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Title: Even If It Killed Her
Fandom: Guiding Light
Characters: Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, Frank Cooper, Emma Spencer, Blake Marler, Rafe Rivera
Category: Angst, with a side of angst. Romance.
Rating: Eventually NC-17, though for most of it, it could probably past for oh, PG probably.
Word count: 2057
Summary: Olivia will do whatever is necessary to make Natalia happy, even if it kills her.
Spoilers: Takes place around late April, early May '09, and contains spoilers for all events therein.
Author's Note: I see you there, sitting behind your computer, wondering why I'm posting this when I haven't even finished The Importance of Family yet. And you're right, but I'm still putting the finishing touches on that one, and this is all finished. It's sitting here on my computer, staring at me, daring me to post it. So posting it, I am.
Beta:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
jlynxi was awesome enough to beta this for me. It's very much appreciated because I know this is a lot of fic! And I should definitely give a big shout out to rysler for letting me bounce ideas off of her throughout the whole process of writing this fic.
Disclaimer: All characters (Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, Emma Spencer, Ava Peralta, blah blah etc.) and situations belong to Guiding Light, Telenext, Proctor & Gamble, etc. I'm not them.
And really I only have one more thing to say, but I think ya'll are going to like it: daily posts!
Part One || Part Two || Part Three || Part Four || Part Five || Part Six || Part Seven || Part Eight || Part Nine ||
Part Ten
Part Eleven
"Mommy?" Emma's plaintive tone was serious enough to jerk Olivia out of her brooding thoughts. Her gaze flicked upward to catch a glimpse of Emma in the rear view mirror to make certain that she was all right.
"Yes, Em?" She prompted, with as light of a voice as she could manage at the moment. Leaving the farmhouse had been a relief in its own way, except part of her couldn't help but picture what would happen after they left, Natalia snuggling up beside Frank on the couch and then later, because she hadn't already tortured herself enough apparently. Her relief had been overshadowed by the realities that she could no longer deny or try to wish away now that she had seen it first hand. Natalia really was married to Frank, as happy as a woman in love could be with her perfect man. She had to accept that fact and move on, or if not move on, then at least accept it for her sake and Natalia's. It would be easier on all of them if she could do that, but she wasn't capable of it, not yet. She still felt like she was trying to swim through rapidly drying concrete, everything closing in around her and locking her into someplace she desperately did not want to be even as she struggled to keep her head above water.
"Is being married supposed to make you happy?"
Olivia snorted. She couldn't help it. "I'm not sure I'm qualified to answer that, Jellybean," she said wryly.
Emma frowned, tiny wrinkles creasing her forehead. "But you've been married five times, haven't you, Mommy?"
"Well, I haven't been doing it right, if I've done it that many times, now have I?" Olivia said with rueful amusement. Then she sobered, a thought crossing her mind - not for the first time - of what if it hadn't been Frank standing at the end of that aisle waiting for Natalia, but herself? It was a thought full of too many impossibilities to mention, but every time she had it, her breath caught at the idea of it all. "But," she said more slowly. "I think that if you find the right person, then being married can make you very, very happy." She darted another quick glance at the rear view mirror and Emma's expression in it. "Is that what you wanted to know?"
Emma nodded without speaking but her expression didn't lighten and the small furrow between her brows only deepened. "But I don't think Natalia is happy."
"Oh, Baby," Olivia said, her voice full of compassion, touched that Emma would be so concerned about Natalia. "You don't have to worry about Natalia. Frank is a very good man and he's going to spend the rest of his life taking care of her and making sure she has everything she needs or wants." She tried to smile. "Besides, now Natalia has what she's always wanted - a home and a family - for her and for Rafe, a devoted husband and a great father figure. She is so happy because she's right where she's always wanted to be, and we should be happy for her too."
Should be, not was. Well, okay, she was trying to be happy for Natalia. All she wanted was for Natalia to be happy after all and if Frank was what she needed to make that happen, then Olivia wouldn't let anything get in the way of that, not even herself. She had already made that promise to herself, but it was good to be reminded before the sadness that lingered inside her made her consider doing something crazy. She was better than crazy now, stronger than that. Natalia had made her that way and she wouldn't slide back into being the old Olivia, the one who would do whatever it took - damn the consequences - to get whatever she wanted.
"She is not," Emma countered defiantly. "Didn't you see the look on her face tonight? She was so sad. She hated it! Especially when Uncle Frank forgot to say Grace."
"Emma," Olivia exclaimed, her voice colored by surprise. "That's not true. Natalia may have been..." She searched for a good word and then gave a mental shrug. "Surprised when Frank forgot, but that's all. She didn't mind, and we reminded him, remember? It was no big deal."
"Was too..." Emma murmured but she said it quietly enough that Olivia could pretend that she hadn't heard it.
"Hey," Olivia said, filling her voice with way too much enthusiasm as she attempted to change the subject. "What did you think of those houses today? Did you like any of them?"
"No," Emma said shortly, staring out the side window at the darkened scenery flashing past. She didn't want to talk about this right now, especially if Mommy wasn't going to believe her about Natalia. She was a kid, not stupid. She knew what it looked like when Natalia was sad. She had seen it often enough recently, even if her Mommy was always refusing to believe her about it.
"None of them?" Olivia asked with exaggerated disbelief. "Not even the one with the bedroom painted in princess pink, a huge bay window and a gigantic canopy bed?"
Emma folded her arms over her chest and scowled, shaking her head. "I didn't like it." She hesitated for a moment and then slumped into her seat, letting her arms fall down to her sides. "Can't we just move back into the farmhouse?" She blurted out quickly. "I know that we would make Natalia so happy. Please, Mommy. Please." She begged, leaning forward with her hands clasped together.
Olivia sighed heavily and Emma's hopes were dashed without Olivia ever having said a word. Emma felt the car come to a stop as Olivia pulled off onto the side of the road and put it in park. Olivia's eyes fell shut and she took a deep breath before she slipped off her seatbelt and turned around in her seat until she was facing Emma. She held out her hand until Emma took it and gently turned it over in her own, studying the thin lines of Emma's tiny palm.
"You really miss Natalia, huh?" She asked gently.
Emma knew that she didn't have to answer, that Olivia already knew the answer to that question, but she nodded anyway, barely able to choke back the lump in her throat and keep from crying.
"I'm sorry," Olivia whispered. "I know how much you loved the farmhouse and Natalia. It was our first real home." She bit her lip and her gaze dropped from Emma's back down to the tiny hand that she still held in her own. "I'm so sorry we had to leave it, but we can't go back. It's just not possible."
It hurt worse, hearing her mother say it so gently because it gave it a sense of finality that Emma knew meant there would be no way of getting around this one, no matter how many times she begged, pleaded, schemed or cajoled. The answer would still be no and that sucked.
"I promise you this, though, Jellybean," Olivia said, lifting her gaze to meet Emma's. "One day we are going to have a real home. It will be different, just the two of us, not like the farmhouse, but still a home. You'd like that, wouldn't you?"
For a heart-wrenching moment, Olivia didn't think Emma would even answer and then she gave a quick, teary nod. It was all Olivia could take. She quickly unsnapped Emma's seatbelt and pulled her forward until she could wrap her in an awkward but crushing hug over the center console.
The last thing she had wanted was for Emma to get hurt in all of this. It was why she had clung so carefully to her denials of what was happening between she and Natalia, and now it didn't matter anyway. Emma was hurting almost as badly as she was. Worst of all, she couldn't get what Emma had said about Natalia being sad out of her mind. The whole reason she had been content to walk away, had forced herself to play nicely with Frank was because she had thought that was what Natalia wanted, what she needed to be happy. If that wasn't the case... well, it had to be, because she couldn't bear to think about any other possibility.
Fandom: Guiding Light
Characters: Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, Frank Cooper, Emma Spencer, Blake Marler, Rafe Rivera
Category: Angst, with a side of angst. Romance.
Rating: Eventually NC-17, though for most of it, it could probably past for oh, PG probably.
Word count: 2057
Summary: Olivia will do whatever is necessary to make Natalia happy, even if it kills her.
Spoilers: Takes place around late April, early May '09, and contains spoilers for all events therein.
Author's Note: I see you there, sitting behind your computer, wondering why I'm posting this when I haven't even finished The Importance of Family yet. And you're right, but I'm still putting the finishing touches on that one, and this is all finished. It's sitting here on my computer, staring at me, daring me to post it. So posting it, I am.
Beta:
jlynxi was awesome enough to beta this for me. It's very much appreciated because I know this is a lot of fic! And I should definitely give a big shout out to rysler for letting me bounce ideas off of her throughout the whole process of writing this fic. Disclaimer: All characters (Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, Emma Spencer, Ava Peralta, blah blah etc.) and situations belong to Guiding Light, Telenext, Proctor & Gamble, etc. I'm not them.
And really I only have one more thing to say, but I think ya'll are going to like it: daily posts!
Part One || Part Two || Part Three || Part Four || Part Five || Part Six || Part Seven || Part Eight || Part Nine ||
Part Ten
Part Eleven
"Mommy?" Emma's plaintive tone was serious enough to jerk Olivia out of her brooding thoughts. Her gaze flicked upward to catch a glimpse of Emma in the rear view mirror to make certain that she was all right.
"Yes, Em?" She prompted, with as light of a voice as she could manage at the moment. Leaving the farmhouse had been a relief in its own way, except part of her couldn't help but picture what would happen after they left, Natalia snuggling up beside Frank on the couch and then later, because she hadn't already tortured herself enough apparently. Her relief had been overshadowed by the realities that she could no longer deny or try to wish away now that she had seen it first hand. Natalia really was married to Frank, as happy as a woman in love could be with her perfect man. She had to accept that fact and move on, or if not move on, then at least accept it for her sake and Natalia's. It would be easier on all of them if she could do that, but she wasn't capable of it, not yet. She still felt like she was trying to swim through rapidly drying concrete, everything closing in around her and locking her into someplace she desperately did not want to be even as she struggled to keep her head above water.
"Is being married supposed to make you happy?"
Olivia snorted. She couldn't help it. "I'm not sure I'm qualified to answer that, Jellybean," she said wryly.
Emma frowned, tiny wrinkles creasing her forehead. "But you've been married five times, haven't you, Mommy?"
"Well, I haven't been doing it right, if I've done it that many times, now have I?" Olivia said with rueful amusement. Then she sobered, a thought crossing her mind - not for the first time - of what if it hadn't been Frank standing at the end of that aisle waiting for Natalia, but herself? It was a thought full of too many impossibilities to mention, but every time she had it, her breath caught at the idea of it all. "But," she said more slowly. "I think that if you find the right person, then being married can make you very, very happy." She darted another quick glance at the rear view mirror and Emma's expression in it. "Is that what you wanted to know?"
Emma nodded without speaking but her expression didn't lighten and the small furrow between her brows only deepened. "But I don't think Natalia is happy."
"Oh, Baby," Olivia said, her voice full of compassion, touched that Emma would be so concerned about Natalia. "You don't have to worry about Natalia. Frank is a very good man and he's going to spend the rest of his life taking care of her and making sure she has everything she needs or wants." She tried to smile. "Besides, now Natalia has what she's always wanted - a home and a family - for her and for Rafe, a devoted husband and a great father figure. She is so happy because she's right where she's always wanted to be, and we should be happy for her too."
Should be, not was. Well, okay, she was trying to be happy for Natalia. All she wanted was for Natalia to be happy after all and if Frank was what she needed to make that happen, then Olivia wouldn't let anything get in the way of that, not even herself. She had already made that promise to herself, but it was good to be reminded before the sadness that lingered inside her made her consider doing something crazy. She was better than crazy now, stronger than that. Natalia had made her that way and she wouldn't slide back into being the old Olivia, the one who would do whatever it took - damn the consequences - to get whatever she wanted.
"She is not," Emma countered defiantly. "Didn't you see the look on her face tonight? She was so sad. She hated it! Especially when Uncle Frank forgot to say Grace."
"Emma," Olivia exclaimed, her voice colored by surprise. "That's not true. Natalia may have been..." She searched for a good word and then gave a mental shrug. "Surprised when Frank forgot, but that's all. She didn't mind, and we reminded him, remember? It was no big deal."
"Was too..." Emma murmured but she said it quietly enough that Olivia could pretend that she hadn't heard it.
"Hey," Olivia said, filling her voice with way too much enthusiasm as she attempted to change the subject. "What did you think of those houses today? Did you like any of them?"
"No," Emma said shortly, staring out the side window at the darkened scenery flashing past. She didn't want to talk about this right now, especially if Mommy wasn't going to believe her about Natalia. She was a kid, not stupid. She knew what it looked like when Natalia was sad. She had seen it often enough recently, even if her Mommy was always refusing to believe her about it.
"None of them?" Olivia asked with exaggerated disbelief. "Not even the one with the bedroom painted in princess pink, a huge bay window and a gigantic canopy bed?"
Emma folded her arms over her chest and scowled, shaking her head. "I didn't like it." She hesitated for a moment and then slumped into her seat, letting her arms fall down to her sides. "Can't we just move back into the farmhouse?" She blurted out quickly. "I know that we would make Natalia so happy. Please, Mommy. Please." She begged, leaning forward with her hands clasped together.
Olivia sighed heavily and Emma's hopes were dashed without Olivia ever having said a word. Emma felt the car come to a stop as Olivia pulled off onto the side of the road and put it in park. Olivia's eyes fell shut and she took a deep breath before she slipped off her seatbelt and turned around in her seat until she was facing Emma. She held out her hand until Emma took it and gently turned it over in her own, studying the thin lines of Emma's tiny palm.
"You really miss Natalia, huh?" She asked gently.
Emma knew that she didn't have to answer, that Olivia already knew the answer to that question, but she nodded anyway, barely able to choke back the lump in her throat and keep from crying.
"I'm sorry," Olivia whispered. "I know how much you loved the farmhouse and Natalia. It was our first real home." She bit her lip and her gaze dropped from Emma's back down to the tiny hand that she still held in her own. "I'm so sorry we had to leave it, but we can't go back. It's just not possible."
It hurt worse, hearing her mother say it so gently because it gave it a sense of finality that Emma knew meant there would be no way of getting around this one, no matter how many times she begged, pleaded, schemed or cajoled. The answer would still be no and that sucked.
"I promise you this, though, Jellybean," Olivia said, lifting her gaze to meet Emma's. "One day we are going to have a real home. It will be different, just the two of us, not like the farmhouse, but still a home. You'd like that, wouldn't you?"
For a heart-wrenching moment, Olivia didn't think Emma would even answer and then she gave a quick, teary nod. It was all Olivia could take. She quickly unsnapped Emma's seatbelt and pulled her forward until she could wrap her in an awkward but crushing hug over the center console.
The last thing she had wanted was for Emma to get hurt in all of this. It was why she had clung so carefully to her denials of what was happening between she and Natalia, and now it didn't matter anyway. Emma was hurting almost as badly as she was. Worst of all, she couldn't get what Emma had said about Natalia being sad out of her mind. The whole reason she had been content to walk away, had forced herself to play nicely with Frank was because she had thought that was what Natalia wanted, what she needed to be happy. If that wasn't the case... well, it had to be, because she couldn't bear to think about any other possibility.
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Very tender scene between the Spencer girls.
And Olivia's moment of almost clarity at the end broke my heart completely.
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Ah screw it. if the adults won't do it, maybe emma can do some parent trap sabotaging/mischief. ;)
Joke aside, can't wait to see what happens next.
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Hmm....what does Olivia do when she accepts the truth that Natalia isn't happy with Frank.
Waiting for more! :)
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I really do love Olivia and Emma together. The way that Olivia has always tried to be a good mom, even when she wasn't perfect at it, has always been one of my favorite things about Olivia.
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Get story cant wait to the next part
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The scene between Em and Olivia was so sweet and heartbreaking.
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"She is not," Emma countered defiantly. "Didn't you see the look on her face tonight? She was so sad. She hated it! - Ah, a very observant 'bean!
"Can't we just move back into the farmhouse?" She blurted out quickly. "I know that we would make Natalia so happy. Please, Mommy. Please." She begged, leaning forward with her hands clasped together. - You're killing me, Emma