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Title: July 5th
Fandom: Guiding Light
Characters: Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, Emma Spencer, Rafe Rivera, Blake Marler, Frank Cooper
Category: Angst, Romance, Drama
Rating: NC-17 eventually, with mostly PG-13 stuff for now.
Word count: 36,471 (total)
Summary: It's the fifth of July. What will Natalia do?
Spoilers/Timeline Spoilers for everything through July 9th. Goes off canon after that.
Disclaimer: All characters (Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, blah blah etc.) and situations belong to Guiding Light, Telenext, Proctor & Gamble, etc. I'm not them.
Author's Note: There's lesbian touching in this part. You've been warned.
Beta: Many thanks to aimlessla for looking over this massive thing for me, pointing out plot holes and my constant comma issues.
Part One || Part Two || Part Three || Part Four || Part Five || Part Six || Part Seven || Part Eight || Part Nine
Part Ten
There was no early morning light drifting through the Beacon’s windows into Olivia’s suite. Olivia had made sure of that a long time ago with thick heavy curtains designed to block out the sun and let her sleep as long as she wanted. The lack of sunlight didn’t really make a difference for Natalia though, not after years of being so accustomed to waking at an early hour.
There was a disorienting moment when Natalia woke where the darkness felt enveloping and she couldn’t quite place where she was. Then it registered. She was in Olivia’s bed in her suite at the Beacon. With Olivia. Even though there was no one else awake in the room, no one who could know what she was thinking, Natalia flushed at the memory of what they had done the night before. It wasn’t because she was ashamed, but because it seemed like too much. An embarrassment of riches.
Natalia sank back down on to the pillows and curled onto her side so that she was facing Olivia. Even in the dim light she could still make out her features, looking so peaceful as she slept. She had an urge to reach out and touch Olivia, just because she wanted to, because she could. But she didn’t, stopping herself from actually following through with the knowledge that Olivia needed her rest.
As giddy and wonderful as Natalia felt this morning, she knew it didn’t erase what had happened in the past few days. Olivia had been through so much and it had been all her doing. Their activities last night hadn’t helped any in the letting-Olivia-sleep department either, but Natalia couldn’t regret that. Olivia had needed it, to feel how much Natalia wanted her, and to give her surety of the way Natalia felt about her when she doubted. Natalia, on the other hand, had just wanted. She still did, but she didn’t think that was a good enough reason to pull Olivia from her slumber.
Just when Natalia thought she would burst with impatience and desire, Olivia shifted. Natalia held her breath. It was an entirely different story if Olivia woke on her own. Long lashes fluttered for a moment and Natalia smiled. How many times had she seen Olivia stumble into the kitchen in the morning and been amazed that Olivia allowed Natalia to see her like that, dazed, vulnerable, not at all awake yet and absolutely adorable? So many. It had definitely been an unexpected side of Olivia, just one more thing she’d come to love. She’d never gotten to see it from this perspective though, one eyelid struggling to open while it’s twin remained firmly shut.
“Hi,” Natalia whispered as Olivia blinked sleepily, trying to clear her eyes. She reached out, pushing hair out of Olivia’s face and tucking it behind her ear.
“Hey,” Olivia mumbled, still not yet fully awake. That didn’t stop her from throwing her arm across Natalia’s waist, tangling their legs together and snuggling in closer to her though. Apparently she didn’t need to be awake for that.
Natalia wrapped her arms around Olivia and let out a contented sigh. This was what she had been craving, this closeness. She kissed the nearest bit of bare skin she could find, Olivia’s collarbone, and buried her head in Olivia’s shoulder, breathing in her familiar, intoxicating scent.
They lay in silence for several long moments, Olivia’s breathing so deep and steady that Natalia wondered if she had fallen back asleep again. She got her answer just a moment later.
“Is this real?” Olivia murmured. “Or am I still dreaming?” Her arms tightened briefly around Natalia. “‘Cause if I am, I don’t want to wake up.”
Natalia smiled. It was a little tremulous but she managed. “You’re not dreaming. At least I don’t think you are. And if we are dreaming, I don’t want to wake up either,” she assured Olivia.
“Yeah?” Olivia asked, a smile curving over her lips. She said it sweetly, charmingly, but Natalia could still hear the aching vulnerability beneath it, the need to be reassured despite everything that they had shared.
“Oh yeah,” Natalia agreed, shifting until she could find Olivia’s lips, kissing her lightly, morning breath making her self-conscious about letting it linger.
Olivia didn’t have any of the same reservations and deepened the kiss, shifting so that she was laying on top of Natalia. Her hands began to stray, caressing bare skin that she was only beginning to familiarize herself with.
Natalia whimpered, amazed that with just a kiss and a few touches Olivia could make her want this much. She had never had this kind of reaction to anyone else, not even Gus.
She gasped as Olivia broke the kiss, pushing up on one elbow so that she could look at Natalia. “Is this okay?” Olivia asked. Her hair was a clumpy mess, making her look wild and disheveled, but her eyes sparkled and there was no doubting that Olivia was completely awake now.
“More than okay,” Natalia whispered, hooking her legs around the back of Olivia’s legs, keeping her where she was. “I’ve been laying here watching you sleep and wanting to touch you. You just looked so...” She trailed off with a shake of her head, at a loss for words.
“Old?” Olivia suggested with a wry grin. Covering her face with one hand and grimacing. “Were my wrinkles showing?” she asked teasingly.
Natalia took Olivia’s head between both hands and brought her face down until she could place a kiss on the corner of her eye. “Beautiful. Peaceful. Intoxicating.” Each word was punctuated with a kiss, moving from Natalia’s original target to her forehead to the corner of Olivia’s mouth.
It was too close for Olivia who couldn’t resist, turning her head fractionally to kiss Natalia again. It was tender and unhurried. They had plenty of time to touch and taste and explore and Olivia intended to savor every moment of it.
Natalia’s hands drifted down until they were draped loosely over the back of Olivia’s neck, keeping her close.
“Mommy?” The sound of Emma’s sleepy voice from just outside the door jerked Natalia up short even as her hands had been sliding over Olivia’s shoulders and down her sides.
Natalia froze, breaking the kiss and looking panic-stricken, her eyes widening almost comically as she stared past Olivia. Olivia sighed, her head dropping down in defeat. The tickle of Olivia’s breath against her chest made Natalia suddenly all too conscious that they were still naked underneath the sheets.
“Just a minute, Jellybean,” Olivia called back to her daughter, keeping her voice light and even only with years of practice at hiding her feelings from corporate sharks eager to attack at the slightest hint of weakness.
Olivia touched her chin, drawing Natalia’s attention away from Emma and back to her. She met Natalia’s eyes with an intense stare.
“It’s going to be okay. Trust me.” But it was as much a question as it was a statement meant to reassure, and that was something Natalia knew how to deal with. Olivia needed her support. She could be there for her, with her. That was old hat for them. She knew how to do that.
Natalia summoned a smile and nodded, trying to seem more confident than she felt. She was horrified that Emma had caught them together like this and had no idea what to say or do. She had never brought anyone back to the string of crappy apartments that she and Rafe had shared in Chicago. The only person Rafe had ever really seen her with was Gus and he refused to see she and Olivia together. If he didn’t see it, he could pretend “they” didn’t exist as what they really were.
Olivia stroked Natalia’s cheek tenderly with the back of her fingers and then rolled off Natalia, springing out of bed to grab two shirts, pulling one over her head as she came back to bed and holding the other out to Natalia. But when Olivia got back in bed, it was on the opposite side of the one that she had woken up on so that she was between Emma and Natalia. The gesture didn’t go unnoticed by Natalia. She was still nervous, but she couldn’t help but lace her fingers through Olivia’s in thanks for Olivia’s small, protective gesture. Even if, when Natalia thought about it, it seemed a little bit ridiculous, needing to be protected from Emma. This was still new and different though, for all of them, but Emma especially.
“Okay, Em. We’re awake now,” Olivia said, making sure the comforter was tucked in firmly around them and then holding her arms out to her daughter.
“Mommy!” This time it was more of a squeal than a cry as Emma came hurtling through the rest of the room and bounced up on the bed with a ferocious pounce that jarred both of them. She dove straight for her mother’s arms.
Olivia laughed and wrapped Emma up in a tight hug, kissing the top of her head and peppering her with kisses until Emma started to giggle and squirm.
“Mommy.” This time Emma was protesting. She rolled onto her back and held out her arms to Natalia. “Help me, Natalia.”
For a moment Natalia was too startled to react and then she laughed. “Oh, you want my help?” she teased and Emma nodded frantically.
“Yes,” she squeaked. “Help.”
Natalia wrapped her arms around Emma and half-tugged Emma toward her until Emma was laying sprawled across both of them on top of the covers. “Help you?” she repeated again, brushing her nose back and forth across Emma’s. “But I wanted to tickle you!”
Emma squealed again as Natalia suited actions to words. “No fair. Mommy!”
Olivia laughed, having stopped her portion of the ticklefest to watch Natalia and Emma together. She felt like she was about to burst with joy and contentment watching them laugh and play together. This was what she had always wanted, wasn’t it? Even if she hadn’t always known it - someone to share her life with, who loved her little girl just as much as she did. A family.
“Mommy!” Emma repeated, more demanding.
Olivia snorted, drawn out of her momentary reverie. “Oh right.” She scooted closer to Natalia, sitting up just a little so that she could wrap both of her arms around Natalia and kissed the side of her throat, her tongue flicking out to make Natalia squirm.
“Olivia,” Natalia protested, but pinned down and wrapped up there was no where for her to go. Not that she was trying too hard.
“Mommy, that’s not right,” Emma corrected her. “You’re supposed to tickle her.”
Olivia laughed softly, the puff of her breath warm against Natalia’s cheek as she rested her forehead against Natalia’s temple.
“Next time, Jellybean,” she promised her indulgently, sitting up again. When Natalia pinned her with a warning look, she amended. “Maybe.” Without meaning to, she lost herself in Natalia’s gaze, knowing that she was staring back at Natalia with unabashed adoration and not caring at all if Emma noticed it.
Emma shifted and Natalia grunted as Emma’s elbow dug into her.
“Hey, Em, be careful. You don’t want to hurt the ba-” Natalia’s eyes went very wide. Olivia winced, her face freezing comically as she stopped mid-word. “-by.”
For a moment Olivia and Natalia just stared, their eyes locked, neither of them willing to look down at Emma.
“Baby?” Emma asked, her little brow furrowing and making her look so much like her mother in that moment. “What baby?”
Olivia gave Natalia a little shrug and grimace and glanced down at Emma, reaching over to push a few stray strands of Emma’s hair behind her ear.
“Well, Natalia’s pregnant.”
“But I thought you had to have a daddy for that?” Emma asked innocently.
“Ah, you do,” Olivia said, her own brow furrowing. “Usually. You need an egg and sperm anyway.” She risked a glance up at Natalia and noticed that she looked a little pale. Olivia reached over to take her hand. It felt limp in Olivia’s grasp. “Uh, but this baby does have a father.” She stroked her fingers through Emma’s hair again. “Do you remember when Natalia and Uncle Frank were going to get married?”
Emma nodded.
“Well, they were together and now Natalia’s going to have a baby.” That was one way to put it. She didn’t want to look at Natalia. Somehow their wonderful morning had turned into a mildly excruciating conversation.
“With Uncle Frank? But I thought you said you and Natalia were-”
“We are,” Olivia said jumping in quickly. “Just because two people have a child, doesn’t mean they have to be together. Like me and your Daddy.”
“Oh,” Emma said slowly. “Right.”
Olivia watched her think for a moment. “Anything else you want to ask, Jellybean?”
“Noooo,” Emma said drawling the word out contemplatively. Then she changed her mind. “When will the baby be here?”
“It’ll be a few more months.” Olivia glanced over at Natalia again. They hadn’t really had a chance to discuss all the details yet. “I’ll let you know when we have a due date.”
“Okay,” Emma said, sounding remarkably matter-of-fact about the whole thing. Then another thought occurred to her. “So if you and Natalia are together, what does that make me and the baby?”
“Ah...” Olivia knew what she wanted, hoped she knew what Natalia wanted, but things were still fragile. They weren’t even living together and Natalia was having a baby. There was still so many things up in the air. She had just turned Natalia’s offer to move in with her down yesterday, but there was no way she wanted Natalia living alone after the baby was born. Her damn big fat mouth.
“It means you’ll be a big sister, Em,” Natalia said, startling them both. She had been so quiet, Olivia had begun to worry.
“Really?” Emma asked, her excitement plain. Her face was almost glowing as she looked to Olivia for confirmation.
“Really,” Olivia said, swallowing hard, trying not to show any of the apprehension that she felt. Things were changing so quickly. Only the day before, Natalia had been gone. Now they were acting like a little family discussing the addition of their newest member. It was a lot.
“Hey, why don’t you go get dressed, Em,” Olivia suggested, trying to sound more casual than she felt. “And we’ll do the same.”
“Okay, Mommy,” Emma said, bouncing up just as quickly as she had landed. “Can we go to the park after breakfast?”
“We’ll see,” Olivia said, deferring the question for later negotiations. She watched as Emma darted back into her room and waited until the door between her room and Emma’s had slid shut. “You okay?” she asked Natalia, keeping her voice low even though there was no way that Emma could hear them anymore.
Natalia nodded, letting out a breath she hadn’t realized she was holding. “I think so.” She winced, closing her eyes and sinking into Olivia. “I’m sorry I freaked out.” Her hand rested over Olivia’s heart, feeling it race beneath her palm.
“It’s okay,” Olivia said, sounding anything but okay.
“No, it isn’t,” Natalia disagreed. “I just haven’t done this before,” she added, gesturing between them.
Olivia scowled. “Well, it’s not like I’ve been throwing lesbian orgies every other Friday, Natalia.”
Natalia straightened abruptly, pushing away from Olivia. “That’s not what I meant. That’s not why I-” She swallowed. “It was Emma. I never-” She flicked a quick glance up at Olivia and then looked down again. “I never brought anyone home. The first person Rafe ever saw me with was Gus,” she blurted out, hoping her explanation made sense to Olivia.
“Oh,” Olivia said softly.
“You’ve been married. You know how to do this relationship with children thing. I’m still learning.”
Olivia winced. “My step-kids hated me. Ask Josh. And Phillip.” She tilted her head. “Marah and Rafe could form a club.”
“Olivia...” Natalia protested weakly. She didn’t know what she wanted to say really, only that she wanted to reassure Olivia that Rafe wouldn’t come between them. She had no idea what she was going to do about him or how to bring him around, but it didn’t matter. Despite what he thought, she had realized what was important and she was determined to hold onto it and not let go.
Gently Olivia put a finger over her lips. “I didn’t mean it like that.” She took a deep breath and summoned a smile. “Look, I don’t know how, but it’s going to be okay. Eventually. We just need to give it some time. I have faith.”
Natalia’s eyebrows shot up, unconsciously echoing a gesture that was all-Olivia in her disbelief. “You do?” she asked with a charming mix of disbelief and hopefulness.
“In you,” Olivia amended with a shrug. “I’m not so sure what I think about the Big Guy anymore, but I do believe in you. I think you can do anything you set your mind to. Look at what you’ve already done,” she said softly. “I’m still here and that’s all you.” She hesitated to let Natalia absorb what she was saying. “You made us a family, despite everything.”
Natalia shook her head. “It’s so messed up, with Rafe and the baby.” She squeezed Olivia’s hand tightly. “I hurt you.”
Olivia glanced down, what she was thinking and feeling retreating behind an expressionless mask for a moment. “You did,” she admitted and Natalia flinched. “But you came back - to me. And this is where you want to be. Right?” she asked, turning Natalia’s hand over as she cradled it between her own.
“Right,” Natalia agreed, the lump in her throat making it hard to speak as she realized how close she had come to losing Olivia and this family that they had built together - no matter what Olivia said. “More than anything.”
“Good,” Olivia said firmly, as if that settled it. She reached a hand out to place it over the slight swell of Natalia’s abdomen. “Because I’m looking forward to watching this little one grow up.”
“And being her other mommy,” Natalia added, pushing a little bit because she wanted there to be no doubt in Olivia’s mind just how Natalia wanted her to be involved in this baby’s life. She had no idea - okay, some - how Frank was going to react when she told him, but whatever he had to say, it wouldn’t change the way she felt about Olivia or what she wanted. Natalia was certain of that now.
Olivia swallowed, tears welling in her eyes. “If that’s what you want.”
“I do,” Natalia said. “So much. Do you-”
“Oh yeah,” Olivia agreed quickly, and then seemed a little stunned by what she had admitted.
Natalia couldn’t help the smile that began to spread across her face. The fear and uncertainty that had been her companion for most of the past few days was gone, removed like a weight from her shoulders that she had almost forgotten she was carrying. She felt light and almost giddy now that it was gone.
Forgetting Emma and the fact that they were mostly still naked she surged toward Olivia, kissing her passionately enough to tip her off balance, sending her sprawling onto her pillow. Olivia didn’t resist, clinging to Natalia and pulling her down on top of her, all too eager to touch her and hold her now that she was finally allowed.
Natalia broke the kiss a long moment later, panting lightly as she struggled to regain her composure. “Emma,” she breathed the little girl’s name, as she remembered that Emma was only gone for a few minutes and there was no way they could finish what she had started. “We should-” She couldn’t bring herself to say stop, not after everything she had put Olivia through in the past few days and weeks.
Olivia snorted. “Not scar Em for life.”
Natalia nodded. “Something like that.”
“You’re probably right,” Olivia agreed. “But I hope you know I have every intention of finishing what you started sometime very soon.”
“I hope so,” Natalia said. “I’m going to hold you to that.”
“You do that,” Olivia said with a smile, scooting out from underneath Natalia and striding across the room to get her robe out of the closet.
Natalia watched her walk away unabashedly, only flushing when Olivia glanced back over her shoulder at her and flashed a wicked grin.
Snagging another robe from her closet, Olivia crossed back to the bed, dropping the spare robe at Natalia’s feet and leaning over her. “Was that an impure thought you were having, Natalia?”
Natalia had an urge to grab the robe and wrap up in it quickly, hiding herself from Olivia who saw far too much, and the things that Olivia brought out in her, things that she had never thought she could feel, much less feel without shame or embarrassment.
“There is nothing impure about the way I feel about you,” Natalia whispered. “Nothing. But I was thinking about how absolutely gorgeous you looked, walking away from me.”
Olivia sucked in a breath and Natalia couldn’t help her satisfied smile. She was rarely able to surprise Olivia, especially not in a good way like this. There was nothing like the look on Olivia’s face when Natalia rose above Olivia’s expectations in a way that she had never considered. It was a heady feeling and she was going to savor every moment of it.
Fandom: Guiding Light
Characters: Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, Emma Spencer, Rafe Rivera, Blake Marler, Frank Cooper
Category: Angst, Romance, Drama
Rating: NC-17 eventually, with mostly PG-13 stuff for now.
Word count: 36,471 (total)
Summary: It's the fifth of July. What will Natalia do?
Spoilers/Timeline Spoilers for everything through July 9th. Goes off canon after that.
Disclaimer: All characters (Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, blah blah etc.) and situations belong to Guiding Light, Telenext, Proctor & Gamble, etc. I'm not them.
Author's Note: There's lesbian touching in this part. You've been warned.
Beta: Many thanks to aimlessla for looking over this massive thing for me, pointing out plot holes and my constant comma issues.
Part One || Part Two || Part Three || Part Four || Part Five || Part Six || Part Seven || Part Eight || Part Nine
Part Ten
There was no early morning light drifting through the Beacon’s windows into Olivia’s suite. Olivia had made sure of that a long time ago with thick heavy curtains designed to block out the sun and let her sleep as long as she wanted. The lack of sunlight didn’t really make a difference for Natalia though, not after years of being so accustomed to waking at an early hour.
There was a disorienting moment when Natalia woke where the darkness felt enveloping and she couldn’t quite place where she was. Then it registered. She was in Olivia’s bed in her suite at the Beacon. With Olivia. Even though there was no one else awake in the room, no one who could know what she was thinking, Natalia flushed at the memory of what they had done the night before. It wasn’t because she was ashamed, but because it seemed like too much. An embarrassment of riches.
Natalia sank back down on to the pillows and curled onto her side so that she was facing Olivia. Even in the dim light she could still make out her features, looking so peaceful as she slept. She had an urge to reach out and touch Olivia, just because she wanted to, because she could. But she didn’t, stopping herself from actually following through with the knowledge that Olivia needed her rest.
As giddy and wonderful as Natalia felt this morning, she knew it didn’t erase what had happened in the past few days. Olivia had been through so much and it had been all her doing. Their activities last night hadn’t helped any in the letting-Olivia-sleep department either, but Natalia couldn’t regret that. Olivia had needed it, to feel how much Natalia wanted her, and to give her surety of the way Natalia felt about her when she doubted. Natalia, on the other hand, had just wanted. She still did, but she didn’t think that was a good enough reason to pull Olivia from her slumber.
Just when Natalia thought she would burst with impatience and desire, Olivia shifted. Natalia held her breath. It was an entirely different story if Olivia woke on her own. Long lashes fluttered for a moment and Natalia smiled. How many times had she seen Olivia stumble into the kitchen in the morning and been amazed that Olivia allowed Natalia to see her like that, dazed, vulnerable, not at all awake yet and absolutely adorable? So many. It had definitely been an unexpected side of Olivia, just one more thing she’d come to love. She’d never gotten to see it from this perspective though, one eyelid struggling to open while it’s twin remained firmly shut.
“Hi,” Natalia whispered as Olivia blinked sleepily, trying to clear her eyes. She reached out, pushing hair out of Olivia’s face and tucking it behind her ear.
“Hey,” Olivia mumbled, still not yet fully awake. That didn’t stop her from throwing her arm across Natalia’s waist, tangling their legs together and snuggling in closer to her though. Apparently she didn’t need to be awake for that.
Natalia wrapped her arms around Olivia and let out a contented sigh. This was what she had been craving, this closeness. She kissed the nearest bit of bare skin she could find, Olivia’s collarbone, and buried her head in Olivia’s shoulder, breathing in her familiar, intoxicating scent.
They lay in silence for several long moments, Olivia’s breathing so deep and steady that Natalia wondered if she had fallen back asleep again. She got her answer just a moment later.
“Is this real?” Olivia murmured. “Or am I still dreaming?” Her arms tightened briefly around Natalia. “‘Cause if I am, I don’t want to wake up.”
Natalia smiled. It was a little tremulous but she managed. “You’re not dreaming. At least I don’t think you are. And if we are dreaming, I don’t want to wake up either,” she assured Olivia.
“Yeah?” Olivia asked, a smile curving over her lips. She said it sweetly, charmingly, but Natalia could still hear the aching vulnerability beneath it, the need to be reassured despite everything that they had shared.
“Oh yeah,” Natalia agreed, shifting until she could find Olivia’s lips, kissing her lightly, morning breath making her self-conscious about letting it linger.
Olivia didn’t have any of the same reservations and deepened the kiss, shifting so that she was laying on top of Natalia. Her hands began to stray, caressing bare skin that she was only beginning to familiarize herself with.
Natalia whimpered, amazed that with just a kiss and a few touches Olivia could make her want this much. She had never had this kind of reaction to anyone else, not even Gus.
She gasped as Olivia broke the kiss, pushing up on one elbow so that she could look at Natalia. “Is this okay?” Olivia asked. Her hair was a clumpy mess, making her look wild and disheveled, but her eyes sparkled and there was no doubting that Olivia was completely awake now.
“More than okay,” Natalia whispered, hooking her legs around the back of Olivia’s legs, keeping her where she was. “I’ve been laying here watching you sleep and wanting to touch you. You just looked so...” She trailed off with a shake of her head, at a loss for words.
“Old?” Olivia suggested with a wry grin. Covering her face with one hand and grimacing. “Were my wrinkles showing?” she asked teasingly.
Natalia took Olivia’s head between both hands and brought her face down until she could place a kiss on the corner of her eye. “Beautiful. Peaceful. Intoxicating.” Each word was punctuated with a kiss, moving from Natalia’s original target to her forehead to the corner of Olivia’s mouth.
It was too close for Olivia who couldn’t resist, turning her head fractionally to kiss Natalia again. It was tender and unhurried. They had plenty of time to touch and taste and explore and Olivia intended to savor every moment of it.
Natalia’s hands drifted down until they were draped loosely over the back of Olivia’s neck, keeping her close.
“Mommy?” The sound of Emma’s sleepy voice from just outside the door jerked Natalia up short even as her hands had been sliding over Olivia’s shoulders and down her sides.
Natalia froze, breaking the kiss and looking panic-stricken, her eyes widening almost comically as she stared past Olivia. Olivia sighed, her head dropping down in defeat. The tickle of Olivia’s breath against her chest made Natalia suddenly all too conscious that they were still naked underneath the sheets.
“Just a minute, Jellybean,” Olivia called back to her daughter, keeping her voice light and even only with years of practice at hiding her feelings from corporate sharks eager to attack at the slightest hint of weakness.
Olivia touched her chin, drawing Natalia’s attention away from Emma and back to her. She met Natalia’s eyes with an intense stare.
“It’s going to be okay. Trust me.” But it was as much a question as it was a statement meant to reassure, and that was something Natalia knew how to deal with. Olivia needed her support. She could be there for her, with her. That was old hat for them. She knew how to do that.
Natalia summoned a smile and nodded, trying to seem more confident than she felt. She was horrified that Emma had caught them together like this and had no idea what to say or do. She had never brought anyone back to the string of crappy apartments that she and Rafe had shared in Chicago. The only person Rafe had ever really seen her with was Gus and he refused to see she and Olivia together. If he didn’t see it, he could pretend “they” didn’t exist as what they really were.
Olivia stroked Natalia’s cheek tenderly with the back of her fingers and then rolled off Natalia, springing out of bed to grab two shirts, pulling one over her head as she came back to bed and holding the other out to Natalia. But when Olivia got back in bed, it was on the opposite side of the one that she had woken up on so that she was between Emma and Natalia. The gesture didn’t go unnoticed by Natalia. She was still nervous, but she couldn’t help but lace her fingers through Olivia’s in thanks for Olivia’s small, protective gesture. Even if, when Natalia thought about it, it seemed a little bit ridiculous, needing to be protected from Emma. This was still new and different though, for all of them, but Emma especially.
“Okay, Em. We’re awake now,” Olivia said, making sure the comforter was tucked in firmly around them and then holding her arms out to her daughter.
“Mommy!” This time it was more of a squeal than a cry as Emma came hurtling through the rest of the room and bounced up on the bed with a ferocious pounce that jarred both of them. She dove straight for her mother’s arms.
Olivia laughed and wrapped Emma up in a tight hug, kissing the top of her head and peppering her with kisses until Emma started to giggle and squirm.
“Mommy.” This time Emma was protesting. She rolled onto her back and held out her arms to Natalia. “Help me, Natalia.”
For a moment Natalia was too startled to react and then she laughed. “Oh, you want my help?” she teased and Emma nodded frantically.
“Yes,” she squeaked. “Help.”
Natalia wrapped her arms around Emma and half-tugged Emma toward her until Emma was laying sprawled across both of them on top of the covers. “Help you?” she repeated again, brushing her nose back and forth across Emma’s. “But I wanted to tickle you!”
Emma squealed again as Natalia suited actions to words. “No fair. Mommy!”
Olivia laughed, having stopped her portion of the ticklefest to watch Natalia and Emma together. She felt like she was about to burst with joy and contentment watching them laugh and play together. This was what she had always wanted, wasn’t it? Even if she hadn’t always known it - someone to share her life with, who loved her little girl just as much as she did. A family.
“Mommy!” Emma repeated, more demanding.
Olivia snorted, drawn out of her momentary reverie. “Oh right.” She scooted closer to Natalia, sitting up just a little so that she could wrap both of her arms around Natalia and kissed the side of her throat, her tongue flicking out to make Natalia squirm.
“Olivia,” Natalia protested, but pinned down and wrapped up there was no where for her to go. Not that she was trying too hard.
“Mommy, that’s not right,” Emma corrected her. “You’re supposed to tickle her.”
Olivia laughed softly, the puff of her breath warm against Natalia’s cheek as she rested her forehead against Natalia’s temple.
“Next time, Jellybean,” she promised her indulgently, sitting up again. When Natalia pinned her with a warning look, she amended. “Maybe.” Without meaning to, she lost herself in Natalia’s gaze, knowing that she was staring back at Natalia with unabashed adoration and not caring at all if Emma noticed it.
Emma shifted and Natalia grunted as Emma’s elbow dug into her.
“Hey, Em, be careful. You don’t want to hurt the ba-” Natalia’s eyes went very wide. Olivia winced, her face freezing comically as she stopped mid-word. “-by.”
For a moment Olivia and Natalia just stared, their eyes locked, neither of them willing to look down at Emma.
“Baby?” Emma asked, her little brow furrowing and making her look so much like her mother in that moment. “What baby?”
Olivia gave Natalia a little shrug and grimace and glanced down at Emma, reaching over to push a few stray strands of Emma’s hair behind her ear.
“Well, Natalia’s pregnant.”
“But I thought you had to have a daddy for that?” Emma asked innocently.
“Ah, you do,” Olivia said, her own brow furrowing. “Usually. You need an egg and sperm anyway.” She risked a glance up at Natalia and noticed that she looked a little pale. Olivia reached over to take her hand. It felt limp in Olivia’s grasp. “Uh, but this baby does have a father.” She stroked her fingers through Emma’s hair again. “Do you remember when Natalia and Uncle Frank were going to get married?”
Emma nodded.
“Well, they were together and now Natalia’s going to have a baby.” That was one way to put it. She didn’t want to look at Natalia. Somehow their wonderful morning had turned into a mildly excruciating conversation.
“With Uncle Frank? But I thought you said you and Natalia were-”
“We are,” Olivia said jumping in quickly. “Just because two people have a child, doesn’t mean they have to be together. Like me and your Daddy.”
“Oh,” Emma said slowly. “Right.”
Olivia watched her think for a moment. “Anything else you want to ask, Jellybean?”
“Noooo,” Emma said drawling the word out contemplatively. Then she changed her mind. “When will the baby be here?”
“It’ll be a few more months.” Olivia glanced over at Natalia again. They hadn’t really had a chance to discuss all the details yet. “I’ll let you know when we have a due date.”
“Okay,” Emma said, sounding remarkably matter-of-fact about the whole thing. Then another thought occurred to her. “So if you and Natalia are together, what does that make me and the baby?”
“Ah...” Olivia knew what she wanted, hoped she knew what Natalia wanted, but things were still fragile. They weren’t even living together and Natalia was having a baby. There was still so many things up in the air. She had just turned Natalia’s offer to move in with her down yesterday, but there was no way she wanted Natalia living alone after the baby was born. Her damn big fat mouth.
“It means you’ll be a big sister, Em,” Natalia said, startling them both. She had been so quiet, Olivia had begun to worry.
“Really?” Emma asked, her excitement plain. Her face was almost glowing as she looked to Olivia for confirmation.
“Really,” Olivia said, swallowing hard, trying not to show any of the apprehension that she felt. Things were changing so quickly. Only the day before, Natalia had been gone. Now they were acting like a little family discussing the addition of their newest member. It was a lot.
“Hey, why don’t you go get dressed, Em,” Olivia suggested, trying to sound more casual than she felt. “And we’ll do the same.”
“Okay, Mommy,” Emma said, bouncing up just as quickly as she had landed. “Can we go to the park after breakfast?”
“We’ll see,” Olivia said, deferring the question for later negotiations. She watched as Emma darted back into her room and waited until the door between her room and Emma’s had slid shut. “You okay?” she asked Natalia, keeping her voice low even though there was no way that Emma could hear them anymore.
Natalia nodded, letting out a breath she hadn’t realized she was holding. “I think so.” She winced, closing her eyes and sinking into Olivia. “I’m sorry I freaked out.” Her hand rested over Olivia’s heart, feeling it race beneath her palm.
“It’s okay,” Olivia said, sounding anything but okay.
“No, it isn’t,” Natalia disagreed. “I just haven’t done this before,” she added, gesturing between them.
Olivia scowled. “Well, it’s not like I’ve been throwing lesbian orgies every other Friday, Natalia.”
Natalia straightened abruptly, pushing away from Olivia. “That’s not what I meant. That’s not why I-” She swallowed. “It was Emma. I never-” She flicked a quick glance up at Olivia and then looked down again. “I never brought anyone home. The first person Rafe ever saw me with was Gus,” she blurted out, hoping her explanation made sense to Olivia.
“Oh,” Olivia said softly.
“You’ve been married. You know how to do this relationship with children thing. I’m still learning.”
Olivia winced. “My step-kids hated me. Ask Josh. And Phillip.” She tilted her head. “Marah and Rafe could form a club.”
“Olivia...” Natalia protested weakly. She didn’t know what she wanted to say really, only that she wanted to reassure Olivia that Rafe wouldn’t come between them. She had no idea what she was going to do about him or how to bring him around, but it didn’t matter. Despite what he thought, she had realized what was important and she was determined to hold onto it and not let go.
Gently Olivia put a finger over her lips. “I didn’t mean it like that.” She took a deep breath and summoned a smile. “Look, I don’t know how, but it’s going to be okay. Eventually. We just need to give it some time. I have faith.”
Natalia’s eyebrows shot up, unconsciously echoing a gesture that was all-Olivia in her disbelief. “You do?” she asked with a charming mix of disbelief and hopefulness.
“In you,” Olivia amended with a shrug. “I’m not so sure what I think about the Big Guy anymore, but I do believe in you. I think you can do anything you set your mind to. Look at what you’ve already done,” she said softly. “I’m still here and that’s all you.” She hesitated to let Natalia absorb what she was saying. “You made us a family, despite everything.”
Natalia shook her head. “It’s so messed up, with Rafe and the baby.” She squeezed Olivia’s hand tightly. “I hurt you.”
Olivia glanced down, what she was thinking and feeling retreating behind an expressionless mask for a moment. “You did,” she admitted and Natalia flinched. “But you came back - to me. And this is where you want to be. Right?” she asked, turning Natalia’s hand over as she cradled it between her own.
“Right,” Natalia agreed, the lump in her throat making it hard to speak as she realized how close she had come to losing Olivia and this family that they had built together - no matter what Olivia said. “More than anything.”
“Good,” Olivia said firmly, as if that settled it. She reached a hand out to place it over the slight swell of Natalia’s abdomen. “Because I’m looking forward to watching this little one grow up.”
“And being her other mommy,” Natalia added, pushing a little bit because she wanted there to be no doubt in Olivia’s mind just how Natalia wanted her to be involved in this baby’s life. She had no idea - okay, some - how Frank was going to react when she told him, but whatever he had to say, it wouldn’t change the way she felt about Olivia or what she wanted. Natalia was certain of that now.
Olivia swallowed, tears welling in her eyes. “If that’s what you want.”
“I do,” Natalia said. “So much. Do you-”
“Oh yeah,” Olivia agreed quickly, and then seemed a little stunned by what she had admitted.
Natalia couldn’t help the smile that began to spread across her face. The fear and uncertainty that had been her companion for most of the past few days was gone, removed like a weight from her shoulders that she had almost forgotten she was carrying. She felt light and almost giddy now that it was gone.
Forgetting Emma and the fact that they were mostly still naked she surged toward Olivia, kissing her passionately enough to tip her off balance, sending her sprawling onto her pillow. Olivia didn’t resist, clinging to Natalia and pulling her down on top of her, all too eager to touch her and hold her now that she was finally allowed.
Natalia broke the kiss a long moment later, panting lightly as she struggled to regain her composure. “Emma,” she breathed the little girl’s name, as she remembered that Emma was only gone for a few minutes and there was no way they could finish what she had started. “We should-” She couldn’t bring herself to say stop, not after everything she had put Olivia through in the past few days and weeks.
Olivia snorted. “Not scar Em for life.”
Natalia nodded. “Something like that.”
“You’re probably right,” Olivia agreed. “But I hope you know I have every intention of finishing what you started sometime very soon.”
“I hope so,” Natalia said. “I’m going to hold you to that.”
“You do that,” Olivia said with a smile, scooting out from underneath Natalia and striding across the room to get her robe out of the closet.
Natalia watched her walk away unabashedly, only flushing when Olivia glanced back over her shoulder at her and flashed a wicked grin.
Snagging another robe from her closet, Olivia crossed back to the bed, dropping the spare robe at Natalia’s feet and leaning over her. “Was that an impure thought you were having, Natalia?”
Natalia had an urge to grab the robe and wrap up in it quickly, hiding herself from Olivia who saw far too much, and the things that Olivia brought out in her, things that she had never thought she could feel, much less feel without shame or embarrassment.
“There is nothing impure about the way I feel about you,” Natalia whispered. “Nothing. But I was thinking about how absolutely gorgeous you looked, walking away from me.”
Olivia sucked in a breath and Natalia couldn’t help her satisfied smile. She was rarely able to surprise Olivia, especially not in a good way like this. There was nothing like the look on Olivia’s face when Natalia rose above Olivia’s expectations in a way that she had never considered. It was a heady feeling and she was going to savor every moment of it.
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