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Title: Even If It Killed Her
Fandom: Guiding Light
Characters: Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, Frank Cooper, Emma Spencer, Blake Marler, Rafe Rivera
Category: Angst, with a side of angst. Romance.
Rating: Eventually NC-17, though for most of it, it could probably past for oh, PG probably.
Word count: 1,323
Summary: Olivia will do whatever is necessary to make Natalia happy, even if it kills her.
Spoilers: Takes place around late April, early May '09, and contains spoilers for all events therein.
Author's Note:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
rysler reminded me that I had already finished The Importance of Family, so now I'm not really sure what to say here. Apologies for all the angst, maybe?
Beta:jlynxi was awesome enough to beta this for me. It's very much appreciated because I know this is a lot of fic! And I should definitely give a big shout out to rysler for letting me bounce ideas off of her throughout the whole process of writing this fic.
Disclaimer: All characters (Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, Emma Spencer, Ava Peralta, blah blah etc.) and situations belong to Guiding Light, Telenext, Proctor & Gamble, etc. I'm not them.
And really I only have one more thing to say, but I think ya'll are going to like it: daily posts!
Part One || Part Two || Part Three || Part Four || Part Five || Part Six || Part Seven || Part Eight || Part Nine || Part Ten || Part Eleven || Part Twelve || Part Thirteen
Part Fourteen
When she had left Olivia's suite, Natalia hadn't had a specific destination in mind, but it had been no surprise when she found herself in front of the church. It was where she always went when she didn't know what to do, when she couldn't figure out what was right or wrong. She had sat here the day that she had decided to marry Frank, in this very same pew, when she had finally chosen to take off Gus' rings. Now another man's ring sat on that same finger.
It was hard to forget what she had been thinking about that day. She had almost kissed Olivia, not just on the cheek or forehead, but on her lips. In the end Olivia had woken up before Natalia could kiss her but it had been impossible to deny what she had been about to do. It had forced Natalia to examine her recent thoughts and feelings in a way she had managed to avoid until then. She had prayed then for God to protect her friendship with Olivia as she had slipped off Gus' rings, but that hadn't been what she had really meant. It was more like, don't let me screw this up. I can't afford to lose her. And losing Olivia was not an option.
Natalia knew all about doing without. Raising Rafe there were so many things that people deemed necessary that they hadn't had. There had been no brand names or fancy video games and very rarely new anything. There were things that would have made her life so much easier - a car that was fixed more than it was broken- but she had told herself that the bus was okay. They could get by. They didn't really need it. But Natalia had discovered that she needed Olivia in her life. The way she felt about the other woman wasn't optional. It was essential and when she had gone home to the farmhouse, it had been with a new sense of certainty. She would tell Olivia how she felt.
It was scary and she was nervous because new things were always scary and there was the even more terrifying possibility that Olivia didn't feel the same way, that she only wanted Natalia as a friend. When she had gotten home though, before she could say anything Olivia was pulling Frank's ring out from the drawer where she had kept it and handing it over to her, urging her to marry him. All Natalia had been able to do was stare at her and take it as a sign that Olivia didn't feel the same way that she did. It didn't change anything though because she still felt the same way: she needed Olivia. If the only way she could keep Olivia in her life was different than what she had hoped for, well that was how it would be. So she had said yes, and now here she was back in the very same place she had been before only this time she did know that Olivia loved her. Only this time the ring on her finger was not one she could so easily slip off to go after her love.
"Is this seat taken?"
Natalia tried to smile but couldn't summon the energy. "Please, Father."
"It's good to see you, Natalia," Father Ray said as he sat down next to her. "I'm sorry I was unable to be at your wedding, but I wanted to congratulate you. It's a very sacred and joyous thing when two people join their lives together."
Natalia couldn't help but agree. It was a beautiful thing when two people were joined together in truth, but then that was her problem, truth.
"Can I ask you a question, Father?"
He looked a little bit surprised at the morose sound of her voice. "Of course."
"I've been thinking," she said slowly. "And I don't know what to do." She looked up at him, forcing herself to meet his eyes. "Is it worse to lie to someone, if the truth is a sin? Or...or just lie and do what seems to be right?"
His eyebrows shot up. "That is a very serious question."
Natalia let out a strained laugh. "Well, I'm not asking lightly, Father."
"Of course," he said quickly, unwilling to make it seem like he was dismissing her concerns, but worried for both her state of mind and what was going on in her life. She should be happy in her newly wedded bliss and it worried him that she seemed this sad and frightened. Questions like this did not make for easy answers. "I would say that the truth, no matter how it may seem, is always a better decision. Lying only makes things worse." And it was a sin, but he didn't mention that. There was no need to. She already knew that.
Natalia smiled at that but it was a bitter smile. "Thank you, Father."
Somehow he wasn't reassured by her response. "Any time." He hesitated. "Natalia, if there is anything else you need to discuss, my door is always open."
"Thank you," Natalia repeated. "But I don't think this is something I can talk to you about, at least not yet. There are...other people I need to talk to first."
"Well, if you're certain...." But he let the words drift off, knowing that she wasn't yet at peace and leaving the door open in case she changed her mind.
"I am," Natalia said firmly, rising from her seat. "And I should be going. I need to..." She trailed off for a moment and then squared her shoulders. "There are things I need to do."
Fandom: Guiding Light
Characters: Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, Frank Cooper, Emma Spencer, Blake Marler, Rafe Rivera
Category: Angst, with a side of angst. Romance.
Rating: Eventually NC-17, though for most of it, it could probably past for oh, PG probably.
Word count: 1,323
Summary: Olivia will do whatever is necessary to make Natalia happy, even if it kills her.
Spoilers: Takes place around late April, early May '09, and contains spoilers for all events therein.
Author's Note:
rysler reminded me that I had already finished The Importance of Family, so now I'm not really sure what to say here. Apologies for all the angst, maybe? Beta:
jlynxi was awesome enough to beta this for me. It's very much appreciated because I know this is a lot of fic! And I should definitely give a big shout out to rysler for letting me bounce ideas off of her throughout the whole process of writing this fic. Disclaimer: All characters (Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, Emma Spencer, Ava Peralta, blah blah etc.) and situations belong to Guiding Light, Telenext, Proctor & Gamble, etc. I'm not them.
And really I only have one more thing to say, but I think ya'll are going to like it: daily posts!
Part One || Part Two || Part Three || Part Four || Part Five || Part Six || Part Seven || Part Eight || Part Nine || Part Ten || Part Eleven || Part Twelve || Part Thirteen
Part Fourteen
When she had left Olivia's suite, Natalia hadn't had a specific destination in mind, but it had been no surprise when she found herself in front of the church. It was where she always went when she didn't know what to do, when she couldn't figure out what was right or wrong. She had sat here the day that she had decided to marry Frank, in this very same pew, when she had finally chosen to take off Gus' rings. Now another man's ring sat on that same finger.
It was hard to forget what she had been thinking about that day. She had almost kissed Olivia, not just on the cheek or forehead, but on her lips. In the end Olivia had woken up before Natalia could kiss her but it had been impossible to deny what she had been about to do. It had forced Natalia to examine her recent thoughts and feelings in a way she had managed to avoid until then. She had prayed then for God to protect her friendship with Olivia as she had slipped off Gus' rings, but that hadn't been what she had really meant. It was more like, don't let me screw this up. I can't afford to lose her. And losing Olivia was not an option.
Natalia knew all about doing without. Raising Rafe there were so many things that people deemed necessary that they hadn't had. There had been no brand names or fancy video games and very rarely new anything. There were things that would have made her life so much easier - a car that was fixed more than it was broken- but she had told herself that the bus was okay. They could get by. They didn't really need it. But Natalia had discovered that she needed Olivia in her life. The way she felt about the other woman wasn't optional. It was essential and when she had gone home to the farmhouse, it had been with a new sense of certainty. She would tell Olivia how she felt.
It was scary and she was nervous because new things were always scary and there was the even more terrifying possibility that Olivia didn't feel the same way, that she only wanted Natalia as a friend. When she had gotten home though, before she could say anything Olivia was pulling Frank's ring out from the drawer where she had kept it and handing it over to her, urging her to marry him. All Natalia had been able to do was stare at her and take it as a sign that Olivia didn't feel the same way that she did. It didn't change anything though because she still felt the same way: she needed Olivia. If the only way she could keep Olivia in her life was different than what she had hoped for, well that was how it would be. So she had said yes, and now here she was back in the very same place she had been before only this time she did know that Olivia loved her. Only this time the ring on her finger was not one she could so easily slip off to go after her love.
"Is this seat taken?"
Natalia tried to smile but couldn't summon the energy. "Please, Father."
"It's good to see you, Natalia," Father Ray said as he sat down next to her. "I'm sorry I was unable to be at your wedding, but I wanted to congratulate you. It's a very sacred and joyous thing when two people join their lives together."
Natalia couldn't help but agree. It was a beautiful thing when two people were joined together in truth, but then that was her problem, truth.
"Can I ask you a question, Father?"
He looked a little bit surprised at the morose sound of her voice. "Of course."
"I've been thinking," she said slowly. "And I don't know what to do." She looked up at him, forcing herself to meet his eyes. "Is it worse to lie to someone, if the truth is a sin? Or...or just lie and do what seems to be right?"
His eyebrows shot up. "That is a very serious question."
Natalia let out a strained laugh. "Well, I'm not asking lightly, Father."
"Of course," he said quickly, unwilling to make it seem like he was dismissing her concerns, but worried for both her state of mind and what was going on in her life. She should be happy in her newly wedded bliss and it worried him that she seemed this sad and frightened. Questions like this did not make for easy answers. "I would say that the truth, no matter how it may seem, is always a better decision. Lying only makes things worse." And it was a sin, but he didn't mention that. There was no need to. She already knew that.
Natalia smiled at that but it was a bitter smile. "Thank you, Father."
Somehow he wasn't reassured by her response. "Any time." He hesitated. "Natalia, if there is anything else you need to discuss, my door is always open."
"Thank you," Natalia repeated. "But I don't think this is something I can talk to you about, at least not yet. There are...other people I need to talk to first."
"Well, if you're certain...." But he let the words drift off, knowing that she wasn't yet at peace and leaving the door open in case she changed her mind.
"I am," Natalia said firmly, rising from her seat. "And I should be going. I need to..." She trailed off for a moment and then squared her shoulders. "There are things I need to do."
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