![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Title: Even If It Killed Her
Fandom: Guiding Light
Characters: Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, Frank Cooper, Emma Spencer, Blake Marler, Rafe Rivera
Category: Angst, with a side of angst. Romance.
Rating: Eventually NC-17, though for most of it, it could probably past for oh, PG probably.
Word count: 1,809
Summary: Olivia will do whatever is necessary to make Natalia happy, even if it kills her.
Spoilers: Takes place around late April, early May '09, and contains spoilers for all events therein.
Author's Note: I see you there, sitting behind your computer, wondering why I'm posting this when I haven't even finished The Importance of Family yet. And you're right, but I'm still putting the finishing touches on that one, and this is all finished. It's sitting here on my computer, staring at me, daring me to post it. So posting it, I am.
Beta:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
jlynxi was awesome enough to beta this for me. It's very much appreciated because I know this is a lot of fic! And I should definitely give a big shout out to rysler for letting me bounce ideas off of her throughout the whole process of writing this fic.
Disclaimer: All characters (Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, Emma Spencer, Ava Peralta, blah blah etc.) and situations belong to Guiding Light, Telenext, Proctor & Gamble, etc. I'm not them.
And really I only have one more thing to say, but I think ya'll are going to like it: daily posts!
Part One || Part Two || Part Three || Part Four || Part Five || Part Six || Part Seven
Part Eight
"Emma?" Natalia gasped with surprise, her voice tinged with worry as she glanced down at her watch. It was still early yet for the little girl to be out of school. "What are you doing here? It's only noon. Is everything okay at school?"
"Natalia!" Emma ignored her questions to fly across the room, practically tackling her with a hug, arms wrapped tightly around Natalia's waist. "You're here!"
Despite her worry, Natalia couldn't help but smile. It was so good to see Emma again. She had missed the little girl as much as she had Olivia. "I'm glad to see you too, Sweetie." She crouched down so that she could wrap her arms around Emma just as tightly as Emma was holding her. She allowed herself to press a kiss to her hair and then looked up, noting Jane hanging back at the doorway. At least she knew that Emma hadn't runaway again.
"Oh good, you're here," Olivia said as she swept back into the room. "Thank you for picking her up from school, Jane. You saved me a trip across town."
"No problem, Ms. Spencer." Jane smiled. "Will there be anything else?"
"No, this is fine. Why don't you take the rest of the day off?"
Jane's face lit up. "Thank you, Ms. Spencer."
Olivia nodded. Jane was a good nanny, most of the time, if not as fast to catch on to some of Emma's schemes as she would have preferred, but she was also a young woman and Olivia was sure she could find something to occupy her time on a work-free afternoon. She turned to Natalia as Jane headed out the door. "Why don't you take the afternoon off too?"
"What?" Natalia looked up from Emma in surprise and immediately dismissed the idea. "No, I couldn't. I still have some things to finish up and this will give me a chance to catch up," Natalia said, as she pushed herself to her feet and tried to look more business like.
"Em, why don't you get ready to go?" Olivia suggested, never taking her eyes off Natalia. "We need to leave for our appointment with Blake in just a few minutes. Did you have lunch already?"
"Yes, Mommy. Jane brought me something."
"Good girl," Olivia said approvingly, as Emma headed for the door that led to her own room in the suite. She waited until Emma was out of earshot before she spoke again. "C'mon, Natalia, you're a newlywed." She gave a faint smile. "I remember what that's like. You don't have to pretend that you wouldn't rather be at home with Frank. So take the afternoon."
Everything inside of Natalia protested. She didn't want to go home and especially not to Frank. She needed time and space to just think and be without having to be what Frank expected of her. And the tiny part in the back of her mind that she was trying to ignore with all her heart and soul hated that tiny smile on Olivia's face, hated imagining Olivia enjoying newly wedded bliss with any of her husbands.
"I-" Natalia wasn't sure what she was going to say. She couldn't protest that she didn't want to go home and her excuse for staying was awfully thin and she knew it.
"Mommy," Emma popped back around the corner, her eyes all lit up as if something had just occurred to her. "Can Natalia go with us to look at houses?"
"Oh, Baby," Olivia said regretfully. "I'm not sure that's a good idea. Natalia has her own life now and we can't be selfish. We have to let her have her life."
As painful as the idea of Olivia and Emma going house hunting had been, suddenly being excluded from it hurt worse. "Well, you did give me the afternoon off, didn't you?" Natalia said, summoning a cheerful smile. "Why shouldn't I go with you two? Frank won't be home until tonight anyway." No matter that he had told her this morning that this was one of his day's off this week. It wasn't like he had been expecting her at home this afternoon.
Olivia's incredulous look said that she knew damn well why it was a bad idea and demanded to know what the hell she was thinking.
Emma, however, had missed her mother's expression, catching her hand instead and was practically bouncing up and down with excitement. "Can she come, Mommy? Can she?"
Faced with Emma's pleading and Natalia's apparent determination there was nothing else Olivia could do but nod weakly. This was so not her day.
*** *** ***
Olivia could feel Natalia behind her in the narrow hallway. She didn't need to say a word to make her presence known.
"It's a lovely house," Natalia spoke quietly.
Olivia tried not to wince. Natalia had been mostly silent throughout their tour of houses, sticking with Emma and keeping her entertained when staring at furniture and exploring the nooks and crannies of whichever house they were in at the moment got to be too boring, but Olivia had never forgotten that Natalia was there with them. "It is," Olivia agreed.
"Are you-" Natalia swallowed and then struggled to start again. "Are you going to buy it?"
"Don't know," Olivia said with a wry smile. She shrugged, looking around. "Why not?"
"Just because you can't think of a reason why you don't want to buy it, that isn't a good reason to buy it."
Olivia arched an eyebrow. "You tell me, Natalia. What should I hold out for? This place is nice, well built and spacious. There's plenty of room to entertain company and there's an amazing playroom upstairs that Emma will love."
"Does it feel like home?"
"What?" Olivia asked, feeling caught off guard.
"Does it feel like home?" Natalia repeated. "The first time you took me inside the farmhouse, it just felt right, like I belonged there."
It was funny, she did remember the first time she had brought Natalia to the farmhouse for dinner with the Xiaos, but she hadn't felt anything special. It was just Cassie's old farmhouse, a rustic building that she had been in enough times to no longer take any particular notice of it. It hadn't been until after Christmas and arguing with Natalia over practically everything, after she had seen Natalia's face light up at the sight of her gift and Natalia had oh-so-formally given her a key that she had truly felt at home. That was when she had discovered that it wasn't about the place for her, but about what she found inside. Before she and Emma had always been enough and Emma was still all she needed, but now, without Natalia, for the first time she was aware of what she was missing.
"It's just a house, Natalia," Olivia said as gently as she could knowing that the other woman wouldn't believe it for a moment either. "It will be an adjustment but I'm sure Em and I will get used to it. Don't worry about it."
From behind them, Blake coughed discretely. "Do you have any questions about the place?"
Olivia glanced around the room, giving it one last casual survey. "No, I don't think so. But I would like to get someone out here for an inspection of the house."
Blake's eyebrows shot up. "Really? I didn't think you were interested."
Olivia snorted. "Try not to sound so surprised, Blake. You'll make me wonder if something's wrong with the place."
"Oh," Blake recovered quickly. "No, it's great, really. I mean, if I could afford it... I just didn't think you looked very interested."
"You can't always wait for everything to be perfect. Sometimes you have to seize the moment and make the best of what you have. That's what I'm doing."
Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Natalia freeze, going unnaturally still.
"Great," Blake said, her enthusiasm returning in full force. "I'm due for my shift at Company in..." She glanced down at her watch. "...Just a few minutes actually, but I'll get back to you about the inspection as soon as possible."
"Sounds great," Olivia said. "Doesn't it, Em?"
*** *** ***
"Hey!" Frank's voice boomed out across the dining room. "What are you ladies doing here?" He crossed the room with a happy smile and wrapped an arm around Natalia, pulling her close and kissing her in greeting.
"Hi, Frank," Blake said, patting his arm distractedly as she rushed past him. "I was showing Olivia some houses today and my car broke down," She explained as she searched for a spare apron under the counter and quickly slipped it on. "They gave me a ride back to town so I wouldn't be late for my shift."
"It was no big deal," Natalia demurred. "We were coming this direction anyway."
"You went with them?" Frank asked, surprised. He knew Olivia relied on Natalia for a lot of things, but going house hunting was a little bit outside of a normal assistant's purview.
"It sounded like fun," Natalia said with a smile and a nod, the lie falling from her lips without the slightest bit of hesitation. It had been anything but fun watching Olivia today. More like torture.
"So much fun," Olivia agreed.
Natalia looked away. She couldn't bring herself to meet Olivia's eyes, not when she was so obviously in pain and it was her fault. Every inch of her being screamed at her to leave, to take Olivia and go. Anything that would get her out of that place and remove the strained smile from Olivia's face. Natalia put her hand on Frank's chest, easing away from him a little. "So, we should probably get going." She smiled. "We still have some things at the office to finish up."
"No!" Olivia blurted out her response before she could consider how it would sound. "I gave you the afternoon off, remember? You're not going back to finish that paperwork up. You can always get it tomorrow. It's not a big deal."
"It's a big deal to me," Natalia countered, hurt by Olivia's dismissal.
"You know, Olivia," Frank interrupted. "I think I was too hard on you the other day."
Her eyes swept over to him for the first time since they had come into Company. She had been trying to look anywhere but at him and Natalia. It was just too hard to see them together. "Oh?" The disinterest in her voice was genuine. What Frank thought of her these days didn't give her a moment's concern.
"Yeah," Frank said, the excitement in his voice growing with every word. "You know, I have an idea. I know Natalia has missed having the two of you around the house. Why don't you two come over for dinner tonight at the farmhouse? It will be great - just the four of us."
Fandom: Guiding Light
Characters: Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, Frank Cooper, Emma Spencer, Blake Marler, Rafe Rivera
Category: Angst, with a side of angst. Romance.
Rating: Eventually NC-17, though for most of it, it could probably past for oh, PG probably.
Word count: 1,809
Summary: Olivia will do whatever is necessary to make Natalia happy, even if it kills her.
Spoilers: Takes place around late April, early May '09, and contains spoilers for all events therein.
Author's Note: I see you there, sitting behind your computer, wondering why I'm posting this when I haven't even finished The Importance of Family yet. And you're right, but I'm still putting the finishing touches on that one, and this is all finished. It's sitting here on my computer, staring at me, daring me to post it. So posting it, I am.
Beta:
jlynxi was awesome enough to beta this for me. It's very much appreciated because I know this is a lot of fic! And I should definitely give a big shout out to rysler for letting me bounce ideas off of her throughout the whole process of writing this fic. Disclaimer: All characters (Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, Emma Spencer, Ava Peralta, blah blah etc.) and situations belong to Guiding Light, Telenext, Proctor & Gamble, etc. I'm not them.
And really I only have one more thing to say, but I think ya'll are going to like it: daily posts!
Part One || Part Two || Part Three || Part Four || Part Five || Part Six || Part Seven
Part Eight
"Emma?" Natalia gasped with surprise, her voice tinged with worry as she glanced down at her watch. It was still early yet for the little girl to be out of school. "What are you doing here? It's only noon. Is everything okay at school?"
"Natalia!" Emma ignored her questions to fly across the room, practically tackling her with a hug, arms wrapped tightly around Natalia's waist. "You're here!"
Despite her worry, Natalia couldn't help but smile. It was so good to see Emma again. She had missed the little girl as much as she had Olivia. "I'm glad to see you too, Sweetie." She crouched down so that she could wrap her arms around Emma just as tightly as Emma was holding her. She allowed herself to press a kiss to her hair and then looked up, noting Jane hanging back at the doorway. At least she knew that Emma hadn't runaway again.
"Oh good, you're here," Olivia said as she swept back into the room. "Thank you for picking her up from school, Jane. You saved me a trip across town."
"No problem, Ms. Spencer." Jane smiled. "Will there be anything else?"
"No, this is fine. Why don't you take the rest of the day off?"
Jane's face lit up. "Thank you, Ms. Spencer."
Olivia nodded. Jane was a good nanny, most of the time, if not as fast to catch on to some of Emma's schemes as she would have preferred, but she was also a young woman and Olivia was sure she could find something to occupy her time on a work-free afternoon. She turned to Natalia as Jane headed out the door. "Why don't you take the afternoon off too?"
"What?" Natalia looked up from Emma in surprise and immediately dismissed the idea. "No, I couldn't. I still have some things to finish up and this will give me a chance to catch up," Natalia said, as she pushed herself to her feet and tried to look more business like.
"Em, why don't you get ready to go?" Olivia suggested, never taking her eyes off Natalia. "We need to leave for our appointment with Blake in just a few minutes. Did you have lunch already?"
"Yes, Mommy. Jane brought me something."
"Good girl," Olivia said approvingly, as Emma headed for the door that led to her own room in the suite. She waited until Emma was out of earshot before she spoke again. "C'mon, Natalia, you're a newlywed." She gave a faint smile. "I remember what that's like. You don't have to pretend that you wouldn't rather be at home with Frank. So take the afternoon."
Everything inside of Natalia protested. She didn't want to go home and especially not to Frank. She needed time and space to just think and be without having to be what Frank expected of her. And the tiny part in the back of her mind that she was trying to ignore with all her heart and soul hated that tiny smile on Olivia's face, hated imagining Olivia enjoying newly wedded bliss with any of her husbands.
"I-" Natalia wasn't sure what she was going to say. She couldn't protest that she didn't want to go home and her excuse for staying was awfully thin and she knew it.
"Mommy," Emma popped back around the corner, her eyes all lit up as if something had just occurred to her. "Can Natalia go with us to look at houses?"
"Oh, Baby," Olivia said regretfully. "I'm not sure that's a good idea. Natalia has her own life now and we can't be selfish. We have to let her have her life."
As painful as the idea of Olivia and Emma going house hunting had been, suddenly being excluded from it hurt worse. "Well, you did give me the afternoon off, didn't you?" Natalia said, summoning a cheerful smile. "Why shouldn't I go with you two? Frank won't be home until tonight anyway." No matter that he had told her this morning that this was one of his day's off this week. It wasn't like he had been expecting her at home this afternoon.
Olivia's incredulous look said that she knew damn well why it was a bad idea and demanded to know what the hell she was thinking.
Emma, however, had missed her mother's expression, catching her hand instead and was practically bouncing up and down with excitement. "Can she come, Mommy? Can she?"
Faced with Emma's pleading and Natalia's apparent determination there was nothing else Olivia could do but nod weakly. This was so not her day.
*** *** ***
Olivia could feel Natalia behind her in the narrow hallway. She didn't need to say a word to make her presence known.
"It's a lovely house," Natalia spoke quietly.
Olivia tried not to wince. Natalia had been mostly silent throughout their tour of houses, sticking with Emma and keeping her entertained when staring at furniture and exploring the nooks and crannies of whichever house they were in at the moment got to be too boring, but Olivia had never forgotten that Natalia was there with them. "It is," Olivia agreed.
"Are you-" Natalia swallowed and then struggled to start again. "Are you going to buy it?"
"Don't know," Olivia said with a wry smile. She shrugged, looking around. "Why not?"
"Just because you can't think of a reason why you don't want to buy it, that isn't a good reason to buy it."
Olivia arched an eyebrow. "You tell me, Natalia. What should I hold out for? This place is nice, well built and spacious. There's plenty of room to entertain company and there's an amazing playroom upstairs that Emma will love."
"Does it feel like home?"
"What?" Olivia asked, feeling caught off guard.
"Does it feel like home?" Natalia repeated. "The first time you took me inside the farmhouse, it just felt right, like I belonged there."
It was funny, she did remember the first time she had brought Natalia to the farmhouse for dinner with the Xiaos, but she hadn't felt anything special. It was just Cassie's old farmhouse, a rustic building that she had been in enough times to no longer take any particular notice of it. It hadn't been until after Christmas and arguing with Natalia over practically everything, after she had seen Natalia's face light up at the sight of her gift and Natalia had oh-so-formally given her a key that she had truly felt at home. That was when she had discovered that it wasn't about the place for her, but about what she found inside. Before she and Emma had always been enough and Emma was still all she needed, but now, without Natalia, for the first time she was aware of what she was missing.
"It's just a house, Natalia," Olivia said as gently as she could knowing that the other woman wouldn't believe it for a moment either. "It will be an adjustment but I'm sure Em and I will get used to it. Don't worry about it."
From behind them, Blake coughed discretely. "Do you have any questions about the place?"
Olivia glanced around the room, giving it one last casual survey. "No, I don't think so. But I would like to get someone out here for an inspection of the house."
Blake's eyebrows shot up. "Really? I didn't think you were interested."
Olivia snorted. "Try not to sound so surprised, Blake. You'll make me wonder if something's wrong with the place."
"Oh," Blake recovered quickly. "No, it's great, really. I mean, if I could afford it... I just didn't think you looked very interested."
"You can't always wait for everything to be perfect. Sometimes you have to seize the moment and make the best of what you have. That's what I'm doing."
Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Natalia freeze, going unnaturally still.
"Great," Blake said, her enthusiasm returning in full force. "I'm due for my shift at Company in..." She glanced down at her watch. "...Just a few minutes actually, but I'll get back to you about the inspection as soon as possible."
"Sounds great," Olivia said. "Doesn't it, Em?"
*** *** ***
"Hey!" Frank's voice boomed out across the dining room. "What are you ladies doing here?" He crossed the room with a happy smile and wrapped an arm around Natalia, pulling her close and kissing her in greeting.
"Hi, Frank," Blake said, patting his arm distractedly as she rushed past him. "I was showing Olivia some houses today and my car broke down," She explained as she searched for a spare apron under the counter and quickly slipped it on. "They gave me a ride back to town so I wouldn't be late for my shift."
"It was no big deal," Natalia demurred. "We were coming this direction anyway."
"You went with them?" Frank asked, surprised. He knew Olivia relied on Natalia for a lot of things, but going house hunting was a little bit outside of a normal assistant's purview.
"It sounded like fun," Natalia said with a smile and a nod, the lie falling from her lips without the slightest bit of hesitation. It had been anything but fun watching Olivia today. More like torture.
"So much fun," Olivia agreed.
Natalia looked away. She couldn't bring herself to meet Olivia's eyes, not when she was so obviously in pain and it was her fault. Every inch of her being screamed at her to leave, to take Olivia and go. Anything that would get her out of that place and remove the strained smile from Olivia's face. Natalia put her hand on Frank's chest, easing away from him a little. "So, we should probably get going." She smiled. "We still have some things at the office to finish up."
"No!" Olivia blurted out her response before she could consider how it would sound. "I gave you the afternoon off, remember? You're not going back to finish that paperwork up. You can always get it tomorrow. It's not a big deal."
"It's a big deal to me," Natalia countered, hurt by Olivia's dismissal.
"You know, Olivia," Frank interrupted. "I think I was too hard on you the other day."
Her eyes swept over to him for the first time since they had come into Company. She had been trying to look anywhere but at him and Natalia. It was just too hard to see them together. "Oh?" The disinterest in her voice was genuine. What Frank thought of her these days didn't give her a moment's concern.
"Yeah," Frank said, the excitement in his voice growing with every word. "You know, I have an idea. I know Natalia has missed having the two of you around the house. Why don't you two come over for dinner tonight at the farmhouse? It will be great - just the four of us."
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This fic is making me crazy.
and now I'm late because I had to read it before I left the 'puter...Don't care...
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Aw, sorry you were late, but thanks for reading!
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Feel for Olivia and Natalia, going house shopping together when they are not together. Although I do think Natalia had a subconscious desire to delay the house buying part as much as she can.
Waiting for more! :)
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I think everything suddenly hit a whole new level of reality for Natalia when Olivia started searching for a place to live.
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Sheesh, my heart is breaking all over the place.
Good thing you've already finished this fic and post daily. Even if that as well is kind of slow torture.
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I figured daily updates were the only way I wouldn't get mobbed for this fic. ;)
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"C'mon, Natalia, you're a newlywed." She gave a faint smile. "I remember what that's like. You don't have to pretend that you wouldn't rather be at home with Frank. So take the afternoon." - Ick.
"Can Natalia go with us to look at houses?" - Oh, ow! Just twist the knife a little harder, 'bean.
"You can't always wait for everything to be perfect. Sometimes you have to seize the moment and make the best of what you have. That's what I'm doing." / Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Natalia freeze, going unnaturally still. - :(
She couldn't bring herself to meet Olivia's eyes, not when she was so obviously in pain and it was her fault. - Aww :(
Every inch of her being screamed at her to leave, to take Olivia and go. - Do it!
Why don't you two come over for dinner tonight at the farmhouse? It will be great - just the four of us. - *facepalm*