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Title: July 5th
Fandom: Guiding Light
Characters: Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, Emma Spencer, Rafe Rivera, Blake Marler, Frank Cooper
Category: Angst, Romance, Drama
Rating: NC-17 eventually, with mostly PG-13 stuff for now.
Word count: 36,471 (total)
Summary: It's the fifth of July. What will Natalia do?
Spoilers/Timeline Spoilers for everything through July 9th. Goes off canon after that.
Disclaimer: All characters (Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, blah blah etc.) and situations belong to Guiding Light, Telenext, Proctor & Gamble, etc. I'm not them.
Author's Note: A quick clarification about the timeline. I was in a hurry when I posted the dates and I goofed. I should have said that it goes off canon as of the July 6th shows, which as close as I can figure is actually the fifth of July because stuff is taking place the morning after the barbecue. Which might give a clue as to the title.
Beta: Many thanks to aimlessla for looking over this massive thing for me, pointing out plot holes and my constant comma issues.
Part One || Part Two || Part Three || Part Four
Part Five
Olivia was not at Company and Natalia didn’t know where else to look. There wasn’t much more she could do on foot anyway.
Blake looked more than a little surprised when she saw Natalia walk into Company.
“Hi, Blake,” Natalia said. She flushed a little with embarrassment, but to her credit, Blake seemed to take it all in stride.
“Natalia!” Blake looked genuinely happy to see her as she came around from behind the counter. “I didn’t expect to see you back so soon.”
“I didn’t either,” Natalia said with a wry smile. “I really appreciate you giving me a ride yesterday. I wasn’t thinking very clearly.”
“No problem,” Blake said, waving it away as nothing. “I understand.”
“Do you?” Natalia asked. “I’m still not sure I do. I just realized that leaving wasn’t the answer.” She hesitated. Now that she thought about it, there was another good reason to come to Company. Blake might have some of the answers she wanted. “Have you seen Olivia today?”
Blake’s smile dropped away. “No, I haven’t, Sweetie. I’m sorry.”
“No, it’s okay,” Natalia reassured her, even if it was far from okay. “I just haven’t been able to find her.”
Blake gave her a sympathetic look. “She seemed pretty upset yesterday when I talked to her.”
Natalia nodded. It wasn’t like she hadn’t realized that, but having it confirmed for her made it worse. “I know this is a lot to ask, but would you be able to give me a ride back to the farmhouse? I went straight to the Beacon when I got back; I needed to see Olivia. So I don’t have my car.”
“Sure,” Blake said, “That’s not a problem.” She hesitated for a moment. “Have you thought anymore about telling Frank?”
Frank. Natalia had thought about him, in the context of what he would expect from her. Not about how she would tell him about his baby. She would tell him, eventually. She knew that and she had no intention of trying to keep Frank from his child. She wanted Frank to be a big part of his child’s life. Rafe had missed having a father and she wanted to give this baby what she hadn’t been able to give Rafe.
But Natalia wanted to be certain of what was going on between she and Olivia before she said anything to Frank. She had let him take advantage of her uncertainty when it came to Olivia too many times before. This time Natalia couldn’t afford to get it wrong.
“I’m going to tell him,” Natalia said. “I just need...” She hoped Blake would understand. “I owe it to Olivia to tell her first. I’ll tell Frank soon, I promise.”
“Just...please don’t forget him in all this, Natalia. I know you’re dealing with a lot right now, but this will mean so much to Frank.”
`
Natalia swallowed. “I know. I just...I think I really made a mess of things, Blake. I’m so scared that I hurt Olivia and I have to fix that first.”
“I understand,” Blake said gently. “I just don’t want you to regret anything.”
Natalia smiled tremulously. She already had regrets, but maybe it wasn’t too late to fix things. She just needed to find Olivia.
*** *** ***
“Olivia?” Natalia was so surprised when she saw Olivia’s car sitting in her driveway; it had never occurred to her to look for Olivia here. She wasn’t sure why. She just hadn’t thought Olivia would want the reminder of this place today when she knew Natalia wasn’t here.
“Looks like you found her,” Blake said, turning her head to flash Natalia a soft smile.
But Natalia was too focused on finding Olivia to really hear Blake. She was already opening her door before Blake had rolled to a stop.
“Thank you, Blake,” Natalia said as she quickly retrieved her bag. She only stopped for a second in her headlong rush toward the house and Olivia. “If you ever need anything...anything at all...just ask.”
Blake smiled. “I’m okay right now, but I might take you up on that sometime.” Her smile turned slightly mischievous. “Now go get your girl.”
Natalia’s heart skipped a beat at the too familiar words. Blake had said them with none of the inflection that Rafe had put behind them, but the reminder was there all the same. Just remembering the hatred in his voice hurt. This time, however, the hurt was balanced by the sure knowledge that if she gave in to that hatred in Rafe’s voice, she would lose one of the best things that had ever happened to her. And Natalia believed in cherishing blessings, even when it wasn’t immediately apparent that they were blessings, like conceiving Rafe and this baby. She would just have to work to show Rafe that this was a blessing too.
He needed to have faith, instead of letting fear get the better of them, and at the moment, she needed faith too, to believe that this would work out the way that it should.
Instead of letting her fear get the better of her, Natalia smiled at Blake. “I think I will.”
*** *** ***
The wheels of her suitcase sounded loud against the concrete sidewalk as Natalia pulled it behind her. She was already walking quickly toward the house, anxious to see Olivia again, when she saw Olivia sprawled at the opposite end of the sidewalk. Natalia let go of her suitcase and hurried forward.
“Olivia?” Natalia knelt down beside her, reaching out hesitantly to touch Olivia’s shoulder.
Olivia jerked at her touch, looking up at Natalia as if fighting her way out of a thick fog. “Natalia?” Her voice was heavy with disbelief. “What are you doing here?”
“I came home.” But that wasn’t quite right. “I came to find you.”
Something in Olivia seemed to harden. “Blake said you didn’t want to see me.”
Natalia bit her lip and looked down. This had gotten so messed up. Everything she had done had come out so wrong. This wasn’t what she had meant, but that’s how Olivia would have heard it. How could she not see what it would do to Olivia when she left?
“I didn’t meant it like that,” Natalia said softly.
“Well, then how did you mean it?” Olivia demanded, anger spilling into her voice. “Because it sure looked like you didn’t want to see me when you didn’t show up at the barbecue and then sent your little messenger just to make sure I got the point.”
Natalia flinched, closing her eyes briefly against the pain in Olivia’s words, the pain that she had been responsible for inflicting.
“There’s something I need to tell you,” Natalia said. Her explanation would make no sense if Olivia didn’t understand what had scared her in the first place. Besides that, if she didn’t tell Olivia soon, Natalia was afraid she would lose her courage again. Olivia was hurting so badly already. She hated the thought of anything that would hurt Olivia more.
“What?” Olivia demanded, stumbling backwards slightly as she pushed herself to her feet. “What do you need to tell me? What did I do that was so bad that you couldn’t face being with me? Tell me!” Olivia said, her voice rising with each word.
“You didn’t do anything!” Natalia countered just as firmly, standing up to go toe to toe with Olivia. “It was me. I messed up.”
“What?” That seemed to confuse Olivia. Her brows furrowed and she pushed her disheveled hair out of her face to get a better look at Natalia. “What are you talking about? You didn’t do anything except for not show up at the barbecue, and I got that message loud and clear.”
“No, you didn’t.”
“Then, what? I don’t understand, Natalia. I thought you wanted to go to the barbecue with me. I thought you were tired of waiting. I thought you wanted to show everyone we were together. I thought you wanted to be with me.”
“You were right,” Natalia said, seeing her opening and stepping forward to take it, catching Olivia’s hands and cradling them to her chest. She took a step closer to Olivia, close enough that there was no more space between them. “I want to be with you more than anything else.” Natalia hadn’t intended to say that, but when the words came out of her mouth, she knew that she meant them. There had never been any doubt about that. The doubt had come from her own heart - the belief that something that she wanted this badly couldn’t possible be right.
“Then why didn’t you come?” Olivia repeated. “I waited for you. I told myself if I just had patience you would be there. I trusted you and you never came.”
“I’m sorry,” Natalia said, tears tracking down her cheeks. “I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt you.”
Olivia sniffled against her own tears, unable to wipe them away with her captured hands. She looked away from Natalia and out at the distant woods instead. “But you did. Ray said, he said you were going on a retreat.”
“I needed to figure some things out.”
“Like how wrong it was to fall in love with your best friend? How many Hail Mary’s are you supposed to say for that, Natalia?”
“None,” Natalia answered firmly. “Nothing but a prayer of thanks.”
“Don’t say things like that,” Olivia hissed. “Don’t you dare.”
“Olivia, please, just let me explain.”
“What, Natalia?” Olivia prodded. “What do you have to say? I think not showing up said it all.”
Natalia opened her mouth to tell her, to blurt it out because she had to. There was no other way that she could say it, but she never got the chance.
For the very first time, the baby moved, kicking out. It was the oddest sensation, her stomach fluttering from the inside. She had forgotten that. Her hand dropped to touch the spot where she had felt him and she felt Olivia instead, her body still flush against Natalia’s.
Slowly, her heart racing, Natalia looked up from her hand to Olivia’s face. Olivia looked stunned. Her eyes were wild with something that Natalia couldn’t quite place. Olivia bit her lip and tilted her head.
“Natalia?”
Fandom: Guiding Light
Characters: Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, Emma Spencer, Rafe Rivera, Blake Marler, Frank Cooper
Category: Angst, Romance, Drama
Rating: NC-17 eventually, with mostly PG-13 stuff for now.
Word count: 36,471 (total)
Summary: It's the fifth of July. What will Natalia do?
Spoilers/Timeline Spoilers for everything through July 9th. Goes off canon after that.
Disclaimer: All characters (Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, blah blah etc.) and situations belong to Guiding Light, Telenext, Proctor & Gamble, etc. I'm not them.
Author's Note: A quick clarification about the timeline. I was in a hurry when I posted the dates and I goofed. I should have said that it goes off canon as of the July 6th shows, which as close as I can figure is actually the fifth of July because stuff is taking place the morning after the barbecue. Which might give a clue as to the title.
Beta: Many thanks to aimlessla for looking over this massive thing for me, pointing out plot holes and my constant comma issues.
Part One || Part Two || Part Three || Part Four
Part Five
Olivia was not at Company and Natalia didn’t know where else to look. There wasn’t much more she could do on foot anyway.
Blake looked more than a little surprised when she saw Natalia walk into Company.
“Hi, Blake,” Natalia said. She flushed a little with embarrassment, but to her credit, Blake seemed to take it all in stride.
“Natalia!” Blake looked genuinely happy to see her as she came around from behind the counter. “I didn’t expect to see you back so soon.”
“I didn’t either,” Natalia said with a wry smile. “I really appreciate you giving me a ride yesterday. I wasn’t thinking very clearly.”
“No problem,” Blake said, waving it away as nothing. “I understand.”
“Do you?” Natalia asked. “I’m still not sure I do. I just realized that leaving wasn’t the answer.” She hesitated. Now that she thought about it, there was another good reason to come to Company. Blake might have some of the answers she wanted. “Have you seen Olivia today?”
Blake’s smile dropped away. “No, I haven’t, Sweetie. I’m sorry.”
“No, it’s okay,” Natalia reassured her, even if it was far from okay. “I just haven’t been able to find her.”
Blake gave her a sympathetic look. “She seemed pretty upset yesterday when I talked to her.”
Natalia nodded. It wasn’t like she hadn’t realized that, but having it confirmed for her made it worse. “I know this is a lot to ask, but would you be able to give me a ride back to the farmhouse? I went straight to the Beacon when I got back; I needed to see Olivia. So I don’t have my car.”
“Sure,” Blake said, “That’s not a problem.” She hesitated for a moment. “Have you thought anymore about telling Frank?”
Frank. Natalia had thought about him, in the context of what he would expect from her. Not about how she would tell him about his baby. She would tell him, eventually. She knew that and she had no intention of trying to keep Frank from his child. She wanted Frank to be a big part of his child’s life. Rafe had missed having a father and she wanted to give this baby what she hadn’t been able to give Rafe.
But Natalia wanted to be certain of what was going on between she and Olivia before she said anything to Frank. She had let him take advantage of her uncertainty when it came to Olivia too many times before. This time Natalia couldn’t afford to get it wrong.
“I’m going to tell him,” Natalia said. “I just need...” She hoped Blake would understand. “I owe it to Olivia to tell her first. I’ll tell Frank soon, I promise.”
“Just...please don’t forget him in all this, Natalia. I know you’re dealing with a lot right now, but this will mean so much to Frank.”
`
Natalia swallowed. “I know. I just...I think I really made a mess of things, Blake. I’m so scared that I hurt Olivia and I have to fix that first.”
“I understand,” Blake said gently. “I just don’t want you to regret anything.”
Natalia smiled tremulously. She already had regrets, but maybe it wasn’t too late to fix things. She just needed to find Olivia.
*** *** ***
“Olivia?” Natalia was so surprised when she saw Olivia’s car sitting in her driveway; it had never occurred to her to look for Olivia here. She wasn’t sure why. She just hadn’t thought Olivia would want the reminder of this place today when she knew Natalia wasn’t here.
“Looks like you found her,” Blake said, turning her head to flash Natalia a soft smile.
But Natalia was too focused on finding Olivia to really hear Blake. She was already opening her door before Blake had rolled to a stop.
“Thank you, Blake,” Natalia said as she quickly retrieved her bag. She only stopped for a second in her headlong rush toward the house and Olivia. “If you ever need anything...anything at all...just ask.”
Blake smiled. “I’m okay right now, but I might take you up on that sometime.” Her smile turned slightly mischievous. “Now go get your girl.”
Natalia’s heart skipped a beat at the too familiar words. Blake had said them with none of the inflection that Rafe had put behind them, but the reminder was there all the same. Just remembering the hatred in his voice hurt. This time, however, the hurt was balanced by the sure knowledge that if she gave in to that hatred in Rafe’s voice, she would lose one of the best things that had ever happened to her. And Natalia believed in cherishing blessings, even when it wasn’t immediately apparent that they were blessings, like conceiving Rafe and this baby. She would just have to work to show Rafe that this was a blessing too.
He needed to have faith, instead of letting fear get the better of them, and at the moment, she needed faith too, to believe that this would work out the way that it should.
Instead of letting her fear get the better of her, Natalia smiled at Blake. “I think I will.”
*** *** ***
The wheels of her suitcase sounded loud against the concrete sidewalk as Natalia pulled it behind her. She was already walking quickly toward the house, anxious to see Olivia again, when she saw Olivia sprawled at the opposite end of the sidewalk. Natalia let go of her suitcase and hurried forward.
“Olivia?” Natalia knelt down beside her, reaching out hesitantly to touch Olivia’s shoulder.
Olivia jerked at her touch, looking up at Natalia as if fighting her way out of a thick fog. “Natalia?” Her voice was heavy with disbelief. “What are you doing here?”
“I came home.” But that wasn’t quite right. “I came to find you.”
Something in Olivia seemed to harden. “Blake said you didn’t want to see me.”
Natalia bit her lip and looked down. This had gotten so messed up. Everything she had done had come out so wrong. This wasn’t what she had meant, but that’s how Olivia would have heard it. How could she not see what it would do to Olivia when she left?
“I didn’t meant it like that,” Natalia said softly.
“Well, then how did you mean it?” Olivia demanded, anger spilling into her voice. “Because it sure looked like you didn’t want to see me when you didn’t show up at the barbecue and then sent your little messenger just to make sure I got the point.”
Natalia flinched, closing her eyes briefly against the pain in Olivia’s words, the pain that she had been responsible for inflicting.
“There’s something I need to tell you,” Natalia said. Her explanation would make no sense if Olivia didn’t understand what had scared her in the first place. Besides that, if she didn’t tell Olivia soon, Natalia was afraid she would lose her courage again. Olivia was hurting so badly already. She hated the thought of anything that would hurt Olivia more.
“What?” Olivia demanded, stumbling backwards slightly as she pushed herself to her feet. “What do you need to tell me? What did I do that was so bad that you couldn’t face being with me? Tell me!” Olivia said, her voice rising with each word.
“You didn’t do anything!” Natalia countered just as firmly, standing up to go toe to toe with Olivia. “It was me. I messed up.”
“What?” That seemed to confuse Olivia. Her brows furrowed and she pushed her disheveled hair out of her face to get a better look at Natalia. “What are you talking about? You didn’t do anything except for not show up at the barbecue, and I got that message loud and clear.”
“No, you didn’t.”
“Then, what? I don’t understand, Natalia. I thought you wanted to go to the barbecue with me. I thought you were tired of waiting. I thought you wanted to show everyone we were together. I thought you wanted to be with me.”
“You were right,” Natalia said, seeing her opening and stepping forward to take it, catching Olivia’s hands and cradling them to her chest. She took a step closer to Olivia, close enough that there was no more space between them. “I want to be with you more than anything else.” Natalia hadn’t intended to say that, but when the words came out of her mouth, she knew that she meant them. There had never been any doubt about that. The doubt had come from her own heart - the belief that something that she wanted this badly couldn’t possible be right.
“Then why didn’t you come?” Olivia repeated. “I waited for you. I told myself if I just had patience you would be there. I trusted you and you never came.”
“I’m sorry,” Natalia said, tears tracking down her cheeks. “I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt you.”
Olivia sniffled against her own tears, unable to wipe them away with her captured hands. She looked away from Natalia and out at the distant woods instead. “But you did. Ray said, he said you were going on a retreat.”
“I needed to figure some things out.”
“Like how wrong it was to fall in love with your best friend? How many Hail Mary’s are you supposed to say for that, Natalia?”
“None,” Natalia answered firmly. “Nothing but a prayer of thanks.”
“Don’t say things like that,” Olivia hissed. “Don’t you dare.”
“Olivia, please, just let me explain.”
“What, Natalia?” Olivia prodded. “What do you have to say? I think not showing up said it all.”
Natalia opened her mouth to tell her, to blurt it out because she had to. There was no other way that she could say it, but she never got the chance.
For the very first time, the baby moved, kicking out. It was the oddest sensation, her stomach fluttering from the inside. She had forgotten that. Her hand dropped to touch the spot where she had felt him and she felt Olivia instead, her body still flush against Natalia’s.
Slowly, her heart racing, Natalia looked up from her hand to Olivia’s face. Olivia looked stunned. Her eyes were wild with something that Natalia couldn’t quite place. Olivia bit her lip and tilted her head.
“Natalia?”
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