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Title: Even If It Killed Her
Fandom: Guiding Light
Characters: Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, Frank Cooper, Emma Spencer, Blake Marler, Rafe Rivera
Category: Angst, with a side of angst. Romance.
Rating: Eventually NC-17, though for most of it, it could probably past for oh, PG probably.
Word count: 1,652
Summary: Olivia will do whatever is necessary to make Natalia happy, even if it kills her.
Spoilers: Takes place around late April, early May '09, and contains spoilers for all events therein.
Author's Note: I'm so far behind on replies, you guys. I'm sorry. I'll try to get to it this weekend. So tired right now.
Beta:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
jlynxi was awesome enough to beta this for me. It's very much appreciated because I know this is a lot of fic! And I should definitely give a big shout out to rysler for letting me bounce ideas off of her throughout the whole process of writing this fic.
Disclaimer: All characters (Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, Emma Spencer, Ava Peralta, blah blah etc.) and situations belong to Guiding Light, Telenext, Proctor & Gamble, etc. I'm not them.
And really I only have one more thing to say, but I think ya'll are going to like it: daily posts!
Part One || Part Two || Part Three || Part Four || Part Five || Part Six || Part Seven || Part Eight || Part Nine || Part Ten || Part Eleven || Part Twelve || Part Thirteen || Part Fourteen || Part Fifteen || Part Sixteen || Part Seventeen || Part Eighteen || Part Nineteen
Part Nineteen
Two months later
Natalia knocked lightly on the door to Olivia's office and then stepped inside. It was more of a formality really. As Olivia's assistant, she knew that no one was in there at the moment, and having a spectacularly uneventful day, Olivia was probably just playing solitaire on her computer.
Olivia smiled as she saw Natalia and leaned back into her chair. "Hey. Something come up?"
"No," Natalia said with a shake of her head.
"Damn," Olivia said, her bland tone at odds with the explicative. "This computer is kicking my ass."
"I could probably manufacture a crisis for you," Natalia volunteered, with faux-helpfulness.
Olivia casually waved the suggestion away. "Maybe if we're still this slow tomorrow." She leaned forward again. "So what did you need?" She knew that Natalia's day would be almost as slow as hers and she was hoping that Natalia had come in just because she wanted to see her. Touching and kissing might be out but it didn't mean that they couldn't spend time together. It was such a relief not to feel like she had to hide something every time she looked at Natalia.
"I, uh, need the afternoon off."
Olivia's brow furrowed and she rose quickly from her chair, coming around the desk. "Is everything okay? Rafe's not-"
"No," Natalia reassured her quickly. "Everything's fine. This afternoon is the hearing to finalize my divorce."
"Oh. Of course," Olivia agreed, but even though she hadn't moved, she seemed further away to Natalia.
"What's wrong?"
"Are you sure this is what you want?" Olivia asked. "Really sure?"
Natalia resisted the urge to point out that even if she wasn't, there was no way that Frank would take her back. They were barely managing civility these days, not that she blamed him. She was just trying to get through this without hurting him any more than she already had. But all of that wasn't what Olivia needed to hear at the moment. Natalia moved close enough that she could take Olivia's hands in hers.
"I am sure that there's no where else that I would rather be than with you. You are who makes me happy, not Frank."
"Okay," Olivia finally said, in a quiet voice.
Natalia knew she didn't quite believe her yet, but this was the last day that she would have to hold back. Then she could spend the rest of her life proving to Olivia just how she felt about her.
"There is one thing you could do for me?" Natalia prompted her.
"Anything," Olivia answered reflexively and just as Natalia had hoped she would.
"Go out on a date with me tonight?"
Olivia looked startled but delighted. "I would love that."
"Good," Natalia said firmly. "Then it's a date." Just the thought of it made her feel like the giddy teenager that she had never really had a chance to be.
Olivia bit back the urge to fidget, stuffing her hands in her pockets so they wouldn't betray her nervousness. There was one more question that she needed to ask, but she hated having to ask it now, not when things were so close to being perfect.
"What about Rafe?"
Natalia laughed gently, her eyes sparkling. "He's almost nineteen. I think he can handle one night on his own. What about Emma? Do you think you can get Jane to watch her?"
Olivia winced. That wasn't what she had meant at all. "Does he know you won't be there because we're going on a date?"
Silence reigned for a brief moment. It felt like an eternity as Olivia held her breath, waiting to see what Natalia would have to say to that.
"No." Natalia smiled tightly. "Actually asking you was kind of a spur of the moment thing." She looked down, her hair falling in front of her face, covering the faint hint of red that spread across her cheeks. "I wanted to see you afterwards."
Ordinarily, Natalia's words would have had the same affect on Olivia as a gentle caress on a well contented Tabby cat. Instead she felt more uncertain than before. She and Natalia weren't officially anything to one another. As Natalia's invitation had pointed out, they hadn't even been on a single date yet. She had no right to ask that Natalia tell her son about them, yet she was so scared that Rafe would be another obstacle between them whenever he found out. She couldn't let herself go when it felt like Rafe was still hanging over them, waiting for the worst possible moment to cause a problem.
Olivia took a deep breath, resolving as she had so many times before not to push Natalia into anything she wasn't ready for. She just needed to be patient and let Natalia tell Rafe in her own time. It was too bad she sucked at patient. Swallowing her worry down and pushing it away for another time, Olivia summoned a smile.
"You can see me whenever you want."
"If I want to see you every day?" Outside of work, was implicit in Natalia's words. The time they spent inside the Beacon, while wonderful and fulfilling in its own way, just didn't seem to count anymore.
"I guess we'll just have to work on that," Olivia said agreeably, almost holding her breath as she struggled not to interpret Natalia's words as more than she might have intended for them to mean.
"I'd like that," Natalia answered, her smile growing, happy just to be in the same room with Olivia. "Actually, there's something I need to tell you."
Those simple words were enough to make Olivia freeze where she stood. It sounded ominous the way Natalia had said it, even as she kept smiling.
"Oh?" It was the only sound Olivia could push out past the tension rising within her.
"When Rafe got out of prison..." Natalia explained slowly, as if choosing each word with care. "He was surprised when he found out I was divorcing Frank." Surprised was, in fact, a pretty large understatement. He had been shocked, dumbfounded and a little bit angry. Divorce happened to other people, not his mother. It wasn't that he had anything against it, but he knew the consequences for his mother in the Church if she got a divorce and he couldn't imagine her going through with it. It had left him reeling when he needed the world to be solid and at its most consistent. Instead he got handed a mother he didn't understand any more and lost another man who could have been a father figure to him. "He didn't understand why I was doing it. It didn't make sense to him. So, I told him why."
"You told him...what?" Olivia asked carefully.
"That I couldn't stay married to Frank because I didn't love him the way I should." She hesitated and gave Olivia a nervous smile. "I told him that I loved you - as more than a friend."
"What..." Olivia swallowed - her throat was so dry - and tried again. "What did Rafe say?"
"He wasn't very happy about it," Natalia acknowledged grimly. "He didn't understand a lot of things. He said things..." She shook her head, raising her eyes to look at Olivia again. "He didn't mean them."
"Natalia..."
But Natalia held up her hand, stopping Olivia before she could start. "It's okay. He didn't have anywhere else to go. With James back in town, Alan isn't really interested in Rafe at the moment. So, he had to come back home. He needed me to give him a ride to work. He can't afford to get fired. Part of his parole is that he has to have a job. Anyway," Natalia continued a moment later. "He doesn't have a choice, because I'm not giving you up. It might be a little uncomfortable, at first, but I want you and Emma around and I want Rafe there too." She said it firmly as if she refused to accept anything else, it would make it so.
Olivia admired her determination, pig-pigheadedness some would call it if they were less charitable. To Olivia, it was just another part of Natalia that she loved. She knew a thing or two about unhappy step-children though and as much as she loved Natalia, she couldn't quite gloss over the realities of the situation.
"I want that too. But, Natalia, you know there's a possibility that Rafe won't come around." It was easier to face it now, Olivia told herself. Now rather than later, when she had fallen any harder.
"I know that," Natalia said, not backing down an inch. "But he will. I know my son, Olivia. He might be angry now, but he won't be able to hold onto it. You'll see. Not when he sees how happy you make me."
"I don't want you to get hurt," Olivia whispered.
"Then don't run away from me," Natalia said simply. "Nothing can hurt me as long as you're with me."
The complete devotion and trust in her voice was Olivia's undoing. "You've missed some of my more spectacular relationship disasters."
But Natalia shook her head. "I haven't missed anything," she countered. "I know you, Olivia Spencer. I love you and I'm going to spend the rest of my life proving it to you."
And finally, Olivia gave into the inevitable, into Natalia who was finally showing all the strength and determination that she had ever needed to see. "Okay."
Fandom: Guiding Light
Characters: Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, Frank Cooper, Emma Spencer, Blake Marler, Rafe Rivera
Category: Angst, with a side of angst. Romance.
Rating: Eventually NC-17, though for most of it, it could probably past for oh, PG probably.
Word count: 1,652
Summary: Olivia will do whatever is necessary to make Natalia happy, even if it kills her.
Spoilers: Takes place around late April, early May '09, and contains spoilers for all events therein.
Author's Note: I'm so far behind on replies, you guys. I'm sorry. I'll try to get to it this weekend. So tired right now.
Beta:
jlynxi was awesome enough to beta this for me. It's very much appreciated because I know this is a lot of fic! And I should definitely give a big shout out to rysler for letting me bounce ideas off of her throughout the whole process of writing this fic. Disclaimer: All characters (Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, Emma Spencer, Ava Peralta, blah blah etc.) and situations belong to Guiding Light, Telenext, Proctor & Gamble, etc. I'm not them.
And really I only have one more thing to say, but I think ya'll are going to like it: daily posts!
Part One || Part Two || Part Three || Part Four || Part Five || Part Six || Part Seven || Part Eight || Part Nine || Part Ten || Part Eleven || Part Twelve || Part Thirteen || Part Fourteen || Part Fifteen || Part Sixteen || Part Seventeen || Part Eighteen || Part Nineteen
Part Nineteen
Two months later
Natalia knocked lightly on the door to Olivia's office and then stepped inside. It was more of a formality really. As Olivia's assistant, she knew that no one was in there at the moment, and having a spectacularly uneventful day, Olivia was probably just playing solitaire on her computer.
Olivia smiled as she saw Natalia and leaned back into her chair. "Hey. Something come up?"
"No," Natalia said with a shake of her head.
"Damn," Olivia said, her bland tone at odds with the explicative. "This computer is kicking my ass."
"I could probably manufacture a crisis for you," Natalia volunteered, with faux-helpfulness.
Olivia casually waved the suggestion away. "Maybe if we're still this slow tomorrow." She leaned forward again. "So what did you need?" She knew that Natalia's day would be almost as slow as hers and she was hoping that Natalia had come in just because she wanted to see her. Touching and kissing might be out but it didn't mean that they couldn't spend time together. It was such a relief not to feel like she had to hide something every time she looked at Natalia.
"I, uh, need the afternoon off."
Olivia's brow furrowed and she rose quickly from her chair, coming around the desk. "Is everything okay? Rafe's not-"
"No," Natalia reassured her quickly. "Everything's fine. This afternoon is the hearing to finalize my divorce."
"Oh. Of course," Olivia agreed, but even though she hadn't moved, she seemed further away to Natalia.
"What's wrong?"
"Are you sure this is what you want?" Olivia asked. "Really sure?"
Natalia resisted the urge to point out that even if she wasn't, there was no way that Frank would take her back. They were barely managing civility these days, not that she blamed him. She was just trying to get through this without hurting him any more than she already had. But all of that wasn't what Olivia needed to hear at the moment. Natalia moved close enough that she could take Olivia's hands in hers.
"I am sure that there's no where else that I would rather be than with you. You are who makes me happy, not Frank."
"Okay," Olivia finally said, in a quiet voice.
Natalia knew she didn't quite believe her yet, but this was the last day that she would have to hold back. Then she could spend the rest of her life proving to Olivia just how she felt about her.
"There is one thing you could do for me?" Natalia prompted her.
"Anything," Olivia answered reflexively and just as Natalia had hoped she would.
"Go out on a date with me tonight?"
Olivia looked startled but delighted. "I would love that."
"Good," Natalia said firmly. "Then it's a date." Just the thought of it made her feel like the giddy teenager that she had never really had a chance to be.
Olivia bit back the urge to fidget, stuffing her hands in her pockets so they wouldn't betray her nervousness. There was one more question that she needed to ask, but she hated having to ask it now, not when things were so close to being perfect.
"What about Rafe?"
Natalia laughed gently, her eyes sparkling. "He's almost nineteen. I think he can handle one night on his own. What about Emma? Do you think you can get Jane to watch her?"
Olivia winced. That wasn't what she had meant at all. "Does he know you won't be there because we're going on a date?"
Silence reigned for a brief moment. It felt like an eternity as Olivia held her breath, waiting to see what Natalia would have to say to that.
"No." Natalia smiled tightly. "Actually asking you was kind of a spur of the moment thing." She looked down, her hair falling in front of her face, covering the faint hint of red that spread across her cheeks. "I wanted to see you afterwards."
Ordinarily, Natalia's words would have had the same affect on Olivia as a gentle caress on a well contented Tabby cat. Instead she felt more uncertain than before. She and Natalia weren't officially anything to one another. As Natalia's invitation had pointed out, they hadn't even been on a single date yet. She had no right to ask that Natalia tell her son about them, yet she was so scared that Rafe would be another obstacle between them whenever he found out. She couldn't let herself go when it felt like Rafe was still hanging over them, waiting for the worst possible moment to cause a problem.
Olivia took a deep breath, resolving as she had so many times before not to push Natalia into anything she wasn't ready for. She just needed to be patient and let Natalia tell Rafe in her own time. It was too bad she sucked at patient. Swallowing her worry down and pushing it away for another time, Olivia summoned a smile.
"You can see me whenever you want."
"If I want to see you every day?" Outside of work, was implicit in Natalia's words. The time they spent inside the Beacon, while wonderful and fulfilling in its own way, just didn't seem to count anymore.
"I guess we'll just have to work on that," Olivia said agreeably, almost holding her breath as she struggled not to interpret Natalia's words as more than she might have intended for them to mean.
"I'd like that," Natalia answered, her smile growing, happy just to be in the same room with Olivia. "Actually, there's something I need to tell you."
Those simple words were enough to make Olivia freeze where she stood. It sounded ominous the way Natalia had said it, even as she kept smiling.
"Oh?" It was the only sound Olivia could push out past the tension rising within her.
"When Rafe got out of prison..." Natalia explained slowly, as if choosing each word with care. "He was surprised when he found out I was divorcing Frank." Surprised was, in fact, a pretty large understatement. He had been shocked, dumbfounded and a little bit angry. Divorce happened to other people, not his mother. It wasn't that he had anything against it, but he knew the consequences for his mother in the Church if she got a divorce and he couldn't imagine her going through with it. It had left him reeling when he needed the world to be solid and at its most consistent. Instead he got handed a mother he didn't understand any more and lost another man who could have been a father figure to him. "He didn't understand why I was doing it. It didn't make sense to him. So, I told him why."
"You told him...what?" Olivia asked carefully.
"That I couldn't stay married to Frank because I didn't love him the way I should." She hesitated and gave Olivia a nervous smile. "I told him that I loved you - as more than a friend."
"What..." Olivia swallowed - her throat was so dry - and tried again. "What did Rafe say?"
"He wasn't very happy about it," Natalia acknowledged grimly. "He didn't understand a lot of things. He said things..." She shook her head, raising her eyes to look at Olivia again. "He didn't mean them."
"Natalia..."
But Natalia held up her hand, stopping Olivia before she could start. "It's okay. He didn't have anywhere else to go. With James back in town, Alan isn't really interested in Rafe at the moment. So, he had to come back home. He needed me to give him a ride to work. He can't afford to get fired. Part of his parole is that he has to have a job. Anyway," Natalia continued a moment later. "He doesn't have a choice, because I'm not giving you up. It might be a little uncomfortable, at first, but I want you and Emma around and I want Rafe there too." She said it firmly as if she refused to accept anything else, it would make it so.
Olivia admired her determination, pig-pigheadedness some would call it if they were less charitable. To Olivia, it was just another part of Natalia that she loved. She knew a thing or two about unhappy step-children though and as much as she loved Natalia, she couldn't quite gloss over the realities of the situation.
"I want that too. But, Natalia, you know there's a possibility that Rafe won't come around." It was easier to face it now, Olivia told herself. Now rather than later, when she had fallen any harder.
"I know that," Natalia said, not backing down an inch. "But he will. I know my son, Olivia. He might be angry now, but he won't be able to hold onto it. You'll see. Not when he sees how happy you make me."
"I don't want you to get hurt," Olivia whispered.
"Then don't run away from me," Natalia said simply. "Nothing can hurt me as long as you're with me."
The complete devotion and trust in her voice was Olivia's undoing. "You've missed some of my more spectacular relationship disasters."
But Natalia shook her head. "I haven't missed anything," she countered. "I know you, Olivia Spencer. I love you and I'm going to spend the rest of my life proving it to you."
And finally, Olivia gave into the inevitable, into Natalia who was finally showing all the strength and determination that she had ever needed to see. "Okay."
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