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Title: Even If It Killed Her
Fandom: Guiding Light
Characters: Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, Frank Cooper, Emma Spencer, Blake Marler, Rafe Rivera
Category: Angst, with a side of angst. Romance.
Rating: Eventually NC-17, though for most of it, it could probably past for oh, PG probably.
Word count: 1072
Summary: Olivia will do whatever is necessary to make Natalia happy, even if it kills her.
Spoilers: Takes place around late April, early May '09, and contains spoilers for all events therein.
Author's Note: I see you there, sitting behind your computer, wondering why I'm posting this when I haven't even finished The Importance of Family yet. And you're right, but I'm still putting the finishing touches on that one, and this is all finished. It's sitting here on my computer, staring at me, daring me to post it. So posting it, I am.
Beta:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
jlynxi was awesome enough to beta this for me. It's very much appreciated because I know this is a lot of fic! And I should definitely give a big shout out to rysler for letting me bounce ideas off of her throughout the whole process of writing this fic.
Disclaimer: All characters (Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, Emma Spencer, Ava Peralta, blah blah etc.) and situations belong to Guiding Light, Telenext, Proctor & Gamble, etc. I'm not them.
And really I only have one more thing to say, but I think ya'll are going to like it: daily posts!
Extended Author's Note: Ya'll aren't going to like this part. I'll say that straight up. My beta asked me if it wasn't gratuitous and unnecessary. I went back, re-read it and decided that no, there was a point that I was trying to make and I thought it needed to be illustrated thusly. Feel free to yell at me about in the comments and I'll be happy to elaborate on my thoughts.
Part One || Part Two || Part Three
Part Four
Frank was sitting on her couch, beer in hand and feet propped up on the coffee table. His shoes had been kicked off on to the floor and Natalia could see a hole in the heel of his sock. The noise of a distant cheering crowd droned in the background indicating that he was watching the game. It still startled her to see him on her couch, in her house, instead of Olivia and Emma.
"Hey, Baby," Frank said with the biggest smile she had seen. "You're home."
Natalia tried to smile. "I am."
Neither of them seemed to know what to say to one another after that and the moment stretched just a little bit too long, spilling over into awkward silence. Natalia was racking her brain for an excuse to leave the room, when Frank held his arm out to her. There was no reason for her to turn away, at least none she could explain, and she should be happy to see him.
She forced her smile a little bit wider and crossed the distance to the couch, slipping down beside him. One hand pressed over his heart, keeping some distance between them. Frank's grin grew bigger and he tipped his head down to kiss her. Natalia let him. It wasn't the first time and now that she was married to him it wouldn't be the last. He wasn't a bad kisser. She responded to the pressure of his lips on hers and let her eyes drift closed. The problem was the lips she imagined against hers were softer and sweeter than the chapped reality. Stubble grated against her cheek instead of the soft touch of exquisitely smooth skin. Her eyes snapped open, pushing her back to the here and now. This was what she had chosen. Now she just had to live with it. It was easier somehow when it was staring her in the face and she wasn't free to imagine anything else.
When Frank finally broke the kiss he was looking at her with something she had never seen in his eyes before and a hopefulness that was all too familiar. "You know," he said in a breathless whisper. "I'm really glad you're home."
Natalia wasn't sure what to say to that, not wanting to reopen the discussion of what had happened today even if she was angry with him for just barging into Olivia's life. It was her own fault. She hadn't told Frank she wanted to keep working and stood by it. He only thought he was helping to give her what she wanted. Only he didn't know what she really wanted. No one did, except maybe... But now wasn't the time to be thinking about that. She was here with Frank, her husband, and he was still talking.
"This is the first time we've really had a chance to be alone together. Isn't it great?"
"Mmm," she murmured noncommittally.
Frank's hand was trailing up and down her arm and his other hand had slipped around her waist. "I was thinking," he said in a conspiratorial tone. "Maybe dinner could wait a while?"
And suddenly Natalia realized where this was going. With Rafe in the house their wedding night had been more of a family celebration, her celebration of finally having her son back home where he belonged, even if it was only for a week. When they had gone to bed that first night it had been late and Frank hadn't pushed, content to have her in his arms, and she had been grateful for that. Now that Rafe was gone it seemed like he didn't want to wait anymore. Natalia couldn't blame him. After all, how many men would have put aside their wedding night for a week because her teenage son was finally home from prison. Not many. It was only fair.
She should have been expecting it actually; it wasn't like she didn't know what happened when someone got married. She had certainly been looking forward to it when she married Gus. The only thing she could think about though was the way she had felt so disturbed and dirty after she had slept with Frank for the first time. That had been for all the wrong reasons though and went directly against what she believed in, that sex was a sacred act to be undertaken only under the sacraments of marriage. Without that guilt hanging over her head, maybe this time it would be better, maybe this time it would feel right, giving herself to her husband.
She smiled tremulously up at him, hoping he would think it was from nerves and her natural reserve, rather than what she was really feeling. Because she was going to do this. She had made up her mind. "I think that sounds like a great idea," Natalia said, leaning forward and erasing the distance between them.
Frank let out a delighted, booming laugh and before she could say anything else he scooped her up off the couch and carried her toward the stairs.
"Frank," she practically shrieked, grabbing at his arm. "Put me down," she said, lowering her voice with an effort.
"It's okay, Baby," he said with a smile. "I'm not going to drop you. I work out all the time and you don't weigh a thing."
She was glad when they reached the bedroom that after an awkward moment of indecision he put her down on her feet instead of setting her on the bed. She didn't think she was ready for that.
Frank pulled her close, slipping one hand into her hair and kissed her again. She let him kiss her and touch her and tried her best not to think at all because every time her eyes slipped closed her mind and heart betrayed her.
She tried, she really did. Maybe it would be different; maybe she was just a naturally reserved person and she needed to try harder, to let Frank break through the shell around her heart. She got bolder, slipping her hands under Frank's shirt and pulling it up over his head. She hardly noticed him tugging at her blouse and palming her breast in his hand as she worked the fly of his pants.
But even when she was on her knees in front of him, drawing out nothing but incoherent groans and "Oh, God, Baby's", the only thing she could feel was empty.
Fandom: Guiding Light
Characters: Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, Frank Cooper, Emma Spencer, Blake Marler, Rafe Rivera
Category: Angst, with a side of angst. Romance.
Rating: Eventually NC-17, though for most of it, it could probably past for oh, PG probably.
Word count: 1072
Summary: Olivia will do whatever is necessary to make Natalia happy, even if it kills her.
Spoilers: Takes place around late April, early May '09, and contains spoilers for all events therein.
Author's Note: I see you there, sitting behind your computer, wondering why I'm posting this when I haven't even finished The Importance of Family yet. And you're right, but I'm still putting the finishing touches on that one, and this is all finished. It's sitting here on my computer, staring at me, daring me to post it. So posting it, I am.
Beta:
jlynxi was awesome enough to beta this for me. It's very much appreciated because I know this is a lot of fic! And I should definitely give a big shout out to rysler for letting me bounce ideas off of her throughout the whole process of writing this fic. Disclaimer: All characters (Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, Emma Spencer, Ava Peralta, blah blah etc.) and situations belong to Guiding Light, Telenext, Proctor & Gamble, etc. I'm not them.
And really I only have one more thing to say, but I think ya'll are going to like it: daily posts!
Extended Author's Note: Ya'll aren't going to like this part. I'll say that straight up. My beta asked me if it wasn't gratuitous and unnecessary. I went back, re-read it and decided that no, there was a point that I was trying to make and I thought it needed to be illustrated thusly. Feel free to yell at me about in the comments and I'll be happy to elaborate on my thoughts.
Part One || Part Two || Part Three
Part Four
Frank was sitting on her couch, beer in hand and feet propped up on the coffee table. His shoes had been kicked off on to the floor and Natalia could see a hole in the heel of his sock. The noise of a distant cheering crowd droned in the background indicating that he was watching the game. It still startled her to see him on her couch, in her house, instead of Olivia and Emma.
"Hey, Baby," Frank said with the biggest smile she had seen. "You're home."
Natalia tried to smile. "I am."
Neither of them seemed to know what to say to one another after that and the moment stretched just a little bit too long, spilling over into awkward silence. Natalia was racking her brain for an excuse to leave the room, when Frank held his arm out to her. There was no reason for her to turn away, at least none she could explain, and she should be happy to see him.
She forced her smile a little bit wider and crossed the distance to the couch, slipping down beside him. One hand pressed over his heart, keeping some distance between them. Frank's grin grew bigger and he tipped his head down to kiss her. Natalia let him. It wasn't the first time and now that she was married to him it wouldn't be the last. He wasn't a bad kisser. She responded to the pressure of his lips on hers and let her eyes drift closed. The problem was the lips she imagined against hers were softer and sweeter than the chapped reality. Stubble grated against her cheek instead of the soft touch of exquisitely smooth skin. Her eyes snapped open, pushing her back to the here and now. This was what she had chosen. Now she just had to live with it. It was easier somehow when it was staring her in the face and she wasn't free to imagine anything else.
When Frank finally broke the kiss he was looking at her with something she had never seen in his eyes before and a hopefulness that was all too familiar. "You know," he said in a breathless whisper. "I'm really glad you're home."
Natalia wasn't sure what to say to that, not wanting to reopen the discussion of what had happened today even if she was angry with him for just barging into Olivia's life. It was her own fault. She hadn't told Frank she wanted to keep working and stood by it. He only thought he was helping to give her what she wanted. Only he didn't know what she really wanted. No one did, except maybe... But now wasn't the time to be thinking about that. She was here with Frank, her husband, and he was still talking.
"This is the first time we've really had a chance to be alone together. Isn't it great?"
"Mmm," she murmured noncommittally.
Frank's hand was trailing up and down her arm and his other hand had slipped around her waist. "I was thinking," he said in a conspiratorial tone. "Maybe dinner could wait a while?"
And suddenly Natalia realized where this was going. With Rafe in the house their wedding night had been more of a family celebration, her celebration of finally having her son back home where he belonged, even if it was only for a week. When they had gone to bed that first night it had been late and Frank hadn't pushed, content to have her in his arms, and she had been grateful for that. Now that Rafe was gone it seemed like he didn't want to wait anymore. Natalia couldn't blame him. After all, how many men would have put aside their wedding night for a week because her teenage son was finally home from prison. Not many. It was only fair.
She should have been expecting it actually; it wasn't like she didn't know what happened when someone got married. She had certainly been looking forward to it when she married Gus. The only thing she could think about though was the way she had felt so disturbed and dirty after she had slept with Frank for the first time. That had been for all the wrong reasons though and went directly against what she believed in, that sex was a sacred act to be undertaken only under the sacraments of marriage. Without that guilt hanging over her head, maybe this time it would be better, maybe this time it would feel right, giving herself to her husband.
She smiled tremulously up at him, hoping he would think it was from nerves and her natural reserve, rather than what she was really feeling. Because she was going to do this. She had made up her mind. "I think that sounds like a great idea," Natalia said, leaning forward and erasing the distance between them.
Frank let out a delighted, booming laugh and before she could say anything else he scooped her up off the couch and carried her toward the stairs.
"Frank," she practically shrieked, grabbing at his arm. "Put me down," she said, lowering her voice with an effort.
"It's okay, Baby," he said with a smile. "I'm not going to drop you. I work out all the time and you don't weigh a thing."
She was glad when they reached the bedroom that after an awkward moment of indecision he put her down on her feet instead of setting her on the bed. She didn't think she was ready for that.
Frank pulled her close, slipping one hand into her hair and kissed her again. She let him kiss her and touch her and tried her best not to think at all because every time her eyes slipped closed her mind and heart betrayed her.
She tried, she really did. Maybe it would be different; maybe she was just a naturally reserved person and she needed to try harder, to let Frank break through the shell around her heart. She got bolder, slipping her hands under Frank's shirt and pulling it up over his head. She hardly noticed him tugging at her blouse and palming her breast in his hand as she worked the fly of his pants.
But even when she was on her knees in front of him, drawing out nothing but incoherent groans and "Oh, God, Baby's", the only thing she could feel was empty.
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