![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Title: Even If It Killed Her
Fandom: Guiding Light
Characters: Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, Frank Cooper, Emma Spencer, Blake Marler, Rafe Rivera
Category: Angst, with a side of angst. Romance.
Rating: Eventually NC-17, though for most of it, it could probably past for oh, PG probably.
Word count: 2057
Summary: Olivia will do whatever is necessary to make Natalia happy, even if it kills her.
Spoilers: Takes place around late April, early May '09, and contains spoilers for all events therein.
Author's Note:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
rysler reminded me that I had already finished The Importance of Family, so now I'm not really sure what to say here. Apologies for all the angst, maybe?
Beta:jlynxi was awesome enough to beta this for me. It's very much appreciated because I know this is a lot of fic! And I should definitely give a big shout out to rysler for letting me bounce ideas off of her throughout the whole process of writing this fic.
Disclaimer: All characters (Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, Emma Spencer, Ava Peralta, blah blah etc.) and situations belong to Guiding Light, Telenext, Proctor & Gamble, etc. I'm not them.
And really I only have one more thing to say, but I think ya'll are going to like it: daily posts!
Part One || Part Two || Part Three || Part Four || Part Five || Part Six || Part Seven || Part Eight || Part Nine ||
Part Ten || Part Eleven
Part Twelve
"I feel so blessed. This is a dream that I've cherished since I was a little girl. Standing here in a beautiful church, marrying a man who loves me." It felt like a dream, Natalia thought. A dream that she couldn't wake up from. She had waited so long to discover if Olivia felt the same way that she did, only to have her confirmation come at the worst possible moment, just a short time before she was supposed to marry a man.
"Even though I held onto that dream for my entire life, I never thought it could happen for me, but here I am. God must love me very much," Natalia said the words because she believed them to be true. She had been presented with an undeniable variety of riches: a beautiful home on a farm, the likes of which she had never imagined owning and Rafe was so close to being out of prison. He just had to hold on a little bit longer and then he could pull his life back together and do whatever he wanted. She had a good job that paid well enough that she didn't have to work two or three others just to make ends meet. Her life was better than it had ever been. She was lucky to be standing where she was now. There were hundreds of people who would give anything to be in her place.
"I believe in God. I believe that God is all about love and when you feel love you are experiencing...that love through God and...you're allowed to feel what He feels...and that's what's so wonderful about it. And when you feel that direct gift from God...when you feel that...when you feel that love...you...you have to cherish that with all your heart. And I do feel love."
Natalia wavered. Olivia was ever present in her peripheral vision, but she had focused on Frank, giving him all of her attention so that she didn't have to imagine what Olivia was going through. It was in a moment of weakness that she had glanced over at Olivia. She couldn't help it. There were some things she couldn't hide, even if it was only in a glance. The look on Olivia's face, seeing the pain she was causing Olivia, had almost broken Natalia. She had forced herself to look back at Frank, reminding herself that she was here because Olivia had encouraged her to marry Frank, had brought her back to the Church when all she needed was a moment - just a moment - to clear her head and figure out what she wanted to say to Olivia. Because even after Olivia had confessed that she loved her, Olivia had stopped Natalia from saying the same and instead brought her back to the Church. Did it mean that even though Olivia loved her she didn't want to be with her? Natalia didn't know.
"I want to devote my life to you. I want to pledge my heart to you-" Out of the corner of her eye, Natalia could see tears slipping down Olivia's cheek and the subtle swipe of her hand as she tried to wipe them away without anyone noticing. "-and so I stand here in front of all our friends and family-" Frank was beaming at her, looking at her with same adoration she saw in his gaze whenever they were together. It was so innocent and completely trusting. If she left, that trust and innocence would be cruelly crushed. "-...and before God...I stand here before God...." And if she didn't leave, Natalia would crush Olivia's heart just as completely.
Natalia stood frozen, unable to decide. She didn't want to be here. She couldn't do this to Olivia. Could not do it. Her heart was racing, fear and anxiety were rising up in her throat, making it hard to breathe, much less speak. How had she gotten here? She glanced away from them both, a quick longing glance toward the door. She caught a glimpse of Rafe, smiling and happy, sandwiched between Ashley and Emma. What would he say if she ran? There was no way that he would understand. She barely understood the way she was feeling herself.
But if she did this - if she married Frank - then Rafe would finally have the father figure she had wanted for him his whole life, and there wasn't a better man than Frank to be there for him. She had already seen how much Frank cared about them both.
Rafe's gaze found hers and he smiled, looking not like the tough, hardened man he had tried so hard to be, but like the smiling, sensitive boy that she had raised to be kind and happy, not scared and angry the way he so often was now. She couldn't meet his eyes any longer, forced to look away by the fear and doubt that she was carrying. Would she be letting him down if she just ran away now?
Natalia’s gaze landed on Buzz, standing behind Frank, looking at her with a proud smile. For a moment, her heart melted as it always did when she thought of Buzz, but she could imagine just as easily the look on his face if she betrayed Frank, the proud smile vanishing in an instant to be replaced with anger and disappointment just as her father’s had when she had told him that she was pregnant with Rafe. And there in front of Buzz stood Frank, still watching her expectantly, waiting breathlessly for her to make him the happiest man in Springfield.
Natalia gave a little gasp, unable to catch her breath. She couldn't do this. She couldn't.
And then she was speaking the words that would complete her vows, binding her once and forever to Frank Cooper.
She felt like a completely different person. It was as if she were standing outside and watching herself as Doris finished the ceremony. It felt like nothing at all. Natalia barely noticed when Frank kissed her and she pretended not to notice that Olivia was crying far too much for a happy best friend.
Natalia jerked upright, the covers straining against her sudden movement and pulling tight against her chest and abdomen. Her heart was pounding wildly and her breath was coming in quick jerky pants. Even her bedroom looked unfamiliar for a few bewildering seconds as she glanced wildly around, trying to force her mind through its paces and bring it back up to speed.
She felt like she had been having a nightmare, but it was only a dream - a dream about the day of her wedding. It felt like a nightmare though. She couldn't get the way Olivia had looked that day out of her mind. Not the gorgeous red dress she had been wearing, but the anguish that she had tried so hard to hide. Natalia had been aware of each little glance Olivia had flicked her way every time she paused in her vows, hoping despite herself that Natalia wouldn't do this. Olivia had already said everything she was going to, however. Her very clear "No" when Doris had asked if anyone objected had told Natalia that Olivia wasn't going to interrupt this, wasn't going to put a stop to this like Olivia had done so many other times for her. The one time she had actually wanted her to... Natalia bit that thought off ruthlessly. It wasn't fair to any of them - not her, not Frank and certainly not Olivia.
A quick glance at the clock told her that she had overslept by a half hour. Natalia never cursed, but at that moment she understood the impulse. With a quick shake of her head, she forced the thought away. She couldn't change the fact that she was running late, so there was no point in being upset about it. All she could try to do was get out the door faster.
When she got downstairs, Frank was still in the kitchen. He smiled and gave her a quick 'good morning' kiss.
"Do you want some breakfast?" Frank asked, stepping toward the stove. "I was going to make my famous omelets."
Natalia shook her head. "I can't. I'm running late." She flicked the switch on the coffee maker and turned away. She had gotten into a habit of setting it up the night before while Olivia still lived at the farmhouse. She had learned the hard way that on the very rare occasions where Olivia was up before she was that it was far easier to just have the switch ready to flip on than to clean up the mess Olivia made trying to fix the coffee while still mostly asleep.
"You sure? Everyone needs a good breakfast to start the day off right," Frank added cheerfully.
"I'm sure," Natalia said, holding back her irritation. It wasn't his fault that she had somehow slept through her alarm. "I just need some..." She turned back to the coffee maker only to see it still standing empty. Then she caught a whiff of something burning and realized what had happened. "You already drank the coffee," she stated the obvious with a tight smile.
Frank looked immediately contrite. "I'm so sorry, Baby. I guess I must have drunk more than I thought I did. I can fix another pot. It will just take a second."
A quick glance at her watch showed that she couldn't wait any longer. Natalia shook her head. "I don't have time." She tried to smile for Frank, while she wished that she could just go back to bed and start over again. If this was the way her entire day was going to go... And to top it off, she could feel a headache building behind her eyes.
She tried to ignore the disappointed look on Frank's face as she stepped out the door.
*** *** ***
"Hey you," Olivia's cheerful greeting was the last thing Natalia had expected. Olivia was never cheery and especially not at this hour of the morning.
"Have you been replaced by an impostor?" Natalia asked, squinting up at Olivia from her small desk.
Olivia arched an eyebrow. "I could ask you the same thing."
Natalia grimaced. "I'm sorry. I overslept this morning and then..." She waved her hand with a wince, dismissing the rest of what she had been about to say. She was sure that Olivia wouldn't want to hear about her domestic issues. It wasn't fair of her to rub it in Olivia's face. Natalia bit her lip. Besides that, it was almost hard to look at Olivia, her dream that morning having reminded her of just how pained and heartbroken she had looked throughout the wedding.
"Maybe this will help then," Olivia said, setting a steaming hot cup of coffee down on Natalia's desk. "Just how you like it."
Natalia blinked up at her, her lip trembling at the offering. "Did Frank call you?" She asked in confusion.
"Hmm?" It was Olivia's turn to look lost. "No. I haven't talked to Frank since last night. Was he supposed to?"
"No," Natalia said quickly. "It was-" She bit her words off, reconsidering. "It was nothing." She tried to smile. "Thank you for the coffee."
"No big deal," Olivia said, her smile a little too stiff.
"Yes, it is," Natalia said, thinking of far more than just the coffee, and that was all she could take. Hot tears began to rush down her cheeks and no matter how much she wanted to, she couldn't stop them.
"Hey," Olivia said, immediately squatting down beside her. "Tell me what's wrong."
Through her tears, all Natalia could manage to do was shake her head in denial. She didn't want Olivia to see her crying over this. There was nothing she could do by mentioning it but hurt both of them more.
Olivia rose, glancing around the office and then held her hand out to Natalia. "C'mon, let's go."
Natalia blinked up at her in confusion.
"Whatever's wrong, I don't think either of us wants to have this conversation here where anyone can come in."
On autopilot, Natalia took her hand and rose from her chair. Olivia was right. She didn't want to talk about her crappy day - or anything else - down here outside Olivia's office where staff came through all the time to speak to her.
The elevator came quickly when Olivia hit the call button, but the ride up to Olivia's suite seemed to take forever. Three times they had to stop as people got on and off. Slowly Natalia became aware that Olivia had never let go of her hand and then she couldn't not notice. Olivia's skin was so soft and the way their fingers laced together felt so right. They fit together perfectly. Before Natalia could stop herself or think twice about it, she slid her thumb over the back of Olivia's hand.
Olivia's head whipped around as if Natalia had done something far more risqué and she dropped Natalia's hand from hers like it was on fire. The elevator slid to a stop and the door opened a second later sparing her from having to say anything.
They walked side-by-side to Olivia's suite, neither one willing to break the silence just yet. Olivia slid her passkey through the door and held it open for Natalia, gesturing her inside first. Almost as soon as they were inside, Olivia began to pace back and forth across the living area. Natalia stayed standing by the door. For the first time, she felt awkward inside of Olivia's suite. She hadn't even felt like this when Olivia was just beginning her recovery and constantly trying to kick her out of her life and her hotel room.
"Emma said something to me last night," Olivia blurted out, coming to a stop in front of Natalia. "And I can't get it out of my mind. She said she didn't think you were happy with Frank."
Natalia made a sound. She couldn't keep it in, but she didn't know what to say.
"I don't know," Olivia began more slowly as if she were evaluating each word before she said it. "If what Emma said is true or not. I do hope you're happy. But you know how I feel about you. I still feel that way and it's okay if you don't feel that way back. I never expected you too, but please don't toy with me. Just let me go if you don't..."
"I'm sorry," Natalia whispered, guilt piling on top of everything else. "I never meant to..."
"I know." Olivia hesitated and Natalia could see her weighing something in her mind. "Are you happy?"
"I'm...not sure." How could she be happy when everything around her was such a mess? She was just trying to do the right thing, but now she wasn't sure what that was, and she hadn't expected it to hurt so badly. She had thought it would be easier, being married to Frank. It was everything she had ever dreamed about, right? She should be happy. She had all the right ingredients for it, and yet...
"Okay," Olivia said, her confirmation almost devoid of tone. "But I am sure. I know how I feel about you, Natalia and it isn't going to change. I've tried to forget about you and move on, but it hasn't worked. And I know you didn't ask for this. You didn't want any of this and I respect that." She took a step closer, willing Natalia to see her sincerity. "I made a promise that the next time I fell in love, it would be different. I wouldn't lie or cheat or steal to get what I wanted. I would do it right. You make me want to be a better person." Slowly, Olivia reached out and took Natalia's hand, waiting to see if she would flinch or pull away. When she didn't, Olivia began speaking again. "I love you, but I can't fight for you because I want what's best for you." She took a deep breath. "If you...decide that you do want me, then it's going to have to be your choice. I can't be a part of your decision."
Fandom: Guiding Light
Characters: Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, Frank Cooper, Emma Spencer, Blake Marler, Rafe Rivera
Category: Angst, with a side of angst. Romance.
Rating: Eventually NC-17, though for most of it, it could probably past for oh, PG probably.
Word count: 2057
Summary: Olivia will do whatever is necessary to make Natalia happy, even if it kills her.
Spoilers: Takes place around late April, early May '09, and contains spoilers for all events therein.
Author's Note:
rysler reminded me that I had already finished The Importance of Family, so now I'm not really sure what to say here. Apologies for all the angst, maybe? Beta:
jlynxi was awesome enough to beta this for me. It's very much appreciated because I know this is a lot of fic! And I should definitely give a big shout out to rysler for letting me bounce ideas off of her throughout the whole process of writing this fic. Disclaimer: All characters (Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, Emma Spencer, Ava Peralta, blah blah etc.) and situations belong to Guiding Light, Telenext, Proctor & Gamble, etc. I'm not them.
And really I only have one more thing to say, but I think ya'll are going to like it: daily posts!
Part One || Part Two || Part Three || Part Four || Part Five || Part Six || Part Seven || Part Eight || Part Nine ||
Part Ten || Part Eleven
Part Twelve
"I feel so blessed. This is a dream that I've cherished since I was a little girl. Standing here in a beautiful church, marrying a man who loves me." It felt like a dream, Natalia thought. A dream that she couldn't wake up from. She had waited so long to discover if Olivia felt the same way that she did, only to have her confirmation come at the worst possible moment, just a short time before she was supposed to marry a man.
"Even though I held onto that dream for my entire life, I never thought it could happen for me, but here I am. God must love me very much," Natalia said the words because she believed them to be true. She had been presented with an undeniable variety of riches: a beautiful home on a farm, the likes of which she had never imagined owning and Rafe was so close to being out of prison. He just had to hold on a little bit longer and then he could pull his life back together and do whatever he wanted. She had a good job that paid well enough that she didn't have to work two or three others just to make ends meet. Her life was better than it had ever been. She was lucky to be standing where she was now. There were hundreds of people who would give anything to be in her place.
"I believe in God. I believe that God is all about love and when you feel love you are experiencing...that love through God and...you're allowed to feel what He feels...and that's what's so wonderful about it. And when you feel that direct gift from God...when you feel that...when you feel that love...you...you have to cherish that with all your heart. And I do feel love."
Natalia wavered. Olivia was ever present in her peripheral vision, but she had focused on Frank, giving him all of her attention so that she didn't have to imagine what Olivia was going through. It was in a moment of weakness that she had glanced over at Olivia. She couldn't help it. There were some things she couldn't hide, even if it was only in a glance. The look on Olivia's face, seeing the pain she was causing Olivia, had almost broken Natalia. She had forced herself to look back at Frank, reminding herself that she was here because Olivia had encouraged her to marry Frank, had brought her back to the Church when all she needed was a moment - just a moment - to clear her head and figure out what she wanted to say to Olivia. Because even after Olivia had confessed that she loved her, Olivia had stopped Natalia from saying the same and instead brought her back to the Church. Did it mean that even though Olivia loved her she didn't want to be with her? Natalia didn't know.
"I want to devote my life to you. I want to pledge my heart to you-" Out of the corner of her eye, Natalia could see tears slipping down Olivia's cheek and the subtle swipe of her hand as she tried to wipe them away without anyone noticing. "-and so I stand here in front of all our friends and family-" Frank was beaming at her, looking at her with same adoration she saw in his gaze whenever they were together. It was so innocent and completely trusting. If she left, that trust and innocence would be cruelly crushed. "-...and before God...I stand here before God...." And if she didn't leave, Natalia would crush Olivia's heart just as completely.
Natalia stood frozen, unable to decide. She didn't want to be here. She couldn't do this to Olivia. Could not do it. Her heart was racing, fear and anxiety were rising up in her throat, making it hard to breathe, much less speak. How had she gotten here? She glanced away from them both, a quick longing glance toward the door. She caught a glimpse of Rafe, smiling and happy, sandwiched between Ashley and Emma. What would he say if she ran? There was no way that he would understand. She barely understood the way she was feeling herself.
But if she did this - if she married Frank - then Rafe would finally have the father figure she had wanted for him his whole life, and there wasn't a better man than Frank to be there for him. She had already seen how much Frank cared about them both.
Rafe's gaze found hers and he smiled, looking not like the tough, hardened man he had tried so hard to be, but like the smiling, sensitive boy that she had raised to be kind and happy, not scared and angry the way he so often was now. She couldn't meet his eyes any longer, forced to look away by the fear and doubt that she was carrying. Would she be letting him down if she just ran away now?
Natalia’s gaze landed on Buzz, standing behind Frank, looking at her with a proud smile. For a moment, her heart melted as it always did when she thought of Buzz, but she could imagine just as easily the look on his face if she betrayed Frank, the proud smile vanishing in an instant to be replaced with anger and disappointment just as her father’s had when she had told him that she was pregnant with Rafe. And there in front of Buzz stood Frank, still watching her expectantly, waiting breathlessly for her to make him the happiest man in Springfield.
Natalia gave a little gasp, unable to catch her breath. She couldn't do this. She couldn't.
And then she was speaking the words that would complete her vows, binding her once and forever to Frank Cooper.
She felt like a completely different person. It was as if she were standing outside and watching herself as Doris finished the ceremony. It felt like nothing at all. Natalia barely noticed when Frank kissed her and she pretended not to notice that Olivia was crying far too much for a happy best friend.
Natalia jerked upright, the covers straining against her sudden movement and pulling tight against her chest and abdomen. Her heart was pounding wildly and her breath was coming in quick jerky pants. Even her bedroom looked unfamiliar for a few bewildering seconds as she glanced wildly around, trying to force her mind through its paces and bring it back up to speed.
She felt like she had been having a nightmare, but it was only a dream - a dream about the day of her wedding. It felt like a nightmare though. She couldn't get the way Olivia had looked that day out of her mind. Not the gorgeous red dress she had been wearing, but the anguish that she had tried so hard to hide. Natalia had been aware of each little glance Olivia had flicked her way every time she paused in her vows, hoping despite herself that Natalia wouldn't do this. Olivia had already said everything she was going to, however. Her very clear "No" when Doris had asked if anyone objected had told Natalia that Olivia wasn't going to interrupt this, wasn't going to put a stop to this like Olivia had done so many other times for her. The one time she had actually wanted her to... Natalia bit that thought off ruthlessly. It wasn't fair to any of them - not her, not Frank and certainly not Olivia.
A quick glance at the clock told her that she had overslept by a half hour. Natalia never cursed, but at that moment she understood the impulse. With a quick shake of her head, she forced the thought away. She couldn't change the fact that she was running late, so there was no point in being upset about it. All she could try to do was get out the door faster.
When she got downstairs, Frank was still in the kitchen. He smiled and gave her a quick 'good morning' kiss.
"Do you want some breakfast?" Frank asked, stepping toward the stove. "I was going to make my famous omelets."
Natalia shook her head. "I can't. I'm running late." She flicked the switch on the coffee maker and turned away. She had gotten into a habit of setting it up the night before while Olivia still lived at the farmhouse. She had learned the hard way that on the very rare occasions where Olivia was up before she was that it was far easier to just have the switch ready to flip on than to clean up the mess Olivia made trying to fix the coffee while still mostly asleep.
"You sure? Everyone needs a good breakfast to start the day off right," Frank added cheerfully.
"I'm sure," Natalia said, holding back her irritation. It wasn't his fault that she had somehow slept through her alarm. "I just need some..." She turned back to the coffee maker only to see it still standing empty. Then she caught a whiff of something burning and realized what had happened. "You already drank the coffee," she stated the obvious with a tight smile.
Frank looked immediately contrite. "I'm so sorry, Baby. I guess I must have drunk more than I thought I did. I can fix another pot. It will just take a second."
A quick glance at her watch showed that she couldn't wait any longer. Natalia shook her head. "I don't have time." She tried to smile for Frank, while she wished that she could just go back to bed and start over again. If this was the way her entire day was going to go... And to top it off, she could feel a headache building behind her eyes.
She tried to ignore the disappointed look on Frank's face as she stepped out the door.
*** *** ***
"Hey you," Olivia's cheerful greeting was the last thing Natalia had expected. Olivia was never cheery and especially not at this hour of the morning.
"Have you been replaced by an impostor?" Natalia asked, squinting up at Olivia from her small desk.
Olivia arched an eyebrow. "I could ask you the same thing."
Natalia grimaced. "I'm sorry. I overslept this morning and then..." She waved her hand with a wince, dismissing the rest of what she had been about to say. She was sure that Olivia wouldn't want to hear about her domestic issues. It wasn't fair of her to rub it in Olivia's face. Natalia bit her lip. Besides that, it was almost hard to look at Olivia, her dream that morning having reminded her of just how pained and heartbroken she had looked throughout the wedding.
"Maybe this will help then," Olivia said, setting a steaming hot cup of coffee down on Natalia's desk. "Just how you like it."
Natalia blinked up at her, her lip trembling at the offering. "Did Frank call you?" She asked in confusion.
"Hmm?" It was Olivia's turn to look lost. "No. I haven't talked to Frank since last night. Was he supposed to?"
"No," Natalia said quickly. "It was-" She bit her words off, reconsidering. "It was nothing." She tried to smile. "Thank you for the coffee."
"No big deal," Olivia said, her smile a little too stiff.
"Yes, it is," Natalia said, thinking of far more than just the coffee, and that was all she could take. Hot tears began to rush down her cheeks and no matter how much she wanted to, she couldn't stop them.
"Hey," Olivia said, immediately squatting down beside her. "Tell me what's wrong."
Through her tears, all Natalia could manage to do was shake her head in denial. She didn't want Olivia to see her crying over this. There was nothing she could do by mentioning it but hurt both of them more.
Olivia rose, glancing around the office and then held her hand out to Natalia. "C'mon, let's go."
Natalia blinked up at her in confusion.
"Whatever's wrong, I don't think either of us wants to have this conversation here where anyone can come in."
On autopilot, Natalia took her hand and rose from her chair. Olivia was right. She didn't want to talk about her crappy day - or anything else - down here outside Olivia's office where staff came through all the time to speak to her.
The elevator came quickly when Olivia hit the call button, but the ride up to Olivia's suite seemed to take forever. Three times they had to stop as people got on and off. Slowly Natalia became aware that Olivia had never let go of her hand and then she couldn't not notice. Olivia's skin was so soft and the way their fingers laced together felt so right. They fit together perfectly. Before Natalia could stop herself or think twice about it, she slid her thumb over the back of Olivia's hand.
Olivia's head whipped around as if Natalia had done something far more risqué and she dropped Natalia's hand from hers like it was on fire. The elevator slid to a stop and the door opened a second later sparing her from having to say anything.
They walked side-by-side to Olivia's suite, neither one willing to break the silence just yet. Olivia slid her passkey through the door and held it open for Natalia, gesturing her inside first. Almost as soon as they were inside, Olivia began to pace back and forth across the living area. Natalia stayed standing by the door. For the first time, she felt awkward inside of Olivia's suite. She hadn't even felt like this when Olivia was just beginning her recovery and constantly trying to kick her out of her life and her hotel room.
"Emma said something to me last night," Olivia blurted out, coming to a stop in front of Natalia. "And I can't get it out of my mind. She said she didn't think you were happy with Frank."
Natalia made a sound. She couldn't keep it in, but she didn't know what to say.
"I don't know," Olivia began more slowly as if she were evaluating each word before she said it. "If what Emma said is true or not. I do hope you're happy. But you know how I feel about you. I still feel that way and it's okay if you don't feel that way back. I never expected you too, but please don't toy with me. Just let me go if you don't..."
"I'm sorry," Natalia whispered, guilt piling on top of everything else. "I never meant to..."
"I know." Olivia hesitated and Natalia could see her weighing something in her mind. "Are you happy?"
"I'm...not sure." How could she be happy when everything around her was such a mess? She was just trying to do the right thing, but now she wasn't sure what that was, and she hadn't expected it to hurt so badly. She had thought it would be easier, being married to Frank. It was everything she had ever dreamed about, right? She should be happy. She had all the right ingredients for it, and yet...
"Okay," Olivia said, her confirmation almost devoid of tone. "But I am sure. I know how I feel about you, Natalia and it isn't going to change. I've tried to forget about you and move on, but it hasn't worked. And I know you didn't ask for this. You didn't want any of this and I respect that." She took a step closer, willing Natalia to see her sincerity. "I made a promise that the next time I fell in love, it would be different. I wouldn't lie or cheat or steal to get what I wanted. I would do it right. You make me want to be a better person." Slowly, Olivia reached out and took Natalia's hand, waiting to see if she would flinch or pull away. When she didn't, Olivia began speaking again. "I love you, but I can't fight for you because I want what's best for you." She took a deep breath. "If you...decide that you do want me, then it's going to have to be your choice. I can't be a part of your decision."
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Gotta say though, this is what Olivia should have said and done at the graveyard, not drug Natalia off to the church. Silly Olivia.
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Hmm...I bet Frank turned off the alarm clock for Natalia! Grr.
Waiting for more! :)
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I love how she's dropping the ball in Natalia's court, maybe now Natalia will see that her she's really in charge of her own destiny. And maybe she'll even act on that realization ;)
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had actually wanted her too - to
"You sure? Everyone needs a good breakfast to start the day off right," Frank added cheerfully. - Shut up Frank.
Poor Natalia.
Slowly Natalia became aware that Olivia had never let go of her hand and then she couldn't not notice. - Aww :)
Before Natalia could stop herself or think twice about it, she slid her thumb over the back of Olivia's hand. - Aww! :D
Olivia's head whipped around as if Natalia had done something far more risqué and she dropped Natalia's hand from hers like it was on fire. - Dammit!
LOVE the whole speech Olivia gave at the end, especially the line about not being able to fight for her.