and I signed up for ncis_ficathon, plus there are some big things in the works for the DLC in the coming months and I'd really like to work on the book-a-thon idea that's been going around in my head.  Why am I even thinking about more fic?

3)I have no place to post it other than P&P and while P&P is great for any femslash really I don't think there are really any Star Wars fans there.  It would maybe be different if I could post it to the JC, but I'd get banned so fast my head would spin. Which might be fun, but still wouldn't get my fic posted anywhere.  Star Wars and femslash just don't really seem to go together sadly.

The reason I am considering it though?  Because I think it would be a cool story.  It'd involve a lot of different ideas for characters that I've been tossing around in the back of my brain and sort of bring them all together into this one thing.  Which could be kind of cool. 

One day I have to sit down and finish all my works in progress.  They annoy me and tend to weigh on the back of my mind.  *sigh*  I guess the biggest issue is that I'm getting over committed with things again like I have before.  I just have to find a way to drop the responsibilities that I don't want to salvage the things that I do want before everything goes to hell again like it did last time because I really hate feeling like this.

I was pretty much amused when I saw this article about how Christian groups are all pissed about The Golden Compass movie because it has anti-religious establishment themes.  Even though those themes have been really diluted down and pc-ed up. 

Because obviously everything in this movie is honest to god truth, right down to the friggin' really smart polar bear.  Note that I haven't seen this movie, or even read the book.  Do adults think that kids are just stupid?  Apparently they do.  Because goodness knows, if kids are exposed to a fantasy movie, they are going to believe every single word of it and are obviously going to jump off the Christian band wagon to become agnostic - or even worse - atheists immediately.  Like now. 

And apparently the US Conference of Catholic Bishops has nothing better to warn us about than the movie's:

"anti-clerical subtext, standard genre occult elements, character born out of wedlock, a whiskey-guzzling bear."

Because apparently a child born out of wedlock is such a big friggin' deal that we as people with apparently stupid, easily brainwashed kids need to be warned about it. 

As an apparently highly dangerous and obviously bad for society child born out of wedlock, I salute you oh US Conference of Catholic Bishops.  You're doing a great job of reaching today's youths.