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Title: Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow?
Fandom: Guiding Light
Characters: Natalia Rivera, Olivia Spencer, Doris Wolfe, Jamanda, Josh Lewis
Category: Romance, Drama, Angst
Rating: NC-17
Word count: 30,863 (Total)
Summary: Happily Ever After. Ain’t it grand?
Spoilers/Timeline Moving In Day 2.0
Disclaimer: All characters (Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, blah blah etc.) and situations belong to Guiding Light, Telenext, Proctor & Gamble, etc. I'm not them.
Author's Note: For a change, I have nothing to say that isn’t spoilery, so I’ll just shut up.
Beta: Many thanks to aimlessla, and the usual undying appreciation to Rysler for her assistance and nudging me in the right direction.
For Rysler, it feels like the world's changed since I wrote this.
Natalia hesitated just inside her bedroom door, then turned and carefully pushed the door closed. She considered for a moment and then locked it. Emma was sound asleep, worn out from her day's activities, and she was unlikely to need them. If she did, well, she could knock. She was a bright little girl and if she needed them, she knew where to find them.
The sound of the shower running drew Natalia's attention. She couldn't help the smile that stole across her face. Olivia was really here - with her - in their bedroom. The thought made her giddy. When she had come back to Springfield and seen the damage that she had done with her absence, getting Olivia back had seemed nearly impossible. There had been days when it seemed like the yearning inside of her would never be answered. Now she was free to touch Olivia and hold her, be with her openly and freely as they had wanted.
Natalia took a step closer to the bathroom. Olivia had carefully given her privacy earlier when Natalia had said she was going up to get a shower after dinner. Almost too carefully, in Natalia's opinion. Not that she had expected anything with Emma still wide awake and running from room to room with her excitement, but she also hadn't expected Olivia to avoid her like the plague. She had been hoping for at least a kiss, a few quiet, breathless moments to themselves. Natalia wanted that desperately and now that Emma was in bed, there was nothing stopping her from going in there with Olivia.
Nothing but the fact that they had never even kissed. When Natalia thought about it, it really was like an old-fashioned marriage. Then she let out a little laugh at that thought. There was nothing traditional about them. They had also waited long enough, Natalia decided. She opened the bathroom door and was greeted by a thick wave of warm, damp air. She hurriedly ducked inside so she didn't let all the warm air out.
It was the middle of summer, but the air conditioning kept the house cool. In contrast, the the bathroom was like a sauna. Natalia took a moment to let her eyes grow accustomed to the slightly dimmer light and and blinked rapidly as she tried to see through the heavy steam that hung in the small room.
Olivia certainly liked her shower hot.
"Em, is that you?" Olivia called out, her voice startling Natalia out of her thoughts.
"No," Natalia called back. "It's me. Emma's in bed."
There was a moment of silence and then the water turned off.
"Natalia?" Olivia sounded worried. "Is everything okay?" The shower curtain was yanked back, revealing Olivia in all her glory. "Is it the ba-by..." She trailed off at the way Natalia's eyes had gone wide.
Natalia swallowed hard. "Uh, yeah, everything is fine." So not my most eloquent statement. What had she been thinking? This wasn't sexy or fun, it was just awkward. "I just..." Natalia shrugged and willed herself to find words. Olivia didn't need more of her fears; she needed certainty and reassurance. "I missed you," Natalia said, smiling because she knew how silly that sounded. "I missed you and I wanted to see you, so here I am. You don't mind, do you?"
Natalia was just proud of the fact that she had formed words and spoken them at the moment. Olivia was stunning - unimaginably gorgeous. It was more than any one part of her - ample breasts, soft tempting curves, well toned legs and sleek arms - it was all of her, her heart and soul and mind. Seeing Olivia this way for the first time, vulnerable and without the armor of a business suit or fuzzy pajamas or even casual, everyday clothes was shocking, life-changing. Never in her wildest dreams could Natalia have imagined that she would feel as much as she did at this moment. She felt an overwhelming desire to touch Olivia, hold her close, press her body up against Olivia's and never let go.
"Mind? no. Pfft," Olivia said with a dismissive wave of her hand, trying to regain her usual cool and not quite managing. Her heart was pounding in her chest. She was always amazed that Natalia didn't make the beeper for her pacemaker go off. "Can you hand me a towel?" Olivia asked after a moment of silence.
"Oh, sure," Natalia said, shaken out of her frozen state by Olivia's request. She pivoted to the cabinet and carefully selected the largest, fluffiest towel, a vestige of Olivia's previous residence. Instead of offering Olivia the towel, she held out her hand.
With a hesitant flick of her eyes up to meet Natalia's, Olivia accepted it and stepped out of the shower. Natalia thanked her with a brilliant smile and a hint of dimples, before she ducked her head and moved around behind Olivia. The soft terry cloth towel looked like a cape draped over Olivia's shoulders. Natalia rubbed briskly over Olivia's shoulders, feeling the knot of tense muscles beneath her hands. She ran the towel up the back of Olivia's neck, brushing the underside of Olivia's pinned-up hair and letting her hands linger there for a moment, massaging more than drying. Almost at once Olivia began to relax, her muscles loosening. She let her head loll, falling back toward Natalia and closing her eyes, only to open them again an instant later.
The mirror, fogged up with condensation, rendered them as nothing more than vague blurs. Olivia took a jerky step forward, leaned heavily against the sink and wiped at the mirror with her bare hand. Water droplets clung, formed, and grew into bigger drops. It wasn't exactly effective but when it was done, Olivia could see Natalia looking back at her. Olivia tried to smile, but the corners of her mouth were weak and fell back into a thin line.
Natalia bent and kissed the top of her shoulder, bared when the towel slipped down Olivia's back as she stepped forward. Natalia wasn't nervous; she was certain. She had a secret weapon: Olivia Spencer melted at her touch. It wasn't something Natalia had always known, but something she had just begun to discover that afternoon. Whenever she had brushed Olivia's side in passing, her fingertips barely drifting across Olivia's ribs, Olivia had leaned after her. Natalia had barely noticed it the first time, but it had happened again and again, until she was deliberately touching Olivia just to see her reaction. Not teasing her, never that - at least not yet - but curious. Natalia wanted to learn everything about Olivia and this was just the beginning.
She started drying where she had left off, rubbing her way down the small of Olivia's back. Natalia heard the small hitch in Olivia's breathing when she squatted down beside Olivia to dry first one leg and then the other, starting at the top and making her way methodically down smooth, toned legs, never stopping, but admiring along the way. Natalia glanced back up to see Olivia's knuckles whiten as she gripped both sides of the counter. She ducked her head and smiled a small, secretive smile hidden behind her hair as she put a hand on Olivia's hip to brace herself as she stood. It left Natalia pressed up against Olivia's side. Before - before the retreat, the baby, the wedding-that-wasn't where they had admitted their feelings for one another - Natalia would have never found herself in this position and if she had they would have both pretended so hard that it wasn't what it was.
This time neither of them was pretending or avoiding. Natalia was right where she wanted to be. With the towel firmly in hand, Natalia didn't hesitate. She let her hand slip from Olivia's hip down to the swell of her ass. It was clear by now that the drying was a pretense. The moisture on Olivia's skin had mostly either dripped off or air dried; by this point, but Natalia didn't care. She shifted so that she was pressed against Olivia's back and slipped her arms around Olivia’s body, once across her chest just above her chest, the other down across her stomach.
"Natalia..." Olivia sounded tormented, torn. She let go of the counter with one hand and clutched at Natalia's hip, long fingers digging into her thigh. Natalia laid her cheek against Olivia's back, then tilted her head so that she could trail kisses up along Olivia's back and around the side of neck. "Oh, God," Olivia breathed. "What are you doing?"
"Drying you off," Natalia said simply.
Olivia laughed hoarsely. "Is this gonna be a nightly thing?"
Natalia's lips quirked upwards, but she wasn't joking when she replied. "Only forever."
Olivia tensed again and tried to make a joke. "The last time I remember being dried off I don't remember it going quite like this."
"Has anyone done this for you since you were a little girl?" Natalia wasn't sure she actually wanted to know the answer - especially if it was yes.
"Ah, no, actually," Olivia said, sounding a little bit stumped.
"Well then, see?" Natalia said. "This is how grown-ups do it."
Olivia snickered. "How grown-ups do it?" she repeated, glancing back over her shoulder to arch an eyebrow at Natalia. Her eyes sparkled with mischief. "I thought-"
Before she could finish that thought, Natalia clamped a hand over her lips. Her cheeks colored rosily. "I can't believe I said that," she said with a dismissive roll of her eyes. "I should have known better." But her tone was fond, not chastising. Seeing the amusement in Olivia's eyes, Natalia just shook her head. "You know, I can stop if you're not enjoying this."
"No," Olivia blurted out quickly, too quickly, leaning back from Natalia's playfully covering hand. "Don't stop. I'm sorry."
Natalia's eyes darkened, the playful moment falling away and guilt sinking like a rock to the pit of her stomach. "No, I'm sorry," she whispered. "I shouldn't have..." she shook her head and then leaned around Olivia’s body a little bit more until she could tilt Olivia's chin up to meet her eyes. "I will never stop. I will never go anywhere, unless you ask me too. And maybe not even then."
Olivia nodded jerkily, but Natalia could see that she wasn't quite convinced. That was okay. She would have plenty of time to prove to Olivia that she meant exactly what she had said. Natalia raised a hand to stroke Olivia's cheek with her thumb and looked into her eyes, willing Olivia to see everything she felt for her. Instead Natalia found herself caught in Olivia's gaze, lost in the depth of emotion that she saw. There was fear yes, but there was also love and trust, tenderness and adoration. Beyond that there was the desire, the hunger for her that Olivia could no longer hide. There had been so many times before when Natalia had felt simply overwhelmed by the sight of Olivia's desire for her. It wasn't unwelcome, but foreign. She hadn't known what to do with it, so she had looked away. And each time she had looked away, she had hurt some essential part of Olivia.
No more.
Natalia's eyes flickered from Olivia's down to her lips and back up again. The moment stretched, the air almost humming with tension. Subconsciously Natalia licked her lips and leaned forward. The soft terry cloth of the towel pressed into her hand as she leaned forward, the towel still between them, as she tilted her head to find Olivia's lips. Her hand slipped away from Olivia's cheek and sank into her hair, curling around the back of Olivia's neck and holding her close.
Olivia gasped, her arms coming up to encircle Natalia's waist and then slipping upwards to cling to Natalia's back. She fell forward into Natalia, pressing their bodies together, separated only by a thin layer of clothes and the towel. The faint dampness of it soaked into Natalia's clothes, but she ignored it, intoxicated by the softness of Olivia's lips, intent only on consuming and being consumed by the kiss. It was a kiss to make up for every moment they should have kissed but didn't, every opportunity that had slipped through their fingers.
They were both panting, chests heaving when they broke apart, Natalia wild-eyed and Olivia's looking almost calm and sleepy, until Natalia looked again and realized they were hooded with need and desire. And something else that she couldn't quite identify.
"I don't think we need this anymore," Olivia breathed, leaning back just a fraction, enough to let gravity tug at the towel Natalia still held limply in one hand. But now, no longer pressed between them it was doing a very bad job of covering anything. Natalia looked down. She couldn't help it. Her mouth went dry at the sight - hard nipples standing out from still firm breasts. She swallowed involuntarily as her eyes fell further down.
"But I didn't get to finish." It was inane and irrelevant, but Natalia's mind wasn't really working at the moment. She had started a task with a goal - to touch as much of Olivia as possible, to get Olivia to lower some of the walls that Natalia knew had been rebuilt in her absence, and reassure Olivia that she wanted this just as much as Olivia did. She had succeeded on those counts, but somewhere along the way the task had replaced the goal in her frazzled mind, falling back on it when nothing else was available.
Olivia laughed, a deep throaty sound that Natalia felt all the way to center of her body and made her shiver. "Trust me," Olivia murmured almost under her breath. "You'll have your chance to finish. You don't need this ..." she raised her voice slightly as she tugged at the towel, "to touch me. You can do that anytime you want." Olivia smiled, but it was tremulous, touching her lips and falling away again as if she were making a joke, but she was serious.
"I do want you, Olivia," Natalia said softly. "I know I haven't always shown you that, but I do." Deliberately she let go of the towel, letting it fall to the floor between them. This time her eyes never left Olivia's as her hand slid the scant distance from the center of Olivia's chest to cover her breast. Natalia could feel the hard protuberance of Olivia's nipple beneath the palm of her hand. She rubbed her hand over it experimentally and then squeezed it between the side of her thumb and forefinger.
Olivia's jaw clenched and her knees buckled. "Natalia." She caught herself almost as soon as her body betrayed her, but it didn't matter. She couldn't hide the depth of her response from Natalia. Her stomach jerked and muscles clenched as Natalia wrapped an arm around her waist and bent her head, first placing a tentative kiss on her exposed nipple and then flicking her tongue back and forth over it. Olivia gasped, her fingers winding their way into Natalia's hair, needing something to hold on to. She almost cried when Natalia's lips latched firmly onto the nipple and sucked, cheeks hollowing.
"Oh God." Some distant part of Olivia's mind flinched at the blasphemy, knowing Natalia would hate it and hoping it wouldn't bother her so much that she would stop. That she would leave. Olivia gripped her tighter. Then Natalia had palmed her other breast with her free hand and Olivia had to stifle a whimper. Maybe, if she was lucky, Natalia hadn't heard her. That had to be it. She had never been this lucky before, but maybe this time she could finally get it right.
Olivia forced herself to relax and tentatively let her hands begin to wander, working their way down Natalia's sides, until they were resting on Natalia's hips and then moving around to cup her rear, pulling Natalia's hips against hers.
"Olivia." It was Natalia's turn to breath her name like a whisper, like a prayer, full of wonder and desire. Her lips no longer tending to their pleasant ministrations, her hands nonetheless never stilled - her thumb brushing over Olivia's nipple and sending a jolt straight to Olivia's groin or massaging just so with her fingers, leaving Olivia gasping and struggling to focus. She was like putty in Natalia's hands and she was woman enough to admit it. As long as she didn't think about how much it terrified her, how much power Natalia had over her. "I think we should..."
"Should what?" Olivia managed to croak out, trying not to think of the myriad things Natalia could say, like never do this again. Or, stop now.
"We should take this into the bedroom," Natalia finished, letting go to catch one of Olivia's hands and tug her gently in that direction.
Olivia swallowed hard and managed to nod. Natalia smiled sweetly and began to back up, never taking her eyes off Olivia.
"You are so beautiful," Natalia whispered. "I don't think I've told you that enough."
Olivia sucked in a sharp breath at Natalia's words, her tone, the look in her eyes. Olivia couldn't get enough of it. It wasn't that she didn't know that Natalia loved her. That wound - the one left by Natalia's six-week absence - was slowly healing, soothed by Natalia's determination to prove herself to Olivia. But Olivia had never quite been sure that Natalia wanted her. Oh, there had been the faintest hints, but Natalia could be so hard to read. Their relationship had been almost chaste before Natalia left, no kissing and hardly any touching. Olivia had told Natalia once that she would be okay if sex between them never happened. Natalia had assured her that she wanted that - sex - but the way she had said it... Olivia could still see the hesitance, the nervousness in her eyes. It wasn't the eager confidence that she was used to when it came to sex and when doubts arose it was a slippery answer to hold onto. She would wonder if Natalia was really saying that because she meant it or because she thought Olivia needed to hear it.
Tonight was going a long way to assuaging Olivia's doubts. She would never have expected Natalia to be so forthright as to walk in the bathroom while she was showering. Someday maybe, but not tonight. This whole day had been full of eye-opening experiences.
Olivia tried a cocky smile. "I don't know, but I could get used to hearing it."
"I'll keep that in mind," Natalia said, stopping just short of the bed, but pulling Olivia close, making sure she didn't stay at arms' length. She raised a hand to cup Olivia's cheek again. "You really are, you know? Absolutely gorgeous - inside and out," Natalia added, tilting her to press her lips against Olivia's once again.
The softness of Natalia's lips was unbelievable. For a moment, Olivia was content to let Natalia control the kiss, remaining passive as Natalia tasted her lips again and again, teasing and tantalizing her with every brush of her lips. She was no less patient in this than everything else; it was slowly driving Olivia crazy, despite her resolution to let Natalia make the first move, to come to her. When Olivia couldn't resist any longer, she tilted her head up, surging forward and capturing Natalia's lips, deepening the kiss.
Natalia whimpered and pressed further into her. The soft cotton of Natalia's blouse felt strange against her sensitized skin, while the rougher denim of her skirt pressed up against Olivia's thighs only served to remind her of what was separating her from Natalia. Olivia's hands were trembling as she broke the kiss and reached around behind Natalia, going for the zipper at the small of her back. Even without being able to see what she was looking for, it only took Olivia a moment to find the small metal tab. Natalia was watching her. Olivia could feel it. Yet she couldn't seem to make her hands work.
Natalia let go of her, reaching back to cover Olivia's hands with her own. Olivia glanced up sharply at the unexpected touch. Natalia was smiling at her shyly. Olivia felt her mouth go dry as Natalia began to ease their hands downward, bringing the zipper with them, until it had opened enough that the skirt dropped to the floor, lingering around Natalia's ankles. Natalia smiled up at Olivia and let go of her hands to grasp Olivia's arms, using them to balance herself as she stepped out of the skirt. It wasn't until another moment had passed that Olivia realized how tightly she was gripping Natalia in return.
"Sorry," she murmured as she loosened her grip.
Natalia smiled. "You have nothing to be sorry for," she said softly, giving Olivia's forearms a quick squeeze, before she reached behind her back again giving one of the ties that had been made into a bow a gentle tug. It was all that was necessary for them to come undone. Olivia watched, mesmerized as Natalia caught the hem of her shirt and pulled it up over her head, dropping it behind them. It hit the edge of the bed, and slid down onto the floor.
Natalia stood in front of Olivia, naked except for her bra and panties. She looked down, her hair falling forward to cover part of her face, only to glance back up and give Olivia a tremulous little smile. "This isn't how I imagined it, you know? Not how I thought about our first time."
Olivia could barely speak, swallow, breathe, much less form a coherent thought. "Oh?"
Natalia touched her abdomen and glanced away. Red tinted her cheeks. "I wanted to be perfect for you." Her admission was so quiet that Olivia could barely hear her.
The admission caught at Olivia's heart immediately, drawing her out of her own fears and internal monologue and bringing her back to Natalia. She hadn't even considered that the other woman might be feeling self-conscious because of the baby and how it was changing her body. It was a non-issue for Olivia. She had been far more worried, even now, that Natalia would change her mind. Period. Full stop. About everything. This was the reality, the natural continuation of the relationship that had first been addressed in a freezing cold graveyard. If Natalia had wanted to back out now, well that would be it. No more second - third - chances.
Olivia raised her hand, cupping Natalia's cheek and bringing her face up until she could meet her eyes again. "You are." She slid her arms around Natalia's waist and pulled her close again. Her eyes drifted shut for a moment as their bodies met. She forced them back open. Natalia needed to hear this. She could get lost in the feel of Natalia's body against hers later, if she was very lucky. "You are everything I've ever wanted." She stroked Natalia's cheek, savoring the smooth skin beneath her thumb.
For the first time, Olivia was the one to step forward, nudging Natalia backward until the back of her legs met the side of the bed. "You make me feel so much. I love you more than I ever thought possible." Olivia moved her hand, shifting it from behind Natalia's back until her fingers were splayed over Natalia's abdomen. "As for this little one," her lips curved upwards as Olivia slowly dropped to her knees and pressed her lips against Natalia's belly. She shifted, nuzzling against the skin stretched firmly over the clearly visible baby bump and couldn't resist dropping another kiss there. "How could I not love anything that's a part of you?" Olivia tilted her head back to look up at Natalia. "And as for this, how our little girl's changing your body... Haven't you seen it? You're practically glowing with it. I've never seen you look more beautiful."
Natalia flushed and looked away; Olivia watched it spread down her chest. "You're just saying that to make me feel better," Natalia murmured.
Olivia shook her head. "I wouldn't lie about something like this." She held Natalia's gaze purposefully. "You are breathtaking." Olivia laughed lightly, taking Natalia's hand and putting it on her chest. "Feel that? You make my heart race."
"Olivia," Natalia said, concern coloring her voice.
"Nope," Olivia countered quickly. "You don't get to fuss at me for that, not when you're responsible for it. Not when you've been making my heart do that for months now."
Natalia swallowed and nodded. "Okay." Her voice sounded small.
"Sit down," Olivia said, her voice low and husky. It was a slight non-sequitur but Natalia didn't hesitate. Olivia's hands slid down her sides as Natalia sat in front of her. They ended up almost at eye level, Olivia just below Natalia. Olivia smiled, pleased as she ran her hands down the outside of Natalia's thighs. "I want to show you just how beautiful I think you are - inside and out. Let me do that, Natalia."
Olivia was almost pleading and Natalia didn't understand it. Shouldn't she be the one on her knees pleading? Asking for forgiveness, to be let back in. And yet it was Olivia kneeling before her. The only thing Natalia could do was nod helplessly. How could she refuse Olivia anything?
Olivia seemed content with that, a look coming over her face that Natalia had always struggled to define. It was full of love and desire and something else. It always struck her the same way, with all the shock of a sucker punch and left her frozen and struggling to respond. This time she didn't have to. Olivia cupped both sides of Natalia's head, her fingers sliding into and through Natalia's loose hair, and pulled her down for deep, searing kiss.
Natalia's head fell forward, slumping against Olivia as Olivia turned her head to begin kissing her way down Natalia's neck, laving the delicate skin with careful attention. Natalia was acutely aware of all the ways Olivia was slowly starting to overwhelm her body as Olivia's hands slid down her back and undid the clasp of her bra. It fell loosely between them, dangling by Natalia's arms. She dropped her hands away from Olivia briefly to let it slide the rest of the way off. Almost immediately, Natalia felt a little bit more self-conscious and exposed. She wondered if this was how Olivia had been feeling all evening.
Olivia had stopped and looked up at Natalia, sensing some shift in her. Her gaze was questioning, but Natalia just shook her head. Olivia smiled as if she understood. She cocked her head to the side.
"You're beautiful, remember? Absolutely gorgeous."
"They're - the baby - they're not usually..."
Olivia caught her hand and brought it to her lips, kissing her knuckles gently. "That doesn't matter to me." She tucked Natalia's hand against her heart and raised her other to touch Natalia's breast gently, just cupping it in her hand. "Are they more sensitive? When I was pregnant with Emma..." She shook her head, dismissing whatever thought had arisen. "They were almost painful to touch."
"They're not that bad, but they are more...tender," Natalia said, finally settling on a word.
Olivia nodded, smiled at her. "I'll remember that." She leaned over - she didn't have far to go - and brushed a kiss just above Natalia's nipple. Natalia's hand tightened in her hair just at that faintest touch. "Tell me if you don't like something."
Natalia nodded but it was more rhetorical than anything else. Olivia had already turned her attention to the other breast, lavishing it with the same kind of attention she'd shown Natalia's neck earlier. But her lips were lighter, her touches more tender, all of it so fleeting and ephemeral that Natalia thought it might drive her crazy.
"Olivia," she whispered, coaxing, pleading, needing her beyond anything else.
Olivia shifted, answering her plea, turning her head aside as she stroked and caressed, her hands running gently across Natalia's thighs, back down the outside of her calves and then up the underside even as her lips trailed down Natalia's abdomen, leaving scattered butterfly kisses here and there or lingering longer to suck and nip at more sensitive skin. She found places that made Natalia squirm with unerring accuracy and seemed to take delight in driving Natalia to the brink, until she was clutching tightly to the handful of hair that she had wound her fingers through at the base of Olivia's skull.
Olivia didn't seem to mind though. She shifted her head, nuzzling the crease of Natalia's thigh where it met her upper body. With her hands curled under Natalia's thighs, she gently spread Natalia's legs wider, pulling her a little closer toward the edge of the bed as she did. Instinctively Natalia clutched at Olivia's other shoulder for balance.
The first stroke of Olivia's tongue at the apex of her thighs almost undid Natalia completely. She whimpered and she held even tighter to Olivia. It had to be almost painful for Olivia but it didn't seem to bother her. Natalia struggled to loosen her grip, conscious that her nails were digging into the tender skin of Olivia's back, but then Olivia stroked again and Natalia couldn't help it.
Olivia's hands were running up and down Natalia's legs now, pausing only to massage tensed muscles, soothing in contrast to the way that every stroke and kiss from luscious lips wound Natalia tighter. When Olivia stopped, her lips fastening on Natalia's most tender flesh and sucking, Natalia felt the muscles in her abdomen - her whole body - clench and tighten. Just when she thought that the sensation building within her couldn't grow anymore, it did. Natalia bit her lip but wasn't able to stifle the moan that tore through her as Olivia finally pushed her over the edge, the shuddering relief of her climax leaving her almost slumped over onto Olivia.
"I've got you, Sweetheart," Olivia whispered, turning her head so that her lips were beside Natalia's ear. She held her like that way for several long moments. Natalia lost track of time, drifting in a pleasant haze in the warmth of Olivia's arms until Olivia stirred. "C'mere," Olivia said softly, still holding Natalia as she used the edge of the bed to push herself up from her knees and crawl up beside Natalia on the bed.
She scooted them far enough up on the bed that they could sprawl out fully and then pulled a pillow down to them. Finally she drew the quilt that had been draped across the end of the bed up over them. Natalia hadn't realized that she was cold until she felt its comforting warmth. She had a sudden thought, glancing back over her shoulder.
"Olivia..." Natalia wasn't sure what to say after that. She could see the hint of fear and doubt in Olivia's eyes though. Natalia reached across them, touching Olivia's jaw, bringing her close enough that Natalia could kiss her, reassure her that she regretted absolutely nothing. The angle was all wrong though and her lips could barely brush Olivia's. Natalia let out a frustrated grunt and shifted again, rolling onto her back even as she reached for Olivia, pulling Olivia down on top of her. It felt so right as Olivia's body settled against hers, most of Olivia's weight taken by her hands planted on either side of Natalia's head.
"You don't have to-" Olivia started to say with a shake of her head.
But Natalia pressed a finger against her lips. "But I want to. Let me do this, Olivia. I need this too."
Olivia gave a jerky, hesitant nod. It was as much as Natalia could have hoped for; she took it before it could be taken back.
Her hands, which had been roaming over Olivia's body, exploring and caressing began to drift down Olivia's sides until they slipped past the small of Olivia's back and pulled her firmly her into Natalia, pressing them together. Olivia groaned and shifted restlessly against Natalia. Keeping one hand where it was, Natalia slid the other between them. Her fingers brushed against closely trimmed hair. The next thing she encountered was slick warmth. For a moment, Natalia felt a twinge of panic, not at what she was doing or who she was with, but at the sensation that she was flying blind. She knew Olivia's reputation well enough. Olivia's sexual exploits were something of an urban legend around Springfield - and she was just Natalia, with no particularly great sexual experience. The thought was more than a little intimidating.
And then Olivia groaned, shifting against Natalia's fingers, arching against Natalia's touch and pressing herself into it. The sight of Olivia like that, so undone by a touch, filled Natalia with something like awe. Not at the response she had managed to provoke but that Olivia was willing to bare herself to Natalia that completely, trust her that much after everything that Natalia had done. It was a thing of beauty and Natalia swore never to forget that - or to stop cherishing the gift that she'd been given.
It spurred her back into motion and she began to explore, first tentatively and then with more certainty. Each sound of pleasure that she drew from Olivia was its own reward.
"Please," Olivia begged, her voice sounded hoarse and shaky. Her arms trembled but Natalia didn't think that was what she was worried about. The heel of her palm brushed against Olivia's clit and Olivia's whole body shuddered. Olivia's eyes snapped close, almost wincing at the sensation. She was so sensitive. It had been so long since anyone else had touched her. Just the feel of Natalia's hand on her - and knowing that it was Natalia - was almost enough to make her come right then and there. But the more Natalia had touched her, the more the delicious tension in her body had begun to build until it was almost painful. Olivia squirmed and grimaced, pushing herself against Natalia, needing more desperately.
With any other lover she would show, command and demand. Whatever it took to get her satisfaction. She was far from afraid to ask for what she needed and wanted. But with Natalia it was different. This new Natalia seemed so determined. Her brazenness in inviting herself into the bathroom had been more than a little surprising - in a good way. But Olivia wouldn't forget that underneath it all, this was the same Natalia that she had fallen in love with - the one that she hadn't been certain would ever be willing to be with her this way. This was already so much more than she had thought would be possible some days. Asking for more would just be asking for trouble.
"Olivia," Natalia was rubbing soothing circles on her back with her free hand now. "Talk to me."
Oh, God. Now Natalia wanted her to talk - now when she was trying so hard to hold back, to be what Natalia could handle. It was too much. Olivia shook her head, refusing to open her eyes.
The first touch of Natalia's hand against her cheek was startling only because she hadn't seen it coming. Her fingers traced over Olivia's face, stroking her cheek and brushing across her forehead. Olivia couldn't stop herself from leaning into Natalia's hand.
"I know you're holding back," Natalia whispered. "I can feel it. Talk to me. Please."
Olivia shivered, this time from fear. She didn't know how much more of this she could take.
"I love you," Natalia continued. "So much. I know you're scared, but I'm not going anywhere. I promise."
"I want..." The words spilled out of Olivia's lips almost like a sob, in a heave of emotion, before she could take it back.
"What?" Natalia asked, jumping on the words quickly. "What do you want, Olivia? Tell me and I'll do anything."
Olivia gasped, ducking her head, her forehead dropping to rest against Natalia's shoulder as tears sprang to her eyes. "I don't want you to leave."
Tenderly Natalia cupped the back of her head and stroked her hair. "I won't."
"Even if I ask you for something I'm not sure you can..."
"Something you're not sure I can do?"
Olivia nodded slightly, refusing to look up.
"There isn't anything that I can think of that you could ask me that would make me leave."
Olivia stiffened. It wasn't the response Natalia had been expecting. "What?"
"I don't want you to do something that bothers you, because you think you, because you think if you don't..." Olivia blurted out. "I don't ever want you to do anything you don't want to do."
"Okay," Natalia said softly, reassuringly. "But you have to give me a chance before you decide what I'm capable of. Ask me. Tell me what you want."
Olivia hesitated. For a moment, Natalia wasn't sure whether she would speak or not. Olivia turned her head, nuzzling into Natalia's hand, her eyes still tightly closed. "I want your fingers inside me. I want you to fuck me." The softness of her declaration belied her words.
Natalia froze for an instant, struck by Olivia's words, instantly aroused by the idea. She felt like saying 'is that all?' But she didn't want to make light of Olivia's request and what it had taken her to ask. "Okay," Natalia said, turning her head so that she could kiss her way down Olivia's neck. She shifted so that could find a better angle, bracing her wrist against her own body and slid two fingers up into Olivia.
Olivia hissed and froze, clenching around Natalia's fingers. Natalia waited a moment for Olivia to move, breathe, give her some sign, but when she didn't, she withdrew slightly and began to move in and out. Olivia pressed into her hand, raising her head to look at Natalia. Her cheeks and chest was flushed with color, not from embarrassment but arousal, Natalia decided. She liked it. It gave Natalia a certain heady confidence and she pushed deeper, faster, more firmly. Olivia responded instantly, so quickly that Natalia knew for sure that this was what she had needed but been unwilling to ask for.
It didn't take long before she heard Olivia's gasp and Natalia felt her clench around her fingers, Olivia's entire body shuddering and collapsing down onto Natalia.
Natalia just kept stroking her hair and whispering in her ear. "You're so beautiful and I love you so much. I don't think I'll ever be able to tell you how much, but I want you to know. I want you to feel it every time we're together here in our bed - for the rest of our lives."
Tears fell silently down Olivia's cheeks. She knew the sudden lease of emotion was as much about her physical release after so long as the emotions Natalia had wrung from her, but it didn’t make it any easier for her to stifle her tears. It seemed so wrong to be crying at what should be such a perfect moment.
"I love you too," Olivia whispered quietly, clinging to Natalia, refusing to move.
Natalia stroked her hair softly, asking nothing and giving the reassurance of her touch. When Olivia tried to push herself up, worried that she was getting too heavy for the pregnant woman , Natalia just pulled her back down.
"Stay. I like holding you like this," Natalia said, with a charmingly shy smile. "If you don't mind."
"I think I can handle this for a little while longer," Olivia said like it was a concession Natalia had torn from her. She sank back down into Natalia's body slowly and carefully. Olivia lay with her head on Natalia's chest, her emotional exhaustion giving way to a pleasantly lazy feeling as she listened to the staccato beat of Natalia's heart beneath her ear, her hand running up and down Natalia's side in a lazy motion until she heard Natalia's breathing deepen and heartbeat slow. Olivia was still awake long after Natalia had drifted off into sleep.
She couldn't remember every being happier or more contented and satisfied in her life. It was terrifying.
Even pressed up against Natalia's warmth, Olivia shivered. Sleep was a long time coming.
Fandom: Guiding Light
Characters: Natalia Rivera, Olivia Spencer, Doris Wolfe, Jamanda, Josh Lewis
Category: Romance, Drama, Angst
Rating: NC-17
Word count: 30,863 (Total)
Summary: Happily Ever After. Ain’t it grand?
Spoilers/Timeline Moving In Day 2.0
Disclaimer: All characters (Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, blah blah etc.) and situations belong to Guiding Light, Telenext, Proctor & Gamble, etc. I'm not them.
Author's Note: For a change, I have nothing to say that isn’t spoilery, so I’ll just shut up.
Beta: Many thanks to aimlessla, and the usual undying appreciation to Rysler for her assistance and nudging me in the right direction.
For Rysler, it feels like the world's changed since I wrote this.
Natalia hesitated just inside her bedroom door, then turned and carefully pushed the door closed. She considered for a moment and then locked it. Emma was sound asleep, worn out from her day's activities, and she was unlikely to need them. If she did, well, she could knock. She was a bright little girl and if she needed them, she knew where to find them.
The sound of the shower running drew Natalia's attention. She couldn't help the smile that stole across her face. Olivia was really here - with her - in their bedroom. The thought made her giddy. When she had come back to Springfield and seen the damage that she had done with her absence, getting Olivia back had seemed nearly impossible. There had been days when it seemed like the yearning inside of her would never be answered. Now she was free to touch Olivia and hold her, be with her openly and freely as they had wanted.
Natalia took a step closer to the bathroom. Olivia had carefully given her privacy earlier when Natalia had said she was going up to get a shower after dinner. Almost too carefully, in Natalia's opinion. Not that she had expected anything with Emma still wide awake and running from room to room with her excitement, but she also hadn't expected Olivia to avoid her like the plague. She had been hoping for at least a kiss, a few quiet, breathless moments to themselves. Natalia wanted that desperately and now that Emma was in bed, there was nothing stopping her from going in there with Olivia.
Nothing but the fact that they had never even kissed. When Natalia thought about it, it really was like an old-fashioned marriage. Then she let out a little laugh at that thought. There was nothing traditional about them. They had also waited long enough, Natalia decided. She opened the bathroom door and was greeted by a thick wave of warm, damp air. She hurriedly ducked inside so she didn't let all the warm air out.
It was the middle of summer, but the air conditioning kept the house cool. In contrast, the the bathroom was like a sauna. Natalia took a moment to let her eyes grow accustomed to the slightly dimmer light and and blinked rapidly as she tried to see through the heavy steam that hung in the small room.
Olivia certainly liked her shower hot.
"Em, is that you?" Olivia called out, her voice startling Natalia out of her thoughts.
"No," Natalia called back. "It's me. Emma's in bed."
There was a moment of silence and then the water turned off.
"Natalia?" Olivia sounded worried. "Is everything okay?" The shower curtain was yanked back, revealing Olivia in all her glory. "Is it the ba-by..." She trailed off at the way Natalia's eyes had gone wide.
Natalia swallowed hard. "Uh, yeah, everything is fine." So not my most eloquent statement. What had she been thinking? This wasn't sexy or fun, it was just awkward. "I just..." Natalia shrugged and willed herself to find words. Olivia didn't need more of her fears; she needed certainty and reassurance. "I missed you," Natalia said, smiling because she knew how silly that sounded. "I missed you and I wanted to see you, so here I am. You don't mind, do you?"
Natalia was just proud of the fact that she had formed words and spoken them at the moment. Olivia was stunning - unimaginably gorgeous. It was more than any one part of her - ample breasts, soft tempting curves, well toned legs and sleek arms - it was all of her, her heart and soul and mind. Seeing Olivia this way for the first time, vulnerable and without the armor of a business suit or fuzzy pajamas or even casual, everyday clothes was shocking, life-changing. Never in her wildest dreams could Natalia have imagined that she would feel as much as she did at this moment. She felt an overwhelming desire to touch Olivia, hold her close, press her body up against Olivia's and never let go.
"Mind? no. Pfft," Olivia said with a dismissive wave of her hand, trying to regain her usual cool and not quite managing. Her heart was pounding in her chest. She was always amazed that Natalia didn't make the beeper for her pacemaker go off. "Can you hand me a towel?" Olivia asked after a moment of silence.
"Oh, sure," Natalia said, shaken out of her frozen state by Olivia's request. She pivoted to the cabinet and carefully selected the largest, fluffiest towel, a vestige of Olivia's previous residence. Instead of offering Olivia the towel, she held out her hand.
With a hesitant flick of her eyes up to meet Natalia's, Olivia accepted it and stepped out of the shower. Natalia thanked her with a brilliant smile and a hint of dimples, before she ducked her head and moved around behind Olivia. The soft terry cloth towel looked like a cape draped over Olivia's shoulders. Natalia rubbed briskly over Olivia's shoulders, feeling the knot of tense muscles beneath her hands. She ran the towel up the back of Olivia's neck, brushing the underside of Olivia's pinned-up hair and letting her hands linger there for a moment, massaging more than drying. Almost at once Olivia began to relax, her muscles loosening. She let her head loll, falling back toward Natalia and closing her eyes, only to open them again an instant later.
The mirror, fogged up with condensation, rendered them as nothing more than vague blurs. Olivia took a jerky step forward, leaned heavily against the sink and wiped at the mirror with her bare hand. Water droplets clung, formed, and grew into bigger drops. It wasn't exactly effective but when it was done, Olivia could see Natalia looking back at her. Olivia tried to smile, but the corners of her mouth were weak and fell back into a thin line.
Natalia bent and kissed the top of her shoulder, bared when the towel slipped down Olivia's back as she stepped forward. Natalia wasn't nervous; she was certain. She had a secret weapon: Olivia Spencer melted at her touch. It wasn't something Natalia had always known, but something she had just begun to discover that afternoon. Whenever she had brushed Olivia's side in passing, her fingertips barely drifting across Olivia's ribs, Olivia had leaned after her. Natalia had barely noticed it the first time, but it had happened again and again, until she was deliberately touching Olivia just to see her reaction. Not teasing her, never that - at least not yet - but curious. Natalia wanted to learn everything about Olivia and this was just the beginning.
She started drying where she had left off, rubbing her way down the small of Olivia's back. Natalia heard the small hitch in Olivia's breathing when she squatted down beside Olivia to dry first one leg and then the other, starting at the top and making her way methodically down smooth, toned legs, never stopping, but admiring along the way. Natalia glanced back up to see Olivia's knuckles whiten as she gripped both sides of the counter. She ducked her head and smiled a small, secretive smile hidden behind her hair as she put a hand on Olivia's hip to brace herself as she stood. It left Natalia pressed up against Olivia's side. Before - before the retreat, the baby, the wedding-that-wasn't where they had admitted their feelings for one another - Natalia would have never found herself in this position and if she had they would have both pretended so hard that it wasn't what it was.
This time neither of them was pretending or avoiding. Natalia was right where she wanted to be. With the towel firmly in hand, Natalia didn't hesitate. She let her hand slip from Olivia's hip down to the swell of her ass. It was clear by now that the drying was a pretense. The moisture on Olivia's skin had mostly either dripped off or air dried; by this point, but Natalia didn't care. She shifted so that she was pressed against Olivia's back and slipped her arms around Olivia’s body, once across her chest just above her chest, the other down across her stomach.
"Natalia..." Olivia sounded tormented, torn. She let go of the counter with one hand and clutched at Natalia's hip, long fingers digging into her thigh. Natalia laid her cheek against Olivia's back, then tilted her head so that she could trail kisses up along Olivia's back and around the side of neck. "Oh, God," Olivia breathed. "What are you doing?"
"Drying you off," Natalia said simply.
Olivia laughed hoarsely. "Is this gonna be a nightly thing?"
Natalia's lips quirked upwards, but she wasn't joking when she replied. "Only forever."
Olivia tensed again and tried to make a joke. "The last time I remember being dried off I don't remember it going quite like this."
"Has anyone done this for you since you were a little girl?" Natalia wasn't sure she actually wanted to know the answer - especially if it was yes.
"Ah, no, actually," Olivia said, sounding a little bit stumped.
"Well then, see?" Natalia said. "This is how grown-ups do it."
Olivia snickered. "How grown-ups do it?" she repeated, glancing back over her shoulder to arch an eyebrow at Natalia. Her eyes sparkled with mischief. "I thought-"
Before she could finish that thought, Natalia clamped a hand over her lips. Her cheeks colored rosily. "I can't believe I said that," she said with a dismissive roll of her eyes. "I should have known better." But her tone was fond, not chastising. Seeing the amusement in Olivia's eyes, Natalia just shook her head. "You know, I can stop if you're not enjoying this."
"No," Olivia blurted out quickly, too quickly, leaning back from Natalia's playfully covering hand. "Don't stop. I'm sorry."
Natalia's eyes darkened, the playful moment falling away and guilt sinking like a rock to the pit of her stomach. "No, I'm sorry," she whispered. "I shouldn't have..." she shook her head and then leaned around Olivia’s body a little bit more until she could tilt Olivia's chin up to meet her eyes. "I will never stop. I will never go anywhere, unless you ask me too. And maybe not even then."
Olivia nodded jerkily, but Natalia could see that she wasn't quite convinced. That was okay. She would have plenty of time to prove to Olivia that she meant exactly what she had said. Natalia raised a hand to stroke Olivia's cheek with her thumb and looked into her eyes, willing Olivia to see everything she felt for her. Instead Natalia found herself caught in Olivia's gaze, lost in the depth of emotion that she saw. There was fear yes, but there was also love and trust, tenderness and adoration. Beyond that there was the desire, the hunger for her that Olivia could no longer hide. There had been so many times before when Natalia had felt simply overwhelmed by the sight of Olivia's desire for her. It wasn't unwelcome, but foreign. She hadn't known what to do with it, so she had looked away. And each time she had looked away, she had hurt some essential part of Olivia.
No more.
Natalia's eyes flickered from Olivia's down to her lips and back up again. The moment stretched, the air almost humming with tension. Subconsciously Natalia licked her lips and leaned forward. The soft terry cloth of the towel pressed into her hand as she leaned forward, the towel still between them, as she tilted her head to find Olivia's lips. Her hand slipped away from Olivia's cheek and sank into her hair, curling around the back of Olivia's neck and holding her close.
Olivia gasped, her arms coming up to encircle Natalia's waist and then slipping upwards to cling to Natalia's back. She fell forward into Natalia, pressing their bodies together, separated only by a thin layer of clothes and the towel. The faint dampness of it soaked into Natalia's clothes, but she ignored it, intoxicated by the softness of Olivia's lips, intent only on consuming and being consumed by the kiss. It was a kiss to make up for every moment they should have kissed but didn't, every opportunity that had slipped through their fingers.
They were both panting, chests heaving when they broke apart, Natalia wild-eyed and Olivia's looking almost calm and sleepy, until Natalia looked again and realized they were hooded with need and desire. And something else that she couldn't quite identify.
"I don't think we need this anymore," Olivia breathed, leaning back just a fraction, enough to let gravity tug at the towel Natalia still held limply in one hand. But now, no longer pressed between them it was doing a very bad job of covering anything. Natalia looked down. She couldn't help it. Her mouth went dry at the sight - hard nipples standing out from still firm breasts. She swallowed involuntarily as her eyes fell further down.
"But I didn't get to finish." It was inane and irrelevant, but Natalia's mind wasn't really working at the moment. She had started a task with a goal - to touch as much of Olivia as possible, to get Olivia to lower some of the walls that Natalia knew had been rebuilt in her absence, and reassure Olivia that she wanted this just as much as Olivia did. She had succeeded on those counts, but somewhere along the way the task had replaced the goal in her frazzled mind, falling back on it when nothing else was available.
Olivia laughed, a deep throaty sound that Natalia felt all the way to center of her body and made her shiver. "Trust me," Olivia murmured almost under her breath. "You'll have your chance to finish. You don't need this ..." she raised her voice slightly as she tugged at the towel, "to touch me. You can do that anytime you want." Olivia smiled, but it was tremulous, touching her lips and falling away again as if she were making a joke, but she was serious.
"I do want you, Olivia," Natalia said softly. "I know I haven't always shown you that, but I do." Deliberately she let go of the towel, letting it fall to the floor between them. This time her eyes never left Olivia's as her hand slid the scant distance from the center of Olivia's chest to cover her breast. Natalia could feel the hard protuberance of Olivia's nipple beneath the palm of her hand. She rubbed her hand over it experimentally and then squeezed it between the side of her thumb and forefinger.
Olivia's jaw clenched and her knees buckled. "Natalia." She caught herself almost as soon as her body betrayed her, but it didn't matter. She couldn't hide the depth of her response from Natalia. Her stomach jerked and muscles clenched as Natalia wrapped an arm around her waist and bent her head, first placing a tentative kiss on her exposed nipple and then flicking her tongue back and forth over it. Olivia gasped, her fingers winding their way into Natalia's hair, needing something to hold on to. She almost cried when Natalia's lips latched firmly onto the nipple and sucked, cheeks hollowing.
"Oh God." Some distant part of Olivia's mind flinched at the blasphemy, knowing Natalia would hate it and hoping it wouldn't bother her so much that she would stop. That she would leave. Olivia gripped her tighter. Then Natalia had palmed her other breast with her free hand and Olivia had to stifle a whimper. Maybe, if she was lucky, Natalia hadn't heard her. That had to be it. She had never been this lucky before, but maybe this time she could finally get it right.
Olivia forced herself to relax and tentatively let her hands begin to wander, working their way down Natalia's sides, until they were resting on Natalia's hips and then moving around to cup her rear, pulling Natalia's hips against hers.
"Olivia." It was Natalia's turn to breath her name like a whisper, like a prayer, full of wonder and desire. Her lips no longer tending to their pleasant ministrations, her hands nonetheless never stilled - her thumb brushing over Olivia's nipple and sending a jolt straight to Olivia's groin or massaging just so with her fingers, leaving Olivia gasping and struggling to focus. She was like putty in Natalia's hands and she was woman enough to admit it. As long as she didn't think about how much it terrified her, how much power Natalia had over her. "I think we should..."
"Should what?" Olivia managed to croak out, trying not to think of the myriad things Natalia could say, like never do this again. Or, stop now.
"We should take this into the bedroom," Natalia finished, letting go to catch one of Olivia's hands and tug her gently in that direction.
Olivia swallowed hard and managed to nod. Natalia smiled sweetly and began to back up, never taking her eyes off Olivia.
"You are so beautiful," Natalia whispered. "I don't think I've told you that enough."
Olivia sucked in a sharp breath at Natalia's words, her tone, the look in her eyes. Olivia couldn't get enough of it. It wasn't that she didn't know that Natalia loved her. That wound - the one left by Natalia's six-week absence - was slowly healing, soothed by Natalia's determination to prove herself to Olivia. But Olivia had never quite been sure that Natalia wanted her. Oh, there had been the faintest hints, but Natalia could be so hard to read. Their relationship had been almost chaste before Natalia left, no kissing and hardly any touching. Olivia had told Natalia once that she would be okay if sex between them never happened. Natalia had assured her that she wanted that - sex - but the way she had said it... Olivia could still see the hesitance, the nervousness in her eyes. It wasn't the eager confidence that she was used to when it came to sex and when doubts arose it was a slippery answer to hold onto. She would wonder if Natalia was really saying that because she meant it or because she thought Olivia needed to hear it.
Tonight was going a long way to assuaging Olivia's doubts. She would never have expected Natalia to be so forthright as to walk in the bathroom while she was showering. Someday maybe, but not tonight. This whole day had been full of eye-opening experiences.
Olivia tried a cocky smile. "I don't know, but I could get used to hearing it."
"I'll keep that in mind," Natalia said, stopping just short of the bed, but pulling Olivia close, making sure she didn't stay at arms' length. She raised a hand to cup Olivia's cheek again. "You really are, you know? Absolutely gorgeous - inside and out," Natalia added, tilting her to press her lips against Olivia's once again.
The softness of Natalia's lips was unbelievable. For a moment, Olivia was content to let Natalia control the kiss, remaining passive as Natalia tasted her lips again and again, teasing and tantalizing her with every brush of her lips. She was no less patient in this than everything else; it was slowly driving Olivia crazy, despite her resolution to let Natalia make the first move, to come to her. When Olivia couldn't resist any longer, she tilted her head up, surging forward and capturing Natalia's lips, deepening the kiss.
Natalia whimpered and pressed further into her. The soft cotton of Natalia's blouse felt strange against her sensitized skin, while the rougher denim of her skirt pressed up against Olivia's thighs only served to remind her of what was separating her from Natalia. Olivia's hands were trembling as she broke the kiss and reached around behind Natalia, going for the zipper at the small of her back. Even without being able to see what she was looking for, it only took Olivia a moment to find the small metal tab. Natalia was watching her. Olivia could feel it. Yet she couldn't seem to make her hands work.
Natalia let go of her, reaching back to cover Olivia's hands with her own. Olivia glanced up sharply at the unexpected touch. Natalia was smiling at her shyly. Olivia felt her mouth go dry as Natalia began to ease their hands downward, bringing the zipper with them, until it had opened enough that the skirt dropped to the floor, lingering around Natalia's ankles. Natalia smiled up at Olivia and let go of her hands to grasp Olivia's arms, using them to balance herself as she stepped out of the skirt. It wasn't until another moment had passed that Olivia realized how tightly she was gripping Natalia in return.
"Sorry," she murmured as she loosened her grip.
Natalia smiled. "You have nothing to be sorry for," she said softly, giving Olivia's forearms a quick squeeze, before she reached behind her back again giving one of the ties that had been made into a bow a gentle tug. It was all that was necessary for them to come undone. Olivia watched, mesmerized as Natalia caught the hem of her shirt and pulled it up over her head, dropping it behind them. It hit the edge of the bed, and slid down onto the floor.
Natalia stood in front of Olivia, naked except for her bra and panties. She looked down, her hair falling forward to cover part of her face, only to glance back up and give Olivia a tremulous little smile. "This isn't how I imagined it, you know? Not how I thought about our first time."
Olivia could barely speak, swallow, breathe, much less form a coherent thought. "Oh?"
Natalia touched her abdomen and glanced away. Red tinted her cheeks. "I wanted to be perfect for you." Her admission was so quiet that Olivia could barely hear her.
The admission caught at Olivia's heart immediately, drawing her out of her own fears and internal monologue and bringing her back to Natalia. She hadn't even considered that the other woman might be feeling self-conscious because of the baby and how it was changing her body. It was a non-issue for Olivia. She had been far more worried, even now, that Natalia would change her mind. Period. Full stop. About everything. This was the reality, the natural continuation of the relationship that had first been addressed in a freezing cold graveyard. If Natalia had wanted to back out now, well that would be it. No more second - third - chances.
Olivia raised her hand, cupping Natalia's cheek and bringing her face up until she could meet her eyes again. "You are." She slid her arms around Natalia's waist and pulled her close again. Her eyes drifted shut for a moment as their bodies met. She forced them back open. Natalia needed to hear this. She could get lost in the feel of Natalia's body against hers later, if she was very lucky. "You are everything I've ever wanted." She stroked Natalia's cheek, savoring the smooth skin beneath her thumb.
For the first time, Olivia was the one to step forward, nudging Natalia backward until the back of her legs met the side of the bed. "You make me feel so much. I love you more than I ever thought possible." Olivia moved her hand, shifting it from behind Natalia's back until her fingers were splayed over Natalia's abdomen. "As for this little one," her lips curved upwards as Olivia slowly dropped to her knees and pressed her lips against Natalia's belly. She shifted, nuzzling against the skin stretched firmly over the clearly visible baby bump and couldn't resist dropping another kiss there. "How could I not love anything that's a part of you?" Olivia tilted her head back to look up at Natalia. "And as for this, how our little girl's changing your body... Haven't you seen it? You're practically glowing with it. I've never seen you look more beautiful."
Natalia flushed and looked away; Olivia watched it spread down her chest. "You're just saying that to make me feel better," Natalia murmured.
Olivia shook her head. "I wouldn't lie about something like this." She held Natalia's gaze purposefully. "You are breathtaking." Olivia laughed lightly, taking Natalia's hand and putting it on her chest. "Feel that? You make my heart race."
"Olivia," Natalia said, concern coloring her voice.
"Nope," Olivia countered quickly. "You don't get to fuss at me for that, not when you're responsible for it. Not when you've been making my heart do that for months now."
Natalia swallowed and nodded. "Okay." Her voice sounded small.
"Sit down," Olivia said, her voice low and husky. It was a slight non-sequitur but Natalia didn't hesitate. Olivia's hands slid down her sides as Natalia sat in front of her. They ended up almost at eye level, Olivia just below Natalia. Olivia smiled, pleased as she ran her hands down the outside of Natalia's thighs. "I want to show you just how beautiful I think you are - inside and out. Let me do that, Natalia."
Olivia was almost pleading and Natalia didn't understand it. Shouldn't she be the one on her knees pleading? Asking for forgiveness, to be let back in. And yet it was Olivia kneeling before her. The only thing Natalia could do was nod helplessly. How could she refuse Olivia anything?
Olivia seemed content with that, a look coming over her face that Natalia had always struggled to define. It was full of love and desire and something else. It always struck her the same way, with all the shock of a sucker punch and left her frozen and struggling to respond. This time she didn't have to. Olivia cupped both sides of Natalia's head, her fingers sliding into and through Natalia's loose hair, and pulled her down for deep, searing kiss.
Natalia's head fell forward, slumping against Olivia as Olivia turned her head to begin kissing her way down Natalia's neck, laving the delicate skin with careful attention. Natalia was acutely aware of all the ways Olivia was slowly starting to overwhelm her body as Olivia's hands slid down her back and undid the clasp of her bra. It fell loosely between them, dangling by Natalia's arms. She dropped her hands away from Olivia briefly to let it slide the rest of the way off. Almost immediately, Natalia felt a little bit more self-conscious and exposed. She wondered if this was how Olivia had been feeling all evening.
Olivia had stopped and looked up at Natalia, sensing some shift in her. Her gaze was questioning, but Natalia just shook her head. Olivia smiled as if she understood. She cocked her head to the side.
"You're beautiful, remember? Absolutely gorgeous."
"They're - the baby - they're not usually..."
Olivia caught her hand and brought it to her lips, kissing her knuckles gently. "That doesn't matter to me." She tucked Natalia's hand against her heart and raised her other to touch Natalia's breast gently, just cupping it in her hand. "Are they more sensitive? When I was pregnant with Emma..." She shook her head, dismissing whatever thought had arisen. "They were almost painful to touch."
"They're not that bad, but they are more...tender," Natalia said, finally settling on a word.
Olivia nodded, smiled at her. "I'll remember that." She leaned over - she didn't have far to go - and brushed a kiss just above Natalia's nipple. Natalia's hand tightened in her hair just at that faintest touch. "Tell me if you don't like something."
Natalia nodded but it was more rhetorical than anything else. Olivia had already turned her attention to the other breast, lavishing it with the same kind of attention she'd shown Natalia's neck earlier. But her lips were lighter, her touches more tender, all of it so fleeting and ephemeral that Natalia thought it might drive her crazy.
"Olivia," she whispered, coaxing, pleading, needing her beyond anything else.
Olivia shifted, answering her plea, turning her head aside as she stroked and caressed, her hands running gently across Natalia's thighs, back down the outside of her calves and then up the underside even as her lips trailed down Natalia's abdomen, leaving scattered butterfly kisses here and there or lingering longer to suck and nip at more sensitive skin. She found places that made Natalia squirm with unerring accuracy and seemed to take delight in driving Natalia to the brink, until she was clutching tightly to the handful of hair that she had wound her fingers through at the base of Olivia's skull.
Olivia didn't seem to mind though. She shifted her head, nuzzling the crease of Natalia's thigh where it met her upper body. With her hands curled under Natalia's thighs, she gently spread Natalia's legs wider, pulling her a little closer toward the edge of the bed as she did. Instinctively Natalia clutched at Olivia's other shoulder for balance.
The first stroke of Olivia's tongue at the apex of her thighs almost undid Natalia completely. She whimpered and she held even tighter to Olivia. It had to be almost painful for Olivia but it didn't seem to bother her. Natalia struggled to loosen her grip, conscious that her nails were digging into the tender skin of Olivia's back, but then Olivia stroked again and Natalia couldn't help it.
Olivia's hands were running up and down Natalia's legs now, pausing only to massage tensed muscles, soothing in contrast to the way that every stroke and kiss from luscious lips wound Natalia tighter. When Olivia stopped, her lips fastening on Natalia's most tender flesh and sucking, Natalia felt the muscles in her abdomen - her whole body - clench and tighten. Just when she thought that the sensation building within her couldn't grow anymore, it did. Natalia bit her lip but wasn't able to stifle the moan that tore through her as Olivia finally pushed her over the edge, the shuddering relief of her climax leaving her almost slumped over onto Olivia.
"I've got you, Sweetheart," Olivia whispered, turning her head so that her lips were beside Natalia's ear. She held her like that way for several long moments. Natalia lost track of time, drifting in a pleasant haze in the warmth of Olivia's arms until Olivia stirred. "C'mere," Olivia said softly, still holding Natalia as she used the edge of the bed to push herself up from her knees and crawl up beside Natalia on the bed.
She scooted them far enough up on the bed that they could sprawl out fully and then pulled a pillow down to them. Finally she drew the quilt that had been draped across the end of the bed up over them. Natalia hadn't realized that she was cold until she felt its comforting warmth. She had a sudden thought, glancing back over her shoulder.
"Olivia..." Natalia wasn't sure what to say after that. She could see the hint of fear and doubt in Olivia's eyes though. Natalia reached across them, touching Olivia's jaw, bringing her close enough that Natalia could kiss her, reassure her that she regretted absolutely nothing. The angle was all wrong though and her lips could barely brush Olivia's. Natalia let out a frustrated grunt and shifted again, rolling onto her back even as she reached for Olivia, pulling Olivia down on top of her. It felt so right as Olivia's body settled against hers, most of Olivia's weight taken by her hands planted on either side of Natalia's head.
"You don't have to-" Olivia started to say with a shake of her head.
But Natalia pressed a finger against her lips. "But I want to. Let me do this, Olivia. I need this too."
Olivia gave a jerky, hesitant nod. It was as much as Natalia could have hoped for; she took it before it could be taken back.
Her hands, which had been roaming over Olivia's body, exploring and caressing began to drift down Olivia's sides until they slipped past the small of Olivia's back and pulled her firmly her into Natalia, pressing them together. Olivia groaned and shifted restlessly against Natalia. Keeping one hand where it was, Natalia slid the other between them. Her fingers brushed against closely trimmed hair. The next thing she encountered was slick warmth. For a moment, Natalia felt a twinge of panic, not at what she was doing or who she was with, but at the sensation that she was flying blind. She knew Olivia's reputation well enough. Olivia's sexual exploits were something of an urban legend around Springfield - and she was just Natalia, with no particularly great sexual experience. The thought was more than a little intimidating.
And then Olivia groaned, shifting against Natalia's fingers, arching against Natalia's touch and pressing herself into it. The sight of Olivia like that, so undone by a touch, filled Natalia with something like awe. Not at the response she had managed to provoke but that Olivia was willing to bare herself to Natalia that completely, trust her that much after everything that Natalia had done. It was a thing of beauty and Natalia swore never to forget that - or to stop cherishing the gift that she'd been given.
It spurred her back into motion and she began to explore, first tentatively and then with more certainty. Each sound of pleasure that she drew from Olivia was its own reward.
"Please," Olivia begged, her voice sounded hoarse and shaky. Her arms trembled but Natalia didn't think that was what she was worried about. The heel of her palm brushed against Olivia's clit and Olivia's whole body shuddered. Olivia's eyes snapped close, almost wincing at the sensation. She was so sensitive. It had been so long since anyone else had touched her. Just the feel of Natalia's hand on her - and knowing that it was Natalia - was almost enough to make her come right then and there. But the more Natalia had touched her, the more the delicious tension in her body had begun to build until it was almost painful. Olivia squirmed and grimaced, pushing herself against Natalia, needing more desperately.
With any other lover she would show, command and demand. Whatever it took to get her satisfaction. She was far from afraid to ask for what she needed and wanted. But with Natalia it was different. This new Natalia seemed so determined. Her brazenness in inviting herself into the bathroom had been more than a little surprising - in a good way. But Olivia wouldn't forget that underneath it all, this was the same Natalia that she had fallen in love with - the one that she hadn't been certain would ever be willing to be with her this way. This was already so much more than she had thought would be possible some days. Asking for more would just be asking for trouble.
"Olivia," Natalia was rubbing soothing circles on her back with her free hand now. "Talk to me."
Oh, God. Now Natalia wanted her to talk - now when she was trying so hard to hold back, to be what Natalia could handle. It was too much. Olivia shook her head, refusing to open her eyes.
The first touch of Natalia's hand against her cheek was startling only because she hadn't seen it coming. Her fingers traced over Olivia's face, stroking her cheek and brushing across her forehead. Olivia couldn't stop herself from leaning into Natalia's hand.
"I know you're holding back," Natalia whispered. "I can feel it. Talk to me. Please."
Olivia shivered, this time from fear. She didn't know how much more of this she could take.
"I love you," Natalia continued. "So much. I know you're scared, but I'm not going anywhere. I promise."
"I want..." The words spilled out of Olivia's lips almost like a sob, in a heave of emotion, before she could take it back.
"What?" Natalia asked, jumping on the words quickly. "What do you want, Olivia? Tell me and I'll do anything."
Olivia gasped, ducking her head, her forehead dropping to rest against Natalia's shoulder as tears sprang to her eyes. "I don't want you to leave."
Tenderly Natalia cupped the back of her head and stroked her hair. "I won't."
"Even if I ask you for something I'm not sure you can..."
"Something you're not sure I can do?"
Olivia nodded slightly, refusing to look up.
"There isn't anything that I can think of that you could ask me that would make me leave."
Olivia stiffened. It wasn't the response Natalia had been expecting. "What?"
"I don't want you to do something that bothers you, because you think you, because you think if you don't..." Olivia blurted out. "I don't ever want you to do anything you don't want to do."
"Okay," Natalia said softly, reassuringly. "But you have to give me a chance before you decide what I'm capable of. Ask me. Tell me what you want."
Olivia hesitated. For a moment, Natalia wasn't sure whether she would speak or not. Olivia turned her head, nuzzling into Natalia's hand, her eyes still tightly closed. "I want your fingers inside me. I want you to fuck me." The softness of her declaration belied her words.
Natalia froze for an instant, struck by Olivia's words, instantly aroused by the idea. She felt like saying 'is that all?' But she didn't want to make light of Olivia's request and what it had taken her to ask. "Okay," Natalia said, turning her head so that she could kiss her way down Olivia's neck. She shifted so that could find a better angle, bracing her wrist against her own body and slid two fingers up into Olivia.
Olivia hissed and froze, clenching around Natalia's fingers. Natalia waited a moment for Olivia to move, breathe, give her some sign, but when she didn't, she withdrew slightly and began to move in and out. Olivia pressed into her hand, raising her head to look at Natalia. Her cheeks and chest was flushed with color, not from embarrassment but arousal, Natalia decided. She liked it. It gave Natalia a certain heady confidence and she pushed deeper, faster, more firmly. Olivia responded instantly, so quickly that Natalia knew for sure that this was what she had needed but been unwilling to ask for.
It didn't take long before she heard Olivia's gasp and Natalia felt her clench around her fingers, Olivia's entire body shuddering and collapsing down onto Natalia.
Natalia just kept stroking her hair and whispering in her ear. "You're so beautiful and I love you so much. I don't think I'll ever be able to tell you how much, but I want you to know. I want you to feel it every time we're together here in our bed - for the rest of our lives."
Tears fell silently down Olivia's cheeks. She knew the sudden lease of emotion was as much about her physical release after so long as the emotions Natalia had wrung from her, but it didn’t make it any easier for her to stifle her tears. It seemed so wrong to be crying at what should be such a perfect moment.
"I love you too," Olivia whispered quietly, clinging to Natalia, refusing to move.
Natalia stroked her hair softly, asking nothing and giving the reassurance of her touch. When Olivia tried to push herself up, worried that she was getting too heavy for the pregnant woman , Natalia just pulled her back down.
"Stay. I like holding you like this," Natalia said, with a charmingly shy smile. "If you don't mind."
"I think I can handle this for a little while longer," Olivia said like it was a concession Natalia had torn from her. She sank back down into Natalia's body slowly and carefully. Olivia lay with her head on Natalia's chest, her emotional exhaustion giving way to a pleasantly lazy feeling as she listened to the staccato beat of Natalia's heart beneath her ear, her hand running up and down Natalia's side in a lazy motion until she heard Natalia's breathing deepen and heartbeat slow. Olivia was still awake long after Natalia had drifted off into sleep.
She couldn't remember every being happier or more contented and satisfied in her life. It was terrifying.
Even pressed up against Natalia's warmth, Olivia shivered. Sleep was a long time coming.