![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Title: The Accident
Fandom: Guiding Light
Characters: Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, Emma Spencer, Francesca Rivera, Frank Cooper, Rick Bauer, Phillip Spaulding, my dead body
Category: Angst, Romance, Drama
Rating: NC-17
Word count: 33, 714 (total)
Summary: The devastation and moral decay of one Natalia Rivera.
Spoilers/Timeline Generally through September '09, though nothing terribly specific I think.
Disclaimer: All characters (Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, blah blah etc.) and situations belong to Guiding Light, Telenext, Proctor & Gamble, etc. I'm not them.
Author's Note: I got this idea from a throwaway line in one of Rysler's fics that would make sense to no one who wasn't inside my brain. And even by my standards it was a pretty crazy idea. But then I thought it over and with a little bit of nudging. That's crazy became why not? After all what is fandom - and fan fiction - for if not asking, if x changed then what would happen?
Beta: What can I say? aimlessla was freaking awesome for beta’ing this for me, even as much as the whole damn thing traumatized her. I appreciate her invaluable advice, grammar assistance, not throwing her hands up at the pitiable state of my commas and poking her finger at as many of my plot holes as she could find. This one was really above and beyond.
With thanks to Kelinswriter also for offering some general thoughts on the whole thing! Much appreciated, dude!
Warning: This fic has sexual content. Unrelated to that, but additionally it is very dark in nature. Very dark. Do not that this lightly. If you hated “Even If It Killed Her” to the point you stopped reading, you’ll like this one even less. No, seriously.
Prologue || Part One || Part Two || Part Three || Part Four || Part Five || Part Six || Part Seven || Part Eight Part Nine
Part Ten
Natalia unlocked her front door and opened it carefully, expecting to see Olivia at any moment and holding her breath afraid that she wouldn't. Even after Phillip's reassurance that he had seen Olivia too and all the chatter in the hospital about a prominent Springfield citizen come back to life, it still felt unreal to Natalia. She had been almost frantic to get out of the hospital and even more so when she realized she had no idea where to find Olivia.
She had been panicking, her forehead pressed against the hard rubber of her steering wheel as she tried not to hyperventilate, when Jane had called. The usually unflappable babysitter was talking a mile-a-minute babbling something about Olivia being there at the farmhouse and sending her home. Jane was more than a little freaked out, but Natalia couldn't bring herself to care. As soon as she'd realized where Olivia was, she'd hung up on Jane and driven like a mad woman out to the farmhouse.
It'd taken some convincing to get Phillip to let her leave alone, but she had insisted. His presence felt stifling and she needed space to think. Space and Olivia. If Natalia could just find Olivia, hold onto her and make her stay, then everything would make sense again. No matter what had happened - and Natalia had no idea - they could figure it out together.
The sight of an unfamiliar woman's coat thrown across the arm of the couch made Natalia's heart race. It was proof that Olivia was really there. It was the most gorgeous ugly, plastic-y winter coat Natalia had ever seen. She picked it up and brought it to her face, inhaling Olivia's scent. It was a little different, undoubtedly changed by the soaps and scents she had available, but underneath it all still undeniably Olivia. Natalia dropped it almost as quickly as she had picked it up and glanced upstairs.
Olivia had to be upstairs. She had mentioned wanting to see Emma and Francesca in the hospital, Natalia remembered that now. And even if she hadn't, Natalia should have known. Their daughters were the most important thing in Olivia's world. Of course she would want to see them.
Natalia started up the stairs slowly, her heart pounding in her chest. Olivia had been so angry at the hospital. Natalia didn't blame her, but when she thought about it she felt like she couldn't breathe with the desperation to prove that what she had shared with Phillip was nothing. Subconsciously Natalia rubbed her thumb against the underside of her wedding ring. She had never taken it off - not once. She hadn't even considered it. Just like she hadn’t taken off Gus’ rings until she was ready to admit to herself the possibility of being with Olivia. Unlike here - where there had been no possibilities.
She swallowed hard. Not that it made any difference. Olivia would never believe her. She had to though. Natalia straightened and started forward again. She found them in Francesca’s room. She had looked in Emma’s room first and then headed straight there. Natalia had known that Olivia wouldn’t be in their bed - too many painful memories. She’d had her own nights where it felt like her only sanctuary in the world and the last place that she wanted to be. Without Olivia it had felt so empty.
Natalia just stared, soaking in the sight of her girls all together again, Emma and Olivia curled up on opposite sides of Francesca. Olivia’s arm was thrown across both girls, reassuring herself even in slumber that they were there.
Tears slipped down Natalia’s cheeks. She didn’t bother to brush them away, just stuffed her fist in her mouth and bit down to stifle a whimper. She didn’t want to wake them. This moment was almost perfect. Perfect except that the moment Olivia woke she would be furious and pushing Natalia away again.
Natalia had to do something though. There was too much emotion for her heart to contain. She felt like she was going to burst. Without thinking she stepped forward quickly, taking the small quilt that lay at the end of the bed and unfolding it. Carefully she laid it over Olivia and the girls, covering them all as best as she could.
She could see the goosebumps pebbling Olivia’s arms now that she was closer. It made her feel like she had accomplished something. Francesca fussed, trying to turn her head away from the blanket as it brushed against her cheek. Hurrying to soothe her before she woke and woke everyone else, Natalia leaned over and pulled the blanket down so that it wouldn’t bother her.
Natalia held her breath until Francesca settled and almost sagged in on herself with relief, her chin dropping down to her chest. Natalia took a moment to gather herself and raised her head, opening her eyes and finding herself staring straight back into Olivia’s brilliant green eyes. Only now they looked hard and flat. All Natalia could see was the wall that Olivia had thrown up between them, not the depths of Olivia’s soul - what she usually saw when she fell into Olivia’s gaze.
Natalia’s heart hammered in her chest. Even tired, with tear streaks dried on her cheeks and dark circles under her eyes, Olivia looked beautiful - breathtaking. It was like taking a starving man and putting him in the midst of a banquet. Natalia couldn’t take her all in fast enough. She reached out for Olivia without thinking, needing to touch what she saw.
Olivia caught her wrist before her fingers could even brush against Olivia’s cheek. Natalia whimpered at the sudden, unexpected deprivation. Olivia’s eyes hardened even more. Her grip on Natalia’s never loosened as she rolled over and swung her feet off the bed. She stood up in one smooth motion. Natalia was so close to the bed, that they were pressed up against each other.
Natalia her breath. For what she wasn’t quite sure. She wanted... But Natalia knew what she wanted was impossible. It was all in Olivia’s hands now.
When Olivia didn’t move, didn’t speak, didn’t do anything but stare back at Natalia, she raised her other hand to wipe the tear tracks from Olivia’s cheek. Olivia’s grip on Natalia’s wrist tightened painfully and she used it to push Natalia away, forcing her to drop her hand and stumble a few steps back.
Behind them Francesca stirred again. Both women froze. They glanced at her and then back at each other. By silent mutual consent, they turned and headed toward the door, only stopping when Olivia had closed the door carefully behind them after one last, lingering look at her daughters.
“Olivia-” Natalia started but Olivia cut her off.
“Not here,” Olivia said with a shake of her head. “Downstairs.”
“Okay.” Natalia didn’t care. She just wanted to make Olivia listen. She held off though until they were down in the living room, facing each other across the familiar room, surrounded on all sides by the chairs and loveseat that had seen so many of their most important conversations.
Natalia started to speak and then her brow furrowed as she saw Olivia press sleepily at the center of her chest with her left hand. It was something Olivia would do when her heart was bothering her or she was worried. Natalia had seen the small gesture a hundred times after Olivia’s heart attack. Fear rushed through Natalia in an instant. She dropped what she had been about to say and asked the question that had suddenly become the most terrifying and pressing thing - even beyond where the hell have you been?
"How are you? How's your heart? Have you had it checked? Rick could-"
"My heart?" Olivia sounded pained and bitter. "My heart. My heart is fine, Natalia. Just fine. You're the one who broke it."
"Olivia, please," Natalia begged, reaching out to Olivia only to get her hand slapped away yet again.
"No. You don't get to touch me, Natalia. You don't get to tell me how much you missed me. Or worry about me. You don't get to ask about my heart or-" she bit herself off. "You don't get to ask anything. Just leave me alone."
"No," Natalia said firmly, almost stomping her foot with determination. "You were dead and now you're not and I'm not letting you go." She hesitated sucking in a breath. "Where the hell were you? How could you leave me like that? Don't you know-" She shook her head. There was no way that she could voice the anguish that she'd felt when she thought Olivia is dead. "I deserve to know."
Olivia snorted. “You deserve - it’s all about you, Natalia. Well what about me? What about what I deserve? Like not finding out that my wife is fucking my ex-husband? How ‘bout that?”
“Shut up,” Natalia hissed. “Don’t say that. It wasn’t like that.”
“Oh, I think that’s exactly what it was like.” Olivia countered, just as hurt and furious. Her hands sank into her hair. “God, I can’t do this.” She pushed past Natalia toward the door.
It was Natalia’s turn to catch her arm, but instead of pushing away as Olivia had, Natalia clung on to Olivia, refusing to let her walk away.
“Wait. You should stay here. Emma and Francesca deserve that, if nothing else. They’ll be confused and scared if you’re not here when they wake up.”
“Don’t,” Olivia said harshly. “You don’t get to use my daughters against me. Tell them, tell them that I’m real, I’m alive, and that I love them so much.” Her voice broke over the last words, her eyes falling closed. Olivia forced herself to open them again and face Natalia. “Tell Emma that I’ll pick her up from school tomorrow and Francesca...I don’t know...but I’ll make time to spend with her. I’ll work it out with Frank.”
Olivia’s words hit Natalia like a gut punch, knocking the air out of her lungs. “You won’t even talk to me about our children?”
“I told you,” Olivia said coldly. “I don’t want anything to do with you.”
And then she walked out the door. Natalia had a horrifying flashback to the last time Olivia had walked out that door in anger and ran after her.
“Where are you going?”
“What?” Olivia demanded, startled that Natalia had followed her. In the deep shadows thrown by the porch light, Natalia thought she saw moisture on Olivia’s cheek, but she couldn’t be sure. “Why do you care?”
“Because the last time you stormed out of this house, you died.” Natalia hurled the words at her with all the anger that had simmered inside of her for months, since the moment Frank had shown up on her doorstep with horrible news.
Olivia hesitated. Natalia thought she might not answer.
“The Beacon,” Olivia said finally, with a pained twist of her lips that might have been a smile if it hadn’t been so bitter. “Think they might remember me and have a room for their old owner?”
“I’ll call and make sure they have one ready.” More than anything, Natalia wanted her to stay, but she knew Olivia wouldn’t. She understood that now. So she would make sure that Olivia would have someplace warm and safe to stay - and that someone would call her the moment that Olivia got there.
“So kind of you,” Olivia said sarcastically. “But don’t put yourself out. I don’t need your pity. Go back to Phillip and your perfect little fairytale world. Stop pretending that you care - I know the truth.”
Her words cut Natalia to the quick and left her bleeding, hemorrhaging from a dozen gaping wounds that she couldn’t begin to patch up. It seemed hopeless.
But Olivia was alive. Natalia clung to that above all else. That was what mattered.
Fandom: Guiding Light
Characters: Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, Emma Spencer, Francesca Rivera, Frank Cooper, Rick Bauer, Phillip Spaulding, my dead body
Category: Angst, Romance, Drama
Rating: NC-17
Word count: 33, 714 (total)
Summary: The devastation and moral decay of one Natalia Rivera.
Spoilers/Timeline Generally through September '09, though nothing terribly specific I think.
Disclaimer: All characters (Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, blah blah etc.) and situations belong to Guiding Light, Telenext, Proctor & Gamble, etc. I'm not them.
Author's Note: I got this idea from a throwaway line in one of Rysler's fics that would make sense to no one who wasn't inside my brain. And even by my standards it was a pretty crazy idea. But then I thought it over and with a little bit of nudging. That's crazy became why not? After all what is fandom - and fan fiction - for if not asking, if x changed then what would happen?
Beta: What can I say? aimlessla was freaking awesome for beta’ing this for me, even as much as the whole damn thing traumatized her. I appreciate her invaluable advice, grammar assistance, not throwing her hands up at the pitiable state of my commas and poking her finger at as many of my plot holes as she could find. This one was really above and beyond.
With thanks to Kelinswriter also for offering some general thoughts on the whole thing! Much appreciated, dude!
Warning: This fic has sexual content. Unrelated to that, but additionally it is very dark in nature. Very dark. Do not that this lightly. If you hated “Even If It Killed Her” to the point you stopped reading, you’ll like this one even less. No, seriously.
Prologue || Part One || Part Two || Part Three || Part Four || Part Five || Part Six || Part Seven || Part Eight Part Nine
Part Ten
Natalia unlocked her front door and opened it carefully, expecting to see Olivia at any moment and holding her breath afraid that she wouldn't. Even after Phillip's reassurance that he had seen Olivia too and all the chatter in the hospital about a prominent Springfield citizen come back to life, it still felt unreal to Natalia. She had been almost frantic to get out of the hospital and even more so when she realized she had no idea where to find Olivia.
She had been panicking, her forehead pressed against the hard rubber of her steering wheel as she tried not to hyperventilate, when Jane had called. The usually unflappable babysitter was talking a mile-a-minute babbling something about Olivia being there at the farmhouse and sending her home. Jane was more than a little freaked out, but Natalia couldn't bring herself to care. As soon as she'd realized where Olivia was, she'd hung up on Jane and driven like a mad woman out to the farmhouse.
It'd taken some convincing to get Phillip to let her leave alone, but she had insisted. His presence felt stifling and she needed space to think. Space and Olivia. If Natalia could just find Olivia, hold onto her and make her stay, then everything would make sense again. No matter what had happened - and Natalia had no idea - they could figure it out together.
The sight of an unfamiliar woman's coat thrown across the arm of the couch made Natalia's heart race. It was proof that Olivia was really there. It was the most gorgeous ugly, plastic-y winter coat Natalia had ever seen. She picked it up and brought it to her face, inhaling Olivia's scent. It was a little different, undoubtedly changed by the soaps and scents she had available, but underneath it all still undeniably Olivia. Natalia dropped it almost as quickly as she had picked it up and glanced upstairs.
Olivia had to be upstairs. She had mentioned wanting to see Emma and Francesca in the hospital, Natalia remembered that now. And even if she hadn't, Natalia should have known. Their daughters were the most important thing in Olivia's world. Of course she would want to see them.
Natalia started up the stairs slowly, her heart pounding in her chest. Olivia had been so angry at the hospital. Natalia didn't blame her, but when she thought about it she felt like she couldn't breathe with the desperation to prove that what she had shared with Phillip was nothing. Subconsciously Natalia rubbed her thumb against the underside of her wedding ring. She had never taken it off - not once. She hadn't even considered it. Just like she hadn’t taken off Gus’ rings until she was ready to admit to herself the possibility of being with Olivia. Unlike here - where there had been no possibilities.
She swallowed hard. Not that it made any difference. Olivia would never believe her. She had to though. Natalia straightened and started forward again. She found them in Francesca’s room. She had looked in Emma’s room first and then headed straight there. Natalia had known that Olivia wouldn’t be in their bed - too many painful memories. She’d had her own nights where it felt like her only sanctuary in the world and the last place that she wanted to be. Without Olivia it had felt so empty.
Natalia just stared, soaking in the sight of her girls all together again, Emma and Olivia curled up on opposite sides of Francesca. Olivia’s arm was thrown across both girls, reassuring herself even in slumber that they were there.
Tears slipped down Natalia’s cheeks. She didn’t bother to brush them away, just stuffed her fist in her mouth and bit down to stifle a whimper. She didn’t want to wake them. This moment was almost perfect. Perfect except that the moment Olivia woke she would be furious and pushing Natalia away again.
Natalia had to do something though. There was too much emotion for her heart to contain. She felt like she was going to burst. Without thinking she stepped forward quickly, taking the small quilt that lay at the end of the bed and unfolding it. Carefully she laid it over Olivia and the girls, covering them all as best as she could.
She could see the goosebumps pebbling Olivia’s arms now that she was closer. It made her feel like she had accomplished something. Francesca fussed, trying to turn her head away from the blanket as it brushed against her cheek. Hurrying to soothe her before she woke and woke everyone else, Natalia leaned over and pulled the blanket down so that it wouldn’t bother her.
Natalia held her breath until Francesca settled and almost sagged in on herself with relief, her chin dropping down to her chest. Natalia took a moment to gather herself and raised her head, opening her eyes and finding herself staring straight back into Olivia’s brilliant green eyes. Only now they looked hard and flat. All Natalia could see was the wall that Olivia had thrown up between them, not the depths of Olivia’s soul - what she usually saw when she fell into Olivia’s gaze.
Natalia’s heart hammered in her chest. Even tired, with tear streaks dried on her cheeks and dark circles under her eyes, Olivia looked beautiful - breathtaking. It was like taking a starving man and putting him in the midst of a banquet. Natalia couldn’t take her all in fast enough. She reached out for Olivia without thinking, needing to touch what she saw.
Olivia caught her wrist before her fingers could even brush against Olivia’s cheek. Natalia whimpered at the sudden, unexpected deprivation. Olivia’s eyes hardened even more. Her grip on Natalia’s never loosened as she rolled over and swung her feet off the bed. She stood up in one smooth motion. Natalia was so close to the bed, that they were pressed up against each other.
Natalia her breath. For what she wasn’t quite sure. She wanted... But Natalia knew what she wanted was impossible. It was all in Olivia’s hands now.
When Olivia didn’t move, didn’t speak, didn’t do anything but stare back at Natalia, she raised her other hand to wipe the tear tracks from Olivia’s cheek. Olivia’s grip on Natalia’s wrist tightened painfully and she used it to push Natalia away, forcing her to drop her hand and stumble a few steps back.
Behind them Francesca stirred again. Both women froze. They glanced at her and then back at each other. By silent mutual consent, they turned and headed toward the door, only stopping when Olivia had closed the door carefully behind them after one last, lingering look at her daughters.
“Olivia-” Natalia started but Olivia cut her off.
“Not here,” Olivia said with a shake of her head. “Downstairs.”
“Okay.” Natalia didn’t care. She just wanted to make Olivia listen. She held off though until they were down in the living room, facing each other across the familiar room, surrounded on all sides by the chairs and loveseat that had seen so many of their most important conversations.
Natalia started to speak and then her brow furrowed as she saw Olivia press sleepily at the center of her chest with her left hand. It was something Olivia would do when her heart was bothering her or she was worried. Natalia had seen the small gesture a hundred times after Olivia’s heart attack. Fear rushed through Natalia in an instant. She dropped what she had been about to say and asked the question that had suddenly become the most terrifying and pressing thing - even beyond where the hell have you been?
"How are you? How's your heart? Have you had it checked? Rick could-"
"My heart?" Olivia sounded pained and bitter. "My heart. My heart is fine, Natalia. Just fine. You're the one who broke it."
"Olivia, please," Natalia begged, reaching out to Olivia only to get her hand slapped away yet again.
"No. You don't get to touch me, Natalia. You don't get to tell me how much you missed me. Or worry about me. You don't get to ask about my heart or-" she bit herself off. "You don't get to ask anything. Just leave me alone."
"No," Natalia said firmly, almost stomping her foot with determination. "You were dead and now you're not and I'm not letting you go." She hesitated sucking in a breath. "Where the hell were you? How could you leave me like that? Don't you know-" She shook her head. There was no way that she could voice the anguish that she'd felt when she thought Olivia is dead. "I deserve to know."
Olivia snorted. “You deserve - it’s all about you, Natalia. Well what about me? What about what I deserve? Like not finding out that my wife is fucking my ex-husband? How ‘bout that?”
“Shut up,” Natalia hissed. “Don’t say that. It wasn’t like that.”
“Oh, I think that’s exactly what it was like.” Olivia countered, just as hurt and furious. Her hands sank into her hair. “God, I can’t do this.” She pushed past Natalia toward the door.
It was Natalia’s turn to catch her arm, but instead of pushing away as Olivia had, Natalia clung on to Olivia, refusing to let her walk away.
“Wait. You should stay here. Emma and Francesca deserve that, if nothing else. They’ll be confused and scared if you’re not here when they wake up.”
“Don’t,” Olivia said harshly. “You don’t get to use my daughters against me. Tell them, tell them that I’m real, I’m alive, and that I love them so much.” Her voice broke over the last words, her eyes falling closed. Olivia forced herself to open them again and face Natalia. “Tell Emma that I’ll pick her up from school tomorrow and Francesca...I don’t know...but I’ll make time to spend with her. I’ll work it out with Frank.”
Olivia’s words hit Natalia like a gut punch, knocking the air out of her lungs. “You won’t even talk to me about our children?”
“I told you,” Olivia said coldly. “I don’t want anything to do with you.”
And then she walked out the door. Natalia had a horrifying flashback to the last time Olivia had walked out that door in anger and ran after her.
“Where are you going?”
“What?” Olivia demanded, startled that Natalia had followed her. In the deep shadows thrown by the porch light, Natalia thought she saw moisture on Olivia’s cheek, but she couldn’t be sure. “Why do you care?”
“Because the last time you stormed out of this house, you died.” Natalia hurled the words at her with all the anger that had simmered inside of her for months, since the moment Frank had shown up on her doorstep with horrible news.
Olivia hesitated. Natalia thought she might not answer.
“The Beacon,” Olivia said finally, with a pained twist of her lips that might have been a smile if it hadn’t been so bitter. “Think they might remember me and have a room for their old owner?”
“I’ll call and make sure they have one ready.” More than anything, Natalia wanted her to stay, but she knew Olivia wouldn’t. She understood that now. So she would make sure that Olivia would have someplace warm and safe to stay - and that someone would call her the moment that Olivia got there.
“So kind of you,” Olivia said sarcastically. “But don’t put yourself out. I don’t need your pity. Go back to Phillip and your perfect little fairytale world. Stop pretending that you care - I know the truth.”
Her words cut Natalia to the quick and left her bleeding, hemorrhaging from a dozen gaping wounds that she couldn’t begin to patch up. It seemed hopeless.
But Olivia was alive. Natalia clung to that above all else. That was what mattered.
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"Because the last time you stormed out of this house, you died.” Come on, get in there and fight for her, you idiot for succumbing to that MAN!
You know that your numbers are off. This is Part 10, but the header says 11.
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