Title: The End of Her World
Fandom: Guiding Light
Characters: Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera
Category: Angst, but the good kind. Romance, Drama.
Rating: PG
Word count: 5,601
Summary: What if Natalia had talked to Olivia before she left the farmhouse?
Spoilers: For the 7/01/09 episode.
Author's Note: I took the s/l of doom and not only embraced it, but made out with it. Then we had little fic babies. Which is probably not the best metaphor given everything, but there you have it. Please to be not killing me for this fic. Also many thanks to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
lbecka and ![[profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
q_wordy13 both for the beta. I very much appreciate both of their words and insight. They are the bests kinds of betas that offered detailed criticism on both the writing and how it is written.
Disclaimer: All characters (Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, Emma Spencer & Fetus Rivera) and situations belong to Guiding Light, Telenext, Proctor & Gamble, etc. I'm not them.
Part One || Part Two || Part Three || Part Four || Part Five || Part Six(a)
Olivia is grateful for the shade. The sun has moved on from pleasantly warm and graduated to down right hot. Her shirt sticks uncomfortably to her back and she wonders how Natalia is faring out in the heat. She still has reservations about the other woman running this race with Emma, but knows that Natalia doesn't want to let her daughter down.
"What the hell?" The startled verbal explosion from behind her whips Olivia around and brings her face to face with Rafe. "What is she doing?" Rafe glares at her, expecting an answer and Olivia has no idea where this is coming from.
Oh, she expects the anger. Rafe is angry at them right now, but she's no where near Natalia, and that should make him happy. Olivia feels her own temper beginning to stir. That's her kid out there with Natalia and if Rafe continues this confrontation where Emma could be hurt by it, well, there's no telling what she might do.
"Emma asked her to run the three legged race with her." Olivia's voice loses its harsh edge as she begins to talk about her daughter. "Apparently your Mom is faster than I am and Em really wants to win."
Rafe doesn't seem to be content with her explanation, however. "How could you let her do that?" He demands again. "Does what your kid wants mean that much to you? You say you love my mom, but you make her do that? In her condition!"
Olivia almost laughs. She manages to choke it back at the last second, but it's a close thing. "First of all," she says slowly, stepping closer to him. "I didn't - and don't - make Natalia do anything. She wanted to run that race with Emma. I tried to talk her out of it and she insisted. So don't take this out on me." Olivia pauses and lowers her voice. "And second, if you're so worried about your mother, why don't you go over there and actually talk to her instead of yelling at her. That hurts her a lot more than what she's doing right now."
Rafe is shaking his head. "I can't!" He tugs at his hair and takes a step back. "I shouldn't have come. I didn't want to see any of this!"
"What?" Olivia challenges him. "A family. What do you think is going to happen here, Rafe? We're at a barbecue with half the town! I'm not going to-" She bites her words off and looks down. She can't even finish her sentence. "She has a lot going on right now, Rafe. Especially with this baby." She sighs and looks up at him again. "I know you don't want to hear this, but I am going to be there for her and help her every way that I can. Anything that she needs. But she needs you too. Your support - for her, even if it's not for us - would mean everything to her right now. Think about it."
Rafe doesn't say anything as he backs away and his eyes are still hard and glittering, but Olivia can see the cracks beginning to form in his angry facade. There's only so long that he can keep this up.
She turns her attention back to Natalia and Emma just in time to see them cross the finish line. Their stumbling effort brings a small smile to her face. The closer she gets to them the more she can feel the tension from her confrontation with Rafe draining away. By the time she gets back over to them, she's smiling easily again and wraps them both in an embrace, consoling Emma over her loss as they walk away together.
Emma tugs at her hand a moment later. "Why weren't you and Rafe in the race? He was with you, and you said you wanted to be on his team," Emma reminds her.
Olivia shares a startled look with Natalia, wishing that sometimes Emma didn't have such a good memory. "I don't think he felt like racing today, Jellybean."
"Oh." Emma sounds disappointed by his lack of enthusiasm. On her other side, Natalia just looks worried and Olivia gives her a small smile over Emma's head that she hopes is reassuring. Her conversation with Rafe - if it can really be called a conversation - wasn't all sunshine and roses, but Olivia still finds herself almost cheerful about it. Or maybe it's just this day. She can't seem to stop smiling. There are moments when she stops and looks around that she can't believe she's really here in front of all of these people with Natalia and Emma as a true family.
Olivia lets go of Emma's hand to wrap her arm around her daughter's shoulders and gives them a squeeze. "Maybe next year." And Olivia really means it. There's no way to tell where they'll be in a year, but she can't help but think that things will be better. Rafe will have had more time to get used to her and Natalia as a couple, and Olivia has a feeling that he won't be able to hold out against his mother's unconditional love for much longer. His little outburst - while still annoying - was full of concern, albeit misguided - for his mother. It's not much yet, but it's a start.
"Em, why don't you go get some lemonade for Natalia? You both look all hot and sweaty," Olivia teases her daughter.
As predicted, Emma wrinkles her nose at her mother's comment but runs off in the direction of the table where all of the food and drinks are being kept. When Emma is out of earshot, Olivia reaches out to touch Natalia's wrist. The gesture gets her attention immediately, as she glances away from watching Emma and turns her attention back to Olivia.
"I'm not really thirsty." Natalia admits.
"I know." Olivia shrugs. "You do look hot though." She can't resist the little emphasis on the next to last word. She's Olivia Spencer. Loving Natalia might have changed her in so many ways - mostly all for the good - but she's no saint.
Natalia flushes, and as much as Olivia might like to see how their conversation could progress further in this very pleasant direction, she knows that Emma will only be gone for so long.
"Rafe was worried about you." Olivia comments gently. "He was upset that you were running the race in your condition." Okay, so maybe she's paraphrasing a little bit, but what's important is that Rafe was concerned about Natalia, not how he spoke to her. She can deal with that for now.
Natalia is surprised. "Really?"
Olivia nods in confirmation.
"I need to talk to him," Natalia says thoughtfully. "Did he say anything about us?"
There's a moment where she debates telling Natalia the rest. There's not really a decision to make, however. She doesn't want to lie to Natalia. Not when she's ruined so many of the best things in her life with lies.
"He was upset that I wasn't taking care of you better."
Natalia frowns, upset with her son's continued behavior toward Olivia.
"But it wasn't your fault. I wanted to do it."
"I know. He was just worried," Olivia soothes her. "He's angry right now, and he doesn't know how to deal with it, so it's coming out at everyone."
Natalia gives her a startled look. "When did you get so perceptive?"
Olivia lets out a slightly bitter laugh. "This may come as a surprise to you, but I happen to know something about that kind of anger."
Her dry comment draws a small smile from Natalia just as she intended. "So what do you think I should do then?"
Olivia takes a deep breath. "I hate the way he's been talking to you. If it were up to me..." she lets the words trail off. She knows that Natalia will always be ready to forgive her son, no matter what he says to her. It's just another part of who Natalia is and one that Olivia happens to love. But she also wants Natalia to know that if it were up to her, no one would speak to her the way that Rafe has been. "But it's not." She continues. "I think you should give him time. Whether he wants to admit it or not, he's coming around. He can't stay angry at you forever, and today he was more worried than angry. Before he knows it, he'll forget about being angry at all."
A shaky breath escapes Natalia at her words. "Do you really think so?"
"I do," Olivia reassures her, hoping against hope that she's right and that this isn't all just some pleasant fiction that she's spinning for both of them.
"Okay." Natalia fits her hand into Olivia's. "Then lets go see what Emma's getting into."
Olivia groans at the thought of the mischief Emma could have gotten into in their momentary absence. There's no telling what her very bright and creative daughter has come up with now - and because she's Olivia's daughter, there's no doubt that she's come up with something. Even if it's something as relatively innocent as hustling her big sister at a game of croquet.
*** *** ***
Someone steps in front of her and Natalia looks up from where she's been staring into her drink, lost in thought. Her automatic smile freezes as she realizes that it's Buzz standing there.
He, on the other hand is smiling broadly and Natalia realizes with an immediate sinking feeling that he knows.
"Hi, Buzz," she says simply. There's no sense in pretending that they aren't going to have this conversation, but she isn't going to be the one to bring it up. She hasn't had time to think about telling everyone yet or what she's going to tell them.
"Frank came by last night," Buzz says, still smiling and looking happier than she's seen him since before Coop's death. "He said I'm going to be a grandfather - again." He's rocking back and forth on his feet almost bouncing up and down, full of the same incredible Cooper energy that Frank has and she once enjoyed being swept up in. Natalia regrets not being comfortable with the Coopers anymore. She misses their family. Buzz has done so much for her.
"It's going to be great," Buzz continues. "You'll see, Natalia."
Natalia takes a deep breath. "I'm still getting used to the idea," she admits slowly. "Honestly, I don't think it's completely sunk in yet."
He laughs. "Isn't that always the way it is until the moment they're in your arms? You might think that you're ready for anything, but you never quite are." He sounds wistful and she wonders what he's remembering. Perhaps getting to hold his own children for the first time?
"Hey, Buzz." Olivia's warm greeting startles Natalia.
"Olivia." He glances between the two women. "I was just congratulating Natalia. It's great news."
Olivia glances quickly over at Natalia, a little bit surprised that the other woman told Buzz about them. A smile tugs at her lips. She's proud of Natalia for facing Buzz, and for braving his disapproval without her there, even if he doesn't seem upset right now. She knows how much Buzz and the Coopers' good opinion means to Natalia. She's never wanted to hurt any of them.
"Olivia went with me to the hospital," Natalia confirms.
"That's great," Buzz enthuses. "Natalia is lucky to have you as a friend."
Olivia's smile falters for an instant as she realizes that this isn't the conversation she thought it was. She pushes back her disappointment in the next moment. Her smile grows confident again and she slips her arm around Natalia's waist. "Actually, I think I'm the lucky one." She sees Buzz's brow furrow. His head tilts and he gives her a quizzical look. It's the next instant when understanding blossoms in his eyes and he finally gets it.
"You're-?" He shakes his head as if he can't believe it. "This is why you've been so happy lately?"
Olivia nods, waiting to see how he's going to react. Buzz has always been one of the people who knows and understands her the best, but this is different. There's Frank's side to consider and of course, their own difficult history. She knows he still feels guilty that she chose Frank over him.
"I'm in love with her, Buzz." Maybe it will make a difference, and maybe it won't. But Olivia wants him to know what she's feeling is real. "You've seen how happy she makes me."
"What about Frank, and this baby?" Buzz asks.
"I'm not stopping Frank from having a part in my baby's life," Natalia steps into the conversation. "But he needs to understand how I feel about Olivia isn't going to change." Her words hold a determination and strength that almost surprise Olivia.
She knows this side of Natalia. It's the same side that kept her alive through the weeks in the hospital when she wanted to die, the one that pursued her when she was afraid this love would be too much for Natalia to handle. But Olivia isn't used to seeing Natalia act like this with other people. She really likes it.
Buzz's smile has dimmed a little bit and his ceaseless motion has stilled. Olivia straightens, tensing for the blow - emotional and verbal, rather than physical - that she's sure is about to come. She won't let him hurt Natalia. She'll step in before he can.
"I'm sorry that you're not going to marry Frank. You would have made him a very lucky man." He pauses and takes a deep breath before he continues on. "I'll be honest; when I heard you were pregnant, I hoped you might reconsider marrying him. He's a good man, Natalia."
"I know, Buzz."
"But..." He drawls out the word. "I guess I understand now why you couldn't. If your heart belongs to someone else it wouldn't be right to be with him."
"No, it wouldn't. That's why I couldn't go through with marrying him. Whether I wanted to admit it or not, Olivia had already had my heart for a long time. I didn't mean to lead Frank on. I'm sorry that I hurt him, but I couldn't keep hurting Olivia."
It all feels surreal to Olivia. She can't believe they're standing here having this conversation with Buzz. She can't believe the things - wonderful things - that Natalia is saying. She's heard them before. She knows Natalia loves her, but hearing her say it to someone else makes it real in a way that nothing else has. Olivia feels faint and lightheaded at the rush of emotion that revelation brings with it.
"She deserves that," Buzz says firmly, finding Olivia's eyes and holding her gaze. "She deserves someone who knows her and loves her that much. Don't hurt her," he adds warningly. "She's already been hurt too many times in the past." The warmth in his eyes is Olivia's undoing. She can feel tears beginning to form.
"Buzz..." She can't get anymore words out past the lump in her throat.
He cups her cheek and pats it gently. "You know I only want the best for you."
She nods through the blurry haze of tears that have taken over her vision.
"And I expect you to help this one," he gestures at Natalia. "Take good care of her and my grandchild."
"You know I will."
He nods. "I do. I know what a kind, generous heart that you keep under that mask you show the world."
The tears are flowing more freely down Olivia's face now and she wipes at them in aggravation, embarrassed that she's gotten this emotional. Natalia catches her hand and gently pulls it back down to her side. Then she begins to smooth the tears from Olivia's cheeks with the pad of her thumb, before she simply pulls Olivia into a full embrace.
"I think I'm the lucky one," Natalia says quietly, her mouth against Olivia's ear.
All Olivia can do is hold onto her tightly, because even with how things have progressed between them for the past few weeks, she never thought they would be here. It's amazing and overwhelming. She buries her face into the crook of Natalia's neck and hopes that she understands how important she is to her.
*** *** ***
Frank finds her when Olivia goes in search of food. It's so well timed that even Natalia has no doubt that it was planned. Which means he's been watching them. She wishes she didn't feel so disturbed by that. There is nothing wrong with them or their relationship and the thought of Frank staring at them and judging them makes her skin crawl.
"You, uh, left before I had a chance to say goodbye last night."
What is she supposed to say to that? Natalia wants to know. Does he want her to say that she was avoiding him? If she was Olivia that's exactly what she would say, and maybe she should say it. If she does, it will certainly surprise Frank. But she is not Olivia, and she doesn't want to be. They are the perfect balance for each other as they are.
"Are you enjoying the barbecue, Frank?" It's not a particular subtle evasion, but it has the virtue of preventing her from lying to him which her other possible comments do not.
Frank sniffs, and looks down. "Apparently not as much as you and Olivia."
Natalia wants to snap at him, to demand to know what that's supposed to mean. They've been doing nothing wrong - nothing at all really, except for holding hands or the occasional embrace. Her hands clench into fists at her sides and Natalia makes an effort to uncurl them. She smiles, but it's forced, not real.
"We are enjoying ourselves, actually. It's a beautiful day for a barbecue."
"Natalia," Frank takes an urgent step toward her. "I think you should take some time and think about this."
"Think about what, Frank?"
"What you really want to do now that you're pregnant." He holds up a hand before she can speak. "I know you think you know how you feel, but it's different now. You need to think about the baby and what's best for you and it."
A discreet cough from a few feet away catches their attention. Phillip is smiling amiably, like he hasn't overheard most of their conversation and doesn't realize that he's interrupting an argument.
"Frank." He greets the detective politely and then turns his attention to Natalia. "Sorry. I think Blake was looking for you just a minute ago. Something about wanting to ask if you'd confirmed some details for a luncheon?" He raises his eyebrows and shrugs his shoulders, disclaiming any responsibility for the message he's brought.
Natalia glances between he and Frank. "I should see what Blake needs," Natalia agrees. She begins to walk away, but stops before she's gone more than a few feet and turns back. "Frank? I know what I want and what I need. Even now. I don't need to think about it." She's trembling like a leaf caught in a winter gale when she turns away but she doesn't fall apart.
Phillip is silent as they walk away, silent until they're out of Frank's hearing. "There was no message - from Blake," he clarifies, and then shrugs. "You just looked like you could use an excuse to get away."
Natalia looks over sharply, surprised by his gesture. "Thank you."
He nods and rubs a hand across his face. "What you said, when you came to my office that day about Olivia and Emma, it helped. I owed you one."
Natalia shakes her head quickly. "It doesn't work that way. I didn't do it because I wanted something from you."
"I know," Phillip says amiably. "You did it because you love them both."
Her words from that day, Natalia remembers. She marvels at her boldness then and at how natural those words had felt when she said them. She hadn't been panicked or stricken by nerves once she'd said it. In that moment, she had meant it in any and every way that Phillip chose to take it. It hadn't even required bravery. She wishes for that strength and certainty every day.
"I do," she says simply.
"I'm happy for them - for Olivia. She deserves to be loved like that."
She's not sure what to say to that, but she's spared from having to figure it out by Olivia approaching.
"Hey!" If she's a little bit surprised to see Phillip and Natalia standing together, she doesn't say it. "I've been looking for you."
"Yeah?"
"Mmm-hmm. Emma wants you to watch. The water fight is about to start."
Natalia grins, smiling at both of them. "Well, we can't miss that."
Olivia takes her hand and holds Natalia back, letting Phillip get ahead of them.
"Phillip didn't say anything to you, did he?" Olivia's concern is obvious. "He said he was okay with us the other day, but..."
"No," Natalia jumps in quickly before Olivia can get the wrong impression. "Actually he was being very nice. He overheard Frank and I talking and he..." Natalia trails off as Olivia rubs at the bridge of her nose. It's definitely one of her tells, a sure sign that she's frustrated or angry or just needs another moment to collect her thoughts. "What's wrong?"
"Frank," Olivia says succinctly. "Frank is what's wrong."
"Olivia, he has a right to be a part of his child's life."
"But not to make your life miserable," Olivia counters. "Tell me the baby was the only thing he was interested in."
But Natalia can't tell her that. She won't lie to Olivia. Occasionally, or more than occasionally, they avoid the truth or simply don't discuss it. They're good at denial; they've had lots of practice, but they don't lie to one another directly. "I can't change what Frank thinks, or what he wants," Natalia says slowly, "But I can show him that we work." She holds up their joined hands. "And we'll keep showing him until he gets it, okay?"
Olivia frowns, but Natalia can see the tension easing out of her body. "It could take a while," Olivia points out. She refrains from making any more comments about Frank, but she's starting to lose what sympathy she has for him. She knows what it's like to be the one not chosen. She knows how badly it hurts and how impossible it can seem to get over a broken heart, but she has certainly had to do it enough times. If she can do it then Frank can certainly figure out how to man up and get over it. He needs to move on with his life. It's what's best for all of them.
"That's okay," Natalia replies with a smile, flashing both dimples at Olivia. "I don't mind. I think we have plenty of time to keep showing him - and everyone else - how we feel."
Olivia feels dizzy and breathless because what Natalia just said sounds a lot like forever. It's not that she doesn't want them to be forever, hasn't dreamed of them spending the rest of their lives together, but to hear it from Natalia's mouth is something else entirely. It's wonderful, and something that she never believed could really happen.
"So you're okay with this?" Olivia asks, rapidly trying to pull herself back together. It wouldn't do to ruin her image by falling apart at Natalia's feet. Only Natalia gets to see that, not the rest of Springfield.
"This?" Natalia asks for clarification.
"Us, being here together, in front of all these people. Frank, Father Ray, Rafe, Josh, Phillip. Everyone."
Natalia stops walking, and cups Olivia's cheek in her hand. "I told you before that I'm scared of everything."
Olivia nods, remembering that day on the bench.
"And I am," Natalia continues. "But the thought of losing you...that scares me even more."
"You won't lose me," Olivia denies the possibility quickly.
"No," Natalia says slowly, "But I might break your heart. No matter how scary standing out in the open with you is, I don't want to have to live in shadows and hide. There is nothing wrong with the way I feel about you. I love you, and I want to be with you. I might forget that, and I might be scared sometimes, but I won't ever stop wanting what we have. Showing that to people...I'm not loud. I don't make statements or attract attention. I'm good at keeping my head down and following the rules. Today reminded me of the goodness in people. It's so easy to be overwhelmed by everyone who's upset, that I forget about everyone else. About Blake and Josh and Phillip."
Olivia laughs softly, a sound of wonder. "You surprise me all the time, you know? In the best way possible."
"Me?" Natalia demands. "My life has been one big surprise since you walked into it!"
Olivia sighs. "Everything is always my fault."
"Oh please," Natalia remains unimpressed with her dramatics. "You love every minute of it, you troublemaker."
"A girl has to stay busy somehow," Olivia admits with a laugh and a shrug.
"I guess I'll just have to think of something to keep you occupied then."
"Anything," Olivia says and this time it's Natalia who's left breathless by the honesty that she hears in Olivia's voice.
*** *** ***
Darkness has fallen now and everything is gently illuminated by glowing lights dispersed throughout the patio and backyard. Emma is darting around, full of impatience, in a group of children mostly her own age. The fireworks are supposed to start any moment.
Olivia and Natalia linger at the edge of the group, standing in shadow as they watch Emma play. The heat of the day has slipped away and a soft breeze gently rifles through the trees. Music drifts out across the yard from a radio someone turned on earlier in the day, presumably to check for late afternoon rain. It is the fourth of July after all, but there's none to be found. It's a perfect summer's night.
The first fireworks explode overhead and childish squeals follow adult laughter filling the night air. No one is watching them. Instead everyone is focused on the colorful displays of heat and light and sound in the air high above them.
Olivia holds out her hand to Natalia. "Dance with me."
Natalia laughs and puts her hand in Olivia's. She can't help but look around at all of the other people. Buzz and Lillian sitting a little bit too close together at a card table, their heads bent together, talking and not looking at the fireworks at all. Beth and Phillip standing near to one another, but looking painfully separate. Blake slapping Frank's shoulder playfully. None of them are looking their way, all too involved with their own lives to be paying attention to anyone else.
"Are you serious?" She asks with a smile playing over her face, bringing out her dimples.
"Of course, I'm serious!" Olivia is trying to sound hurt, but Natalia can hear the playfulness in her voice as well. "I'm always serious."
At that Natalia does laugh. "You're hardly ever serious."
"I'm always serious when it comes to you," Olivia counters softly.
The quiet statement takes Natalia's breath away and just that simply, she steps into Olivia's arms, draping her arms around Olivia's neck. Olivia steps closer until their bodies are touching and her hands slip around Natalia's waist. They sway together gently, paying no mind to the music or the fireworks overhead.
"This day was perfect," Natalia whispers as she lays her head on Olivia's shoulder.
"You think?" Olivia asks, wonder in her voice. How Natalia can say that after everything that's happened...
"We were together," Natalia tells her. "Rafe was here, even if he didn't stay long. Everyone knows for the most part and...nothing happened. The world didn't end. Frank is still angry." She hesitates and Olivia's hand begins to run soothingly up and down her back. She curls closer into Olivia. "But there's nothing I can do that would make him happy except to agree to marry him and I'm not going to do that," she states definitively.
"I'm glad."
And Natalia holds Olivia just a little bit tighter, because that's the first time she's admitted that she doesn't want Natalia to marry Frank. Even when she confessed her love over Gus' grave, she's never asked Natalia to give anything up for her. In fact, she's discouraged it - discouraged her. She knows how much Olivia wants her. She has no doubt of that, but she also wants Olivia to be willing to fight for her, to believe that she's no less worthy or capable of giving Natalia what she needs and wants than Frank.
"I am too," Natalia agrees softly. "You know," she continues as their soft swaying brings another group of people into her line of sight, and something occurs to her, "I saw Father Ray the other day."
"Oh?"
"He told me that feeling sick was my body's way of telling me that there was something wrong in my life."
Olivia stiffens, almost stopping their gentle motion short.
"I told him," Natalia adds, "That it had nothing to do with that. And I was right. It has nothing to do with my feelings for you being wrong." She stops and steps back so that she can meet Olivia's eyes. "You're the best thing in my life, right now. You and Emma and Rafe." She sniffles, emotion welling up in her as she speaks. "And I don't know what I would have done without you the past few days."
"You would have been fine," Olivia says gently, as she wipes away Natalia's tears. "You've done this before with no one's help and you could do it again. But," Olivia adds quickly. "You don't have to this time. Because I want to be there for you and with you the whole time."
Her fingers stroke across Natalia's cheek, not in an effort to cheer her up, but simply because Olivia wants to touch her and now she has the freedom and permission to do so.
"I'm glad." Natalia pauses, turning her head into Olivia's touch as her eyes drift closed. "I was so scared that this child would mean you wouldn't want me - want us." She speaks so quietly that even standing in each other's arms, Olivia can barely hear her.
"No, Natalia. No." Olivia stops and takes a deep breath, her forehead pressing against Natalia's. "Listen to me. You could never do anything that would make me stop wanting you. You didn't ask for this, but you know what? This is life. I didn't expect," Olivia continues softly, "to fall in love with you. I never thought I would want to live on a farm out in the country more than anywhere else in the world. I didn't expect to become the person that I am today, but all of that is because of you, and I don't regret a minute of it. I want you to know that."
"Thank you," Natalia whispers, wrapping her arms more tightly around Olivia.
"Oh, you're most definitely welcome."
Natalia laughs and tilts her head back to look up at Olivia. Her eyes are shining and the sudden explosion over head throws red and green and blue highlights into her hair. Olivia is smiling and looking at Natalia like she can't see anything else. It's an expression that Natalia has seen too many times to count. She's familiar with its intensity but it never fails to take her breath away. It never had - even before she knew what that look in Olivia's eyes meant. Now she knows, and Natalia realizes, everyone else knows too. There's nothing else that she has to hide. Everything is out in the open and she can just let go. Today is their independence day after all.
Natalia smiles. She can feel dimples tugging at her cheeks as she tilts her head and leans in. Her eyes don't drift shut. Instead her gaze stays locked with Olivia as their lips meet. Only then does she fall into sensation. Somehow until the moment that their lips touch, Natalia has forgotten just how soft Olivia's lips are, just how right they feel against her own. This time, however, there is no need to pull away. She can allow herself to full enjoy this moment. Her fingers thread into Olivia's hair, holding her close as Olivia responds and slowly deepens their kiss.
Most of all kissing Olivia feels right. She doesn't feel any different than before. No one changes so completely in a single moment or even overnight. Even as her lips cling and taste Olivia's again and again, Natalia can still feel nervous butterflies in her stomach, and she knows when this moment is over the first thing that she'll do is look around. The thought of people watching them, judging them still makes her tremble.
What is different are the little changes. If someone is watching them and they may well be, Natalia will feel it and be aware of it, but she won't let it stop her. She won't let it make her regret this moment, because Natalia is right where she wants to be, ending the night in Olivia's arms.
Fandom: Guiding Light
Characters: Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera
Category: Angst, but the good kind. Romance, Drama.
Rating: PG
Word count: 5,601
Summary: What if Natalia had talked to Olivia before she left the farmhouse?
Spoilers: For the 7/01/09 episode.
Author's Note: I took the s/l of doom and not only embraced it, but made out with it. Then we had little fic babies. Which is probably not the best metaphor given everything, but there you have it. Please to be not killing me for this fic. Also many thanks to
lbecka and q_wordy13 both for the beta. I very much appreciate both of their words and insight. They are the bests kinds of betas that offered detailed criticism on both the writing and how it is written. Disclaimer: All characters (Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, Emma Spencer & Fetus Rivera) and situations belong to Guiding Light, Telenext, Proctor & Gamble, etc. I'm not them.
Part One || Part Two || Part Three || Part Four || Part Five || Part Six(a)
Olivia is grateful for the shade. The sun has moved on from pleasantly warm and graduated to down right hot. Her shirt sticks uncomfortably to her back and she wonders how Natalia is faring out in the heat. She still has reservations about the other woman running this race with Emma, but knows that Natalia doesn't want to let her daughter down.
"What the hell?" The startled verbal explosion from behind her whips Olivia around and brings her face to face with Rafe. "What is she doing?" Rafe glares at her, expecting an answer and Olivia has no idea where this is coming from.
Oh, she expects the anger. Rafe is angry at them right now, but she's no where near Natalia, and that should make him happy. Olivia feels her own temper beginning to stir. That's her kid out there with Natalia and if Rafe continues this confrontation where Emma could be hurt by it, well, there's no telling what she might do.
"Emma asked her to run the three legged race with her." Olivia's voice loses its harsh edge as she begins to talk about her daughter. "Apparently your Mom is faster than I am and Em really wants to win."
Rafe doesn't seem to be content with her explanation, however. "How could you let her do that?" He demands again. "Does what your kid wants mean that much to you? You say you love my mom, but you make her do that? In her condition!"
Olivia almost laughs. She manages to choke it back at the last second, but it's a close thing. "First of all," she says slowly, stepping closer to him. "I didn't - and don't - make Natalia do anything. She wanted to run that race with Emma. I tried to talk her out of it and she insisted. So don't take this out on me." Olivia pauses and lowers her voice. "And second, if you're so worried about your mother, why don't you go over there and actually talk to her instead of yelling at her. That hurts her a lot more than what she's doing right now."
Rafe is shaking his head. "I can't!" He tugs at his hair and takes a step back. "I shouldn't have come. I didn't want to see any of this!"
"What?" Olivia challenges him. "A family. What do you think is going to happen here, Rafe? We're at a barbecue with half the town! I'm not going to-" She bites her words off and looks down. She can't even finish her sentence. "She has a lot going on right now, Rafe. Especially with this baby." She sighs and looks up at him again. "I know you don't want to hear this, but I am going to be there for her and help her every way that I can. Anything that she needs. But she needs you too. Your support - for her, even if it's not for us - would mean everything to her right now. Think about it."
Rafe doesn't say anything as he backs away and his eyes are still hard and glittering, but Olivia can see the cracks beginning to form in his angry facade. There's only so long that he can keep this up.
She turns her attention back to Natalia and Emma just in time to see them cross the finish line. Their stumbling effort brings a small smile to her face. The closer she gets to them the more she can feel the tension from her confrontation with Rafe draining away. By the time she gets back over to them, she's smiling easily again and wraps them both in an embrace, consoling Emma over her loss as they walk away together.
Emma tugs at her hand a moment later. "Why weren't you and Rafe in the race? He was with you, and you said you wanted to be on his team," Emma reminds her.
Olivia shares a startled look with Natalia, wishing that sometimes Emma didn't have such a good memory. "I don't think he felt like racing today, Jellybean."
"Oh." Emma sounds disappointed by his lack of enthusiasm. On her other side, Natalia just looks worried and Olivia gives her a small smile over Emma's head that she hopes is reassuring. Her conversation with Rafe - if it can really be called a conversation - wasn't all sunshine and roses, but Olivia still finds herself almost cheerful about it. Or maybe it's just this day. She can't seem to stop smiling. There are moments when she stops and looks around that she can't believe she's really here in front of all of these people with Natalia and Emma as a true family.
Olivia lets go of Emma's hand to wrap her arm around her daughter's shoulders and gives them a squeeze. "Maybe next year." And Olivia really means it. There's no way to tell where they'll be in a year, but she can't help but think that things will be better. Rafe will have had more time to get used to her and Natalia as a couple, and Olivia has a feeling that he won't be able to hold out against his mother's unconditional love for much longer. His little outburst - while still annoying - was full of concern, albeit misguided - for his mother. It's not much yet, but it's a start.
"Em, why don't you go get some lemonade for Natalia? You both look all hot and sweaty," Olivia teases her daughter.
As predicted, Emma wrinkles her nose at her mother's comment but runs off in the direction of the table where all of the food and drinks are being kept. When Emma is out of earshot, Olivia reaches out to touch Natalia's wrist. The gesture gets her attention immediately, as she glances away from watching Emma and turns her attention back to Olivia.
"I'm not really thirsty." Natalia admits.
"I know." Olivia shrugs. "You do look hot though." She can't resist the little emphasis on the next to last word. She's Olivia Spencer. Loving Natalia might have changed her in so many ways - mostly all for the good - but she's no saint.
Natalia flushes, and as much as Olivia might like to see how their conversation could progress further in this very pleasant direction, she knows that Emma will only be gone for so long.
"Rafe was worried about you." Olivia comments gently. "He was upset that you were running the race in your condition." Okay, so maybe she's paraphrasing a little bit, but what's important is that Rafe was concerned about Natalia, not how he spoke to her. She can deal with that for now.
Natalia is surprised. "Really?"
Olivia nods in confirmation.
"I need to talk to him," Natalia says thoughtfully. "Did he say anything about us?"
There's a moment where she debates telling Natalia the rest. There's not really a decision to make, however. She doesn't want to lie to Natalia. Not when she's ruined so many of the best things in her life with lies.
"He was upset that I wasn't taking care of you better."
Natalia frowns, upset with her son's continued behavior toward Olivia.
"But it wasn't your fault. I wanted to do it."
"I know. He was just worried," Olivia soothes her. "He's angry right now, and he doesn't know how to deal with it, so it's coming out at everyone."
Natalia gives her a startled look. "When did you get so perceptive?"
Olivia lets out a slightly bitter laugh. "This may come as a surprise to you, but I happen to know something about that kind of anger."
Her dry comment draws a small smile from Natalia just as she intended. "So what do you think I should do then?"
Olivia takes a deep breath. "I hate the way he's been talking to you. If it were up to me..." she lets the words trail off. She knows that Natalia will always be ready to forgive her son, no matter what he says to her. It's just another part of who Natalia is and one that Olivia happens to love. But she also wants Natalia to know that if it were up to her, no one would speak to her the way that Rafe has been. "But it's not." She continues. "I think you should give him time. Whether he wants to admit it or not, he's coming around. He can't stay angry at you forever, and today he was more worried than angry. Before he knows it, he'll forget about being angry at all."
A shaky breath escapes Natalia at her words. "Do you really think so?"
"I do," Olivia reassures her, hoping against hope that she's right and that this isn't all just some pleasant fiction that she's spinning for both of them.
"Okay." Natalia fits her hand into Olivia's. "Then lets go see what Emma's getting into."
Olivia groans at the thought of the mischief Emma could have gotten into in their momentary absence. There's no telling what her very bright and creative daughter has come up with now - and because she's Olivia's daughter, there's no doubt that she's come up with something. Even if it's something as relatively innocent as hustling her big sister at a game of croquet.
*** *** ***
Someone steps in front of her and Natalia looks up from where she's been staring into her drink, lost in thought. Her automatic smile freezes as she realizes that it's Buzz standing there.
He, on the other hand is smiling broadly and Natalia realizes with an immediate sinking feeling that he knows.
"Hi, Buzz," she says simply. There's no sense in pretending that they aren't going to have this conversation, but she isn't going to be the one to bring it up. She hasn't had time to think about telling everyone yet or what she's going to tell them.
"Frank came by last night," Buzz says, still smiling and looking happier than she's seen him since before Coop's death. "He said I'm going to be a grandfather - again." He's rocking back and forth on his feet almost bouncing up and down, full of the same incredible Cooper energy that Frank has and she once enjoyed being swept up in. Natalia regrets not being comfortable with the Coopers anymore. She misses their family. Buzz has done so much for her.
"It's going to be great," Buzz continues. "You'll see, Natalia."
Natalia takes a deep breath. "I'm still getting used to the idea," she admits slowly. "Honestly, I don't think it's completely sunk in yet."
He laughs. "Isn't that always the way it is until the moment they're in your arms? You might think that you're ready for anything, but you never quite are." He sounds wistful and she wonders what he's remembering. Perhaps getting to hold his own children for the first time?
"Hey, Buzz." Olivia's warm greeting startles Natalia.
"Olivia." He glances between the two women. "I was just congratulating Natalia. It's great news."
Olivia glances quickly over at Natalia, a little bit surprised that the other woman told Buzz about them. A smile tugs at her lips. She's proud of Natalia for facing Buzz, and for braving his disapproval without her there, even if he doesn't seem upset right now. She knows how much Buzz and the Coopers' good opinion means to Natalia. She's never wanted to hurt any of them.
"Olivia went with me to the hospital," Natalia confirms.
"That's great," Buzz enthuses. "Natalia is lucky to have you as a friend."
Olivia's smile falters for an instant as she realizes that this isn't the conversation she thought it was. She pushes back her disappointment in the next moment. Her smile grows confident again and she slips her arm around Natalia's waist. "Actually, I think I'm the lucky one." She sees Buzz's brow furrow. His head tilts and he gives her a quizzical look. It's the next instant when understanding blossoms in his eyes and he finally gets it.
"You're-?" He shakes his head as if he can't believe it. "This is why you've been so happy lately?"
Olivia nods, waiting to see how he's going to react. Buzz has always been one of the people who knows and understands her the best, but this is different. There's Frank's side to consider and of course, their own difficult history. She knows he still feels guilty that she chose Frank over him.
"I'm in love with her, Buzz." Maybe it will make a difference, and maybe it won't. But Olivia wants him to know what she's feeling is real. "You've seen how happy she makes me."
"What about Frank, and this baby?" Buzz asks.
"I'm not stopping Frank from having a part in my baby's life," Natalia steps into the conversation. "But he needs to understand how I feel about Olivia isn't going to change." Her words hold a determination and strength that almost surprise Olivia.
She knows this side of Natalia. It's the same side that kept her alive through the weeks in the hospital when she wanted to die, the one that pursued her when she was afraid this love would be too much for Natalia to handle. But Olivia isn't used to seeing Natalia act like this with other people. She really likes it.
Buzz's smile has dimmed a little bit and his ceaseless motion has stilled. Olivia straightens, tensing for the blow - emotional and verbal, rather than physical - that she's sure is about to come. She won't let him hurt Natalia. She'll step in before he can.
"I'm sorry that you're not going to marry Frank. You would have made him a very lucky man." He pauses and takes a deep breath before he continues on. "I'll be honest; when I heard you were pregnant, I hoped you might reconsider marrying him. He's a good man, Natalia."
"I know, Buzz."
"But..." He drawls out the word. "I guess I understand now why you couldn't. If your heart belongs to someone else it wouldn't be right to be with him."
"No, it wouldn't. That's why I couldn't go through with marrying him. Whether I wanted to admit it or not, Olivia had already had my heart for a long time. I didn't mean to lead Frank on. I'm sorry that I hurt him, but I couldn't keep hurting Olivia."
It all feels surreal to Olivia. She can't believe they're standing here having this conversation with Buzz. She can't believe the things - wonderful things - that Natalia is saying. She's heard them before. She knows Natalia loves her, but hearing her say it to someone else makes it real in a way that nothing else has. Olivia feels faint and lightheaded at the rush of emotion that revelation brings with it.
"She deserves that," Buzz says firmly, finding Olivia's eyes and holding her gaze. "She deserves someone who knows her and loves her that much. Don't hurt her," he adds warningly. "She's already been hurt too many times in the past." The warmth in his eyes is Olivia's undoing. She can feel tears beginning to form.
"Buzz..." She can't get anymore words out past the lump in her throat.
He cups her cheek and pats it gently. "You know I only want the best for you."
She nods through the blurry haze of tears that have taken over her vision.
"And I expect you to help this one," he gestures at Natalia. "Take good care of her and my grandchild."
"You know I will."
He nods. "I do. I know what a kind, generous heart that you keep under that mask you show the world."
The tears are flowing more freely down Olivia's face now and she wipes at them in aggravation, embarrassed that she's gotten this emotional. Natalia catches her hand and gently pulls it back down to her side. Then she begins to smooth the tears from Olivia's cheeks with the pad of her thumb, before she simply pulls Olivia into a full embrace.
"I think I'm the lucky one," Natalia says quietly, her mouth against Olivia's ear.
All Olivia can do is hold onto her tightly, because even with how things have progressed between them for the past few weeks, she never thought they would be here. It's amazing and overwhelming. She buries her face into the crook of Natalia's neck and hopes that she understands how important she is to her.
*** *** ***
Frank finds her when Olivia goes in search of food. It's so well timed that even Natalia has no doubt that it was planned. Which means he's been watching them. She wishes she didn't feel so disturbed by that. There is nothing wrong with them or their relationship and the thought of Frank staring at them and judging them makes her skin crawl.
"You, uh, left before I had a chance to say goodbye last night."
What is she supposed to say to that? Natalia wants to know. Does he want her to say that she was avoiding him? If she was Olivia that's exactly what she would say, and maybe she should say it. If she does, it will certainly surprise Frank. But she is not Olivia, and she doesn't want to be. They are the perfect balance for each other as they are.
"Are you enjoying the barbecue, Frank?" It's not a particular subtle evasion, but it has the virtue of preventing her from lying to him which her other possible comments do not.
Frank sniffs, and looks down. "Apparently not as much as you and Olivia."
Natalia wants to snap at him, to demand to know what that's supposed to mean. They've been doing nothing wrong - nothing at all really, except for holding hands or the occasional embrace. Her hands clench into fists at her sides and Natalia makes an effort to uncurl them. She smiles, but it's forced, not real.
"We are enjoying ourselves, actually. It's a beautiful day for a barbecue."
"Natalia," Frank takes an urgent step toward her. "I think you should take some time and think about this."
"Think about what, Frank?"
"What you really want to do now that you're pregnant." He holds up a hand before she can speak. "I know you think you know how you feel, but it's different now. You need to think about the baby and what's best for you and it."
A discreet cough from a few feet away catches their attention. Phillip is smiling amiably, like he hasn't overheard most of their conversation and doesn't realize that he's interrupting an argument.
"Frank." He greets the detective politely and then turns his attention to Natalia. "Sorry. I think Blake was looking for you just a minute ago. Something about wanting to ask if you'd confirmed some details for a luncheon?" He raises his eyebrows and shrugs his shoulders, disclaiming any responsibility for the message he's brought.
Natalia glances between he and Frank. "I should see what Blake needs," Natalia agrees. She begins to walk away, but stops before she's gone more than a few feet and turns back. "Frank? I know what I want and what I need. Even now. I don't need to think about it." She's trembling like a leaf caught in a winter gale when she turns away but she doesn't fall apart.
Phillip is silent as they walk away, silent until they're out of Frank's hearing. "There was no message - from Blake," he clarifies, and then shrugs. "You just looked like you could use an excuse to get away."
Natalia looks over sharply, surprised by his gesture. "Thank you."
He nods and rubs a hand across his face. "What you said, when you came to my office that day about Olivia and Emma, it helped. I owed you one."
Natalia shakes her head quickly. "It doesn't work that way. I didn't do it because I wanted something from you."
"I know," Phillip says amiably. "You did it because you love them both."
Her words from that day, Natalia remembers. She marvels at her boldness then and at how natural those words had felt when she said them. She hadn't been panicked or stricken by nerves once she'd said it. In that moment, she had meant it in any and every way that Phillip chose to take it. It hadn't even required bravery. She wishes for that strength and certainty every day.
"I do," she says simply.
"I'm happy for them - for Olivia. She deserves to be loved like that."
She's not sure what to say to that, but she's spared from having to figure it out by Olivia approaching.
"Hey!" If she's a little bit surprised to see Phillip and Natalia standing together, she doesn't say it. "I've been looking for you."
"Yeah?"
"Mmm-hmm. Emma wants you to watch. The water fight is about to start."
Natalia grins, smiling at both of them. "Well, we can't miss that."
Olivia takes her hand and holds Natalia back, letting Phillip get ahead of them.
"Phillip didn't say anything to you, did he?" Olivia's concern is obvious. "He said he was okay with us the other day, but..."
"No," Natalia jumps in quickly before Olivia can get the wrong impression. "Actually he was being very nice. He overheard Frank and I talking and he..." Natalia trails off as Olivia rubs at the bridge of her nose. It's definitely one of her tells, a sure sign that she's frustrated or angry or just needs another moment to collect her thoughts. "What's wrong?"
"Frank," Olivia says succinctly. "Frank is what's wrong."
"Olivia, he has a right to be a part of his child's life."
"But not to make your life miserable," Olivia counters. "Tell me the baby was the only thing he was interested in."
But Natalia can't tell her that. She won't lie to Olivia. Occasionally, or more than occasionally, they avoid the truth or simply don't discuss it. They're good at denial; they've had lots of practice, but they don't lie to one another directly. "I can't change what Frank thinks, or what he wants," Natalia says slowly, "But I can show him that we work." She holds up their joined hands. "And we'll keep showing him until he gets it, okay?"
Olivia frowns, but Natalia can see the tension easing out of her body. "It could take a while," Olivia points out. She refrains from making any more comments about Frank, but she's starting to lose what sympathy she has for him. She knows what it's like to be the one not chosen. She knows how badly it hurts and how impossible it can seem to get over a broken heart, but she has certainly had to do it enough times. If she can do it then Frank can certainly figure out how to man up and get over it. He needs to move on with his life. It's what's best for all of them.
"That's okay," Natalia replies with a smile, flashing both dimples at Olivia. "I don't mind. I think we have plenty of time to keep showing him - and everyone else - how we feel."
Olivia feels dizzy and breathless because what Natalia just said sounds a lot like forever. It's not that she doesn't want them to be forever, hasn't dreamed of them spending the rest of their lives together, but to hear it from Natalia's mouth is something else entirely. It's wonderful, and something that she never believed could really happen.
"So you're okay with this?" Olivia asks, rapidly trying to pull herself back together. It wouldn't do to ruin her image by falling apart at Natalia's feet. Only Natalia gets to see that, not the rest of Springfield.
"This?" Natalia asks for clarification.
"Us, being here together, in front of all these people. Frank, Father Ray, Rafe, Josh, Phillip. Everyone."
Natalia stops walking, and cups Olivia's cheek in her hand. "I told you before that I'm scared of everything."
Olivia nods, remembering that day on the bench.
"And I am," Natalia continues. "But the thought of losing you...that scares me even more."
"You won't lose me," Olivia denies the possibility quickly.
"No," Natalia says slowly, "But I might break your heart. No matter how scary standing out in the open with you is, I don't want to have to live in shadows and hide. There is nothing wrong with the way I feel about you. I love you, and I want to be with you. I might forget that, and I might be scared sometimes, but I won't ever stop wanting what we have. Showing that to people...I'm not loud. I don't make statements or attract attention. I'm good at keeping my head down and following the rules. Today reminded me of the goodness in people. It's so easy to be overwhelmed by everyone who's upset, that I forget about everyone else. About Blake and Josh and Phillip."
Olivia laughs softly, a sound of wonder. "You surprise me all the time, you know? In the best way possible."
"Me?" Natalia demands. "My life has been one big surprise since you walked into it!"
Olivia sighs. "Everything is always my fault."
"Oh please," Natalia remains unimpressed with her dramatics. "You love every minute of it, you troublemaker."
"A girl has to stay busy somehow," Olivia admits with a laugh and a shrug.
"I guess I'll just have to think of something to keep you occupied then."
"Anything," Olivia says and this time it's Natalia who's left breathless by the honesty that she hears in Olivia's voice.
*** *** ***
Darkness has fallen now and everything is gently illuminated by glowing lights dispersed throughout the patio and backyard. Emma is darting around, full of impatience, in a group of children mostly her own age. The fireworks are supposed to start any moment.
Olivia and Natalia linger at the edge of the group, standing in shadow as they watch Emma play. The heat of the day has slipped away and a soft breeze gently rifles through the trees. Music drifts out across the yard from a radio someone turned on earlier in the day, presumably to check for late afternoon rain. It is the fourth of July after all, but there's none to be found. It's a perfect summer's night.
The first fireworks explode overhead and childish squeals follow adult laughter filling the night air. No one is watching them. Instead everyone is focused on the colorful displays of heat and light and sound in the air high above them.
Olivia holds out her hand to Natalia. "Dance with me."
Natalia laughs and puts her hand in Olivia's. She can't help but look around at all of the other people. Buzz and Lillian sitting a little bit too close together at a card table, their heads bent together, talking and not looking at the fireworks at all. Beth and Phillip standing near to one another, but looking painfully separate. Blake slapping Frank's shoulder playfully. None of them are looking their way, all too involved with their own lives to be paying attention to anyone else.
"Are you serious?" She asks with a smile playing over her face, bringing out her dimples.
"Of course, I'm serious!" Olivia is trying to sound hurt, but Natalia can hear the playfulness in her voice as well. "I'm always serious."
At that Natalia does laugh. "You're hardly ever serious."
"I'm always serious when it comes to you," Olivia counters softly.
The quiet statement takes Natalia's breath away and just that simply, she steps into Olivia's arms, draping her arms around Olivia's neck. Olivia steps closer until their bodies are touching and her hands slip around Natalia's waist. They sway together gently, paying no mind to the music or the fireworks overhead.
"This day was perfect," Natalia whispers as she lays her head on Olivia's shoulder.
"You think?" Olivia asks, wonder in her voice. How Natalia can say that after everything that's happened...
"We were together," Natalia tells her. "Rafe was here, even if he didn't stay long. Everyone knows for the most part and...nothing happened. The world didn't end. Frank is still angry." She hesitates and Olivia's hand begins to run soothingly up and down her back. She curls closer into Olivia. "But there's nothing I can do that would make him happy except to agree to marry him and I'm not going to do that," she states definitively.
"I'm glad."
And Natalia holds Olivia just a little bit tighter, because that's the first time she's admitted that she doesn't want Natalia to marry Frank. Even when she confessed her love over Gus' grave, she's never asked Natalia to give anything up for her. In fact, she's discouraged it - discouraged her. She knows how much Olivia wants her. She has no doubt of that, but she also wants Olivia to be willing to fight for her, to believe that she's no less worthy or capable of giving Natalia what she needs and wants than Frank.
"I am too," Natalia agrees softly. "You know," she continues as their soft swaying brings another group of people into her line of sight, and something occurs to her, "I saw Father Ray the other day."
"Oh?"
"He told me that feeling sick was my body's way of telling me that there was something wrong in my life."
Olivia stiffens, almost stopping their gentle motion short.
"I told him," Natalia adds, "That it had nothing to do with that. And I was right. It has nothing to do with my feelings for you being wrong." She stops and steps back so that she can meet Olivia's eyes. "You're the best thing in my life, right now. You and Emma and Rafe." She sniffles, emotion welling up in her as she speaks. "And I don't know what I would have done without you the past few days."
"You would have been fine," Olivia says gently, as she wipes away Natalia's tears. "You've done this before with no one's help and you could do it again. But," Olivia adds quickly. "You don't have to this time. Because I want to be there for you and with you the whole time."
Her fingers stroke across Natalia's cheek, not in an effort to cheer her up, but simply because Olivia wants to touch her and now she has the freedom and permission to do so.
"I'm glad." Natalia pauses, turning her head into Olivia's touch as her eyes drift closed. "I was so scared that this child would mean you wouldn't want me - want us." She speaks so quietly that even standing in each other's arms, Olivia can barely hear her.
"No, Natalia. No." Olivia stops and takes a deep breath, her forehead pressing against Natalia's. "Listen to me. You could never do anything that would make me stop wanting you. You didn't ask for this, but you know what? This is life. I didn't expect," Olivia continues softly, "to fall in love with you. I never thought I would want to live on a farm out in the country more than anywhere else in the world. I didn't expect to become the person that I am today, but all of that is because of you, and I don't regret a minute of it. I want you to know that."
"Thank you," Natalia whispers, wrapping her arms more tightly around Olivia.
"Oh, you're most definitely welcome."
Natalia laughs and tilts her head back to look up at Olivia. Her eyes are shining and the sudden explosion over head throws red and green and blue highlights into her hair. Olivia is smiling and looking at Natalia like she can't see anything else. It's an expression that Natalia has seen too many times to count. She's familiar with its intensity but it never fails to take her breath away. It never had - even before she knew what that look in Olivia's eyes meant. Now she knows, and Natalia realizes, everyone else knows too. There's nothing else that she has to hide. Everything is out in the open and she can just let go. Today is their independence day after all.
Natalia smiles. She can feel dimples tugging at her cheeks as she tilts her head and leans in. Her eyes don't drift shut. Instead her gaze stays locked with Olivia as their lips meet. Only then does she fall into sensation. Somehow until the moment that their lips touch, Natalia has forgotten just how soft Olivia's lips are, just how right they feel against her own. This time, however, there is no need to pull away. She can allow herself to full enjoy this moment. Her fingers thread into Olivia's hair, holding her close as Olivia responds and slowly deepens their kiss.
Most of all kissing Olivia feels right. She doesn't feel any different than before. No one changes so completely in a single moment or even overnight. Even as her lips cling and taste Olivia's again and again, Natalia can still feel nervous butterflies in her stomach, and she knows when this moment is over the first thing that she'll do is look around. The thought of people watching them, judging them still makes her tremble.
What is different are the little changes. If someone is watching them and they may well be, Natalia will feel it and be aware of it, but she won't let it stop her. She won't let it make her regret this moment, because Natalia is right where she wants to be, ending the night in Olivia's arms.
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Is it possible to wear Youtube out? I may have viewed those clips once or twice.
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Love your icon, btw.
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I'll be sorry to see this end, both the tv show and this story...well done
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I think that's the only reason that I'm not completely sad about the show ending. At least we get to see them go out happy. If it had dragged on, we probably would have gotten more of them, but eventually something would have had to break them a part and if they'd had them cheat with someone else it would really have pissed me off.
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awesome, absolutely awesome... but can someone slap Frank please?... This is going to be favourited, saved, stored and cherished... love it, thank you for sharing
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Yay for Phillip yet again. So need to hug Grant in NYC in Oct.
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I like slightly evil and crazy Phillip.
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I agree though. I would have loved to see Olivia really get her perfect day. It would have been beautiful.
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Olivia's voice looses its harsh edge - I think you meant "loses"
"You do look hot though." She can't resist the little emphasis on the next to last word. She's Olivia Spencer. Loving Natalia might have changed her in so many ways - mostly all for the good - but she's no saint. - Hehe
"He's angry right now, and he doesn't know how to deal with it, so it's coming out at everyone." / Natalia gives her a startled look. "When did you get so perceptive?" / Olivia lets out a slightly bitter laugh. "This may come as a surprise to you, but I happen to know something about that kind of anger." - Oooh, neat.
"This is why you've been so happy lately?" - Awww :D
She knows this side of Natalia. It's the same side that kept her alive through the weeks in the hospital when she wanted to die, the one that pursued her when she was afraid this love would be too much for Natalia to handle. But Olivia isn't used to seeing Natalia act like this with other people. She really likes it. - Neat
You would have made him a very luck man. - "lucky"
Whether I wanted to admit it or not, Olivia had already had my heart for a long time. I didn't mean to lead Frank on. I'm sorry that I hurt him, but I couldn't keep hurting Olivia - Cool!!
OK, the whole bit from when Buzz says Olivia deserves love to the asterisks is one big poke in the heart. Total squee and awww.
But she is not Olivia, and she doesn't want to be. They are the perfect balance for each other as they are. - Neat!
"Apparently not as much as you and Olivia." - Shut up Frank. ...oh that felt good. It's been weird to not hate Frank when watching the show.
Ooh, I would have loved to see a convo between Phillip and Frank on the show; Frank fighting for his baby and the love he has for Natalia, Phillip fighting for what's best for Emma and Olivia.
Something about wanting to ask if you'd confirmed some details for a luncheon? - Hehehe, Otalia's 'Coming Out' luncheon, maybe? ;)
"No matter how scary standing out in the open with you is, I don't want to have to live in shadows and hide. There is nothing wrong with the way I feel about you. I love you, and I want to be with you. I might forget that, and I might be scared sometimes, but I won't ever stop wanting what we have. Showing that to people...I'm not loud. I don't make statements or attract attention. I'm good at keeping my head down and following the rules. Today reminded me of the goodness in people. It's so easy to be overwhelmed by everyone who's upset, that I forget about everyone else. - Love that.
Olivia sighs. "Everything is always my fault." / "Oh please," Natalia remains unimpressed with her dramatics. "You love every minute of it, you troublemaker." - Hehehe
Dig the bit about it being a perfect day.
I didn't expect," Olivia continues softly, "to fall in love with you. I never thought I would want to live on a farm out in the country more than anywhere else in the world. I didn't expect to become the person that I am today, but all of that is because of you, and I don't regret a minute of it. I want you to know that." - Very cool.
she knows when this moment is over the first thing that she'll do is look around. The thought of people watching them, judging them still makes her tremble. / If someone is watching them and they may well be, Natalia will feel it and be aware of it, but she won't let it stop her. She won't let it make her regret this moment, because Natalia is right where she wants to be, ending the night in Olivia's arms. - I dig that.
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I totally did. Heh. That's one that I've never been able to get straight. What can I say? I'm an idiot. Thanks for pointing that out and the other one too!
OK, the whole bit from when Buzz says Olivia deserves love to the asterisks is one big poke in the heart. Total squee and awww.
I love Buzz and Olivia and their past. Plus, I just think he would be cool about the whole thing.
Shut up Frank. ...oh that felt good. It's been weird to not hate Frank when watching the show.
I know, right? Took long enough for us to love him though didn't it? Geez! And it's still a moment by moment basis with him. He can't seem to make up his mind whether he wants to be an ass or not.
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Guuuh. You've just put the stupidest, sappiest grin on my face. All is right with the world. Olivia and Natalia are together and in love, Olivia doesn't care what anyone else thinks, Natalia has a backbone. Most everyone is happy for them. And to top it all off, there's fireworks!
Marvelous chapter. Can't wait for the last one.
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Awww! I like making people happy. :D I guess I should really change it from angst to mush up there at this point.
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AMEN!
this is great, managed to miss a few chapters so gonna go back and play catch-up and then read this gem again.
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