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Title: The Importance of Family
Fandom: Guiding Light
Characters: Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, Ava Peralta, Emma Spencer, Jeffrey O'neil
Category: Angst, but the good kind. Romance, Drama.
Rating: R...I'm gonna say because there are some disturbing themes explored in here and some violence, although I don't think either is described in graphic detail.
Word count: 4,564
Summary: Life goes on. Sometimes it throws you a curveball and you never know what's coming your way on any given day.
Spoilers: Takes place around Thanksgiving '10, and includes the events of the finale.
Author's Note: This fic is solely for![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
kelltwomyn. I was bemoaning the fact that I wasn't going to be able to afford a Venice subscription and she swooped in and got when for me when I said I'd be willing to offer fic in exchange. I hope this fic is both somewhat what you were hoping for and also worth your ten bucks and the wait. I really have enjoyed Venice so far. Thank you. :)
Beta: Many thanks toq_wordy13 for beta'ing this for me! Your insights, comments, suggestions and encouragement have all been very much appreciated! :D
Disclaimer: All characters (Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, Emma Spencer, Ava Peralta, blah blah etc.) and situations belong to Guiding Light, Telenext, Proctor & Gamble, etc. I'm not them.
Warning: This story eventually deals with Olivia's rape. I don't think it's discussed graphically, but I don't want anyone to stumble upon it unaware either.
Part One
Part Two
Driving like a bat out of hell wasn't an apt comparison for how Olivia drove to the park. It was too tame. There had been a moment, standing in the kitchen with Natalia and Francesca sleeping upstairs, where Olivia had thought she would go insane, her heart and mind torn in two opposite directions. She needed to get to the park, to find out what had happened to her daughters and make certain that they were both okay. It was a need so visceral that it overrode almost everything else.
Everything except for the knowledge that if she left the farmhouse, she would be leaving Francesca and Natalia alone and she could no more abandon them than she could not go running to Emma and Ava. It was an impossible situation, and she certainly wasn't going to take Natalia and Francesca with her, bringing them into more danger. For one long moment, all Olivia could do was look at Natalia with wild, panicking eyes. It was Natalia who broke her internal stalemate.
"Go," Natalia commanded her simply, her hand pressing against Olivia's cheek, forcing her to meet Natalia's gaze. "Go find them. Call me as soon as you know-" Her voice wavered as she hesitated over how to finish her thought. "Anything. We'll be fine here. I'll call Frank to send out some officers out here."
She was sure that Frank would be part of the group of police officers already scrambling toward the park, but she didn't want to remind Olivia of that. Frank's presence wouldn't be a comfort to her, and the reminder of why the police were necessary would only terrify her more.
"Go," Natalia repeated once more, and Olivia didn't waste any more time, but nodded and rushed to the door, pausing only to grab her car keys.
And she had gone. It had taken her less than half the time that it usually did to get to the park and she arrived to a milling swirl of chaos. Police officers were everywhere, taping off areas and herding civilians toward ambulances. Paramedics were moving through the crowd, trying to ascertain who, if anyone, had been injured. The noise was almost deafening. Police officers called loudly to one another while radios squawked and people cried out in panicky voices, searching for loved ones and desperately calling out for help.
It was a mess, but all Olivia cared about was finding her daughters. Olivia caught the first police officer by the shoulder and spun him around, stopping in his tracks.
"I need to find my daughters."
"And I've got a whole crime scene to deal with here, Lady. Check with the paramedics." He tried to turn away, but her fingers dug painfully into his arm stopping him in his tracks.
"Emma - Emma's about this tall." Olivia held her hand up approximating her daughter's height. "She has dark blonde hair, and green eyes. Her older sister - Ava - she has dark hair. Like mine." She touched her hair. Not her natural color, but it was actually the same as Ava's at the moment. Useful that. "She's tall, taller than me, and thin. Short hair." Olivia knew it wasn't the best description. She could do better, say something that would make him remember her daughters, but all she could think to say was coming out in spurts. It was unlike her to be so scattered in a crisis, but then no crisis had never endangered both of her daughters like this before. "You have to help me find them," she repeated.
"Okay, Lady," the cop said slowly, his hand covering hers as he gently tried to pry her fingers away from his arms. "I'll help you find 'em. C'mon." He reached out to take Olivia's arm, but she snatched it away, wary of his sudden change of heart. He held his hands up in a gesture of surrender. "I'm just gonna take you over here," he pointed at a spot several yards away where a group of people milled uneasily. "You can start talking to people. Maybe someone will remember your kids."
Olivia nodded, the lump in her throat making it almost impossible for her to speak. Her heart was pounding wildly in her chest and all she could think was a frantic litany of her daughters' over and over. It was better than thinking of what she had imagined on the drive across town - all of the things that could have happened to them. She sucked in a ragged gasp of air as the possibility that she could actually lose her daughters hit her again. "Have they sent anyone to the hospital?"
"A couple of people," her police officer answered. "But no kids, Lady."
"Ava's not a kid," she snapped. "She's a grown woman."
Not wishing to provoke a repeat of her earlier actions, he jumped back in quickly before she could say anything else. "Listen, I'll go check on who we've sent to the hospital while you talk to these people. I'll let you know as soon as I've found out something." He patted her once, awkwardly on the shoulder and then vanished into the crowd.
Olivia's eyes narrowed as she stared after him. "Why do I have the feeling I'm never going to see him again?" It was a rhetorical question and any other time such cowardice and lack of helpfulness would have sent her after him to leave him with a blistering speech he wouldn't soon forget. Right now, she didn't have time. If he was that incompetent, then she would do better on her own.
Squaring her shoulders, Olivia prepared to duck back into the fray, intending to get answers and find her daughters whether anyone was willing to help her or not.
"Mommy!"
Olivia recognized the familiar sound of Emma's voice even in the form of the shrill, scared cry that it came out as. She spun around instantly, her heart leaping with hope for the first time since she had arrived, struggling to orient herself in the direction that Emma's voice had come from.
"Emma!" She answered, still frantically searching back and forth for Emma, and hopefully, Ava. She spun around once more, stopping randomly and realized that she was face to face with both of them, although they were still several yards away.
Emma was up in Ava's arms, clinging tightly to her sister. Only catching sight of Olivia had drawn her a little bit away from Ava and given her room to breathe. Ava seemed to be holding on to Emma just as tightly, refusing to let Emma down to run to Olivia as she quickly crossed the remaining distance between them.
"Emma," Olivia breathed her daughter's name again, as she ran a trembling hair over her daughter's hair. Emma reached for her, throwing her arms around Olivia's neck and as if they'd practiced it for years, Olivia took her from Ava without Emma's feet ever touching the ground.
Emma was much bigger since the last time she had held her this way, but her weight was hardly noticeable as Olivia held her close. She breathed in the familiar scent of Emma's shampoo and closed her eyes, willing her racing heart to slow. She had Emma once again, safe in her arms. Everything would be all right. Opening her eyes, she turned her attention to Ava.
"Are you okay?" She wished she had a free hand so that she could pull Ava closer her, give her a hug and make sure that she too was okay. There was no way that was putting Emma down at the moment, however. Not with Emma's head buried against her neck and small hitching sobs coming from her daughter.
"I was so scared, Mommy. It was loud and everybody was screaming, but Ava said it would be okay."
"And she was right, wasn't she, Jellybean?" Olivia said, struggling to sound like her usual, calm, confident, and in control self. That was what she needed, not to frighten Emma anymore. Tears welled in her eyes as she looked over at Ava. "Thank you," she mouthed the words to her, still wishing she could pull her closer. Thank you for taking care of Emma, taking care of yourself. I couldn't have lived without either of you.
It was a thought she needed to get out of her head.
Ava nodded in acknowledgment, her arms wrapped tightly around herself. She looked just as shaky as Olivia felt, and Olivia wondered not for the first time just what the hell had happened here.
"Do you need a paramedic? They have ambulances just over there?" She ran her hand over Emma's hair again, reassuring herself that she was okay as she pressed a kiss to the top of her head.
"No, I'm fine, Mom," Ava said with a shake of her head. "We were fine, really. It was-" She shook her head. "It's crazy. I still can't believe it. Mom-" But whatever Ava was about to say was lost as something behind Ava caught Olivia's attention - a glimpse of a familiar face.
"Jeffrey?" His name spilled off her lips in disbelief. How the hell could he be alive? His plane had gone down and Josh and Reva had gone down to confirm that there was a body inside the plane. Seeing him standing there in front of her, Olivia felt insane. It was impossible. "Why aren't you dead?" The moment she blurted it out, at a loss for what else to say, Olivia knew it had been the wrong thing. The pained look in Ava's brown eyes said it all.
"Mom!" Ava protested, her voice filled with horror as she rushed to her father's side.
Jeffrey snorted softly, wiping sweat from his brow with his arm. "It's good to see you too, Olivia."
Letting Emma slide down her body, she still kept one arm wrapped around her. Emma didn't look like she planned to go very far, still pressing herself against Olivia's side, leaving no space between them.
"What are you doing here?" Olivia repeated. "You're supposed to be dead. We had a funeral for you. Reva, does she know you're still alive?" She laughed, hollowly. "Of course, you wouldn't let your wife think you were dead. Was I the only one who didn't know, Jeffrey?"
"No, no, Olivia, it wasn't like that." Jeffrey let out a heavy sigh. "Reva doesn't know. If she had-" He hesitated and started again. "Edmund threatened to come after my family, Olivia, unless I left them alone. He wanted to hurt Reva, so I've been trying to stop him before he could follow through on his threats. That's why everyone had to think I was dead."
"So why are you here then? Surely you didn't think you could come back to Springfield and keep pretending to be dead. No one in this town can keep a damn secret." And hadn't that come back to bite her in the ass more than once. She had learned that lesson the hard way. There was only one way to keep a secret, and that was to not tell anyone. But Natalia. Natalia could keep a secret. They had kept their relationship a secret for months.
It had been, Olivia reflected idly, one of the best kept secrets in Springfield history. So good that no one but people who had been told or found out directly, like Rafe, had known that she and Natalia had been in a relationship when Natalia left town.
"I was following Edmund," Jeffrey said, sinking into a seat on the bench behind him. "I knew I couldn't let him out of my sight while he was here, so I followed him into the park. He saw me and started shooting. It wasn't my choice, Olivia. I didn't want to have it out there, but I had to stop him now. Before he could hurt anyone else."
Something about what he said caught her attention. She pushed her hair back out of her face as her mind worked through it quickly. She froze, mid-motion when realization hit. Surely, he wouldn't have....
Very slowly, very calmly, she leaned down pressing another kiss to Emma's forehead and steered her over to her sister. Ava reached out for her immediately and, when she did, saw something in Olivia's eyes that made her draw Emma to her side and straighten quickly.
"Mom-"
Olivia didn't wait for her to finish speaking. She held up her hand, sharply cutting Ava off and stepped forward, close enough to Jeffrey that he was forced to stand up or have her tower over him. "What wasn't your choice, Jeffrey?"
"Olivia, let me explain before you jump to conclusions."
"No," she cut him off, putting a hand on his chest and pushing him. He fell back into a seat on the bench heavily. "Because I know that you are not telling me that you saw my daughters - our daughter, Jeffrey - in that park and you went after Edmund anyway. You forced a confrontation with him when it could have happened anytime, anywhere. You knew he would start shooting when he saw you and you did it anyway. They could have been killed, Jeffrey!"
"Mom!" This time Ava's cry was indignant and commanding. "You're scaring Emma," she hissed much more quietly, but no more gently.
"She's right, Olivia," Jeffrey said, not making an attempt to rise again, but leaning into the back of the bench comfortably as if it had been his choice to sit down there. "You need to relax. It's bad for your heart to get all worked up like this. Nothing happened to Emma or Ava. They're both fine. There's no need to dwell on it now."
But Olivia was too furious to be diverted by Jeffrey's casual comment, it only succeeded in angering her further. Her daughters had been in danger because of Jeffrey, because he had pursued Edmund and gotten into a gunfight with him in the middle of a public park in the middle of the day. Ava and Emma could have been hurt - could have died - because of Jeffrey and Edmund and this never-ending vendetta, and all Jeffrey had done was dismiss her concerns because the worst hadn't actually happened.
Olivia took a deep breath and tried to calm down. It didn't work. She needed Natalia. She dismissed the thought almost as soon as it had formed. She didn't want Natalia anywhere near this park or Jeffrey at the moment. Her hands trembled, not from fear or nerves, but from sheer uncontrollable anger.
"I've done dwelling, Jeffrey," Olivia spat out. "This is not dwelling. You endangered our daughter and you know what? If you had to do it over again, you would do the same thing. I've forgiven you for a lot of things, but I won't ever forgive you for that." She brushed past him, touching Emma's shoulder and guiding her gently toward her car. "C'mon, Jellybean. We're going home now."
She touched Ava's wrist as she moved past her, intending to bring Ava with them, but Ava jerked away from her. Olivia looked up into brown eyes flashing with anger as Ava took a step back from her, shaking her head.
"I have to stay and talk to the police," Ava said firmly.
"Frank knows where to find us if he needs to talk to you," Olivia countered in a tightly controlled voice.
"I want to stay with Dad until he's released." This time Ava couldn't keep the defiant edge out of her voice.
Olivia wanted to scream, rage, demand to know why Ava had always taken Jeffrey's side and refused to see her own, but she said nothing. Her left hand clenched into a fist, her knuckles turning white as she made an effort to choke it down. Only her other hand on Emma's shoulder kept her from losing it.
"Fine." If that was what Ava wanted...
*** *** ***
She called Natalia once they were in the car and on their way to let Natalia know that Emma and Ava were both okay, but she kept the conversation short and clipped, telling Natalia nothing but that they were fine.
Olivia was worried about Emma, sitting in the backseat and staying unnaturally quiet for the whole drive back to the farmhouse. It was probably normal for her to be upset about the morning's events, Olivia reasoned. Anyone would have been terrified and Emma was still just a little girl - even if she often acted far older, smarter and braver than most little girls her age.
Seeing her normally vivacious daughter so withdrawn, however, was a cause for concern, and she darted glances at her in the rear view mirror all the way back to the farmhouse, her thoughts pinned on only one thing: getting back to Natalia and their home.
The moment Olivia had parked the car, Natalia came out the front door, pulling her long, grey sweater more tightly around her against the chill in the air. Her face was a mask of worry as Olivia and Emma walked toward her and the moment she saw Emma's still somber, worried face, she immediately held her arms out for her.
For the first time since she had found them at the park, Emma left Olivia's side and ran ahead of her as she usually did, and straight into Natalia's arms.
"What's wrong, baby?" Natalia asked, wrapping her arms around Emma and holding her close. She met Olivia's eyes with a questioning look, but what she saw there only worried her more. "Ava?" She mouthed to Olivia.
"She's fine," Olivia said firmly, but the hard set of her jaw didn't relax any at the words. "She'll be home later." Olivia let out a small sigh and pinched the bridge of her nose. "It's a long story."
She couldn't keep from reaching out to put her hand on Emma's shoulder. She needed the contact to reassure her that Emma really was all right. Hearing screams and gunshots through her cell phone and not knowing what was happening to her daughters had been one of the most terrifying moments of her life.
Tears began to well in her eyes and she sucked in a deep breath, holding it for a long moment to push back the emotion that she had buried until she could make certain that everything was okay. Coming back home and seeing Natalia seemed to have signaled to her body that it was okay to let out all of the emotions she had been holding back, but she couldn't let herself break down yet. She needed to be strong for Emma and not frighten her any more than she already had been.
"Come on," Natalia said softly. "Let's go inside." Her hand brushed up against Olivia's, her finger stroking the palm of her hand until Olivia reached back and slid their fingers together. Immediately Olivia felt calmer as she allowed Natalia to lead both of them inside.
"You know what?" Natalia asked as they stood in the small living room. "I think we could all use some hot chocolate right now. What do you think, Emma? Would you help me?"
Emma nodded, her face brightening for the first time since Olivia had brought her home from the park.
"Great. Thank you," Natalia said with an answering as Emma took her other hand and began to pull her toward the kitchen. She squeezed Olivia's arm reassuringly, and brushed her lips with a brief, chaste kiss. "It's going to be okay," she said for Olivia's ears only.
Olivia tried to muster a smile, grateful for what Natalia was doing, distracting Emma, cheering her up and keeping her occupied, but it was a poor imitation of her usual happiness. Worry for Emma had distracted her from thoughts of Ava and her anger at Jeffrey and what he had done, but now, left on her own in the living room with nothing to distract her, it was all coming back.
Olivia paced from one side of the small room to the other, trying to calm her racing thoughts, but it only seemed to make it worse. Jeffrey's patronizing voice, dismissing her concerns and urging her to calm down for the sake of her heart echoed in her head. Funny, she thought angrily, how Natalia expressing the same thoughts would have stopped her, if not for her own sake, then because the worry, clearly evident in Natalia's voice would have tugged at her heart until she stopped and calmed for Natalia's sake. With Jeffrey his concern was not the same real worry for her, but a convenient excuse, a way to calm the furious woman in front of him to avoid being forced to take responsibility for the disastrous consequences his actions could very well have resulted in.
A knock on the door startled Olivia out of her thoughts. Her expression darkened, wondering who could be at their door now. There weren't that many uninvited guests who made their way this far out of town just for a casual visit. For one second, Olivia thought of the gun she kept locked securely away upstairs. If Edmund had an accomplice....
"Olivia?" Natalia called out softly from the kitchen. "Can you get that?"
"I've got it," she answered, the decision made for her, and opened the door. Expecting the worst it was a relief to see Ava standing on the porch. "You don't have to knock," Olivia said, confused as she stood back to let Ava inside. "The door's never locked anyway." She made a mental note to talk to Natalia about that. It was different, living out here in the country, but it was probably as good a time as any to start being more careful. Olivia couldn't bear the thought of anything happening to their family.
Ava shook her head as she stepped inside. "It doesn't matter. I can't stay anyway. I'm going to stay with Jeffrey."
Her lips pursed into a thin line before she could control her expression and the headache that she had mostly been ignoring began to throb.
"He's not in jail?"
"Of course not!" Ava snapped, her voice full of disbelief. "Everything supports what he said, Mom. Edmund started shooting first; it was self-defense. Why can't you believe him?"
"Belief has nothing to do with it, Ava," Olivia said firmly. She was actually surprised that Frank hadn't thrown him in jail, at least not until more time had passed and he'd had time to fully sort the situation out. Maybe it was Jeffrey's Justice Department connections working on his behalf again.
"Then what does it have to do with, Mom? You haven't given him a chance since the minute you saw him. You keep blaming him for everything."
She resisted the urge to remind Ava that it was Jeffrey's fault. If he hadn't pushed Edmund and forced a confrontation at the moment, they had no way to know that Edmund would have done anything. After all, the horrible thing about Edmund had been his unpredictability, his moments of sanity.
"Don't you think you should give him some time, honey? I'm sure he needs to find some place to stay and he has a lot to work out with Reva and Colin."
Ava bit her lip. Olivia had a sudden feeling that she wasn't going to like what Ava was about to say.
"I told him he could stay at the Beacon," Ava said in a quiet voice.
Yep, suspicions confirmed. "At the Beacon? Absolutely not." The words flew out of her mouth before she could reconsider them. Damn it, this wasn't going well and she was trying. Why couldn't Ava understand that she was trying to protect her and their family?
Ava froze. "Why not?"
"Because he's dangerous. Can't you see that? Having him around is dangerous."
"Edmund is dead. No one else has any reason to come after Dad."
"They say Edmund is dead. Do you know how many times Edmund has been declared dead? A lot. Jeffrey is in danger right now, Ava. Whether you want to admit it or not. Even if Edmund is finally dead, the people who worked for him aren't, and they will fulfill his wishes. I don't want you or Emma anywhere near him when that happens. Do you understand me?"
Ava laughed. "Do I understand you? I'm not Emma, Olivia, and you can't forbid me to do anything. It doesn't work that way."
Being called Olivia after having been "Mom" just moments before was like a slap in the face. Olivia vaguely recognized that she and Ava hadn't fought this way in years, but she was too caught up in Ava's words and the emotions that they had stirred within her to give it much thought. Of course their truce hadn't lasted. They were so much alike and the bonds between them, while strengthened by hardships weathered together, were still fragile in unexpected places.
"It doesn't matter, Ava. You shouldn't be around Jeffrey right now and if he was thinking he would agree with me. You need to stay here," Olivia said forcefully. "With us."
"Oh, God." Another disbelieving laugh spilled out of Ava. "I get it now. You're jealous of Jeffrey, because I want to stay with him instead. Can't you just let me spend some time with Dad without all of this? I thought he was dead!"
"I know, sweetheart." It was the first time that Olivia's voice had mellowed during the conversation, responding instinctively to the pain in her daughter's voice. "But it's not safe. Jeffrey knowingly put both you and Emma in danger. I cannot accept that."
"It's not your choice," Ava countered. "It's mine."
"And you can accept the fact that he knew that you and Emma were standing right there, in the park, and he went after Edmund anyway? He knows Edmund, Ava, what he'll do in any given situation. And Edmund is one mad bastard. He would have gone after you and Emma - even if he didn't recognize you - because he knew that would hurt Jeffrey the most. He had no limits when he's threatened and Jeffrey pushed him. That is not the behavior of a responsible man or caring father."
"Don't talk to me about caring parents," Ava snapped back. She shook her head, staring at Olivia with disbelief on her features. "You have no room to talk about endangering me, but I forgave you. You can't forgive him though, can you? I thought you two were finally friends, but this...were you happy he was dead, Mom? Did that make everything okay for you?"
"Ava..." She was staggered by the accusation. "That's- I can't believe you would think that."
But Ava shook her head. "I have to go. Dad's still at the police station and I don't know where he's going to stay so I have to get back. His cell got ruined. I just wanted to pick up my things and let you know where I would be."
"Ava," Olivia called out. She didn't want the conversation to end this way, leaving it on this note wouldn't be good. "Don't go." It was all she could think to say and she knew it wouldn't be enough.
Ava paused, her hand on the door. "I'm sorry, Mom," she said quietly. "I have to."
Fandom: Guiding Light
Characters: Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, Ava Peralta, Emma Spencer, Jeffrey O'neil
Category: Angst, but the good kind. Romance, Drama.
Rating: R...I'm gonna say because there are some disturbing themes explored in here and some violence, although I don't think either is described in graphic detail.
Word count: 4,564
Summary: Life goes on. Sometimes it throws you a curveball and you never know what's coming your way on any given day.
Spoilers: Takes place around Thanksgiving '10, and includes the events of the finale.
Author's Note: This fic is solely for
kelltwomyn. I was bemoaning the fact that I wasn't going to be able to afford a Venice subscription and she swooped in and got when for me when I said I'd be willing to offer fic in exchange. I hope this fic is both somewhat what you were hoping for and also worth your ten bucks and the wait. I really have enjoyed Venice so far. Thank you. :) Beta: Many thanks to
q_wordy13 for beta'ing this for me! Your insights, comments, suggestions and encouragement have all been very much appreciated! :D Disclaimer: All characters (Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, Emma Spencer, Ava Peralta, blah blah etc.) and situations belong to Guiding Light, Telenext, Proctor & Gamble, etc. I'm not them.
Warning: This story eventually deals with Olivia's rape. I don't think it's discussed graphically, but I don't want anyone to stumble upon it unaware either.
Part One
Part Two
Driving like a bat out of hell wasn't an apt comparison for how Olivia drove to the park. It was too tame. There had been a moment, standing in the kitchen with Natalia and Francesca sleeping upstairs, where Olivia had thought she would go insane, her heart and mind torn in two opposite directions. She needed to get to the park, to find out what had happened to her daughters and make certain that they were both okay. It was a need so visceral that it overrode almost everything else.
Everything except for the knowledge that if she left the farmhouse, she would be leaving Francesca and Natalia alone and she could no more abandon them than she could not go running to Emma and Ava. It was an impossible situation, and she certainly wasn't going to take Natalia and Francesca with her, bringing them into more danger. For one long moment, all Olivia could do was look at Natalia with wild, panicking eyes. It was Natalia who broke her internal stalemate.
"Go," Natalia commanded her simply, her hand pressing against Olivia's cheek, forcing her to meet Natalia's gaze. "Go find them. Call me as soon as you know-" Her voice wavered as she hesitated over how to finish her thought. "Anything. We'll be fine here. I'll call Frank to send out some officers out here."
She was sure that Frank would be part of the group of police officers already scrambling toward the park, but she didn't want to remind Olivia of that. Frank's presence wouldn't be a comfort to her, and the reminder of why the police were necessary would only terrify her more.
"Go," Natalia repeated once more, and Olivia didn't waste any more time, but nodded and rushed to the door, pausing only to grab her car keys.
And she had gone. It had taken her less than half the time that it usually did to get to the park and she arrived to a milling swirl of chaos. Police officers were everywhere, taping off areas and herding civilians toward ambulances. Paramedics were moving through the crowd, trying to ascertain who, if anyone, had been injured. The noise was almost deafening. Police officers called loudly to one another while radios squawked and people cried out in panicky voices, searching for loved ones and desperately calling out for help.
It was a mess, but all Olivia cared about was finding her daughters. Olivia caught the first police officer by the shoulder and spun him around, stopping in his tracks.
"I need to find my daughters."
"And I've got a whole crime scene to deal with here, Lady. Check with the paramedics." He tried to turn away, but her fingers dug painfully into his arm stopping him in his tracks.
"Emma - Emma's about this tall." Olivia held her hand up approximating her daughter's height. "She has dark blonde hair, and green eyes. Her older sister - Ava - she has dark hair. Like mine." She touched her hair. Not her natural color, but it was actually the same as Ava's at the moment. Useful that. "She's tall, taller than me, and thin. Short hair." Olivia knew it wasn't the best description. She could do better, say something that would make him remember her daughters, but all she could think to say was coming out in spurts. It was unlike her to be so scattered in a crisis, but then no crisis had never endangered both of her daughters like this before. "You have to help me find them," she repeated.
"Okay, Lady," the cop said slowly, his hand covering hers as he gently tried to pry her fingers away from his arms. "I'll help you find 'em. C'mon." He reached out to take Olivia's arm, but she snatched it away, wary of his sudden change of heart. He held his hands up in a gesture of surrender. "I'm just gonna take you over here," he pointed at a spot several yards away where a group of people milled uneasily. "You can start talking to people. Maybe someone will remember your kids."
Olivia nodded, the lump in her throat making it almost impossible for her to speak. Her heart was pounding wildly in her chest and all she could think was a frantic litany of her daughters' over and over. It was better than thinking of what she had imagined on the drive across town - all of the things that could have happened to them. She sucked in a ragged gasp of air as the possibility that she could actually lose her daughters hit her again. "Have they sent anyone to the hospital?"
"A couple of people," her police officer answered. "But no kids, Lady."
"Ava's not a kid," she snapped. "She's a grown woman."
Not wishing to provoke a repeat of her earlier actions, he jumped back in quickly before she could say anything else. "Listen, I'll go check on who we've sent to the hospital while you talk to these people. I'll let you know as soon as I've found out something." He patted her once, awkwardly on the shoulder and then vanished into the crowd.
Olivia's eyes narrowed as she stared after him. "Why do I have the feeling I'm never going to see him again?" It was a rhetorical question and any other time such cowardice and lack of helpfulness would have sent her after him to leave him with a blistering speech he wouldn't soon forget. Right now, she didn't have time. If he was that incompetent, then she would do better on her own.
Squaring her shoulders, Olivia prepared to duck back into the fray, intending to get answers and find her daughters whether anyone was willing to help her or not.
"Mommy!"
Olivia recognized the familiar sound of Emma's voice even in the form of the shrill, scared cry that it came out as. She spun around instantly, her heart leaping with hope for the first time since she had arrived, struggling to orient herself in the direction that Emma's voice had come from.
"Emma!" She answered, still frantically searching back and forth for Emma, and hopefully, Ava. She spun around once more, stopping randomly and realized that she was face to face with both of them, although they were still several yards away.
Emma was up in Ava's arms, clinging tightly to her sister. Only catching sight of Olivia had drawn her a little bit away from Ava and given her room to breathe. Ava seemed to be holding on to Emma just as tightly, refusing to let Emma down to run to Olivia as she quickly crossed the remaining distance between them.
"Emma," Olivia breathed her daughter's name again, as she ran a trembling hair over her daughter's hair. Emma reached for her, throwing her arms around Olivia's neck and as if they'd practiced it for years, Olivia took her from Ava without Emma's feet ever touching the ground.
Emma was much bigger since the last time she had held her this way, but her weight was hardly noticeable as Olivia held her close. She breathed in the familiar scent of Emma's shampoo and closed her eyes, willing her racing heart to slow. She had Emma once again, safe in her arms. Everything would be all right. Opening her eyes, she turned her attention to Ava.
"Are you okay?" She wished she had a free hand so that she could pull Ava closer her, give her a hug and make sure that she too was okay. There was no way that was putting Emma down at the moment, however. Not with Emma's head buried against her neck and small hitching sobs coming from her daughter.
"I was so scared, Mommy. It was loud and everybody was screaming, but Ava said it would be okay."
"And she was right, wasn't she, Jellybean?" Olivia said, struggling to sound like her usual, calm, confident, and in control self. That was what she needed, not to frighten Emma anymore. Tears welled in her eyes as she looked over at Ava. "Thank you," she mouthed the words to her, still wishing she could pull her closer. Thank you for taking care of Emma, taking care of yourself. I couldn't have lived without either of you.
It was a thought she needed to get out of her head.
Ava nodded in acknowledgment, her arms wrapped tightly around herself. She looked just as shaky as Olivia felt, and Olivia wondered not for the first time just what the hell had happened here.
"Do you need a paramedic? They have ambulances just over there?" She ran her hand over Emma's hair again, reassuring herself that she was okay as she pressed a kiss to the top of her head.
"No, I'm fine, Mom," Ava said with a shake of her head. "We were fine, really. It was-" She shook her head. "It's crazy. I still can't believe it. Mom-" But whatever Ava was about to say was lost as something behind Ava caught Olivia's attention - a glimpse of a familiar face.
"Jeffrey?" His name spilled off her lips in disbelief. How the hell could he be alive? His plane had gone down and Josh and Reva had gone down to confirm that there was a body inside the plane. Seeing him standing there in front of her, Olivia felt insane. It was impossible. "Why aren't you dead?" The moment she blurted it out, at a loss for what else to say, Olivia knew it had been the wrong thing. The pained look in Ava's brown eyes said it all.
"Mom!" Ava protested, her voice filled with horror as she rushed to her father's side.
Jeffrey snorted softly, wiping sweat from his brow with his arm. "It's good to see you too, Olivia."
Letting Emma slide down her body, she still kept one arm wrapped around her. Emma didn't look like she planned to go very far, still pressing herself against Olivia's side, leaving no space between them.
"What are you doing here?" Olivia repeated. "You're supposed to be dead. We had a funeral for you. Reva, does she know you're still alive?" She laughed, hollowly. "Of course, you wouldn't let your wife think you were dead. Was I the only one who didn't know, Jeffrey?"
"No, no, Olivia, it wasn't like that." Jeffrey let out a heavy sigh. "Reva doesn't know. If she had-" He hesitated and started again. "Edmund threatened to come after my family, Olivia, unless I left them alone. He wanted to hurt Reva, so I've been trying to stop him before he could follow through on his threats. That's why everyone had to think I was dead."
"So why are you here then? Surely you didn't think you could come back to Springfield and keep pretending to be dead. No one in this town can keep a damn secret." And hadn't that come back to bite her in the ass more than once. She had learned that lesson the hard way. There was only one way to keep a secret, and that was to not tell anyone. But Natalia. Natalia could keep a secret. They had kept their relationship a secret for months.
It had been, Olivia reflected idly, one of the best kept secrets in Springfield history. So good that no one but people who had been told or found out directly, like Rafe, had known that she and Natalia had been in a relationship when Natalia left town.
"I was following Edmund," Jeffrey said, sinking into a seat on the bench behind him. "I knew I couldn't let him out of my sight while he was here, so I followed him into the park. He saw me and started shooting. It wasn't my choice, Olivia. I didn't want to have it out there, but I had to stop him now. Before he could hurt anyone else."
Something about what he said caught her attention. She pushed her hair back out of her face as her mind worked through it quickly. She froze, mid-motion when realization hit. Surely, he wouldn't have....
Very slowly, very calmly, she leaned down pressing another kiss to Emma's forehead and steered her over to her sister. Ava reached out for her immediately and, when she did, saw something in Olivia's eyes that made her draw Emma to her side and straighten quickly.
"Mom-"
Olivia didn't wait for her to finish speaking. She held up her hand, sharply cutting Ava off and stepped forward, close enough to Jeffrey that he was forced to stand up or have her tower over him. "What wasn't your choice, Jeffrey?"
"Olivia, let me explain before you jump to conclusions."
"No," she cut him off, putting a hand on his chest and pushing him. He fell back into a seat on the bench heavily. "Because I know that you are not telling me that you saw my daughters - our daughter, Jeffrey - in that park and you went after Edmund anyway. You forced a confrontation with him when it could have happened anytime, anywhere. You knew he would start shooting when he saw you and you did it anyway. They could have been killed, Jeffrey!"
"Mom!" This time Ava's cry was indignant and commanding. "You're scaring Emma," she hissed much more quietly, but no more gently.
"She's right, Olivia," Jeffrey said, not making an attempt to rise again, but leaning into the back of the bench comfortably as if it had been his choice to sit down there. "You need to relax. It's bad for your heart to get all worked up like this. Nothing happened to Emma or Ava. They're both fine. There's no need to dwell on it now."
But Olivia was too furious to be diverted by Jeffrey's casual comment, it only succeeded in angering her further. Her daughters had been in danger because of Jeffrey, because he had pursued Edmund and gotten into a gunfight with him in the middle of a public park in the middle of the day. Ava and Emma could have been hurt - could have died - because of Jeffrey and Edmund and this never-ending vendetta, and all Jeffrey had done was dismiss her concerns because the worst hadn't actually happened.
Olivia took a deep breath and tried to calm down. It didn't work. She needed Natalia. She dismissed the thought almost as soon as it had formed. She didn't want Natalia anywhere near this park or Jeffrey at the moment. Her hands trembled, not from fear or nerves, but from sheer uncontrollable anger.
"I've done dwelling, Jeffrey," Olivia spat out. "This is not dwelling. You endangered our daughter and you know what? If you had to do it over again, you would do the same thing. I've forgiven you for a lot of things, but I won't ever forgive you for that." She brushed past him, touching Emma's shoulder and guiding her gently toward her car. "C'mon, Jellybean. We're going home now."
She touched Ava's wrist as she moved past her, intending to bring Ava with them, but Ava jerked away from her. Olivia looked up into brown eyes flashing with anger as Ava took a step back from her, shaking her head.
"I have to stay and talk to the police," Ava said firmly.
"Frank knows where to find us if he needs to talk to you," Olivia countered in a tightly controlled voice.
"I want to stay with Dad until he's released." This time Ava couldn't keep the defiant edge out of her voice.
Olivia wanted to scream, rage, demand to know why Ava had always taken Jeffrey's side and refused to see her own, but she said nothing. Her left hand clenched into a fist, her knuckles turning white as she made an effort to choke it down. Only her other hand on Emma's shoulder kept her from losing it.
"Fine." If that was what Ava wanted...
*** *** ***
She called Natalia once they were in the car and on their way to let Natalia know that Emma and Ava were both okay, but she kept the conversation short and clipped, telling Natalia nothing but that they were fine.
Olivia was worried about Emma, sitting in the backseat and staying unnaturally quiet for the whole drive back to the farmhouse. It was probably normal for her to be upset about the morning's events, Olivia reasoned. Anyone would have been terrified and Emma was still just a little girl - even if she often acted far older, smarter and braver than most little girls her age.
Seeing her normally vivacious daughter so withdrawn, however, was a cause for concern, and she darted glances at her in the rear view mirror all the way back to the farmhouse, her thoughts pinned on only one thing: getting back to Natalia and their home.
The moment Olivia had parked the car, Natalia came out the front door, pulling her long, grey sweater more tightly around her against the chill in the air. Her face was a mask of worry as Olivia and Emma walked toward her and the moment she saw Emma's still somber, worried face, she immediately held her arms out for her.
For the first time since she had found them at the park, Emma left Olivia's side and ran ahead of her as she usually did, and straight into Natalia's arms.
"What's wrong, baby?" Natalia asked, wrapping her arms around Emma and holding her close. She met Olivia's eyes with a questioning look, but what she saw there only worried her more. "Ava?" She mouthed to Olivia.
"She's fine," Olivia said firmly, but the hard set of her jaw didn't relax any at the words. "She'll be home later." Olivia let out a small sigh and pinched the bridge of her nose. "It's a long story."
She couldn't keep from reaching out to put her hand on Emma's shoulder. She needed the contact to reassure her that Emma really was all right. Hearing screams and gunshots through her cell phone and not knowing what was happening to her daughters had been one of the most terrifying moments of her life.
Tears began to well in her eyes and she sucked in a deep breath, holding it for a long moment to push back the emotion that she had buried until she could make certain that everything was okay. Coming back home and seeing Natalia seemed to have signaled to her body that it was okay to let out all of the emotions she had been holding back, but she couldn't let herself break down yet. She needed to be strong for Emma and not frighten her any more than she already had been.
"Come on," Natalia said softly. "Let's go inside." Her hand brushed up against Olivia's, her finger stroking the palm of her hand until Olivia reached back and slid their fingers together. Immediately Olivia felt calmer as she allowed Natalia to lead both of them inside.
"You know what?" Natalia asked as they stood in the small living room. "I think we could all use some hot chocolate right now. What do you think, Emma? Would you help me?"
Emma nodded, her face brightening for the first time since Olivia had brought her home from the park.
"Great. Thank you," Natalia said with an answering as Emma took her other hand and began to pull her toward the kitchen. She squeezed Olivia's arm reassuringly, and brushed her lips with a brief, chaste kiss. "It's going to be okay," she said for Olivia's ears only.
Olivia tried to muster a smile, grateful for what Natalia was doing, distracting Emma, cheering her up and keeping her occupied, but it was a poor imitation of her usual happiness. Worry for Emma had distracted her from thoughts of Ava and her anger at Jeffrey and what he had done, but now, left on her own in the living room with nothing to distract her, it was all coming back.
Olivia paced from one side of the small room to the other, trying to calm her racing thoughts, but it only seemed to make it worse. Jeffrey's patronizing voice, dismissing her concerns and urging her to calm down for the sake of her heart echoed in her head. Funny, she thought angrily, how Natalia expressing the same thoughts would have stopped her, if not for her own sake, then because the worry, clearly evident in Natalia's voice would have tugged at her heart until she stopped and calmed for Natalia's sake. With Jeffrey his concern was not the same real worry for her, but a convenient excuse, a way to calm the furious woman in front of him to avoid being forced to take responsibility for the disastrous consequences his actions could very well have resulted in.
A knock on the door startled Olivia out of her thoughts. Her expression darkened, wondering who could be at their door now. There weren't that many uninvited guests who made their way this far out of town just for a casual visit. For one second, Olivia thought of the gun she kept locked securely away upstairs. If Edmund had an accomplice....
"Olivia?" Natalia called out softly from the kitchen. "Can you get that?"
"I've got it," she answered, the decision made for her, and opened the door. Expecting the worst it was a relief to see Ava standing on the porch. "You don't have to knock," Olivia said, confused as she stood back to let Ava inside. "The door's never locked anyway." She made a mental note to talk to Natalia about that. It was different, living out here in the country, but it was probably as good a time as any to start being more careful. Olivia couldn't bear the thought of anything happening to their family.
Ava shook her head as she stepped inside. "It doesn't matter. I can't stay anyway. I'm going to stay with Jeffrey."
Her lips pursed into a thin line before she could control her expression and the headache that she had mostly been ignoring began to throb.
"He's not in jail?"
"Of course not!" Ava snapped, her voice full of disbelief. "Everything supports what he said, Mom. Edmund started shooting first; it was self-defense. Why can't you believe him?"
"Belief has nothing to do with it, Ava," Olivia said firmly. She was actually surprised that Frank hadn't thrown him in jail, at least not until more time had passed and he'd had time to fully sort the situation out. Maybe it was Jeffrey's Justice Department connections working on his behalf again.
"Then what does it have to do with, Mom? You haven't given him a chance since the minute you saw him. You keep blaming him for everything."
She resisted the urge to remind Ava that it was Jeffrey's fault. If he hadn't pushed Edmund and forced a confrontation at the moment, they had no way to know that Edmund would have done anything. After all, the horrible thing about Edmund had been his unpredictability, his moments of sanity.
"Don't you think you should give him some time, honey? I'm sure he needs to find some place to stay and he has a lot to work out with Reva and Colin."
Ava bit her lip. Olivia had a sudden feeling that she wasn't going to like what Ava was about to say.
"I told him he could stay at the Beacon," Ava said in a quiet voice.
Yep, suspicions confirmed. "At the Beacon? Absolutely not." The words flew out of her mouth before she could reconsider them. Damn it, this wasn't going well and she was trying. Why couldn't Ava understand that she was trying to protect her and their family?
Ava froze. "Why not?"
"Because he's dangerous. Can't you see that? Having him around is dangerous."
"Edmund is dead. No one else has any reason to come after Dad."
"They say Edmund is dead. Do you know how many times Edmund has been declared dead? A lot. Jeffrey is in danger right now, Ava. Whether you want to admit it or not. Even if Edmund is finally dead, the people who worked for him aren't, and they will fulfill his wishes. I don't want you or Emma anywhere near him when that happens. Do you understand me?"
Ava laughed. "Do I understand you? I'm not Emma, Olivia, and you can't forbid me to do anything. It doesn't work that way."
Being called Olivia after having been "Mom" just moments before was like a slap in the face. Olivia vaguely recognized that she and Ava hadn't fought this way in years, but she was too caught up in Ava's words and the emotions that they had stirred within her to give it much thought. Of course their truce hadn't lasted. They were so much alike and the bonds between them, while strengthened by hardships weathered together, were still fragile in unexpected places.
"It doesn't matter, Ava. You shouldn't be around Jeffrey right now and if he was thinking he would agree with me. You need to stay here," Olivia said forcefully. "With us."
"Oh, God." Another disbelieving laugh spilled out of Ava. "I get it now. You're jealous of Jeffrey, because I want to stay with him instead. Can't you just let me spend some time with Dad without all of this? I thought he was dead!"
"I know, sweetheart." It was the first time that Olivia's voice had mellowed during the conversation, responding instinctively to the pain in her daughter's voice. "But it's not safe. Jeffrey knowingly put both you and Emma in danger. I cannot accept that."
"It's not your choice," Ava countered. "It's mine."
"And you can accept the fact that he knew that you and Emma were standing right there, in the park, and he went after Edmund anyway? He knows Edmund, Ava, what he'll do in any given situation. And Edmund is one mad bastard. He would have gone after you and Emma - even if he didn't recognize you - because he knew that would hurt Jeffrey the most. He had no limits when he's threatened and Jeffrey pushed him. That is not the behavior of a responsible man or caring father."
"Don't talk to me about caring parents," Ava snapped back. She shook her head, staring at Olivia with disbelief on her features. "You have no room to talk about endangering me, but I forgave you. You can't forgive him though, can you? I thought you two were finally friends, but this...were you happy he was dead, Mom? Did that make everything okay for you?"
"Ava..." She was staggered by the accusation. "That's- I can't believe you would think that."
But Ava shook her head. "I have to go. Dad's still at the police station and I don't know where he's going to stay so I have to get back. His cell got ruined. I just wanted to pick up my things and let you know where I would be."
"Ava," Olivia called out. She didn't want the conversation to end this way, leaving it on this note wouldn't be good. "Don't go." It was all she could think to say and she knew it wouldn't be enough.
Ava paused, her hand on the door. "I'm sorry, Mom," she said quietly. "I have to."
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Looking forward to more! The Olivia/Ava conflict is a great storyline.
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Looking forward to more! The Olivia/Ava conflict is a great storyline.
Can't take credit for that one. That was all
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Waiting for more! :)
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As for why Jeffrey did it...because he thought it was necessary. Doesn't mean it was right, but that was just his perspective.
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And I can get why Ava acts the way she does at first. She asks Olivia at one point how she can believe what she says about Jeffrey since she's lied about so much, but as time goes by and Ava realizes what actually happened...I get less understanding.
I think in the end, it's a combination of what the show wanted for Jeffrey to be and also Ava's desire to have a family, trumping absolutely everything else and blinding her. I'm not excusing her; I'm just saying it was the only thing I could figure.
But if I may? Stick around for a while. I hope you'll like where it ends up.
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First Ava calling her Olivia and then leaving, so painful.
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