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Title: July 5th
Fandom: Guiding Light
Characters: Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, Emma Spencer, Rafe Rivera, Blake Marler, Frank Cooper
Category: Angst, Romance, Drama
Rating: NC-17 eventually, with mostly PG-13 stuff for now.
Word count: 36,471 (total)
Summary: It's the fifth of July. What will Natalia do?
Spoilers/Timeline Spoilers for everything through July 9th. Goes off canon after that.
Disclaimer: All characters (Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, blah blah etc.) and situations belong to Guiding Light, Telenext, Proctor & Gamble, etc. I'm not them.
Author's Note: There's lesbian touching in this part. You've been warned.
Beta: Many thanks to aimlessla for looking over this massive thing for me, pointing out plot holes and my constant comma issues.
Part One || Part Two || Part Three || Part Four || Part Five || Part Six || Part Seven || Part Eight
Part Nine
Olivia stepped out of Emma’s room and carefully pulled the door shut behind her. She had spent half an hour reading Emma stories and watching as her eye lids drooped lower and lower. By the time she had finished the last book, Olivia was fairly certain that Emma was out for the rest of the night, but she wasn’t taking any chances.
The sight of Natalia sitting on the couch where she had spent the previous night full of despair and staring into nothingness was jarring. Yet somehow the day had turned out so much better than she could have imagined when she had left the Beacon that morning. It felt like another day entirely. A lifetime ago.
Natalia was pregnant. It felt surreal. It wasn’t like she hadn’t thought about it through the day but it had been more in terms of how the baby would affect their lives rather than the child itself. The concept of Natalia and children weren’t foreign to her. Natalia was young enough to want to have more and Olivia knew firsthand how good of a mother she was. Since Natalia had left Frank, she hadn’t really thought of it, except as something that Frank could give to her and she, Olivia, couldn’t.
And now he had. But Natalia had said she wanted Olivia. After she had left her and come back. It was a lot to take in. Olivia rubbed her hands over her face and sighed. Thinking was the last thing she felt like doing tonight.
“You look exhausted,” Natalia said quietly.
Slowly Olivia lowered her hands. “I didn’t sleep last night.” She didn’t say it like an accusation or too carefully, either. It was just an admission.
“Come here,” Natalia said, holding her hand out to Olivia.
Olivia crossed the room and took her hand, sinking onto the couch beside her. Natalia turned, pulling her legs up so that she could wrap both arms around Olivia.
“I dreamed of you last night,” she said, her lips next to Olivia’s ear.
Olivia could feel the warmth of Natalia’s breath against her neck. “Oh?” Her hand covered Natalia’s knee, bared by her skirt and pressing up against Olivia’s thigh. “What was I doing in your dream?” Olivia asked, her eyes falling closed as she leaned into the back of the couch.
“You held me and kissed me,” Natalia said simply.
The admission was so straightforward that it took Olivia a moment to process it. The day - and the night before it - was catching up with her.
“You dreamed about me like that?” she asked, rolling her head to look over at Natalia.
Natalia cupped her face, stroking her thumb over Olivia’s cheek. “All the time.”
Olivia felt strangely relaxed. Her body ached with tiredness and her limbs felt heavy, but it was freeing in a strange way. She felt languid, like she was moving so slowly that nothing could frighten Natalia. Her fingers curled around Natalia’s knee. With effort, she pulled herself up and leaned forward. She kissed Natalia gently, slowly, taking her time. There was no need to rush and her overwhelming exhaustion made the constant aching desire that she felt around Natalia seem distant. It was still there, but it was no longer so pressing. She could simply enjoy this for everything that it was instead of rushing past it or pushing for more as she had so many times in the past with so many other people.
Natalia didn’t pull away. Instead she clung tighter to Olivia, her hand trailing down to come to rest over Olivia’s heart. She could feel it racing beneath her palm and marveled that she could do this to Olivia, that Olivia was just as excited by this as she was.
They drew apart reluctantly, Natalia tilting her head up, following Olivia for one last taste of softness that she couldn’t deny herself. Olivia pressed her forehead against Natalia’s, a smile bursting across her face, despite her exhaustion.
“If I asked you to stay tonight, would you?” Olivia asked, running her hand up and down Natalia’s bared thigh. She couldn’t seem to stop touching her.
“Yes.” Natalia didn’t hesitate.
“Stay.”
Natalia kissed her again; it felt so right. She couldn’t remember why she hadn’t done this before. It was a long moment before they separated, Olivia dropping her head down to Natalia’s shoulder. They stayed that way until Olivia shifted, snuggling in closer to Natalia and wrapping her arms around Natalia’s waist.
“Can we just sit here for a minute?” Olivia asked. “I know we should get up, but...”
“We can stay here as long as you want,” Natalia said, leaning back into the corner of the couch and bringing Olivia with her. She kissed the top of Olivia’s head and idly stroked her hair.
“‘m not living up to my reputation,” Olivia slurred against her shoulder, lulled into near sleep by exhaustion and the steady reassurance of Natalia’s touch.
“Another time,” Natalia promised her. “You can show me all your best moves.”
Olivia snorted softly and drifted in to sleep.
*** *** ***
Olivia jerked up, heart racing and disoriented. She struggled momentarily against two weights that crisscrossed her chest, trying to sit up and throw them off until recognition kicked in. Natalia’s arms, holding her close. Olivia forced herself to relax, sinking back and taking a deep breath.
Slowly things began to come back to her: first, Natalia’s unexplained absence, then the confusion of her return and finally the happiness of the fact that Natalia had been willing to spend the night with her and was still holding her. Olivia smiled slowly, and shifted so that she could see Natalia.
Her head was tipped almost all the way back to rest against the back of the couch in what surely had to be an uncomfortable position and her mouth hung slightly open. Olivia thought she looked adorable. It couldn’t be good for her to sleep like this though, all jammed up and uncomfortable on the couch, holding Olivia. With the baby, it was important for Natalia to get her rest.
Olivia touched Natalia’s face, stroking her thumb over Natalia’s jaw. “Hey, Beautiful.”
Natalia groaned, stretching against Olivia, her legs sliding further across Olivia’s as she struggled to sit up. She made a face and clutched at the back of her neck.
“‘Livia?” she asked sleepily.
“We fell asleep on the couch, Sweetheart. Let’s go to bed.” Olivia’s pulse jumped at the innocent words. Saying them to Natalia made all the difference.
Natalia shook her head. “Too tired.”
“I know, but you’ll wish you had in the morning when you can hardly move.”
Natalia didn’t respond for a moment, pushing her arms out rigidly past Olivia and bending her spine outward as she stretched, pushing her front against Olivia’s side in the process. Olivia closed her eyes and forced herself not to move.
“Natalia...”
Natalia’s arms sagged, hanging loosely over her shoulders again. One hand dropped to Olivia’s chest. Both of them stopped breathing as they realized almost at the same moment that Natalia’s hand was covering her breast.
Olivia’s eyes snapped open. Surely Natalia hadn’t meant to do that. It had to have been unintentional. They could just pretend it had never happened. If Natalia moved it soon. Because Olivia wouldn’t be responsible for her actions if Natalia left it there much longer.
Then Natalia’s hand moved, just not away as Olivia had expected. Now instead of covering her breast, Natalia was cupping it in her hand. Olivia gasped, arching into the contact as Natalia brushed her thumb across her hardening nipple.
“God, Natalia,” Olivia hissed. “What are you doing?”
“Touching you,” Natalia said simply, pressing closer to Olivia and pushing her hair aside until she had unfettered access to Olivia’s neck. The first kiss just behind Olivia’s ear made her shiver; Natalia was kneading her breast now.
Olivia quivered. It felt so good. It was a relief to have Natalia touching her. She could finally breathe.
“We should stop,” Olivia managed to say. “We need to go back to sleep. It’s...” she craned her head to see the clock, “...way too early in the morning.”
Natalia froze, her hand stopping mid-motion. “You don’t want to?” She sounded almost hurt, then with comical speed withdrew her hand. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. I’m sure you’re still tired, or-”
“I’m not tired,” Olivia blurted out in a loud whisper. Confused silence reigned for a moment. “I just didn’t want anything to get out of hand.”
Natalia rested her chin on Olivia’s shoulder. “And if I wanted it to?” she asked softly and then clarified. “Get out of hand.”
“I don’t want you to feel like this is something you have to do. You don’t have to prove anything to me. Not this way.”
“Before...everything happened,” Natalia said, slowly finding the words she wanted. “I was going to ask you to spend the night with me after the barbecue. I wanted you then, Olivia, and I want you now.” She hesitated. “If that’s what you want.”
Olivia swallowed. Now that Natalia was offering what she had so desperately wanted, she was almost afraid to take it. Almost. The remembered fear of yesterday loomed, telling her that they weren’t ready, that Natalia would just break her heart. That knowledge dueled with the way Natalia made her feel, so safe and so loved. Natalia knew her better than anyone else she had ever met and that was a little bit scary too.
Olivia had never thought of sex as giving herself to someone. Sex was just sex; fun, pleasurable and often aerobic. She had stopped thinking of sex as a meaningful act at sixteen years old. But if she and Natalia did this, it would be so full of meaning. It would be a commitment that Olivia didn’t want to escape.
“Hey,” Natalia raised a hand to her cheek and turned Olivia to face her. “We don’t have to do this. I didn’t mean to pressure you.”
Olivia snorted. Of all the ridiculous things to say, Natalia pressuring her. “You’re not,” she said, finally finding words. “I do want you.”
Even in the faint light, Olivia could see the smile that curved over Natalia’s face.
“Then why do you look so scared?” Natalia whispered.
“Because this means something.”
Natalia nodded slowly. “I feel the same way, you know. You are so important to me. The thought of doing something wrong really scares me,” she added, looking as vulnerable as Olivia had ever seen her.
“You’re here,” Olivia said simply. “What could you do wrong?”
“What if I’m not...” Natalia shrugged and glanced away looking annoyed with herself. “If I’m not what you need? I don’t want to be some charity case that you stay with just because you feel sorry for me. I want to be everything that you need.”
“You are everything I need,” Olivia said, the intensity of her words making something clench inside Natalia. “Come here,” she said, standing up and holding her hand out to Natalia.
Natalia didn’t hesitate but took a little bit longer to stand as she tried to work the kinks out of stiff legs. When she did stand, Olivia shuffled closer until she was pressed up against Natalia, sliding her arms around Natalia’s waist and holding her close.
“Come to bed with me?” Olivia asked simply.
Natalia nodded in response, lacing her fingers through Olivia’s as Olivia reached for her hand again and led them both toward the other side of the room. Olivia never broke eye contact with Natalia, an enchanting smile playing over her lips as she backed up.
Olivia stumbled slightly when she ran into the bed and sat down a little bit more clumsily than she had intended. She looked back up to see Natalia’s eyes sparkling with amusement.
“Think that’s funny, huh?” she muttered with mock-irritation.
“Oh, no,” Natalia exclaimed with mock-sincerity. “You’re so smooth.”
Olivia snorted. “I’ll show you smooth.” She tugged Natalia forward until she was standing between Olivia’s legs. Natalia steadied herself with her hands on Olivia’s shoulders as Olivia’s hands ran up and down her sides, her thumbs just brushing the swell of Natalia’s breasts.
“You’re so beautiful,” Olivia said reverently, her face tilted up to meet Natalia’s gaze.
Natalia had never seen anything like the look of love and adoration directed at her before as she stared back into Olivia’s eyes. She bent to capture Olivia’s lips with her own, needing to taste her, touch her, to prove to herself that this moment was real.
Olivia responded with enthusiasm, her hands slowing and her grip on Natalia tightening. The kiss grounded her even as it sent her senses reeling, overwhelmed by the softness of Natalia and the marvel of finally being able to touch her and taste her and look as much as she wanted.
Natalia’s fingers tightened around a handful of Olivia’s hair. Her grip was firm but not uncomfortably so. Olivia whimpered. It had been years since anyone had touched her like this. She wanted to melt into Natalia’s arms, dissolve into a puddle of need and want at Natalia’s feet, and throw herself on Natalia’s tender mercies, but that wasn’t what Natalia needed.
She had been so careful to consider what Natalia needed, what Natalia wanted, that she hadn’t considered that what Natalia might need was for her to make the first move. Now that she knew that, Olivia would do everything in her power to make this okay for Natalia. It had to be. She needed it to be, more than anything.
Slowly she began to undo the buttons of Natalia’s blouse, starting at the bottom and working her way up, her hands slipping beneath the cotton from time to time unable to resist the temptation of discovering the smooth skin beneath. She was almost to the bottom of Natalia’s bra when Natalia broke their kiss pulling back from Olivia. Even in the dim light Olivia could see Natalia’s flushed skin and the wild look in her eyes.
Olivia hesitated, a button stuck halfway through the hole under her fingers. She was intensely aware of the back of her fingers brushing against Natalia’s breasts on either side. She searched Natalia’s face for a moment, falling back on everything she had come to know about Natalia over the months that they had lived together to look for the subtle signs that betrayed what Natalia was really feeling.
Finally she flicked her gaze from Natalia’s face down to the precarious position of her hands. “Is this okay?” How she hoped it was. She didn’t want to have to stop now that she was so close, but for Natalia she would.
Natalia nodded. “Very okay,” she said so softly that Olivia almost couldn’t hear her.
It eased the doubts that had begun to creep back in to Olivia’s mind. “Good,” she said simply. “Then let’s get you out of this.” She made quick work of the rest of the buttons and then pushed the shirt off Natalia’s shoulders. Natalia dropped her arms obligingly to let it fall away.
Olivia ran her hands up and down Natalia’s arms for a moment and then let them drift over her shoulders and down her back, until Olivia found the clasp of Natalia’s bra. She unhooked it easily and let the bra fall away between them.
Natalia felt a little nervous under Olivia’s obvious appraisal, not because it was Olivia, or because Olivia was a woman, but because she still wasn’t used to being seen. And Olivia saw more of her than just skin. Olivia saw all of her and it was enough to make her squirm.
Natalia reached back to undo the button at the top of her skirt and slide the zipper down. Olivia caught her hands, pinning them behind her, against the small of her back.
“Not so fast,” Olivia said gently. “We have all the time in the world.”
It wasn’t the first time that Natalia wondered if Olivia could read her mind, but the love that she saw in Olivia’s eyes, the reassurance that Olivia did know her, eased her momentary insecurity and she relaxed into Olivia’s hold. Olivia let go of her almost immediately and Natalia let the skirt fall to the floor, leaving her standing there in only a pair of panties.
Olivia hooked her fingers into the top of the simple cotton material and tugged them down Natalia’s legs. Natalia let out a shaky laugh.
“Now you look a little over dressed,” Natalia said as Olivia stood.
“I think I can rectify that,” Olivia said, feeling confident for the first time. This was her area of expertise after all. She took her time and made a show of pulling her shirt over her head, glad that she had taken the time to shower before Natalia had gotten there earlier and even happier to have made sure she had put on a matching set of bra and panties. Not that they would be on long. Not that she had expected Natalia to see them.
When she was done, her clothes discarded in the same haphazard fashion as Natalia’s, Olivia caught Natalia staring at her, her eyes pinned to Olivia’s face, flicking little glances at the rest of her body but nervous to openly appraise what was before her. That just wouldn’t do, Olivia decided. Not at all.
“Like what you see?” she asked bluntly, challenging Natalia, pushing her as was her wont.
Olivia’s question seemed to startle Natalia, making her jump. “I,” she swallowed. “Yes, of course I do.” Realizing the inadequacy of her answer, Natalia tried again. “I’ve never seen anyone as beautiful as you,” Natalia said honestly, relaxing as spoke from her heart. “Sometimes I look at you and I just can’t believe it. You’re so...” she shrugged, running out of words. “What you make me feel is overwhelming.”
“In a good way, I hope,” Olivia said with a tentative smile.
“Very good,” Natalia assured her.
“That’s...good,” Olivia finished lamely. She was much more interested in Natalia than in their conversation. She itched to touch Natalia. When she couldn’t stand it any longer she reached for Natalia and Natalia reached right back. Olivia hadn’t been thinking beyond her desire to touch Natalia so she was unprepared for the intensity of the moment when their bodies met. It was like touching a live wire; it jolted her entire body.
The weeks and months of waiting, of quick, darting glances and hardly any touching at all caught up with Olivia in an instant, her yearning for Natalia burning as brightly as the sun. Her hands roamed, down Natalia’s back and up her sides. Natalia’s breathing quickened in response.
“Do you think we could move this up on the bed?” Olivia asked, maintaining eye contact as she did. She didn’t think Natalia would object, but she had to ask. She needed the reassurance that Natalia was still completely there with her.
Natalia bit her lip and nodded, following Olivia as she got in bed and held a hand out for Natalia to join her, patting the space beside her with her other hand. Without any hesitation, Natalia scooted closer, until she was lying beside Olivia. She tilted her head for a moment, looking as if she were about to say something. Olivia waited patiently, but Natalia never spoke. Instead she took Olivia’s face in her hands and kissed her. Gone was any tentativeness and all that remained was something that was both sweet and passionate.
Olivia didn’t have to wait any longer to know that Natalia wanted her as much as she wanted Natalia, because she proved it to Olivia, with each stroke, each caress and each kiss that seemed to consume her. Natalia’s desire stoked something within Olivia that could hardly build any higher.
She wanted to touch every part of Natalia. What started as a careful exploration, grew more certain as Natalia didn’t pull away, but moved into her caresses. Olivia began to trail kisses from Natalia’s jaw, down her throat, finding more and more smooth skin that she wanted to taste. Natalia stilled next to her as her kisses descended below her collar bone. Deliberately she kissed the creamy skin just above the top of her breast. She let a moment linger between that kiss and the next, knowing what Natalia was expecting her to do. Instead her next kiss landed just below Natalia’s sternum and the one that followed that landed just a few centimeters to the right.
The second time that Olivia’s kiss didn’t land where Natalia had thought it would, Natalia caught a tiny glimpse of the smile on Olivia’s face as she turned her head to place another kiss.
Her grip on Olivia’s shoulders tightened. “Olivia...” she protested, her voice almost a growl.
Olivia lifted her head, doing her best impression of looking innocent. “What’s wrong?”
“You know what’s wrong!”
Olivia gave a tiny little shrug. “Maybe.”
“Well then, do...something,” Natalia finished lamely.
Green eyes seemed to sparkle back at Natalia as Olivia pursed her lips in an attempt to keep her amusement at bay. “Do what, exactly, Natalia?” Olivia asked, her voice low and tempting.
Knowing Olivia was just doing it to draw a reaction from her didn’t help Natalia any. She sank back into the bed and felt like crossing her arms over her chest, but didn’t. She didn’t want anything to stop this now, which was why she was getting so frustrated.
“Kiss me,” Natalia finally said.
“I can do that,” Olivia agreed, tilting her head down, her intent to kiss Natalia’s lips clear.
“Not there,” Natalia almost whined, stopping Olivia before she could make contact and Natalia got distracted.
Olivia nuzzled into Natalia’s hand, kissing her palm before she looked back to Natalia and arched an eyebrow without another word. Daring Natalia to tell her what she wanted. Natalia felt her cheeks flush, from frustration, embarrassment or arousal, she wasn’t sure. Maybe some combination of all three.
“Here,” she finally muttered, using her hands to guide Olivia’s mouth to exactly where she wanted it.
“Oh,” Olivia said simply, as if she truly hadn’t known, as if even with her teasing it was still a surprise to her too. Her lips found Natalia’s skin and this time there was no more playing. She kissed the swell of Natalia’s breast and took her painfully erect nipple into her mouth.
Natalia’s hands slid down her back, clutching at her and tugging her closer. Olivia went willingly, intent on what she was doing, and less so on what Natalia was doing to her until she realized that Natalia had pulled her almost completely on top of her, her leg thrown across both of Natalia’s and their bodies pressing into one another. The feeling of Natalia’s soft curves beneath her was intoxicating.
Slowly Olivia began to work one hand down between their bodies, across the barely noticeable swell of her abdomen, over the slight jut of her hipbone and the soft skin of her thigh, until Olivia found the wet warmth between Natalia’s legs. Natalia jerked at her lightest touch and Olivia did it again, desperate for Natalia’s response.
Natalia’s fingers dug into her hip and Olivia surged downward in involuntary response. It wasn’t enough. She pulled Natalia closer to her, kissing her deeply, devouring her. Natalia whimpered into the kiss as Olivia pressed harder, stroking more confidently as Natalia’s response spurred her on.
“Olivia,” Natalia gasped, pulling away from the kiss. “Don’t stop.”
“Oh, don’t worry about that,” Olivia said. “There’s no way I’m stopping now.”
And she didn’t, not for a long time, not until she had finally pushed Natalia over the edge of pleasure and Natalia was shuddering and coming apart in her arms.
The sound of their breathing, sharp and loud in the room, was the only sound as Olivia lay beside Natalia who was still struggling to catch her breath and come back down, regaining her equilibrium. A contented smile curved over Olivia’s lips as she ran her fingers idly up and down Natalia’s side.
“Oh my God,” Natalia whispered. “That was...” She pushed herself up so that she could look at Olivia.
“Mmm,” Olivia nodded her agreement, shifting to get more comfortable. “I think we waited so long that when we finally stopped waiting...” She grinned. “We couldn’t keep our hands off each other a second longer.”
“You’re still waiting,” Natalia noted.
“Believe me when I say that I enjoyed that,” Olivia said fervently.
“Something tells me you’d enjoy this more,” Natalia said palming Olivia’s breast with one hand. Unwilling to neglect its twin, she covered it with her mouth, licking, sucking and brushing feather-light kisses against sensitive skin until Olivia was squirming beneath her, her back arching up sharply as Natalia’s teeth scraped lightly over a hardened nipple.
Olivia’s hand sank into Natalia’s hair, clenching around around a handful of silk locks as Natalia kept going. Olivia hissed sharply. “Might be right,” she admitted through clenched teeth. “Keep going. I’ll let you know.”
“Smart ass,” Natalia said with fond admonishment as she raised her head. She wanted to bring Olivia just as much pleasure as Olivia had brought her, but this was new and different. She hesitated. She didn’t want to mess this up.
Olivia covered her hand, now hovering over her abdomen, one finger touching the tip of the scar that bisected Olivia’s chest. “You can’t do anything wrong. Touch me any way you want.”
“What about what you want?” Natalia murmured.
“I want you,” Olivia said simply, guiding Natalia’s hand down her body, over a trimmed patch of hair and down between her legs.
Tentatively Natalia began to explore with her fingers, noting a gasp here, a whimper there, remembering what she liked and trying it on Olivia. Eventually she found a rhythm, slipping inside Olivia with a finger until Olivia’s hips were bucking up into her hand. When Olivia’s motion seemed frenzied and her groans and whimpers sounded more frustrated than pleasurable, Natalia rubbed her thumb over Olivia’s clit until Olivia came, her fingers digging into Natalia’s shoulders as she rode out the waves of her pleasure.
Finally Olivia let out a shaky laugh, turning her head to demand a kiss from Natalia. When they had parted and Natalia laid her head on Olivia’s shoulder, Olivia finally spoke.
“Not bad.”
“Not bad?” Natalia demanded, pushing herself up to look at Olivia. “That’s all you can say, not bad?”
Olivia laughed, catching Natalia’s hand and bringing it down to her lips so she could kiss each knuckle. “I think that was amazing and wonderful, and I can’t wait to do it again. I think I love you so much that I never want to let you go.” She looked up at Natalia, her gaze completely sincere. “I think I want to spend the rest of my life with you - and our children. Does that work for you?”
Natalia melted, sinking back down into Olivia’s arms and finding her for a kiss that was more loving than sensual. “I think I can live with that,” she said, her nonchalance belied by the way she clung to Olivia.
Fandom: Guiding Light
Characters: Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, Emma Spencer, Rafe Rivera, Blake Marler, Frank Cooper
Category: Angst, Romance, Drama
Rating: NC-17 eventually, with mostly PG-13 stuff for now.
Word count: 36,471 (total)
Summary: It's the fifth of July. What will Natalia do?
Spoilers/Timeline Spoilers for everything through July 9th. Goes off canon after that.
Disclaimer: All characters (Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, blah blah etc.) and situations belong to Guiding Light, Telenext, Proctor & Gamble, etc. I'm not them.
Author's Note: There's lesbian touching in this part. You've been warned.
Beta: Many thanks to aimlessla for looking over this massive thing for me, pointing out plot holes and my constant comma issues.
Part One || Part Two || Part Three || Part Four || Part Five || Part Six || Part Seven || Part Eight
Part Nine
Olivia stepped out of Emma’s room and carefully pulled the door shut behind her. She had spent half an hour reading Emma stories and watching as her eye lids drooped lower and lower. By the time she had finished the last book, Olivia was fairly certain that Emma was out for the rest of the night, but she wasn’t taking any chances.
The sight of Natalia sitting on the couch where she had spent the previous night full of despair and staring into nothingness was jarring. Yet somehow the day had turned out so much better than she could have imagined when she had left the Beacon that morning. It felt like another day entirely. A lifetime ago.
Natalia was pregnant. It felt surreal. It wasn’t like she hadn’t thought about it through the day but it had been more in terms of how the baby would affect their lives rather than the child itself. The concept of Natalia and children weren’t foreign to her. Natalia was young enough to want to have more and Olivia knew firsthand how good of a mother she was. Since Natalia had left Frank, she hadn’t really thought of it, except as something that Frank could give to her and she, Olivia, couldn’t.
And now he had. But Natalia had said she wanted Olivia. After she had left her and come back. It was a lot to take in. Olivia rubbed her hands over her face and sighed. Thinking was the last thing she felt like doing tonight.
“You look exhausted,” Natalia said quietly.
Slowly Olivia lowered her hands. “I didn’t sleep last night.” She didn’t say it like an accusation or too carefully, either. It was just an admission.
“Come here,” Natalia said, holding her hand out to Olivia.
Olivia crossed the room and took her hand, sinking onto the couch beside her. Natalia turned, pulling her legs up so that she could wrap both arms around Olivia.
“I dreamed of you last night,” she said, her lips next to Olivia’s ear.
Olivia could feel the warmth of Natalia’s breath against her neck. “Oh?” Her hand covered Natalia’s knee, bared by her skirt and pressing up against Olivia’s thigh. “What was I doing in your dream?” Olivia asked, her eyes falling closed as she leaned into the back of the couch.
“You held me and kissed me,” Natalia said simply.
The admission was so straightforward that it took Olivia a moment to process it. The day - and the night before it - was catching up with her.
“You dreamed about me like that?” she asked, rolling her head to look over at Natalia.
Natalia cupped her face, stroking her thumb over Olivia’s cheek. “All the time.”
Olivia felt strangely relaxed. Her body ached with tiredness and her limbs felt heavy, but it was freeing in a strange way. She felt languid, like she was moving so slowly that nothing could frighten Natalia. Her fingers curled around Natalia’s knee. With effort, she pulled herself up and leaned forward. She kissed Natalia gently, slowly, taking her time. There was no need to rush and her overwhelming exhaustion made the constant aching desire that she felt around Natalia seem distant. It was still there, but it was no longer so pressing. She could simply enjoy this for everything that it was instead of rushing past it or pushing for more as she had so many times in the past with so many other people.
Natalia didn’t pull away. Instead she clung tighter to Olivia, her hand trailing down to come to rest over Olivia’s heart. She could feel it racing beneath her palm and marveled that she could do this to Olivia, that Olivia was just as excited by this as she was.
They drew apart reluctantly, Natalia tilting her head up, following Olivia for one last taste of softness that she couldn’t deny herself. Olivia pressed her forehead against Natalia’s, a smile bursting across her face, despite her exhaustion.
“If I asked you to stay tonight, would you?” Olivia asked, running her hand up and down Natalia’s bared thigh. She couldn’t seem to stop touching her.
“Yes.” Natalia didn’t hesitate.
“Stay.”
Natalia kissed her again; it felt so right. She couldn’t remember why she hadn’t done this before. It was a long moment before they separated, Olivia dropping her head down to Natalia’s shoulder. They stayed that way until Olivia shifted, snuggling in closer to Natalia and wrapping her arms around Natalia’s waist.
“Can we just sit here for a minute?” Olivia asked. “I know we should get up, but...”
“We can stay here as long as you want,” Natalia said, leaning back into the corner of the couch and bringing Olivia with her. She kissed the top of Olivia’s head and idly stroked her hair.
“‘m not living up to my reputation,” Olivia slurred against her shoulder, lulled into near sleep by exhaustion and the steady reassurance of Natalia’s touch.
“Another time,” Natalia promised her. “You can show me all your best moves.”
Olivia snorted softly and drifted in to sleep.
*** *** ***
Olivia jerked up, heart racing and disoriented. She struggled momentarily against two weights that crisscrossed her chest, trying to sit up and throw them off until recognition kicked in. Natalia’s arms, holding her close. Olivia forced herself to relax, sinking back and taking a deep breath.
Slowly things began to come back to her: first, Natalia’s unexplained absence, then the confusion of her return and finally the happiness of the fact that Natalia had been willing to spend the night with her and was still holding her. Olivia smiled slowly, and shifted so that she could see Natalia.
Her head was tipped almost all the way back to rest against the back of the couch in what surely had to be an uncomfortable position and her mouth hung slightly open. Olivia thought she looked adorable. It couldn’t be good for her to sleep like this though, all jammed up and uncomfortable on the couch, holding Olivia. With the baby, it was important for Natalia to get her rest.
Olivia touched Natalia’s face, stroking her thumb over Natalia’s jaw. “Hey, Beautiful.”
Natalia groaned, stretching against Olivia, her legs sliding further across Olivia’s as she struggled to sit up. She made a face and clutched at the back of her neck.
“‘Livia?” she asked sleepily.
“We fell asleep on the couch, Sweetheart. Let’s go to bed.” Olivia’s pulse jumped at the innocent words. Saying them to Natalia made all the difference.
Natalia shook her head. “Too tired.”
“I know, but you’ll wish you had in the morning when you can hardly move.”
Natalia didn’t respond for a moment, pushing her arms out rigidly past Olivia and bending her spine outward as she stretched, pushing her front against Olivia’s side in the process. Olivia closed her eyes and forced herself not to move.
“Natalia...”
Natalia’s arms sagged, hanging loosely over her shoulders again. One hand dropped to Olivia’s chest. Both of them stopped breathing as they realized almost at the same moment that Natalia’s hand was covering her breast.
Olivia’s eyes snapped open. Surely Natalia hadn’t meant to do that. It had to have been unintentional. They could just pretend it had never happened. If Natalia moved it soon. Because Olivia wouldn’t be responsible for her actions if Natalia left it there much longer.
Then Natalia’s hand moved, just not away as Olivia had expected. Now instead of covering her breast, Natalia was cupping it in her hand. Olivia gasped, arching into the contact as Natalia brushed her thumb across her hardening nipple.
“God, Natalia,” Olivia hissed. “What are you doing?”
“Touching you,” Natalia said simply, pressing closer to Olivia and pushing her hair aside until she had unfettered access to Olivia’s neck. The first kiss just behind Olivia’s ear made her shiver; Natalia was kneading her breast now.
Olivia quivered. It felt so good. It was a relief to have Natalia touching her. She could finally breathe.
“We should stop,” Olivia managed to say. “We need to go back to sleep. It’s...” she craned her head to see the clock, “...way too early in the morning.”
Natalia froze, her hand stopping mid-motion. “You don’t want to?” She sounded almost hurt, then with comical speed withdrew her hand. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. I’m sure you’re still tired, or-”
“I’m not tired,” Olivia blurted out in a loud whisper. Confused silence reigned for a moment. “I just didn’t want anything to get out of hand.”
Natalia rested her chin on Olivia’s shoulder. “And if I wanted it to?” she asked softly and then clarified. “Get out of hand.”
“I don’t want you to feel like this is something you have to do. You don’t have to prove anything to me. Not this way.”
“Before...everything happened,” Natalia said, slowly finding the words she wanted. “I was going to ask you to spend the night with me after the barbecue. I wanted you then, Olivia, and I want you now.” She hesitated. “If that’s what you want.”
Olivia swallowed. Now that Natalia was offering what she had so desperately wanted, she was almost afraid to take it. Almost. The remembered fear of yesterday loomed, telling her that they weren’t ready, that Natalia would just break her heart. That knowledge dueled with the way Natalia made her feel, so safe and so loved. Natalia knew her better than anyone else she had ever met and that was a little bit scary too.
Olivia had never thought of sex as giving herself to someone. Sex was just sex; fun, pleasurable and often aerobic. She had stopped thinking of sex as a meaningful act at sixteen years old. But if she and Natalia did this, it would be so full of meaning. It would be a commitment that Olivia didn’t want to escape.
“Hey,” Natalia raised a hand to her cheek and turned Olivia to face her. “We don’t have to do this. I didn’t mean to pressure you.”
Olivia snorted. Of all the ridiculous things to say, Natalia pressuring her. “You’re not,” she said, finally finding words. “I do want you.”
Even in the faint light, Olivia could see the smile that curved over Natalia’s face.
“Then why do you look so scared?” Natalia whispered.
“Because this means something.”
Natalia nodded slowly. “I feel the same way, you know. You are so important to me. The thought of doing something wrong really scares me,” she added, looking as vulnerable as Olivia had ever seen her.
“You’re here,” Olivia said simply. “What could you do wrong?”
“What if I’m not...” Natalia shrugged and glanced away looking annoyed with herself. “If I’m not what you need? I don’t want to be some charity case that you stay with just because you feel sorry for me. I want to be everything that you need.”
“You are everything I need,” Olivia said, the intensity of her words making something clench inside Natalia. “Come here,” she said, standing up and holding her hand out to Natalia.
Natalia didn’t hesitate but took a little bit longer to stand as she tried to work the kinks out of stiff legs. When she did stand, Olivia shuffled closer until she was pressed up against Natalia, sliding her arms around Natalia’s waist and holding her close.
“Come to bed with me?” Olivia asked simply.
Natalia nodded in response, lacing her fingers through Olivia’s as Olivia reached for her hand again and led them both toward the other side of the room. Olivia never broke eye contact with Natalia, an enchanting smile playing over her lips as she backed up.
Olivia stumbled slightly when she ran into the bed and sat down a little bit more clumsily than she had intended. She looked back up to see Natalia’s eyes sparkling with amusement.
“Think that’s funny, huh?” she muttered with mock-irritation.
“Oh, no,” Natalia exclaimed with mock-sincerity. “You’re so smooth.”
Olivia snorted. “I’ll show you smooth.” She tugged Natalia forward until she was standing between Olivia’s legs. Natalia steadied herself with her hands on Olivia’s shoulders as Olivia’s hands ran up and down her sides, her thumbs just brushing the swell of Natalia’s breasts.
“You’re so beautiful,” Olivia said reverently, her face tilted up to meet Natalia’s gaze.
Natalia had never seen anything like the look of love and adoration directed at her before as she stared back into Olivia’s eyes. She bent to capture Olivia’s lips with her own, needing to taste her, touch her, to prove to herself that this moment was real.
Olivia responded with enthusiasm, her hands slowing and her grip on Natalia tightening. The kiss grounded her even as it sent her senses reeling, overwhelmed by the softness of Natalia and the marvel of finally being able to touch her and taste her and look as much as she wanted.
Natalia’s fingers tightened around a handful of Olivia’s hair. Her grip was firm but not uncomfortably so. Olivia whimpered. It had been years since anyone had touched her like this. She wanted to melt into Natalia’s arms, dissolve into a puddle of need and want at Natalia’s feet, and throw herself on Natalia’s tender mercies, but that wasn’t what Natalia needed.
She had been so careful to consider what Natalia needed, what Natalia wanted, that she hadn’t considered that what Natalia might need was for her to make the first move. Now that she knew that, Olivia would do everything in her power to make this okay for Natalia. It had to be. She needed it to be, more than anything.
Slowly she began to undo the buttons of Natalia’s blouse, starting at the bottom and working her way up, her hands slipping beneath the cotton from time to time unable to resist the temptation of discovering the smooth skin beneath. She was almost to the bottom of Natalia’s bra when Natalia broke their kiss pulling back from Olivia. Even in the dim light Olivia could see Natalia’s flushed skin and the wild look in her eyes.
Olivia hesitated, a button stuck halfway through the hole under her fingers. She was intensely aware of the back of her fingers brushing against Natalia’s breasts on either side. She searched Natalia’s face for a moment, falling back on everything she had come to know about Natalia over the months that they had lived together to look for the subtle signs that betrayed what Natalia was really feeling.
Finally she flicked her gaze from Natalia’s face down to the precarious position of her hands. “Is this okay?” How she hoped it was. She didn’t want to have to stop now that she was so close, but for Natalia she would.
Natalia nodded. “Very okay,” she said so softly that Olivia almost couldn’t hear her.
It eased the doubts that had begun to creep back in to Olivia’s mind. “Good,” she said simply. “Then let’s get you out of this.” She made quick work of the rest of the buttons and then pushed the shirt off Natalia’s shoulders. Natalia dropped her arms obligingly to let it fall away.
Olivia ran her hands up and down Natalia’s arms for a moment and then let them drift over her shoulders and down her back, until Olivia found the clasp of Natalia’s bra. She unhooked it easily and let the bra fall away between them.
Natalia felt a little nervous under Olivia’s obvious appraisal, not because it was Olivia, or because Olivia was a woman, but because she still wasn’t used to being seen. And Olivia saw more of her than just skin. Olivia saw all of her and it was enough to make her squirm.
Natalia reached back to undo the button at the top of her skirt and slide the zipper down. Olivia caught her hands, pinning them behind her, against the small of her back.
“Not so fast,” Olivia said gently. “We have all the time in the world.”
It wasn’t the first time that Natalia wondered if Olivia could read her mind, but the love that she saw in Olivia’s eyes, the reassurance that Olivia did know her, eased her momentary insecurity and she relaxed into Olivia’s hold. Olivia let go of her almost immediately and Natalia let the skirt fall to the floor, leaving her standing there in only a pair of panties.
Olivia hooked her fingers into the top of the simple cotton material and tugged them down Natalia’s legs. Natalia let out a shaky laugh.
“Now you look a little over dressed,” Natalia said as Olivia stood.
“I think I can rectify that,” Olivia said, feeling confident for the first time. This was her area of expertise after all. She took her time and made a show of pulling her shirt over her head, glad that she had taken the time to shower before Natalia had gotten there earlier and even happier to have made sure she had put on a matching set of bra and panties. Not that they would be on long. Not that she had expected Natalia to see them.
When she was done, her clothes discarded in the same haphazard fashion as Natalia’s, Olivia caught Natalia staring at her, her eyes pinned to Olivia’s face, flicking little glances at the rest of her body but nervous to openly appraise what was before her. That just wouldn’t do, Olivia decided. Not at all.
“Like what you see?” she asked bluntly, challenging Natalia, pushing her as was her wont.
Olivia’s question seemed to startle Natalia, making her jump. “I,” she swallowed. “Yes, of course I do.” Realizing the inadequacy of her answer, Natalia tried again. “I’ve never seen anyone as beautiful as you,” Natalia said honestly, relaxing as spoke from her heart. “Sometimes I look at you and I just can’t believe it. You’re so...” she shrugged, running out of words. “What you make me feel is overwhelming.”
“In a good way, I hope,” Olivia said with a tentative smile.
“Very good,” Natalia assured her.
“That’s...good,” Olivia finished lamely. She was much more interested in Natalia than in their conversation. She itched to touch Natalia. When she couldn’t stand it any longer she reached for Natalia and Natalia reached right back. Olivia hadn’t been thinking beyond her desire to touch Natalia so she was unprepared for the intensity of the moment when their bodies met. It was like touching a live wire; it jolted her entire body.
The weeks and months of waiting, of quick, darting glances and hardly any touching at all caught up with Olivia in an instant, her yearning for Natalia burning as brightly as the sun. Her hands roamed, down Natalia’s back and up her sides. Natalia’s breathing quickened in response.
“Do you think we could move this up on the bed?” Olivia asked, maintaining eye contact as she did. She didn’t think Natalia would object, but she had to ask. She needed the reassurance that Natalia was still completely there with her.
Natalia bit her lip and nodded, following Olivia as she got in bed and held a hand out for Natalia to join her, patting the space beside her with her other hand. Without any hesitation, Natalia scooted closer, until she was lying beside Olivia. She tilted her head for a moment, looking as if she were about to say something. Olivia waited patiently, but Natalia never spoke. Instead she took Olivia’s face in her hands and kissed her. Gone was any tentativeness and all that remained was something that was both sweet and passionate.
Olivia didn’t have to wait any longer to know that Natalia wanted her as much as she wanted Natalia, because she proved it to Olivia, with each stroke, each caress and each kiss that seemed to consume her. Natalia’s desire stoked something within Olivia that could hardly build any higher.
She wanted to touch every part of Natalia. What started as a careful exploration, grew more certain as Natalia didn’t pull away, but moved into her caresses. Olivia began to trail kisses from Natalia’s jaw, down her throat, finding more and more smooth skin that she wanted to taste. Natalia stilled next to her as her kisses descended below her collar bone. Deliberately she kissed the creamy skin just above the top of her breast. She let a moment linger between that kiss and the next, knowing what Natalia was expecting her to do. Instead her next kiss landed just below Natalia’s sternum and the one that followed that landed just a few centimeters to the right.
The second time that Olivia’s kiss didn’t land where Natalia had thought it would, Natalia caught a tiny glimpse of the smile on Olivia’s face as she turned her head to place another kiss.
Her grip on Olivia’s shoulders tightened. “Olivia...” she protested, her voice almost a growl.
Olivia lifted her head, doing her best impression of looking innocent. “What’s wrong?”
“You know what’s wrong!”
Olivia gave a tiny little shrug. “Maybe.”
“Well then, do...something,” Natalia finished lamely.
Green eyes seemed to sparkle back at Natalia as Olivia pursed her lips in an attempt to keep her amusement at bay. “Do what, exactly, Natalia?” Olivia asked, her voice low and tempting.
Knowing Olivia was just doing it to draw a reaction from her didn’t help Natalia any. She sank back into the bed and felt like crossing her arms over her chest, but didn’t. She didn’t want anything to stop this now, which was why she was getting so frustrated.
“Kiss me,” Natalia finally said.
“I can do that,” Olivia agreed, tilting her head down, her intent to kiss Natalia’s lips clear.
“Not there,” Natalia almost whined, stopping Olivia before she could make contact and Natalia got distracted.
Olivia nuzzled into Natalia’s hand, kissing her palm before she looked back to Natalia and arched an eyebrow without another word. Daring Natalia to tell her what she wanted. Natalia felt her cheeks flush, from frustration, embarrassment or arousal, she wasn’t sure. Maybe some combination of all three.
“Here,” she finally muttered, using her hands to guide Olivia’s mouth to exactly where she wanted it.
“Oh,” Olivia said simply, as if she truly hadn’t known, as if even with her teasing it was still a surprise to her too. Her lips found Natalia’s skin and this time there was no more playing. She kissed the swell of Natalia’s breast and took her painfully erect nipple into her mouth.
Natalia’s hands slid down her back, clutching at her and tugging her closer. Olivia went willingly, intent on what she was doing, and less so on what Natalia was doing to her until she realized that Natalia had pulled her almost completely on top of her, her leg thrown across both of Natalia’s and their bodies pressing into one another. The feeling of Natalia’s soft curves beneath her was intoxicating.
Slowly Olivia began to work one hand down between their bodies, across the barely noticeable swell of her abdomen, over the slight jut of her hipbone and the soft skin of her thigh, until Olivia found the wet warmth between Natalia’s legs. Natalia jerked at her lightest touch and Olivia did it again, desperate for Natalia’s response.
Natalia’s fingers dug into her hip and Olivia surged downward in involuntary response. It wasn’t enough. She pulled Natalia closer to her, kissing her deeply, devouring her. Natalia whimpered into the kiss as Olivia pressed harder, stroking more confidently as Natalia’s response spurred her on.
“Olivia,” Natalia gasped, pulling away from the kiss. “Don’t stop.”
“Oh, don’t worry about that,” Olivia said. “There’s no way I’m stopping now.”
And she didn’t, not for a long time, not until she had finally pushed Natalia over the edge of pleasure and Natalia was shuddering and coming apart in her arms.
The sound of their breathing, sharp and loud in the room, was the only sound as Olivia lay beside Natalia who was still struggling to catch her breath and come back down, regaining her equilibrium. A contented smile curved over Olivia’s lips as she ran her fingers idly up and down Natalia’s side.
“Oh my God,” Natalia whispered. “That was...” She pushed herself up so that she could look at Olivia.
“Mmm,” Olivia nodded her agreement, shifting to get more comfortable. “I think we waited so long that when we finally stopped waiting...” She grinned. “We couldn’t keep our hands off each other a second longer.”
“You’re still waiting,” Natalia noted.
“Believe me when I say that I enjoyed that,” Olivia said fervently.
“Something tells me you’d enjoy this more,” Natalia said palming Olivia’s breast with one hand. Unwilling to neglect its twin, she covered it with her mouth, licking, sucking and brushing feather-light kisses against sensitive skin until Olivia was squirming beneath her, her back arching up sharply as Natalia’s teeth scraped lightly over a hardened nipple.
Olivia’s hand sank into Natalia’s hair, clenching around around a handful of silk locks as Natalia kept going. Olivia hissed sharply. “Might be right,” she admitted through clenched teeth. “Keep going. I’ll let you know.”
“Smart ass,” Natalia said with fond admonishment as she raised her head. She wanted to bring Olivia just as much pleasure as Olivia had brought her, but this was new and different. She hesitated. She didn’t want to mess this up.
Olivia covered her hand, now hovering over her abdomen, one finger touching the tip of the scar that bisected Olivia’s chest. “You can’t do anything wrong. Touch me any way you want.”
“What about what you want?” Natalia murmured.
“I want you,” Olivia said simply, guiding Natalia’s hand down her body, over a trimmed patch of hair and down between her legs.
Tentatively Natalia began to explore with her fingers, noting a gasp here, a whimper there, remembering what she liked and trying it on Olivia. Eventually she found a rhythm, slipping inside Olivia with a finger until Olivia’s hips were bucking up into her hand. When Olivia’s motion seemed frenzied and her groans and whimpers sounded more frustrated than pleasurable, Natalia rubbed her thumb over Olivia’s clit until Olivia came, her fingers digging into Natalia’s shoulders as she rode out the waves of her pleasure.
Finally Olivia let out a shaky laugh, turning her head to demand a kiss from Natalia. When they had parted and Natalia laid her head on Olivia’s shoulder, Olivia finally spoke.
“Not bad.”
“Not bad?” Natalia demanded, pushing herself up to look at Olivia. “That’s all you can say, not bad?”
Olivia laughed, catching Natalia’s hand and bringing it down to her lips so she could kiss each knuckle. “I think that was amazing and wonderful, and I can’t wait to do it again. I think I love you so much that I never want to let you go.” She looked up at Natalia, her gaze completely sincere. “I think I want to spend the rest of my life with you - and our children. Does that work for you?”
Natalia melted, sinking back down into Olivia’s arms and finding her for a kiss that was more loving than sensual. “I think I can live with that,” she said, her nonchalance belied by the way she clung to Olivia.