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Title: The Accident
Fandom: Guiding Light
Characters: Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, Emma Spencer, Francesca Rivera, Frank Cooper, Rick Bauer, Phillip Spaulding, my dead body
Category: Angst, Romance, Drama
Rating: NC-17
Word count: 33, 714 (total)
Summary: The devastation and moral decay of one Natalia Rivera.
Spoilers/Timeline Generally through September '09, though nothing terribly specific I think.
Disclaimer: All characters (Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, blah blah etc.) and situations belong to Guiding Light, Telenext, Proctor & Gamble, etc. I'm not them.
Author's Note: I got this idea from a throwaway line in one of Rysler's fics that would make sense to no one who wasn't inside my brain. And even by my standards it was a pretty crazy idea. But then I thought it over and with a little bit of nudging. That's crazy became why not? After all what is fandom - and fan fiction - for if not asking, if x changed then what would happen?
Beta: What can I say? aimlessla was freaking awesome for beta’ing this for me, even as much as the whole damn thing traumatized her. I appreciate her invaluable advice, grammar assistance, not throwing her hands up at the pitiable state of my commas and poking her finger at as many of my plot holes as she could find. This one was really above and beyond.
With thanks to Kelinswriter also for offering some general thoughts on the whole thing! Much appreciated, dude!
Warning: This fic has sexual content. Unrelated to that, but additionally it is very dark in nature. Very dark. Do not that this lightly. If you hated “Even If It Killed Her” to the point you stopped reading, you’ll like this one even less. No, seriously.
Prologue || Part One || Part Two || Part Three || Part Four || Part Five
Part Six
Natalia's focus had narrowed down to the steady motion of Phillip's hand, drifting up and down her back, sending intermittent shivers down her spine as he brushed over bare flesh. They had yet to speak. Phillip seemed to be content to let her take the lead and Natalia wasn't sure what she was thinking.
A part of her had been waiting to freak out. She had thought about it, in a detached way. She had slept with a man, a person who was not the woman she had thought she would spend the rest of her life with. A few months ago the mere thought would have been incomprehensible, much less actually doing it.
But...Olivia is dead. That changed everything.
Natalia bit her lip and pushed against Phillip's chest to sit up. His hands slid down her sides as she did, letting her go if that was what she wanted.
"I should get dressed. I wasn't planning to be out late. I want to see Emma and Francesca tonight."
"Okay," Phillip said, shifting on the couch until he could look at her without having to crane his neck uncomfortably. "I'll call a car to take you home."
Natalia stood, feeling awkward and suddenly shy as she bent to gather her clothes, pulling them on hurriedly. As if sensing her unease Phillip rose and began to dress again too. It took away the pressure of knowing that he was watching her. She startled at the murmur of his voice behind her but then she realized he was on the phone not talking to her. Her shoes. She needed them. It felt even stranger being dressed like this and barefoot.
"Is this straight?" Phillip asked, turning to her a moment later as he tugged on his tie. "I don't have a mirror in here."
"Not quite." Natalia hesitated. "It's a little..." She gestured and Phillip adjusted a little more.
"Now?"
"No, just..." Natalia started to make another gesture, then gave herself a mental shake. She'd had sex with the man, straightening his tie for him was no big deal. "Here," she said, crossing the few steps between them. She had it straightened out and back in place in just a moment.
"Thank you." The extraordinary gentleness in his voice made Natalia jerk her gaze up to meet his eyes.
"You're welcome," she said, quickly turning away to find her shoes, slipping them on slowly, so that she could avoid him a moment longer. She had never really done this. Had casual sex. Especially not with someone she had considered a friend. She had no idea what he expected of her or of what she was willing to give.
She wasn't even certain how she felt about what she had done.
"Natalia," Phillip touched her elbow. "I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."
"You didn't," she denied too quickly.
"I did," Phillip countered. "But you don't have to be. This doesn't have to change anything."
"Doesn't it?" Her voice sounded high and strangled even to her own ears.
"No."
"The last time I had unprotected sex with a man, I was running away from my feelings for Olivia and got pregnant with Francesca."
Phillip had the gall to smile. "Well, there are similarities and differences in this case. You're still running from the way you feel about Olivia." She flinched as if he had shocked her with an electrical charge, but he continued. "But there's no chance of you getting pregnant. I had a vasectomy several years ago."
"You're trying to make me feel better," Natalia whispered.
"I am," he agreed.
"Why?"
"Because you're sad and in pain and I miss the way you smile."
Natalia didn't know what to make of that. She pushed it aside to puzzle over later. "Olivia always said that I made her a better person, happier." She rubbed at her forehead. "But without her I don't know how to be that person anymore."
"It will come back to you."
"I would rather she came back."
"I know."
"It feels like betraying her," Natalia admitted, wrapping her arms around her waist.
"You can't stay alone forever."
"That's something people say as an excuse. If I really loved her-"
"You'd refuse to let yourself have the smallest shred of happiness except for your children."
"Yes! That's what I should do. I shouldn't forget her so quickly."
"You haven't forgotten anything," Phillip corrected her. Gently he laid his hand over her heart. "You carry her with you everywhere."
"I'm not a child to be soothed by some saying."
Phillip drew back, looking insulted. "I wasn't treating you like a child." He folded his arms over his chest and smiled. "You haven't noticed, have you? You're acting more like her all the time. She's still a part of you - in everything you do - even though she's gone."
"Really?"
He nodded.
"I don't know whether that's sad or comforting," Natalia admitted.
"It can be whatever you want it to be."
Natalia nodded, letting him off the hook and glanced toward the door. "Do you think the car's ready?"
"They should be."
"Okay." She didn't know how they should part. Just walking away felt strange, but now, no longer in the heat of the moment, the thought of kissing him felt strange.
Phillip leaned back against his desk and gave her a smile that told her nothing at all. Finally Natalia stepped forward and put her arms around him. He held her loosely. When she made no attempt to move away again, he kissed the crown of her head. Natalia let go and stepped away.
"Good bye, Phillip."
"Tell Emma I love her."
It was the last thing he said each time they spoke. That tiny bit of normality steadied her.
"I will." She walked out without looking back. It felt like she didn't breathe again until she sagged against the seat of the limo and closed her eyes.
Olivia is dead...and she had slept with Phillip Spaulding. What was she going to do now? Natalia had no idea, but strangely enough the thought didn't bring with it any despair. She just felt the sleepy desire to see her children, wrap them in her arms and hold them tightly before she went to bed.
Anything else would be a problem for another day.
*** *** ***
Company was busy once again, swamped under the morning rush. Natalia had a table near the back. A few bites of muffin sat on a small plate next to a half-empty cup of coffee. The coffee was cold and Natalia hadn't bothered to refresh it. Working her way back through the crowd was too much effort and she didn't really care. She was here for the distraction, the noise and bustle of the place, not the food.
She was running the Beacon now, but she couldn't bear to sit in Olivia's office all day. Or for any time at all. Natalia knew that she would need to do something about that eventually, but not now. She had enough on her hands just keeping the Beacon afloat. She had learned a lot as Olivia's assistant, but there was still a learning curve and the pitfalls were steep and unforgiving.
She was hunting through several stacks of paper looking for a particular bid when she heard her name and looked up.
"...sit with Natalia. She's in the back there, working on something," Frank said genially. "She probably wouldn't mind."
"I don't want to intrude." Natalia couldn't see him, but she recognized the distinctive timbre of Phillip's voice and froze.
"Suit yourself," Frank said. "But it's the last seat in the house. Up to you, Buddy."
"Ah..."
Frank snorted. Natalia could hear it even over the clatter of silverware and roar of conversation. "Take your time. Let me know what you decide."
This was ridiculous, Natalia decided. She wasn't sure which was more so, Phillip's hesitation or the fact that she was hiding and pretending not to eavesdrop. She stood, shuffling the papers into several neat stacks and then slid out from the booth with her coffee mug in hand.
"Hey, Frank," Natalia greeted him with a tired, but genuine smile. "I was just looking for a refill."
"Oh, hey." He leaned over to casually kiss her cheek. "How's my favorite girl?"
Natalia gave a little smile. "Chessy's good. She's growing so fast now."
"Good," Frank said with a quick bob of his head. "I was really getting worried about her for a while there."
Natalia tensed, but Frank didn't go any further. He just took the mug from her and poured from the carafe he was carrying.
"Sorry I didn't get by your table sooner. We've been swamped. A couple of people didn't show so Pop asked me to fill in." He grinned. "Can't complain about the business though. It's better than the alternative."
"Definitely," she agreed. "And it's no problem." Natalia turned her attention to Phillip. "Hi."
"Natalia." The way he said her name sounded different. Or maybe she was just imagining it. "How are you?"
"I'm good." She gestured behind her. "Just working on a few things for the Beacon this morning."
"Ah." It was such a vague acknowledgement of what she had said, she wasn't sure how to interpret it.
"You don't mind a little company, do you?" Frank asked - mostly rhetorically - tilting his head toward Phillip and adding his most pleading smile as if that made a difference. "We're running out of tables this morning."
"Uh, sure, why not?" Natalia said, keeping her eyes firmly on Frank and not Phillip. Since she had left the Spaulding Mansion that night they hadn't really spoken except to coordinate Emma's plans or discuss issues concerning her. It had all been over the phone and done as quickly as possible. This was breaking the ice, Natalia supposed. Not letting the situation get anymore awkward than it already was. They would have to deal with each other eventually; it was inescapable. Now was infinitely preferable to later, when who knew what awkward situation could happen.
"I wouldn't want to intrude on your work."
Natalia wrinkled her nose. "Actually you might be able to help. I'm not familiar with the way some of these agreements are structured." Natalia wondered if she was just imagining the relief in Phillip's expression.
"I think we can work something out."
Natalia's eyebrows shot up.
"I don't usually do consultations for free. I do have a certain reputation to maintain when it comes to business."
"Oh, right," Natalia said, feeling a hint of embarrassment make her cheeks heat. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have-"
"He's just joking." Frank shot Phillip a look. "Or at least he'd better be. It's the least he can do for barging his way into your table."
Natalia felt like rolling her eyes. The only one who'd been doing any barging or pushing was Frank. But then that was nothing new.
"I don't barge," Phillip corrected him, his innocent words drawing a sharp look from Natalia. The moment their eyes met, she dropped her gaze like she'd been caught with her hand in the cookie jar.
Frank snorted. "Right." Then he shook his head and turned back toward the kitchen. "I'll have your order up just a minute.""
Natalia had a sudden urge to grab Frank's arm and refuse to let him go. She didn't...If it had been anyone but Frank... Then he was gone and she hadn't moved. Neither had Phillip. When she glanced up at him, he held out his hand, gesturing her ahead of him politely. Natalia smiled weakly and started walking. She slid into the booth, sitting where it would be farthest from Phillip unless he made an effort to scoot all the way around the opposite direction to sit near her.
"So how can I help?" Phillip asked.
"First of all, you have to stop doing that."
Phillip leaned back into the booth, crossing his legs beneath the table. "Doing what?"
"Acting so, so..." Natalia fumbled for words, at loss to define something so ephemeral yet so frustrating. "Like we - you know!"
"Ah." Phillip said, crossing his arms over his chest. He glanced down at the table. "I'm sorry if anything I did offended you. It wasn't my intention to act any differently and I hope you'll accept my apology."
"Right." She hadn't expected him to apologize so quickly - or at all. "I mean, yes, of course I accept." She was flustered and she hated the feeling. Natalia didn't want to be flustered. She wanted to be calm and unaffected - she wanted to be ignorant. It was supposed to be bliss, after all. She could use a little bliss in her life these days. "I just, I want things to be the way they were."
"I know," Phillip said with a steady nod. "And I'm not going to do anything to bring it up again." He held her gaze as he said it, letting her see his sincerity.
"Okay," Natalia said, sagging a little with relief. "Thank you."
"Good. Now that we have that out of the way, those agreements..."
"Right," Natalia said, hesitating for a moment before she remembered which stack she'd put those papers in and dove back in, her mind firmly back on work.
*** *** ***
Phillip had finished his breakfast and been gone for quite some time when Blake came up, leaning against the side of Natalia's booth.
"Need a refill?"
"No, thank you," Natalia said, glancing up from the reports in front of her. She was on a roll and didn't want to stop. Phillip's help had been invaluable. Once he had started to explain, she had caught on quickly, her insight into Olivia's thoughts making it more readily apparent what she had intended.
Blake nudged her shoulder with her elbow. "Is everything okay? I saw you talking with Phillip. You two seemed a little...weird."
"Oh, no, I don't think so," Natalia said as casually and dismissively as she could. It felt forced, but she knew if she gave the slightest hint of a reaction Blake would be all over it. The woman had an unparalleled nose for scandal and gossip.
But now Blake looked curious and that wasn't good. Curiosity was the last thing that Natalia had wanted to invite. "You don't think so? Shouldn't you know?" Blake hesitated. "You know if something strange is going on with Phillip you can tell me." She put her hand over Natalia's. Natalia tried not to flinch away from her. "I know Olivia's gone, but you're not alone, Natalia. You still have friends in this town - friends who are willing to stand up to Phillip Spaulding."
Natalia stopped and put her pen down, using it as an excuse to take her hand back and put in her lap, as she looked over at Blake. "I think you're reading too much into a simple answer. All I meant was that I don't know of a reason why things should be strange between us, but you never really know what someone else is thinking, do you?"
Blake eyed her carefully - suspiciously. "Okay, if that's what you want me to believe I'll let it go. But...that's not what I saw when I looked at the two of you. Something was wrong. Just know that I'll still be here whenever you're ready to tell me."
Natalia sank back against the booth and felt all the air squish out of the vinyl covered cushion behind her. "I don't know what to say to that, Blake."
Blake took it as an invitation, setting the coffee carafe and dropping the rag that had been draped over her arm down on the table and sliding into the seat across from Natalia.
"Why don't you start by telling me the truth about what's really going on with you and Phillip?"
*** *** ***
The sunlight outside Company was bright; it made Natalia squint and reach for her sunglasses. She slipped them on and pulled out her phone. She tapped it against her mouth twice, thinking, and then dialed a number that was becoming more and more familiar.
"Phillip. It's Natalia. I know we just spoke, but I think we need to talk. Meet me at the lighthouse."
Fandom: Guiding Light
Characters: Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, Emma Spencer, Francesca Rivera, Frank Cooper, Rick Bauer, Phillip Spaulding, my dead body
Category: Angst, Romance, Drama
Rating: NC-17
Word count: 33, 714 (total)
Summary: The devastation and moral decay of one Natalia Rivera.
Spoilers/Timeline Generally through September '09, though nothing terribly specific I think.
Disclaimer: All characters (Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, blah blah etc.) and situations belong to Guiding Light, Telenext, Proctor & Gamble, etc. I'm not them.
Author's Note: I got this idea from a throwaway line in one of Rysler's fics that would make sense to no one who wasn't inside my brain. And even by my standards it was a pretty crazy idea. But then I thought it over and with a little bit of nudging. That's crazy became why not? After all what is fandom - and fan fiction - for if not asking, if x changed then what would happen?
Beta: What can I say? aimlessla was freaking awesome for beta’ing this for me, even as much as the whole damn thing traumatized her. I appreciate her invaluable advice, grammar assistance, not throwing her hands up at the pitiable state of my commas and poking her finger at as many of my plot holes as she could find. This one was really above and beyond.
With thanks to Kelinswriter also for offering some general thoughts on the whole thing! Much appreciated, dude!
Warning: This fic has sexual content. Unrelated to that, but additionally it is very dark in nature. Very dark. Do not that this lightly. If you hated “Even If It Killed Her” to the point you stopped reading, you’ll like this one even less. No, seriously.
Prologue || Part One || Part Two || Part Three || Part Four || Part Five
Part Six
Natalia's focus had narrowed down to the steady motion of Phillip's hand, drifting up and down her back, sending intermittent shivers down her spine as he brushed over bare flesh. They had yet to speak. Phillip seemed to be content to let her take the lead and Natalia wasn't sure what she was thinking.
A part of her had been waiting to freak out. She had thought about it, in a detached way. She had slept with a man, a person who was not the woman she had thought she would spend the rest of her life with. A few months ago the mere thought would have been incomprehensible, much less actually doing it.
But...Olivia is dead. That changed everything.
Natalia bit her lip and pushed against Phillip's chest to sit up. His hands slid down her sides as she did, letting her go if that was what she wanted.
"I should get dressed. I wasn't planning to be out late. I want to see Emma and Francesca tonight."
"Okay," Phillip said, shifting on the couch until he could look at her without having to crane his neck uncomfortably. "I'll call a car to take you home."
Natalia stood, feeling awkward and suddenly shy as she bent to gather her clothes, pulling them on hurriedly. As if sensing her unease Phillip rose and began to dress again too. It took away the pressure of knowing that he was watching her. She startled at the murmur of his voice behind her but then she realized he was on the phone not talking to her. Her shoes. She needed them. It felt even stranger being dressed like this and barefoot.
"Is this straight?" Phillip asked, turning to her a moment later as he tugged on his tie. "I don't have a mirror in here."
"Not quite." Natalia hesitated. "It's a little..." She gestured and Phillip adjusted a little more.
"Now?"
"No, just..." Natalia started to make another gesture, then gave herself a mental shake. She'd had sex with the man, straightening his tie for him was no big deal. "Here," she said, crossing the few steps between them. She had it straightened out and back in place in just a moment.
"Thank you." The extraordinary gentleness in his voice made Natalia jerk her gaze up to meet his eyes.
"You're welcome," she said, quickly turning away to find her shoes, slipping them on slowly, so that she could avoid him a moment longer. She had never really done this. Had casual sex. Especially not with someone she had considered a friend. She had no idea what he expected of her or of what she was willing to give.
She wasn't even certain how she felt about what she had done.
"Natalia," Phillip touched her elbow. "I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."
"You didn't," she denied too quickly.
"I did," Phillip countered. "But you don't have to be. This doesn't have to change anything."
"Doesn't it?" Her voice sounded high and strangled even to her own ears.
"No."
"The last time I had unprotected sex with a man, I was running away from my feelings for Olivia and got pregnant with Francesca."
Phillip had the gall to smile. "Well, there are similarities and differences in this case. You're still running from the way you feel about Olivia." She flinched as if he had shocked her with an electrical charge, but he continued. "But there's no chance of you getting pregnant. I had a vasectomy several years ago."
"You're trying to make me feel better," Natalia whispered.
"I am," he agreed.
"Why?"
"Because you're sad and in pain and I miss the way you smile."
Natalia didn't know what to make of that. She pushed it aside to puzzle over later. "Olivia always said that I made her a better person, happier." She rubbed at her forehead. "But without her I don't know how to be that person anymore."
"It will come back to you."
"I would rather she came back."
"I know."
"It feels like betraying her," Natalia admitted, wrapping her arms around her waist.
"You can't stay alone forever."
"That's something people say as an excuse. If I really loved her-"
"You'd refuse to let yourself have the smallest shred of happiness except for your children."
"Yes! That's what I should do. I shouldn't forget her so quickly."
"You haven't forgotten anything," Phillip corrected her. Gently he laid his hand over her heart. "You carry her with you everywhere."
"I'm not a child to be soothed by some saying."
Phillip drew back, looking insulted. "I wasn't treating you like a child." He folded his arms over his chest and smiled. "You haven't noticed, have you? You're acting more like her all the time. She's still a part of you - in everything you do - even though she's gone."
"Really?"
He nodded.
"I don't know whether that's sad or comforting," Natalia admitted.
"It can be whatever you want it to be."
Natalia nodded, letting him off the hook and glanced toward the door. "Do you think the car's ready?"
"They should be."
"Okay." She didn't know how they should part. Just walking away felt strange, but now, no longer in the heat of the moment, the thought of kissing him felt strange.
Phillip leaned back against his desk and gave her a smile that told her nothing at all. Finally Natalia stepped forward and put her arms around him. He held her loosely. When she made no attempt to move away again, he kissed the crown of her head. Natalia let go and stepped away.
"Good bye, Phillip."
"Tell Emma I love her."
It was the last thing he said each time they spoke. That tiny bit of normality steadied her.
"I will." She walked out without looking back. It felt like she didn't breathe again until she sagged against the seat of the limo and closed her eyes.
Olivia is dead...and she had slept with Phillip Spaulding. What was she going to do now? Natalia had no idea, but strangely enough the thought didn't bring with it any despair. She just felt the sleepy desire to see her children, wrap them in her arms and hold them tightly before she went to bed.
Anything else would be a problem for another day.
*** *** ***
Company was busy once again, swamped under the morning rush. Natalia had a table near the back. A few bites of muffin sat on a small plate next to a half-empty cup of coffee. The coffee was cold and Natalia hadn't bothered to refresh it. Working her way back through the crowd was too much effort and she didn't really care. She was here for the distraction, the noise and bustle of the place, not the food.
She was running the Beacon now, but she couldn't bear to sit in Olivia's office all day. Or for any time at all. Natalia knew that she would need to do something about that eventually, but not now. She had enough on her hands just keeping the Beacon afloat. She had learned a lot as Olivia's assistant, but there was still a learning curve and the pitfalls were steep and unforgiving.
She was hunting through several stacks of paper looking for a particular bid when she heard her name and looked up.
"...sit with Natalia. She's in the back there, working on something," Frank said genially. "She probably wouldn't mind."
"I don't want to intrude." Natalia couldn't see him, but she recognized the distinctive timbre of Phillip's voice and froze.
"Suit yourself," Frank said. "But it's the last seat in the house. Up to you, Buddy."
"Ah..."
Frank snorted. Natalia could hear it even over the clatter of silverware and roar of conversation. "Take your time. Let me know what you decide."
This was ridiculous, Natalia decided. She wasn't sure which was more so, Phillip's hesitation or the fact that she was hiding and pretending not to eavesdrop. She stood, shuffling the papers into several neat stacks and then slid out from the booth with her coffee mug in hand.
"Hey, Frank," Natalia greeted him with a tired, but genuine smile. "I was just looking for a refill."
"Oh, hey." He leaned over to casually kiss her cheek. "How's my favorite girl?"
Natalia gave a little smile. "Chessy's good. She's growing so fast now."
"Good," Frank said with a quick bob of his head. "I was really getting worried about her for a while there."
Natalia tensed, but Frank didn't go any further. He just took the mug from her and poured from the carafe he was carrying.
"Sorry I didn't get by your table sooner. We've been swamped. A couple of people didn't show so Pop asked me to fill in." He grinned. "Can't complain about the business though. It's better than the alternative."
"Definitely," she agreed. "And it's no problem." Natalia turned her attention to Phillip. "Hi."
"Natalia." The way he said her name sounded different. Or maybe she was just imagining it. "How are you?"
"I'm good." She gestured behind her. "Just working on a few things for the Beacon this morning."
"Ah." It was such a vague acknowledgement of what she had said, she wasn't sure how to interpret it.
"You don't mind a little company, do you?" Frank asked - mostly rhetorically - tilting his head toward Phillip and adding his most pleading smile as if that made a difference. "We're running out of tables this morning."
"Uh, sure, why not?" Natalia said, keeping her eyes firmly on Frank and not Phillip. Since she had left the Spaulding Mansion that night they hadn't really spoken except to coordinate Emma's plans or discuss issues concerning her. It had all been over the phone and done as quickly as possible. This was breaking the ice, Natalia supposed. Not letting the situation get anymore awkward than it already was. They would have to deal with each other eventually; it was inescapable. Now was infinitely preferable to later, when who knew what awkward situation could happen.
"I wouldn't want to intrude on your work."
Natalia wrinkled her nose. "Actually you might be able to help. I'm not familiar with the way some of these agreements are structured." Natalia wondered if she was just imagining the relief in Phillip's expression.
"I think we can work something out."
Natalia's eyebrows shot up.
"I don't usually do consultations for free. I do have a certain reputation to maintain when it comes to business."
"Oh, right," Natalia said, feeling a hint of embarrassment make her cheeks heat. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have-"
"He's just joking." Frank shot Phillip a look. "Or at least he'd better be. It's the least he can do for barging his way into your table."
Natalia felt like rolling her eyes. The only one who'd been doing any barging or pushing was Frank. But then that was nothing new.
"I don't barge," Phillip corrected him, his innocent words drawing a sharp look from Natalia. The moment their eyes met, she dropped her gaze like she'd been caught with her hand in the cookie jar.
Frank snorted. "Right." Then he shook his head and turned back toward the kitchen. "I'll have your order up just a minute.""
Natalia had a sudden urge to grab Frank's arm and refuse to let him go. She didn't...If it had been anyone but Frank... Then he was gone and she hadn't moved. Neither had Phillip. When she glanced up at him, he held out his hand, gesturing her ahead of him politely. Natalia smiled weakly and started walking. She slid into the booth, sitting where it would be farthest from Phillip unless he made an effort to scoot all the way around the opposite direction to sit near her.
"So how can I help?" Phillip asked.
"First of all, you have to stop doing that."
Phillip leaned back into the booth, crossing his legs beneath the table. "Doing what?"
"Acting so, so..." Natalia fumbled for words, at loss to define something so ephemeral yet so frustrating. "Like we - you know!"
"Ah." Phillip said, crossing his arms over his chest. He glanced down at the table. "I'm sorry if anything I did offended you. It wasn't my intention to act any differently and I hope you'll accept my apology."
"Right." She hadn't expected him to apologize so quickly - or at all. "I mean, yes, of course I accept." She was flustered and she hated the feeling. Natalia didn't want to be flustered. She wanted to be calm and unaffected - she wanted to be ignorant. It was supposed to be bliss, after all. She could use a little bliss in her life these days. "I just, I want things to be the way they were."
"I know," Phillip said with a steady nod. "And I'm not going to do anything to bring it up again." He held her gaze as he said it, letting her see his sincerity.
"Okay," Natalia said, sagging a little with relief. "Thank you."
"Good. Now that we have that out of the way, those agreements..."
"Right," Natalia said, hesitating for a moment before she remembered which stack she'd put those papers in and dove back in, her mind firmly back on work.
*** *** ***
Phillip had finished his breakfast and been gone for quite some time when Blake came up, leaning against the side of Natalia's booth.
"Need a refill?"
"No, thank you," Natalia said, glancing up from the reports in front of her. She was on a roll and didn't want to stop. Phillip's help had been invaluable. Once he had started to explain, she had caught on quickly, her insight into Olivia's thoughts making it more readily apparent what she had intended.
Blake nudged her shoulder with her elbow. "Is everything okay? I saw you talking with Phillip. You two seemed a little...weird."
"Oh, no, I don't think so," Natalia said as casually and dismissively as she could. It felt forced, but she knew if she gave the slightest hint of a reaction Blake would be all over it. The woman had an unparalleled nose for scandal and gossip.
But now Blake looked curious and that wasn't good. Curiosity was the last thing that Natalia had wanted to invite. "You don't think so? Shouldn't you know?" Blake hesitated. "You know if something strange is going on with Phillip you can tell me." She put her hand over Natalia's. Natalia tried not to flinch away from her. "I know Olivia's gone, but you're not alone, Natalia. You still have friends in this town - friends who are willing to stand up to Phillip Spaulding."
Natalia stopped and put her pen down, using it as an excuse to take her hand back and put in her lap, as she looked over at Blake. "I think you're reading too much into a simple answer. All I meant was that I don't know of a reason why things should be strange between us, but you never really know what someone else is thinking, do you?"
Blake eyed her carefully - suspiciously. "Okay, if that's what you want me to believe I'll let it go. But...that's not what I saw when I looked at the two of you. Something was wrong. Just know that I'll still be here whenever you're ready to tell me."
Natalia sank back against the booth and felt all the air squish out of the vinyl covered cushion behind her. "I don't know what to say to that, Blake."
Blake took it as an invitation, setting the coffee carafe and dropping the rag that had been draped over her arm down on the table and sliding into the seat across from Natalia.
"Why don't you start by telling me the truth about what's really going on with you and Phillip?"
*** *** ***
The sunlight outside Company was bright; it made Natalia squint and reach for her sunglasses. She slipped them on and pulled out her phone. She tapped it against her mouth twice, thinking, and then dialed a number that was becoming more and more familiar.
"Phillip. It's Natalia. I know we just spoke, but I think we need to talk. Meet me at the lighthouse."
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(I soooo want to be able to flip to the last pages)
"You're acting more like her all the time. She's still a part of you - in everything you do" I love that.
I miss her too.
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I think part of that is just Natalia using what she knows, so to speak, but also keeping Olivia close to her in an unintentional way.
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Phillip is so damn smart. Of course, what he points out is heartbreaking, but it is right on the button.
"But there's no chance of you getting pregnant. I had a vasectomy several years ago."
WHEW. *wipes brow*
"You haven't noticed, have you? You're acting more like her all the time. She's still a part of you - in everything you do - even though she's gone."
And again Phillip shows his brilliance.
Then you leave us hanging, wondering what all happened with Blake. Damn cliffs. *grumbles*
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Well, Phillip does know Olivia - and very well. Better than anyone except for Natalia I'd say. If anyone were to see it, I think it would be him. :)
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Please update soon!
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Thanks for reading!