Title: The End of Her World
Fandom: Guiding Light
Characters: Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera
Category: Angst, but the good kind. Romance, Drama.
Rating: PG...for now.
Word count: 2,723
Summary: What if Natalia had talked to Olivia before she left the farmhouse?
Spoilers: For the 7/01/09 episode.
Author's Note: I took the s/l of doom and not only embraced it, but made out with it. Then we had little fic babies. Which is probably not the best metaphor given everything, but there you have it. Please to be not killing me for this fic. Also many thanks to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
lbecka and ![[profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
q_wordy13 both for the beta. I very much appreciate both of their words and insight. They are the bests kinds of betas that offered detailed criticism on both the writing and how it is written.
Disclaimer: All characters (Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, Emma Spencer & Fetus Rivera) and situations belong to Guiding Light, Telenext, Proctor & Gamble, etc. I'm not them.
Part One
"Mom?" Emma sounds confused and a little bit worried. She's a very bright little girl and well attuned to the moods of her mother and Natalia. "Are we still leaving?"
Olivia steps back from their embrace, letting the fingers of one hand trail down to clasp Natalia's forearm. She holds her other hand out to Emma, who tucks herself against Olivia's side without protest. Olivia leans over to place a kiss on top of her daughter's head.
Emma's presence is a sudden reminder of everything else that they're still dealing with. She still doesn't know about them and it's making Olivia more and more nervous as time passes. She doesn't want to have to hide this from her daughter anymore. It's getting harder and harder every day and she definitely doesn't want Emma to find out the same way that Rafe did.
Olivia has a brief thought of the barbecue that they're supposed to attend tomorrow - together, and pushes it out of her mind just as quickly. She has to focus on the moment. If she doesn't, all the challenges that are stacking up in front of them will start to seem impossible to overcome. Still, she was never one to back down from a challenge. No, she charges straight ahead and dares anyone to try and stop her. It's something of a specialty of hers, and she isn't about to give up on one of the best things she's ever had happen to her.
Olivia gives Emma's thin body one last squeeze, and then cups her daughter's chin and tilts her face up.
"I think we're going to have to skip the ice cream today, Jellybean."
"But, Mom...." Emma protests. "You promised!"
Olivia laughs, because even in moments like this one - when she's just had one of the biggest shocks of her life - Emma can still cheer her up. Her little girl reminds her so much of the best parts of herself. She only hopes that her own darkness doesn't end up seeping into Emma.
"Tomorrow," Olivia says firmly, and gives Emma a no-nonsense look to back up her words.
Emma pouts, pulling back and crossing her arms over her chest.
"Why don't you go check on the ducks?" Olivia suggests. Diversions are nearly always a sound strategic move. "Jane will be here in a little while to pick you up. Natalia and I have some things we need to take care of and I think you'd be bored."
Emma frowns, not happy about it, but knows better than to protest. Spending the afternoon with Jane isn't so bad. There's always the possibility that she can talk Jane into some ice cream, after all. Still, it's not how she wants spend her afternoon. She'd been looking forward to today all week. She can't get too upset, though. There's still tomorrow and the barbecue to look forward to.
When Olivia looks back at Natalia, her gaze is following Emma as she practically skips out of the room. She bites her lip and looks up Olivia.
"How are we going to tell her?"
Olivia shrugs. She doesn't have all of the answers yet or maybe even any at all. "I don't know. We'll think of something." She squeezes Natalia's hand reassuringly. "It's going to be okay." Olivia isn't quite sure where this faith is coming from. She's never been one to believe that things will work out for the best. Usually the opposite is true for her. But this time she wants to believe, and she needs Natalia to believe it too. So, she'll keep saying it and saying it until it becomes true, until Natalia starts to believe again.
Natalia doesn't respond and Olivia wishes she could erase the haunted look from her eyes. "Let me call Jane to come get Emma. We can go when she gets here."
*** *** ***
They're in Cedars, surrounded by the horrible green walls that Olivia has seen far too much over the past two years. Of course, Natalia has been by her side for much of that time, one way or another. Today, however, is different. This time it's Natalia up on the hospital bed and not her.
It's taking an eternity for the technician to come in and take Natalia's blood. Olivia can't stand the waiting any longer. She's up out of the chair and pacing back and forth in front of Natalia's bed. She knows Natalia is scared and she hates feeling helpless. She can't do anything to make this better, except simply be here for Natalia, but it doesn't feel like enough.
"Olivia!" Natalia winces at the harsh tone of her own voice, as Olivia stops pacing and looks over at her quickly. She hadn't intended to speak so sharply, but watching Olivia's restless pacing is only making her more and more nervous. She still doesn't know exactly what's going through Olivia's mind. Since they looked at the pregnancy test, and Olivia asked her what she wanted, Olivia hasn't said much. It's only adding to the queasy feeling in the pit of her stomach.
Natalia bites her lip and holds her hand out to Olivia, who crosses the distance between them in two long strides and takes Natalia's hand. Their fingers lace together, and Olivia's thumb glides back and forth over the back of Natalia's hand in a tender caress. Olivia seems transfixed by the simple play of skin against skin and Natalia doesn't want the moment to end. Olivia has always had this power over her to make the rest of the world disappear. At times, it's frightened Natalia, how easily and eagerly she can fall under Olivia's spell. Right now, she craves losing herself in Olivia, in forgetting what she's here to find out.
Instead Natalia focuses on the look of adoration in Olivia's eyes, the way a strand of brunette hair has fallen out from behind her ear and down into her face. She takes in the line of her jaw and the gentle swell of her full, intoxicating lips.
"You are so beautiful." Natalia whispers the words reverently, so caught up in Olivia that she barely realizes that she's spoken them aloud.
She sees Olivia flush, a hint of red tinting her cheek, as she looks over at Natalia. How she has this power over Olivia Spencer still amazes and slightly terrifies her. Olivia's green eyes are staring directly into her own now, and Natalia finds herself getting lost in them. She has seen Olivia so many different ways - hard, and sharp and full of anger, willing to inflict it on anyone, no matter the cost to them or herself, but vulnerable, tender of heart and incredibly generous when it's least expected - but she loves Olivia like this best of all. Because, in this moment, Olivia is completely open to her. There is nothing hidden or guarded about the way she's looking at Natalia. Everything she feels and thinks is in her eyes, obvious for anyone who's there to see it.
The door to the room swings open without warning. Natalia's focus is jerked away from Olivia, who startles at the sudden noise and starts to pull away. Natalia simply holds on tighter, waiting until she can find Olivia's gaze again and hold it. She doesn't want to let go. She isn't sure she can do this if she has to do it by herself. She needs this tactile connection, and she is not embarrassed or ashamed to be seen holding Olivia's hand.
Olivia nods and squeezes her hand reassuringly, offering her a brief smile. Natalia cherishes it for the effort. She knows that Olivia must be just as nervous as she is, if her recent pacing is any indication.
"Okay, Ms. Rivera, hold out your arm," the technician chirps brightly, drawing her attention away from Olivia.
Natalia does as she asks and preempts her next request by pulling up her sleeve. If the technician notes or cares that Olivia is still holding her hand, Natalia doesn't notice. She's too focused on the blood filling the small vial connected to the needle that's in her arm. The answers to this test will dictate the course of her future.
And just that simply, revelation comes. This moment will matter, yes. Having a child is certainly life-altering. Natalia should know, but Olivia is still here, in this hospital room with her, holding her hand, loving her, and she is pregnant with someone else's child. The child of the man that Natalia almost married. So, yes, this changes everything, but in the same breath, nothing has changed. Olivia is still here with her and Natalia knows that whatever happens now she wants that - needs that - and she will do anything to keep Olivia in her life.
It's as simple and as complicated as that.
Natalia follows the technician's movements with her eyes, watching as she places the vial in a stand with others, before putting a band-aid on Natalia's arm and then going back to label the vial of blood.
"Okay, Ms. Rivera, all done," the technician continues cheerily. "If you want to take a seat out in the waiting room, we'll have the results out to you in a little while."
Olivia doesn't let go of her hand, but helps her off of the bed. She still doesn't let go as they collect their purses and head for the waiting room.
*** *** ***
"I was by myself, when I found out I was pregnant with Rafe." Natalia is mostly just thinking aloud, but she feels Olivia tense beside her on the hard bench where they're sitting.
"Gus was gone?" Olivia asks softly, even though she pretty much knows the answer to this question already. She, too, remembers how she found out she was going to be a teenage mother. Neither of them had an easy experience. With Emma it was different. She was happy, even as she was surprised, confused and terrified.
"I didn't know it when I found out, but yes, he was already gone." Natalia takes a deep shuddering breath. "I had to tell my parents by myself. There was no question of 'doing the right thing' and getting married."
"Natalia-"
But the other woman cuts her off with a gentle squeeze of her thigh. "That's not what I meant, Olivia." She looks over at the older woman for the first time since they've been sitting here. "This is the right thing. If I am." She can't quite finish the sentence yet. Saying it aloud to Olivia once had been hard enough. "I know it is. I don't have any doubts about that."
Natalia swallows. "My parents were so disappointed when I said I wasn't willing to put Rafe up for adoption. They thought I was being foolish, and irresponsible. I was shaming the entire family and I just wouldn't stop embarrassing them. Every time they looked at him, it was just another reminder of the mistakes I had made, and the way I was ruining their good reputation for everyone to see." Her fists clench. "I couldn't stand it."
"I did, you know." Natalia glances over at her quickly, surprised that she's suddenly breaking her silence, but Olivia is staring straight ahead. "I put Ava up for adoption." She gives her head a small shake, as if she's dispelling a long ago memory that's caught her in its grasp once more. "I don't regret it," she says firmly. "It was the right choice for me." She looks over at Natalia to make sure that she understands the distinction in those last two words. "But what you did, Natalia, raising Rafe by yourself, I know how much strength that took. I know how hard you worked to provide a home for him and to raise him to be a good man." Olivia reaches for her and then hesitates, her hand frozen in mid air as if she isn't certain of how her gesture will be received.
Natalia takes the decision out of her control by cupping her hand and bringing it to her cheek, holding Olivia's hand against her face.
Olivia smiles, but it looks slightly strained as if she's trying to hold back some greater emotion. "You are amazing, for raising Rafe the way you did, and for what it matters, I am so proud of you." She swallows again, but continues to meet Natalia's gaze. "But know that for as long as you want me in your life, I will do my best to make this easier on you than the last time. I want to be there for you and help you, because I love you."
"Olivia...." The emotion in Olivia's voice humbles Natalia. It robs her of words and coherency, leaving her only with an overwhelming rush of emotion. Tears well up in her eyes.
Whatever she's struggling to find words to say, however, is lost when the Doctor appears in front of them and clears her throat to get their attention.
Together they smoothly stand to receive the test results, as if their actions had been choreographed.
She is still all smiles as she holds the papers with the test results on them out to Natalia.
"Congratulations, Ms. Rivera. You're pregnant."
The words echo in Natalia's mind and she realizes distantly that the woman is still speaking but she doesn't quite understand what she's saying. There's something about scheduling a sonogram. Honestly, she hopes Olivia is paying attention right now, because she just can't focus.
Olivia.
That's when her mind jerks everything back into focus and she looks over at her companion. Natalia's heart immediately jumps into her throat, because it's been some time since she's seen Olivia look so pale. She's trembling and Natalia realizes, barely in time, that Olivia's knees are about to give out on her. She grabs Olivia's upper arms and gently guides the other woman back into a seat on the bench behind them.
"Olivia," she says forcefully. "Look at me, Olivia." Green eyes snap up to meet hers, but Natalia can tell that Olivia isn't quite focused. They look hazy and distant. "Tell me what's wrong," Natalia continues. "Is it your heart?" Because always, always when it comes to Olivia that will be her first and deepest fear, worse now than when Olivia wanted to die. Because now it's not just the last part of her dead husband that Natalia is fighting to keep alive, it's what is keeping the woman that she loves - that she cannot live without - alive.
Olivia shakes her head, but remains mute.
For Natalia, the first sharp pangs of fear are gone now, but in their place something more insidious is slipping in to fill the void that it's left. Worry, nagging but present, is making her wonder if this is the moment that Olivia will realize that this is all too much. She needs Olivia to say something. She has to know what she's thinking.
"Olivia?" This time Natalia is pleading, the neediness in her voice slipping out uncontrollably.
Whatever Olivia hears in her voice, it seems to be enough to slip her out of her daze. She grasps Natalia's upper arms.
"You're pregnant," Olivia says. There's a hint of bemusement in her voice, not wonder, but certainly surprise.
"You thought-"
Olivia shakes her head quickly. "I just wanted to be sure. It wasn't real until we were sure."
"Oh." Natalia can certainly understand that. She's not quite sure that it's real for her yet. She's been too worried about Olivia. She sinks into a seat beside her, the impact of what's been said suddenly sinking in for her as well. "I'm pregnant."
It's only the second time now that she's said the words aloud, and this time she isn't merely worried. She knows for sure. And it is all so very, very real now.
"Yeah, you are." Olivia's voice lifts her out of the spiral that her mind has been sinking down into.
When Natalia looks over at her, she's actually smiling. It's small, and not in the least obnoxious, or overly cheerful. It's merely Olivia looking back at her with love, and confidence, and understanding shining in her eyes.
And for the first time, Natalia thinks, Okay. Okay, maybe, just maybe, everything is going to be all right.
Fandom: Guiding Light
Characters: Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera
Category: Angst, but the good kind. Romance, Drama.
Rating: PG...for now.
Word count: 2,723
Summary: What if Natalia had talked to Olivia before she left the farmhouse?
Spoilers: For the 7/01/09 episode.
Author's Note: I took the s/l of doom and not only embraced it, but made out with it. Then we had little fic babies. Which is probably not the best metaphor given everything, but there you have it. Please to be not killing me for this fic. Also many thanks to
lbecka and q_wordy13 both for the beta. I very much appreciate both of their words and insight. They are the bests kinds of betas that offered detailed criticism on both the writing and how it is written. Disclaimer: All characters (Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, Emma Spencer & Fetus Rivera) and situations belong to Guiding Light, Telenext, Proctor & Gamble, etc. I'm not them.
Part One
"Mom?" Emma sounds confused and a little bit worried. She's a very bright little girl and well attuned to the moods of her mother and Natalia. "Are we still leaving?"
Olivia steps back from their embrace, letting the fingers of one hand trail down to clasp Natalia's forearm. She holds her other hand out to Emma, who tucks herself against Olivia's side without protest. Olivia leans over to place a kiss on top of her daughter's head.
Emma's presence is a sudden reminder of everything else that they're still dealing with. She still doesn't know about them and it's making Olivia more and more nervous as time passes. She doesn't want to have to hide this from her daughter anymore. It's getting harder and harder every day and she definitely doesn't want Emma to find out the same way that Rafe did.
Olivia has a brief thought of the barbecue that they're supposed to attend tomorrow - together, and pushes it out of her mind just as quickly. She has to focus on the moment. If she doesn't, all the challenges that are stacking up in front of them will start to seem impossible to overcome. Still, she was never one to back down from a challenge. No, she charges straight ahead and dares anyone to try and stop her. It's something of a specialty of hers, and she isn't about to give up on one of the best things she's ever had happen to her.
Olivia gives Emma's thin body one last squeeze, and then cups her daughter's chin and tilts her face up.
"I think we're going to have to skip the ice cream today, Jellybean."
"But, Mom...." Emma protests. "You promised!"
Olivia laughs, because even in moments like this one - when she's just had one of the biggest shocks of her life - Emma can still cheer her up. Her little girl reminds her so much of the best parts of herself. She only hopes that her own darkness doesn't end up seeping into Emma.
"Tomorrow," Olivia says firmly, and gives Emma a no-nonsense look to back up her words.
Emma pouts, pulling back and crossing her arms over her chest.
"Why don't you go check on the ducks?" Olivia suggests. Diversions are nearly always a sound strategic move. "Jane will be here in a little while to pick you up. Natalia and I have some things we need to take care of and I think you'd be bored."
Emma frowns, not happy about it, but knows better than to protest. Spending the afternoon with Jane isn't so bad. There's always the possibility that she can talk Jane into some ice cream, after all. Still, it's not how she wants spend her afternoon. She'd been looking forward to today all week. She can't get too upset, though. There's still tomorrow and the barbecue to look forward to.
When Olivia looks back at Natalia, her gaze is following Emma as she practically skips out of the room. She bites her lip and looks up Olivia.
"How are we going to tell her?"
Olivia shrugs. She doesn't have all of the answers yet or maybe even any at all. "I don't know. We'll think of something." She squeezes Natalia's hand reassuringly. "It's going to be okay." Olivia isn't quite sure where this faith is coming from. She's never been one to believe that things will work out for the best. Usually the opposite is true for her. But this time she wants to believe, and she needs Natalia to believe it too. So, she'll keep saying it and saying it until it becomes true, until Natalia starts to believe again.
Natalia doesn't respond and Olivia wishes she could erase the haunted look from her eyes. "Let me call Jane to come get Emma. We can go when she gets here."
*** *** ***
They're in Cedars, surrounded by the horrible green walls that Olivia has seen far too much over the past two years. Of course, Natalia has been by her side for much of that time, one way or another. Today, however, is different. This time it's Natalia up on the hospital bed and not her.
It's taking an eternity for the technician to come in and take Natalia's blood. Olivia can't stand the waiting any longer. She's up out of the chair and pacing back and forth in front of Natalia's bed. She knows Natalia is scared and she hates feeling helpless. She can't do anything to make this better, except simply be here for Natalia, but it doesn't feel like enough.
"Olivia!" Natalia winces at the harsh tone of her own voice, as Olivia stops pacing and looks over at her quickly. She hadn't intended to speak so sharply, but watching Olivia's restless pacing is only making her more and more nervous. She still doesn't know exactly what's going through Olivia's mind. Since they looked at the pregnancy test, and Olivia asked her what she wanted, Olivia hasn't said much. It's only adding to the queasy feeling in the pit of her stomach.
Natalia bites her lip and holds her hand out to Olivia, who crosses the distance between them in two long strides and takes Natalia's hand. Their fingers lace together, and Olivia's thumb glides back and forth over the back of Natalia's hand in a tender caress. Olivia seems transfixed by the simple play of skin against skin and Natalia doesn't want the moment to end. Olivia has always had this power over her to make the rest of the world disappear. At times, it's frightened Natalia, how easily and eagerly she can fall under Olivia's spell. Right now, she craves losing herself in Olivia, in forgetting what she's here to find out.
Instead Natalia focuses on the look of adoration in Olivia's eyes, the way a strand of brunette hair has fallen out from behind her ear and down into her face. She takes in the line of her jaw and the gentle swell of her full, intoxicating lips.
"You are so beautiful." Natalia whispers the words reverently, so caught up in Olivia that she barely realizes that she's spoken them aloud.
She sees Olivia flush, a hint of red tinting her cheek, as she looks over at Natalia. How she has this power over Olivia Spencer still amazes and slightly terrifies her. Olivia's green eyes are staring directly into her own now, and Natalia finds herself getting lost in them. She has seen Olivia so many different ways - hard, and sharp and full of anger, willing to inflict it on anyone, no matter the cost to them or herself, but vulnerable, tender of heart and incredibly generous when it's least expected - but she loves Olivia like this best of all. Because, in this moment, Olivia is completely open to her. There is nothing hidden or guarded about the way she's looking at Natalia. Everything she feels and thinks is in her eyes, obvious for anyone who's there to see it.
The door to the room swings open without warning. Natalia's focus is jerked away from Olivia, who startles at the sudden noise and starts to pull away. Natalia simply holds on tighter, waiting until she can find Olivia's gaze again and hold it. She doesn't want to let go. She isn't sure she can do this if she has to do it by herself. She needs this tactile connection, and she is not embarrassed or ashamed to be seen holding Olivia's hand.
Olivia nods and squeezes her hand reassuringly, offering her a brief smile. Natalia cherishes it for the effort. She knows that Olivia must be just as nervous as she is, if her recent pacing is any indication.
"Okay, Ms. Rivera, hold out your arm," the technician chirps brightly, drawing her attention away from Olivia.
Natalia does as she asks and preempts her next request by pulling up her sleeve. If the technician notes or cares that Olivia is still holding her hand, Natalia doesn't notice. She's too focused on the blood filling the small vial connected to the needle that's in her arm. The answers to this test will dictate the course of her future.
And just that simply, revelation comes. This moment will matter, yes. Having a child is certainly life-altering. Natalia should know, but Olivia is still here, in this hospital room with her, holding her hand, loving her, and she is pregnant with someone else's child. The child of the man that Natalia almost married. So, yes, this changes everything, but in the same breath, nothing has changed. Olivia is still here with her and Natalia knows that whatever happens now she wants that - needs that - and she will do anything to keep Olivia in her life.
It's as simple and as complicated as that.
Natalia follows the technician's movements with her eyes, watching as she places the vial in a stand with others, before putting a band-aid on Natalia's arm and then going back to label the vial of blood.
"Okay, Ms. Rivera, all done," the technician continues cheerily. "If you want to take a seat out in the waiting room, we'll have the results out to you in a little while."
Olivia doesn't let go of her hand, but helps her off of the bed. She still doesn't let go as they collect their purses and head for the waiting room.
*** *** ***
"I was by myself, when I found out I was pregnant with Rafe." Natalia is mostly just thinking aloud, but she feels Olivia tense beside her on the hard bench where they're sitting.
"Gus was gone?" Olivia asks softly, even though she pretty much knows the answer to this question already. She, too, remembers how she found out she was going to be a teenage mother. Neither of them had an easy experience. With Emma it was different. She was happy, even as she was surprised, confused and terrified.
"I didn't know it when I found out, but yes, he was already gone." Natalia takes a deep shuddering breath. "I had to tell my parents by myself. There was no question of 'doing the right thing' and getting married."
"Natalia-"
But the other woman cuts her off with a gentle squeeze of her thigh. "That's not what I meant, Olivia." She looks over at the older woman for the first time since they've been sitting here. "This is the right thing. If I am." She can't quite finish the sentence yet. Saying it aloud to Olivia once had been hard enough. "I know it is. I don't have any doubts about that."
Natalia swallows. "My parents were so disappointed when I said I wasn't willing to put Rafe up for adoption. They thought I was being foolish, and irresponsible. I was shaming the entire family and I just wouldn't stop embarrassing them. Every time they looked at him, it was just another reminder of the mistakes I had made, and the way I was ruining their good reputation for everyone to see." Her fists clench. "I couldn't stand it."
"I did, you know." Natalia glances over at her quickly, surprised that she's suddenly breaking her silence, but Olivia is staring straight ahead. "I put Ava up for adoption." She gives her head a small shake, as if she's dispelling a long ago memory that's caught her in its grasp once more. "I don't regret it," she says firmly. "It was the right choice for me." She looks over at Natalia to make sure that she understands the distinction in those last two words. "But what you did, Natalia, raising Rafe by yourself, I know how much strength that took. I know how hard you worked to provide a home for him and to raise him to be a good man." Olivia reaches for her and then hesitates, her hand frozen in mid air as if she isn't certain of how her gesture will be received.
Natalia takes the decision out of her control by cupping her hand and bringing it to her cheek, holding Olivia's hand against her face.
Olivia smiles, but it looks slightly strained as if she's trying to hold back some greater emotion. "You are amazing, for raising Rafe the way you did, and for what it matters, I am so proud of you." She swallows again, but continues to meet Natalia's gaze. "But know that for as long as you want me in your life, I will do my best to make this easier on you than the last time. I want to be there for you and help you, because I love you."
"Olivia...." The emotion in Olivia's voice humbles Natalia. It robs her of words and coherency, leaving her only with an overwhelming rush of emotion. Tears well up in her eyes.
Whatever she's struggling to find words to say, however, is lost when the Doctor appears in front of them and clears her throat to get their attention.
Together they smoothly stand to receive the test results, as if their actions had been choreographed.
She is still all smiles as she holds the papers with the test results on them out to Natalia.
"Congratulations, Ms. Rivera. You're pregnant."
The words echo in Natalia's mind and she realizes distantly that the woman is still speaking but she doesn't quite understand what she's saying. There's something about scheduling a sonogram. Honestly, she hopes Olivia is paying attention right now, because she just can't focus.
Olivia.
That's when her mind jerks everything back into focus and she looks over at her companion. Natalia's heart immediately jumps into her throat, because it's been some time since she's seen Olivia look so pale. She's trembling and Natalia realizes, barely in time, that Olivia's knees are about to give out on her. She grabs Olivia's upper arms and gently guides the other woman back into a seat on the bench behind them.
"Olivia," she says forcefully. "Look at me, Olivia." Green eyes snap up to meet hers, but Natalia can tell that Olivia isn't quite focused. They look hazy and distant. "Tell me what's wrong," Natalia continues. "Is it your heart?" Because always, always when it comes to Olivia that will be her first and deepest fear, worse now than when Olivia wanted to die. Because now it's not just the last part of her dead husband that Natalia is fighting to keep alive, it's what is keeping the woman that she loves - that she cannot live without - alive.
Olivia shakes her head, but remains mute.
For Natalia, the first sharp pangs of fear are gone now, but in their place something more insidious is slipping in to fill the void that it's left. Worry, nagging but present, is making her wonder if this is the moment that Olivia will realize that this is all too much. She needs Olivia to say something. She has to know what she's thinking.
"Olivia?" This time Natalia is pleading, the neediness in her voice slipping out uncontrollably.
Whatever Olivia hears in her voice, it seems to be enough to slip her out of her daze. She grasps Natalia's upper arms.
"You're pregnant," Olivia says. There's a hint of bemusement in her voice, not wonder, but certainly surprise.
"You thought-"
Olivia shakes her head quickly. "I just wanted to be sure. It wasn't real until we were sure."
"Oh." Natalia can certainly understand that. She's not quite sure that it's real for her yet. She's been too worried about Olivia. She sinks into a seat beside her, the impact of what's been said suddenly sinking in for her as well. "I'm pregnant."
It's only the second time now that she's said the words aloud, and this time she isn't merely worried. She knows for sure. And it is all so very, very real now.
"Yeah, you are." Olivia's voice lifts her out of the spiral that her mind has been sinking down into.
When Natalia looks over at her, she's actually smiling. It's small, and not in the least obnoxious, or overly cheerful. It's merely Olivia looking back at her with love, and confidence, and understanding shining in her eyes.
And for the first time, Natalia thinks, Okay. Okay, maybe, just maybe, everything is going to be all right.
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Loved the end bit especially, them really realizing that it's happening. Haha, that's exactly what 'ah ha!' moments are like. Looking forward to the next part! ^_^
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I read this great novel one time called Sword Sworn by Jennifer Roberson and that "ah-ha" moment was described as "getting hit over the head by a barstool" and I've loved that idea every since I read it. It's how I picture all of those kind of moments now. :D
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Yeah, IF it has to happen, nicer to see them deal with it in their "2 person team" kinda way. Thanks for this alternative..
And also for smoothly working in their respective backstories as 16 yr. old and pregnant and the different choices they made. THAT would at least resemble character growth or revealing aspects we didn't understand before. That would almost be a good reason to 'go there'.
So for making me look at this scenario in a more open manner - you get many claps. LOL
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I think there's potential there I just wish there wasn't such a short amount of time left for GL to wrap everything up. :(
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Um...*steps back*...wow. Sorry about that rant. Yikes! *wanders off*