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Title: Even If It Killed Her
Fandom: Guiding Light
Characters: Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, Frank Cooper, Emma Spencer, Blake Marler, Rafe Rivera
Category: Angst, with a side of angst. Romance.
Rating: Eventually NC-17, though for most of it, it could probably past for oh, PG probably.
Word count: 1,051
Summary: Olivia will do whatever is necessary to make Natalia happy, even if it kills her.
Spoilers: Takes place around late April, early May '09, and contains spoilers for all events therein.
Author's Note: I see you there, sitting behind your computer, wondering why I'm posting this when I haven't even finished The Importance of Family yet. And you're right, but I'm still putting the finishing touches on that one, and this is all finished. It's sitting here on my computer, staring at me, daring me to post it. So posting it, I am.
Beta:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
jlynxi was awesome enough to beta this for me. It's very much appreciated because I know this is a lot of fic! And I should definitely give a big shout out to rysler for letting me bounce ideas off of her throughout the whole process of writing this fic.
Disclaimer: All characters (Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, Emma Spencer, Ava Peralta, blah blah etc.) and situations belong to Guiding Light, Telenext, Proctor & Gamble, etc. I'm not them.
And really I only have one more thing to say, but I think ya'll are going to like it: daily posts!
Part One || Part Two
Part Three
"You-" Olivia's voice broke and she had to swallow before she could try again. "You don't want to quit?"
"No," Natalia said with a firm shake of her head. She sank down onto the chair in front of Olivia's desk without looking, twisting the small diamond on her finger around almost ruthlessly. "Frank wants me to, but I don't."
"So what are you going to do?" Olivia hoped she didn't sound as pathetic and hopeful as she felt asking that question. "And why did Frank come in here like that if that's how you felt?"
Natalia grimaced and looked down, a hint of red flushing her cheeks. "I might have told Frank that you were the one stopping me from quitting, insisting that I finish out what I had committed to, because I didn't know what to say to him."
Olivia felt almost dizzy with relief. Natalia didn't want to quit. Then she sobered. Of course, she hadn't said she wasn't going to, just that she didn't want to. How set on obeying her husband was Natalia, even if it went against what she herself wanted? Olivia felt a sharp stab of panic. She already knew the answer to that question. Natalia would do anything to make the people that she cared about happy.
"Well, I am good at being a bitch. Everyone knows that." She forced herself to smile and pretend like this wasn't killing her. "But what were you going to do when your time was up? It would run out eventually."
"I was hoping that once Frank got used to it, he might stop pushing about me staying home."
"What about...telling him?" Call her crazy, but Olivia had never let any of her husbands - or anyone else for that matter - dictate what she was going to do. Except, of course, for Natalia. "That you don't want to quit, I mean."
Natalia shrugged weakly. "I tried, but he just kept insisting that it was really okay, that I didn't understand. It was okay now and he was going to take care of me."
Sentiments Olivia approved of, but Frank was screwing it up already, damn it, going about things the wrong way. Natalia didn't need someone to provide for her, she needed someone to challenge her, to make her see that she could be more, was already more, than what she thought she was. She had already told herself that she was done giving Frank advice though and this time she meant it.
Trying to hold on to what was left of her dignity, Olivia pulled herself together. "It's your choice, Natalia." It always had been, she thought sadly. "I'll support whatever decision you make." She took a deep breath and considered what she wanted to say. Why did you marry him, wasn't really an option, and besides she already knew the answer. Frank was safe and good and easy. With him it wasn't hard and complicated. It wouldn't inspire strangers to murmur behind their backs and look at them with hatred. There were no risks involved, no chance that Olivia would finally do something that Natalia couldn't forgive.
"I'm not quitting," Natalia said firmly, and then her lip trembled. "Unless it would be easier. For you."
It was the first time the subject had been raised between them since they had stood over Gus' grave and it shocked Olivia. She had expected them to keep dancing around it until it had become such a part of their routine that it was barely noticed. Natalia was very good at that sort of thing, even if she wasn't.
"No," Olivia blurted out, too quickly, she realized immediately, especially for a woman who was in love with her married best friend. "Please stay," she said more slowly. "If you're not uncomfortable here, knowing how I feel."
Oh, right. This was why she avoided having mature, adult discussions about her relationship failures - because it hurt worse than she could have ever imagined, seeing this distance between the two of them.
In front of her, Natalia crumpled, her shoulders folding inwards and tears streamed down her cheeks. "Olivia. I'm so sorry. I put you in the middle of this and Frank...I can't believe he came here. I didn't mean to put you through anything else. I hurt you enough."
"Hey," Olivia whispered, aching to see Natalia hurting so badly. She dropped to a crouch in front of Natalia's chair and resisted the urge to fold her into an embrace as she would have done just a week ago. Instead she put her hands on the arms of the chair to either side of Natalia and dipped her head until she was able to catch Natalia's eye. "I know you didn't. You don't have a malicious bone in your body." She gave a rueful snort. "That's more my style."
Natalia shook her head quickly. "It isn't. You've been nothing but good to me, Rafe."
"I was a raving bitch."
That startled a laugh out of Natalia and made her lift her head. "Only for a little while." She reached out to Olivia, her hand stopping just short of Olivia's cheek, close enough that Olivia could feel the warmth radiating out from Natalia. "The things you've done for me. More than anyone else ever has," Natalia said with a shaky voice.
"Natalia," Olivia whispered, caught despite herself in the words Natalia was saying, in the nearness of their bodies. Natalia had made her wishes clear and she should honor that. She wanted to, but Natalia was just making it so damn hard. She turned her head, unable to resist, nuzzling into Natalia's palm. It felt so good. She reveled in the sensation. Even that brief connection eased the ache within her, soothing her wounds and calming her like nothing else could. "Go home," she whispered. "I'm giving you the rest of the day off. Talk to him; he'll understand." Even if I have to have a word with him.
"Okay," Natalia whispered just as quietly, but neither woman moved, not for a long time, until Olivia's protesting knees could no longer take it and even then it was only when they gave out completely leaving her sprawled in an ignoble heap at Natalia's feet that either of them finally moved.
Fandom: Guiding Light
Characters: Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, Frank Cooper, Emma Spencer, Blake Marler, Rafe Rivera
Category: Angst, with a side of angst. Romance.
Rating: Eventually NC-17, though for most of it, it could probably past for oh, PG probably.
Word count: 1,051
Summary: Olivia will do whatever is necessary to make Natalia happy, even if it kills her.
Spoilers: Takes place around late April, early May '09, and contains spoilers for all events therein.
Author's Note: I see you there, sitting behind your computer, wondering why I'm posting this when I haven't even finished The Importance of Family yet. And you're right, but I'm still putting the finishing touches on that one, and this is all finished. It's sitting here on my computer, staring at me, daring me to post it. So posting it, I am.
Beta:
jlynxi was awesome enough to beta this for me. It's very much appreciated because I know this is a lot of fic! And I should definitely give a big shout out to rysler for letting me bounce ideas off of her throughout the whole process of writing this fic. Disclaimer: All characters (Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, Emma Spencer, Ava Peralta, blah blah etc.) and situations belong to Guiding Light, Telenext, Proctor & Gamble, etc. I'm not them.
And really I only have one more thing to say, but I think ya'll are going to like it: daily posts!
Part One || Part Two
Part Three
"You-" Olivia's voice broke and she had to swallow before she could try again. "You don't want to quit?"
"No," Natalia said with a firm shake of her head. She sank down onto the chair in front of Olivia's desk without looking, twisting the small diamond on her finger around almost ruthlessly. "Frank wants me to, but I don't."
"So what are you going to do?" Olivia hoped she didn't sound as pathetic and hopeful as she felt asking that question. "And why did Frank come in here like that if that's how you felt?"
Natalia grimaced and looked down, a hint of red flushing her cheeks. "I might have told Frank that you were the one stopping me from quitting, insisting that I finish out what I had committed to, because I didn't know what to say to him."
Olivia felt almost dizzy with relief. Natalia didn't want to quit. Then she sobered. Of course, she hadn't said she wasn't going to, just that she didn't want to. How set on obeying her husband was Natalia, even if it went against what she herself wanted? Olivia felt a sharp stab of panic. She already knew the answer to that question. Natalia would do anything to make the people that she cared about happy.
"Well, I am good at being a bitch. Everyone knows that." She forced herself to smile and pretend like this wasn't killing her. "But what were you going to do when your time was up? It would run out eventually."
"I was hoping that once Frank got used to it, he might stop pushing about me staying home."
"What about...telling him?" Call her crazy, but Olivia had never let any of her husbands - or anyone else for that matter - dictate what she was going to do. Except, of course, for Natalia. "That you don't want to quit, I mean."
Natalia shrugged weakly. "I tried, but he just kept insisting that it was really okay, that I didn't understand. It was okay now and he was going to take care of me."
Sentiments Olivia approved of, but Frank was screwing it up already, damn it, going about things the wrong way. Natalia didn't need someone to provide for her, she needed someone to challenge her, to make her see that she could be more, was already more, than what she thought she was. She had already told herself that she was done giving Frank advice though and this time she meant it.
Trying to hold on to what was left of her dignity, Olivia pulled herself together. "It's your choice, Natalia." It always had been, she thought sadly. "I'll support whatever decision you make." She took a deep breath and considered what she wanted to say. Why did you marry him, wasn't really an option, and besides she already knew the answer. Frank was safe and good and easy. With him it wasn't hard and complicated. It wouldn't inspire strangers to murmur behind their backs and look at them with hatred. There were no risks involved, no chance that Olivia would finally do something that Natalia couldn't forgive.
"I'm not quitting," Natalia said firmly, and then her lip trembled. "Unless it would be easier. For you."
It was the first time the subject had been raised between them since they had stood over Gus' grave and it shocked Olivia. She had expected them to keep dancing around it until it had become such a part of their routine that it was barely noticed. Natalia was very good at that sort of thing, even if she wasn't.
"No," Olivia blurted out, too quickly, she realized immediately, especially for a woman who was in love with her married best friend. "Please stay," she said more slowly. "If you're not uncomfortable here, knowing how I feel."
Oh, right. This was why she avoided having mature, adult discussions about her relationship failures - because it hurt worse than she could have ever imagined, seeing this distance between the two of them.
In front of her, Natalia crumpled, her shoulders folding inwards and tears streamed down her cheeks. "Olivia. I'm so sorry. I put you in the middle of this and Frank...I can't believe he came here. I didn't mean to put you through anything else. I hurt you enough."
"Hey," Olivia whispered, aching to see Natalia hurting so badly. She dropped to a crouch in front of Natalia's chair and resisted the urge to fold her into an embrace as she would have done just a week ago. Instead she put her hands on the arms of the chair to either side of Natalia and dipped her head until she was able to catch Natalia's eye. "I know you didn't. You don't have a malicious bone in your body." She gave a rueful snort. "That's more my style."
Natalia shook her head quickly. "It isn't. You've been nothing but good to me, Rafe."
"I was a raving bitch."
That startled a laugh out of Natalia and made her lift her head. "Only for a little while." She reached out to Olivia, her hand stopping just short of Olivia's cheek, close enough that Olivia could feel the warmth radiating out from Natalia. "The things you've done for me. More than anyone else ever has," Natalia said with a shaky voice.
"Natalia," Olivia whispered, caught despite herself in the words Natalia was saying, in the nearness of their bodies. Natalia had made her wishes clear and she should honor that. She wanted to, but Natalia was just making it so damn hard. She turned her head, unable to resist, nuzzling into Natalia's palm. It felt so good. She reveled in the sensation. Even that brief connection eased the ache within her, soothing her wounds and calming her like nothing else could. "Go home," she whispered. "I'm giving you the rest of the day off. Talk to him; he'll understand." Even if I have to have a word with him.
"Okay," Natalia whispered just as quietly, but neither woman moved, not for a long time, until Olivia's protesting knees could no longer take it and even then it was only when they gave out completely leaving her sprawled in an ignoble heap at Natalia's feet that either of them finally moved.
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