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Title: Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow?
Fandom: Guiding Light
Characters: Natalia Rivera, Olivia Spencer, Doris Wolfe, Jamanda, Josh Lewis
Category: Romance, Drama, Angst
Rating: NC-17
Word count: 30,863 (Total)
Summary: Happily Ever After. Ain’t it grand?
Spoilers/Timeline Moving In Day 2.0
Disclaimer: All characters (Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, blah blah etc.) and situations belong to Guiding Light, Telenext, Proctor & Gamble, etc. I'm not them.
Author's Note: For a change, I have nothing to say that isn’t spoilery, so I’ll just shut up.
Beta: Many thanks to aimlessla, and the usual undying appreciation to Rysler for her assistance and nudging me in the right direction.
Part One || Part Two
Part Three
Doris' home wasn't what Natalia had expected. It was nice - domestic looking even. Flowers lined the walk up to the door with carefully tended flowerbeds on either side. Natalia wondered if she had a gardener. It was a ridiculous thought for a ridiculous morning.
She was trying very hard not to be scared sick, worried to death and pissed off. It wasn't working very well. With no clue where Olivia had gone - fled to, really - Natalia had been left with no choice but to search high and low throughout Springfield. The Beacon had been her first stop. The night clerk on duty had actually stopped her in the lobby, taking in her entrance and her disheveled appearance - pajama pants, shirt and slippers that she hadn't bothered to change out of on her way out the door - and asked what she was doing. It had taken a quick, discrete word from the day shift clerk who'd just come in and recognized Natalia for him to let her pass. But it had all been for nothing. Olivia wasn't there and Natalia had grown more frantic.
She went by Towers - closed - and Company, doubtful as it was that Olivia would be there. Natalia had crossed the park, the church, even the parking lot of Farley's off her list. Her fingers had itched to start calling people - Josh, maybe - and ask if he had seen Olivia, but she couldn't bring herself to. He had seen them happy the day before, known and understood what they shared. To admit that she had let that slip through her fingers so quickly... Natalia couldn’t stand the thought of it.
So she went to the last place she could think of, because she needed help and advice. Doris wasn't her favorite person, but Natalia had caught glimpses of the friendship that she and Olivia seemed to share. If anyone could help her find Olivia, it would be Doris - after Doris had her fun and pointed out all the things Natalia had done wrong. Doris had done that before. Then Natalia couldn't deny Doris' words; she had been hiding from so much. Now it was different. Natalia was strong and true. She knew what she wanted and she wasn't afraid to admit it to anyone. She could face anything - would do anything - for Olivia. She just needed to know where she was.
And yet, when she had pulled into Doris' driveway, what Natalia saw made her breath hitch and sent tears of relief slipping down her cheeks - Olivia's car parked haphazardly, her front tire slipping off the pavement and into the grass. Natalia had bitten her lip in dismay, but didn't waste any time throwing her seatbelt off and getting out of the car.
When she knocked on Doris' door there was nothing demure about it. It was more like pounding. Then Natalia bit her lip, fidgeting as she waited for Doris to come to the door. It took long enough that Natalia was raising her hand to knock again when Doris opened the door.
Doris took one look at her and shook her head. "Figures." She stuck her head back inside the house. "Get your butt out here, Spencer. Your girlfriend's here."
Natalia blinked. Was that? ….it was? the first time someone had ever called Olivia her girlfriend? She liked it. Natalia smiled involuntarily. She was still smiling when Olivia came to the door. She was wearing a faded pair of blue jeans and a grey t-shirt. It clung to curves hidden by the way that Olivia's arms were wrapped tightly around her torso.
Doris looked between them, noting the silence, the way that they were staring at one another without moving or speaking. Part of her - the new romantic buoyed by coming clean to Ashlee and her developing friendship with Olivia - was saddened by the thought of these two not working. The more cynical part of her said that she should have known this would never work. As people they were too disparate and their relationship had been pushed too far to ever survive. She should never have become invested in what happened to them. But somehow she had. They had become important to her, and she wanted them to be happy. Even if she hadn't managed to find her own happiness yet.
Doris did sigh then. She felt like giving them advice, telling them not to mess this up. But she was Doris Wolfe. She settled for grumping. "You know, I was having a lovely morning before the two of you showed up."
Olivia glanced over at her, and rolled her eyes. Natalia never looked away from Olivia.
"I'm sorry, Doris."
"There is a gorgeous woman waiting for me upstairs - in my bed. And yet, for some reason I'm down here, with the two of you."
"You're a good friend, Doris," Natalia said softly, but her focus remained on Olivia. She was grateful to Doris for being there for Olivia but she wanted to have Olivia to herself, so she could find out what's wrong. The look on Olivia's face, the way she was holding herself so stiffly, was killing Natalia.
"Damn right I am," Doris agreed, except her heart wasn't really in it. Jamanda was waiting for her in bed, or at least she had been when Olivia had called, asking if she could come over, but she was worried. She didn't want to leave them alone quite yet, not when she had spent so much time in Natalia's absence trying to hold Olivia together. She gave Natalia a hard stare and then touched Olivia's shoulder, giving it a light, barely-there squeeze. "Be sure and lock up behind you when you leave." She grinned; it was more than a little predatory. "I don't want any more interruptions."
What she really meant was that she wanted them to get their asses home, where they belonged. But Doris had a suspicion that wasn't going to happen, not so easily. Then again, she was beginning to learn about betting against Natalia Rivera. That was part of the problem though, from what Olivia had told her before Natalia got there. It was a problem to have, if anyone had asked Doris - a woman who loved you and refused to let you leave.
"Thank you, Doris," Natalia said, using the same tone she had the whole time, calm and even, and not revealing a thing. Her focus still reserved for Olivia.
Still waters running deep, Doris thought, then snorted and turned her back on them. "Sure thing." She tried not to linger or go any slower than usual as she walked toward the back of the house and up the stairs to where Jamanda was waiting. As much as she wanted to see them get this right, Doris knew she could only do so much - and she had done it. It was up to them now. She sure as hell wasn't looking forward to dealing with Olivia if they messed it up again. The first time had been bad enough; she didn't even want to think about round two.
As if by mutual consent they waited until the sound of Doris' slippers scuffing along the floor had faded completely, like some silent signal that it was time for the conversation to begin.
"What are you doing here, Natalia?" Olivia asked, breaking their silence first. She sounded tense and weary. It made Natalia's heart ache. This wasn't how she had wanted to spend the first morning that they were really together.
Natalia took a step forward, touching Olivia’s cheek, unable to stop herself from reaching out to Olivia. If she could just touch her, maybe she could erase this distance between them that was so much more than just the physical. "I was looking for you." A hopeful smile curved over her lips. "I found you. I was worried about you," she admitted.
Olivia closed her eyes and turned her head away from Natalia's touch before she reopened them. "Natalia." The slow drawl of her name wasn't a good sign; neither was the way Olivia pinched her brow. "Where's Emma?"
"At home," Natalia said. "With Jane."
Olivia sighed. "You shouldn't have come."
"Why?" Natalia demanded. As if she had needed confirmation, every bone in her body was telling her that something was badly wrong and she wasn't going to back down until she could fix it.
"Because I-" Olivia bit her own words off, looking down again. "I can't do this, Natalia. I can't." She was almost trembling with the intensity of her words.
"Tell me what's wrong, Olivia," Natalia urge her, stepping closer again. "Just...tell me. I need to know."
"Why? So you can make it better? You can't fix everything, Natalia," Olivia said with weary bitterness.
"How do you know that if you won't let me try?"
Olivia's jaw clenched. "Because broken hearts don't heal overnight. You can't just move me into your house and have sex with me and tell me you love me and expect it to make everything better. It doesn't work that way. You hurt me."
"I know that." Natalia's lip trembled. "But I thought-" She swallowed heavily. "I thought things were getting better. I thought moving back in meant you forgave me." In that moment, Natalia looked as lost as Olivia had ever seen her.
"It did; it does. But it doesn't erase everything that happened. I just - it's too much."
"Too much?" Natalia demanded, her voice starting to rise. "What does that mean, Olivia?"
"I don't know," Olivia said, slumping against the doorframe.
Natalia was at a loss for words. What did she say to that? She scrunched up her forehead. "Are you breaking up with me?" It was a ridiculous question, something she had never even allowed herself to consider, even when she had come back and found Olivia so very angry with her. It simply wasn't going to happen. They would be together. For the first time she felt shaken. She didn't understand how Olivia could hold her and touch her the way she had the night before and then be so cold and distant this morning. It made no sense.
Olivia hesitated. She opened her mouth and then closed it and Natalia couldn't believe it - couldn't believe that after everything they had been through that Olivia wasn't sure, didn't have a definitive answer for her. "Of course not. I just need time. You can understand that, can't you?"
It felt like Natalia didn't have any choice but to agree. She nodded dutifully. What did that even mean? She had thought they had passed the point of no return. She had devoted her life to Olivia and Olivia wasn't sure. She felt like she was going to throw up. Natalia swayed slightly on her feet and instinctively touched her belly, steadying herself.
Olivia's fingers caught the tip of her elbow, her grip firm and reassuring. Natalia wanted so badly just to sink into Olivia's embrace, but she wasn't sure that Olivia wouldn't push her away at this moment. The thought alone was unbearable. Natalia sniffled, ducking her head and trying to hide her sudden surge of emotion from Olivia.
"Will you be home tonight?" Natalia asked the floor, no longer able to meet Olivia's gaze as she had for so long with Doris in the room.
"I..." Olivia hesitated again. "No, I don't think I can, honey. I think I need to stay at the Beacon." The casual endearment was like a knife in Natalia's heart. "Emma-"
"No," Natalia said quickly - too quickly. "Please don't. Let her stay with me." She was holding on so hard. If she let Emma slip through her fingers, she wasn't sure Olivia would ever come back. Where was the solid ground that had been beneath her feet yesterday? The softly spoken promises that they had made to one another and the beautiful moments of the night before?
"Okay," Olivia said, reneging without further persuasion. "It's probably for the best. She just got settled."
Natalia nodded. It was a little too emphatic. "I don't know what I did, Olivia. But I'm sorry. I don't know how, but I want to fix this - whatever's wrong with us - so much. You mean so much to me, more than anyone else ever has. Please let me-" She stopped, biting her lip as Olivia flinched at her pleading words.
"I know," Olivia said softly. "I know you want to fix this, Natalia." She looked away. "But that doesn't make everything better."
"Then tell me what I can do."
Olivia just shrugged, looking frustrated and ready to cry. "I don't know. Don't you think I would-" She shook her head. "I need to go." She hesitated and then brushed a kiss across Natalia's cheek, so briefly and perfunctorily that it made Natalia want to cry even more.
"Fine," Natalia whispered. "I love you."
Olivia didn't respond as she stepped toward the door, pausing to let Natalia precede her and then closing the door behind them both. For a moment, it felt like they could be together. Then Olivia stepped away and headed toward her own car, leaving Natalia behind.
Natalia bit her lip, her nails digging into the skin of her forearm as she watched Olivia pull away. Every muscle in her body so tense, she felt rigid, almost immobile. She wanted to scream and protest and fight back, but she had thought they had declared a truce. The armor and determination that she had wrapped around her heart to keep her safe from the stinging words, the harsh scourge of Olivia's righteous anger when she had returned had dropped the moment it had no longer been necessary. She had wanted back into Olivia's arms - her heart - so badly and then, when she had gotten what she wanted, it was ripped away again.
If she hadn't seen how badly Olivia was hurting herself, she would have said it was revenge.
More than anything Natalia wanted to break down and cry, but she couldn't. If she did, it meant she had given in, given up, admitted that maybe Olivia was right. And she wasn't willing to let go yet.
With determination, Natalia straightened and marched over to her own car. She got in and pulled her phone out of her purse, tapping out a quick message and then hitting send before she could reconsider.
I'll give you as much space as you need, but I need you to know I'll be there. Whenever you're ready.
Natalia waited a moment for a reply she knew wouldn’t come. She had declared her intentions and she wasn't backing down now. She had thought she could stop fighting. She was wrong, but that certainly didn't mean she was going to give up.
There was no doubt in her mind that Olivia was so worth it and she wasn't going to stop now. Not after she had tasted what loving Olivia was really like.
Fandom: Guiding Light
Characters: Natalia Rivera, Olivia Spencer, Doris Wolfe, Jamanda, Josh Lewis
Category: Romance, Drama, Angst
Rating: NC-17
Word count: 30,863 (Total)
Summary: Happily Ever After. Ain’t it grand?
Spoilers/Timeline Moving In Day 2.0
Disclaimer: All characters (Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, blah blah etc.) and situations belong to Guiding Light, Telenext, Proctor & Gamble, etc. I'm not them.
Author's Note: For a change, I have nothing to say that isn’t spoilery, so I’ll just shut up.
Beta: Many thanks to aimlessla, and the usual undying appreciation to Rysler for her assistance and nudging me in the right direction.
Part One || Part Two
Part Three
Doris' home wasn't what Natalia had expected. It was nice - domestic looking even. Flowers lined the walk up to the door with carefully tended flowerbeds on either side. Natalia wondered if she had a gardener. It was a ridiculous thought for a ridiculous morning.
She was trying very hard not to be scared sick, worried to death and pissed off. It wasn't working very well. With no clue where Olivia had gone - fled to, really - Natalia had been left with no choice but to search high and low throughout Springfield. The Beacon had been her first stop. The night clerk on duty had actually stopped her in the lobby, taking in her entrance and her disheveled appearance - pajama pants, shirt and slippers that she hadn't bothered to change out of on her way out the door - and asked what she was doing. It had taken a quick, discrete word from the day shift clerk who'd just come in and recognized Natalia for him to let her pass. But it had all been for nothing. Olivia wasn't there and Natalia had grown more frantic.
She went by Towers - closed - and Company, doubtful as it was that Olivia would be there. Natalia had crossed the park, the church, even the parking lot of Farley's off her list. Her fingers had itched to start calling people - Josh, maybe - and ask if he had seen Olivia, but she couldn't bring herself to. He had seen them happy the day before, known and understood what they shared. To admit that she had let that slip through her fingers so quickly... Natalia couldn’t stand the thought of it.
So she went to the last place she could think of, because she needed help and advice. Doris wasn't her favorite person, but Natalia had caught glimpses of the friendship that she and Olivia seemed to share. If anyone could help her find Olivia, it would be Doris - after Doris had her fun and pointed out all the things Natalia had done wrong. Doris had done that before. Then Natalia couldn't deny Doris' words; she had been hiding from so much. Now it was different. Natalia was strong and true. She knew what she wanted and she wasn't afraid to admit it to anyone. She could face anything - would do anything - for Olivia. She just needed to know where she was.
And yet, when she had pulled into Doris' driveway, what Natalia saw made her breath hitch and sent tears of relief slipping down her cheeks - Olivia's car parked haphazardly, her front tire slipping off the pavement and into the grass. Natalia had bitten her lip in dismay, but didn't waste any time throwing her seatbelt off and getting out of the car.
When she knocked on Doris' door there was nothing demure about it. It was more like pounding. Then Natalia bit her lip, fidgeting as she waited for Doris to come to the door. It took long enough that Natalia was raising her hand to knock again when Doris opened the door.
Doris took one look at her and shook her head. "Figures." She stuck her head back inside the house. "Get your butt out here, Spencer. Your girlfriend's here."
Natalia blinked. Was that? ….it was? the first time someone had ever called Olivia her girlfriend? She liked it. Natalia smiled involuntarily. She was still smiling when Olivia came to the door. She was wearing a faded pair of blue jeans and a grey t-shirt. It clung to curves hidden by the way that Olivia's arms were wrapped tightly around her torso.
Doris looked between them, noting the silence, the way that they were staring at one another without moving or speaking. Part of her - the new romantic buoyed by coming clean to Ashlee and her developing friendship with Olivia - was saddened by the thought of these two not working. The more cynical part of her said that she should have known this would never work. As people they were too disparate and their relationship had been pushed too far to ever survive. She should never have become invested in what happened to them. But somehow she had. They had become important to her, and she wanted them to be happy. Even if she hadn't managed to find her own happiness yet.
Doris did sigh then. She felt like giving them advice, telling them not to mess this up. But she was Doris Wolfe. She settled for grumping. "You know, I was having a lovely morning before the two of you showed up."
Olivia glanced over at her, and rolled her eyes. Natalia never looked away from Olivia.
"I'm sorry, Doris."
"There is a gorgeous woman waiting for me upstairs - in my bed. And yet, for some reason I'm down here, with the two of you."
"You're a good friend, Doris," Natalia said softly, but her focus remained on Olivia. She was grateful to Doris for being there for Olivia but she wanted to have Olivia to herself, so she could find out what's wrong. The look on Olivia's face, the way she was holding herself so stiffly, was killing Natalia.
"Damn right I am," Doris agreed, except her heart wasn't really in it. Jamanda was waiting for her in bed, or at least she had been when Olivia had called, asking if she could come over, but she was worried. She didn't want to leave them alone quite yet, not when she had spent so much time in Natalia's absence trying to hold Olivia together. She gave Natalia a hard stare and then touched Olivia's shoulder, giving it a light, barely-there squeeze. "Be sure and lock up behind you when you leave." She grinned; it was more than a little predatory. "I don't want any more interruptions."
What she really meant was that she wanted them to get their asses home, where they belonged. But Doris had a suspicion that wasn't going to happen, not so easily. Then again, she was beginning to learn about betting against Natalia Rivera. That was part of the problem though, from what Olivia had told her before Natalia got there. It was a problem to have, if anyone had asked Doris - a woman who loved you and refused to let you leave.
"Thank you, Doris," Natalia said, using the same tone she had the whole time, calm and even, and not revealing a thing. Her focus still reserved for Olivia.
Still waters running deep, Doris thought, then snorted and turned her back on them. "Sure thing." She tried not to linger or go any slower than usual as she walked toward the back of the house and up the stairs to where Jamanda was waiting. As much as she wanted to see them get this right, Doris knew she could only do so much - and she had done it. It was up to them now. She sure as hell wasn't looking forward to dealing with Olivia if they messed it up again. The first time had been bad enough; she didn't even want to think about round two.
As if by mutual consent they waited until the sound of Doris' slippers scuffing along the floor had faded completely, like some silent signal that it was time for the conversation to begin.
"What are you doing here, Natalia?" Olivia asked, breaking their silence first. She sounded tense and weary. It made Natalia's heart ache. This wasn't how she had wanted to spend the first morning that they were really together.
Natalia took a step forward, touching Olivia’s cheek, unable to stop herself from reaching out to Olivia. If she could just touch her, maybe she could erase this distance between them that was so much more than just the physical. "I was looking for you." A hopeful smile curved over her lips. "I found you. I was worried about you," she admitted.
Olivia closed her eyes and turned her head away from Natalia's touch before she reopened them. "Natalia." The slow drawl of her name wasn't a good sign; neither was the way Olivia pinched her brow. "Where's Emma?"
"At home," Natalia said. "With Jane."
Olivia sighed. "You shouldn't have come."
"Why?" Natalia demanded. As if she had needed confirmation, every bone in her body was telling her that something was badly wrong and she wasn't going to back down until she could fix it.
"Because I-" Olivia bit her own words off, looking down again. "I can't do this, Natalia. I can't." She was almost trembling with the intensity of her words.
"Tell me what's wrong, Olivia," Natalia urge her, stepping closer again. "Just...tell me. I need to know."
"Why? So you can make it better? You can't fix everything, Natalia," Olivia said with weary bitterness.
"How do you know that if you won't let me try?"
Olivia's jaw clenched. "Because broken hearts don't heal overnight. You can't just move me into your house and have sex with me and tell me you love me and expect it to make everything better. It doesn't work that way. You hurt me."
"I know that." Natalia's lip trembled. "But I thought-" She swallowed heavily. "I thought things were getting better. I thought moving back in meant you forgave me." In that moment, Natalia looked as lost as Olivia had ever seen her.
"It did; it does. But it doesn't erase everything that happened. I just - it's too much."
"Too much?" Natalia demanded, her voice starting to rise. "What does that mean, Olivia?"
"I don't know," Olivia said, slumping against the doorframe.
Natalia was at a loss for words. What did she say to that? She scrunched up her forehead. "Are you breaking up with me?" It was a ridiculous question, something she had never even allowed herself to consider, even when she had come back and found Olivia so very angry with her. It simply wasn't going to happen. They would be together. For the first time she felt shaken. She didn't understand how Olivia could hold her and touch her the way she had the night before and then be so cold and distant this morning. It made no sense.
Olivia hesitated. She opened her mouth and then closed it and Natalia couldn't believe it - couldn't believe that after everything they had been through that Olivia wasn't sure, didn't have a definitive answer for her. "Of course not. I just need time. You can understand that, can't you?"
It felt like Natalia didn't have any choice but to agree. She nodded dutifully. What did that even mean? She had thought they had passed the point of no return. She had devoted her life to Olivia and Olivia wasn't sure. She felt like she was going to throw up. Natalia swayed slightly on her feet and instinctively touched her belly, steadying herself.
Olivia's fingers caught the tip of her elbow, her grip firm and reassuring. Natalia wanted so badly just to sink into Olivia's embrace, but she wasn't sure that Olivia wouldn't push her away at this moment. The thought alone was unbearable. Natalia sniffled, ducking her head and trying to hide her sudden surge of emotion from Olivia.
"Will you be home tonight?" Natalia asked the floor, no longer able to meet Olivia's gaze as she had for so long with Doris in the room.
"I..." Olivia hesitated again. "No, I don't think I can, honey. I think I need to stay at the Beacon." The casual endearment was like a knife in Natalia's heart. "Emma-"
"No," Natalia said quickly - too quickly. "Please don't. Let her stay with me." She was holding on so hard. If she let Emma slip through her fingers, she wasn't sure Olivia would ever come back. Where was the solid ground that had been beneath her feet yesterday? The softly spoken promises that they had made to one another and the beautiful moments of the night before?
"Okay," Olivia said, reneging without further persuasion. "It's probably for the best. She just got settled."
Natalia nodded. It was a little too emphatic. "I don't know what I did, Olivia. But I'm sorry. I don't know how, but I want to fix this - whatever's wrong with us - so much. You mean so much to me, more than anyone else ever has. Please let me-" She stopped, biting her lip as Olivia flinched at her pleading words.
"I know," Olivia said softly. "I know you want to fix this, Natalia." She looked away. "But that doesn't make everything better."
"Then tell me what I can do."
Olivia just shrugged, looking frustrated and ready to cry. "I don't know. Don't you think I would-" She shook her head. "I need to go." She hesitated and then brushed a kiss across Natalia's cheek, so briefly and perfunctorily that it made Natalia want to cry even more.
"Fine," Natalia whispered. "I love you."
Olivia didn't respond as she stepped toward the door, pausing to let Natalia precede her and then closing the door behind them both. For a moment, it felt like they could be together. Then Olivia stepped away and headed toward her own car, leaving Natalia behind.
Natalia bit her lip, her nails digging into the skin of her forearm as she watched Olivia pull away. Every muscle in her body so tense, she felt rigid, almost immobile. She wanted to scream and protest and fight back, but she had thought they had declared a truce. The armor and determination that she had wrapped around her heart to keep her safe from the stinging words, the harsh scourge of Olivia's righteous anger when she had returned had dropped the moment it had no longer been necessary. She had wanted back into Olivia's arms - her heart - so badly and then, when she had gotten what she wanted, it was ripped away again.
If she hadn't seen how badly Olivia was hurting herself, she would have said it was revenge.
More than anything Natalia wanted to break down and cry, but she couldn't. If she did, it meant she had given in, given up, admitted that maybe Olivia was right. And she wasn't willing to let go yet.
With determination, Natalia straightened and marched over to her own car. She got in and pulled her phone out of her purse, tapping out a quick message and then hitting send before she could reconsider.
I'll give you as much space as you need, but I need you to know I'll be there. Whenever you're ready.
Natalia waited a moment for a reply she knew wouldn’t come. She had declared her intentions and she wasn't backing down now. She had thought she could stop fighting. She was wrong, but that certainly didn't mean she was going to give up.
There was no doubt in her mind that Olivia was so worth it and she wasn't going to stop now. Not after she had tasted what loving Olivia was really like.