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Title: Even If It Killed Her
Fandom: Guiding Light
Characters: Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, Frank Cooper, Emma Spencer, Blake Marler, Rafe Rivera
Category: Angst, with a side of angst. Romance.
Rating: Eventually NC-17, though for most of it, it could probably past for oh, PG probably.
Word count: 1,226
Summary: Olivia will do whatever is necessary to make Natalia happy, even if it kills her.
Spoilers: Takes place around late April, early May '09, and contains spoilers for all events therein.
Author's Note: I see you there, sitting behind your computer, wondering why I'm posting this when I haven't even finished The Importance of Family yet. And you're right, but I'm still putting the finishing touches on that one, and this is all finished. It's sitting here on my computer, staring at me, daring me to post it. So posting it, I am.
Beta:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
jlynxi was awesome enough to beta this for me. It's very much appreciated because I know this is a lot of fic! And I should definitely give a big shout out to rysler for letting me bounce ideas off of her throughout the whole process of writing this fic.
Disclaimer: All characters (Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, Emma Spencer, Ava Peralta, blah blah etc.) and situations belong to Guiding Light, Telenext, Proctor & Gamble, etc. I'm not them.
And really I only have one more thing to say, but I think ya'll are going to like it: daily posts!
Part One
Part Two
Olivia had been avoiding Natalia. It was undeniable. First, she had given her the week after her wedding off from work and offered her more time than that if she wanted it. She both had and hadn't been surprised at Natalia's refusal. She was a hard working woman, after all, but since the wedding and Olivia's admission of love over Gus' grave things had been understandably awkward between them. Natalia couldn't seem to look Olivia in the eye and she always looked guilty and uncomfortable. For her part, Olivia hated being the cause of those looks and cursed herself for being so weak and blurting everything out at the worst possible moment. She had wanted Natalia to be happy, not this wan shadow of herself that she had seemed to be the few times Olivia had seen her since she returned to work at the beginning of the week. Mostly Olivia had kept herself holed up in her office or out running errands, trying to be wherever Natalia wasn't. It hurt just to be in the same room with her. She needed time to lick her wounds and rebuild her heart before she could even imagine being around Natalia without feeling like her heart was breaking again.
And now, if Frank was right, she was going to be losing that last little bit of connection with Natalia, too. She clenched her hand into a fist and ignored the way her long, expertly manicured nails bit into her palm, leaving crescent shaped indentations. No, what she needed now was to rip the band aid off and just finish this. She couldn't stand wondering, dragging this out any longer. If Natalia really wanted to quit working for her, then she would make it easy on her. Natalia was always nice to people - too nice, sometimes - and if niceness was what was keeping Natalia from taking this step then she would take it for her. No one had ever accused Olivia of being nice, after all.
Olivia picked up her Blackberry and fired off a quick text. It was so much easier than talking to Natalia face to face. Unfortunately Olivia wasn't going to be able to avoid talking to Natalia much longer. Then Olivia looked down at the text she had just sent and she wondered, for the first time, if Natalia would come. If she did, it would be the last time.
I need you. I'm in my office.
She was pacing back and forth, covering the distance between desk and window across to the couch and then back again. Waiting had never been her forte and this was proving to be no exception. Fortunately she didn't have to wait long before she heard a single knock at the door. Her head snapped around as if drawn by some magnetic force as Natalia stepped inside without waiting for an answer. What she saw startled her more than Frank's unexpected intrusion had earlier.
Natalia might not have loved her back - clearly did not love her - but that didn't mean the reverse wasn't true and she had learned every nuance of the woman in front of her in an effort to understand her better. Natalia wasn't one to share her feelings. Oh, happiness and joy, a ready smile for everyone, those were easily available, but the dark things, the serious things, her worries and fears, those she kept hidden from nearly everyone. Occasionally she had let Olivia see them and each time she had felt honored that Natalia would trust her that completely, but it hadn't happened often. To others, Natalia might have seemed happy. There was a smile on her face, despite the slightly worried furrow of her brow, but it was her eyes that gave her away and the slight droop of her shoulders. They screamed that Natalia was not happy, that, in fact, she was very sad. The thought that she might have been the source of Natalia's sadness twisted something painfully inside of Olivia and she blurted out her next words like an antidote to that feeling.
"You're fired."
"What?" If lifting that burden off Natalia had been her intention, it had gone badly wrong. Tears filled Natalia's eyes and she looked like a defenseless puppy Olivia had just kicked. "Is it something I did? Or, or..." She shook her head. "Why are you doing this?" She pleaded. The way she said it made Olivia feel lower than she had in years, worse than she had since she had demanded Gus' rings from Natalia.
"Look, I'm doing you a favor here," Olivia bit out, trying to keep her instinctive angry response from spilling out. "Frank came by earlier. I know you want to quit, so I'm making it easy for you. Now get out of here so you can go start your new, happy life as a housewife with him." She couldn't keep the bitter twist out of the last syllable. She was trying her best here, but she was no saint.
"Frank...was here?" Natalia sounded confused. Apparently she hadn't known he was coming either. But was that just confusion or was she glad that her champion had come to fight her battles for her? Funny she would allow Frank that privilege, but never Olivia, even when she had already stepped up to the plate, even when it had been for the three of them. But then she didn't need any more proof that Natalia didn't see their little family the same way she had. "Oh, God, Olivia." Her hand covered her mouth for a brief instant before she reached out to Olivia, stopping herself just before she touched her. Olivia tried not to be bitter about that too. "I'm so sorry," Natalia continued. "I had no idea he was going to do that."
"It doesn't really matter, does it?" Olivia asked, softening to Natalia despite herself, still unable to stand seeing Natalia in pain. That was what this was supposed to be about anyway, making things easier for Natalia. "He did and now I know. I'm sorry that you didn't feel like you could come to me about it yourself." She looked down at her desk, unable to hold back the tears that were welling in her eyes. "I just want you to be happy." The words came out so softly that Natalia could barely hear them. "If this is what you want, then of course I'll let you quit." She forced herself to focus on the details instead of what she was feeling. Maybe that would help. "The severance package is excellent." Except for the part where there wasn't one, where even now she couldn't stop trying to take care of Natalia, even when it wasn't hers to do anymore. "And I'll write you a glowing letter of recommendation in case you ever decide you want to start working again." She took a deep breath. "Frankie is a really good guy, Natalia. I know he'll take care of you the way you deserve to be taken care of."
Silence descended on them, but still Olivia couldn't bring herself to raise her eyes and look at Natalia. She didn't want to see the pity in them, or worse - revulsion.
"But I don't want to quit."
Natalia's words exploded like a bomb inside her head, sending shrapnel in every direction.
Fandom: Guiding Light
Characters: Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, Frank Cooper, Emma Spencer, Blake Marler, Rafe Rivera
Category: Angst, with a side of angst. Romance.
Rating: Eventually NC-17, though for most of it, it could probably past for oh, PG probably.
Word count: 1,226
Summary: Olivia will do whatever is necessary to make Natalia happy, even if it kills her.
Spoilers: Takes place around late April, early May '09, and contains spoilers for all events therein.
Author's Note: I see you there, sitting behind your computer, wondering why I'm posting this when I haven't even finished The Importance of Family yet. And you're right, but I'm still putting the finishing touches on that one, and this is all finished. It's sitting here on my computer, staring at me, daring me to post it. So posting it, I am.
Beta:
jlynxi was awesome enough to beta this for me. It's very much appreciated because I know this is a lot of fic! And I should definitely give a big shout out to rysler for letting me bounce ideas off of her throughout the whole process of writing this fic. Disclaimer: All characters (Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, Emma Spencer, Ava Peralta, blah blah etc.) and situations belong to Guiding Light, Telenext, Proctor & Gamble, etc. I'm not them.
And really I only have one more thing to say, but I think ya'll are going to like it: daily posts!
Part One
Part Two
Olivia had been avoiding Natalia. It was undeniable. First, she had given her the week after her wedding off from work and offered her more time than that if she wanted it. She both had and hadn't been surprised at Natalia's refusal. She was a hard working woman, after all, but since the wedding and Olivia's admission of love over Gus' grave things had been understandably awkward between them. Natalia couldn't seem to look Olivia in the eye and she always looked guilty and uncomfortable. For her part, Olivia hated being the cause of those looks and cursed herself for being so weak and blurting everything out at the worst possible moment. She had wanted Natalia to be happy, not this wan shadow of herself that she had seemed to be the few times Olivia had seen her since she returned to work at the beginning of the week. Mostly Olivia had kept herself holed up in her office or out running errands, trying to be wherever Natalia wasn't. It hurt just to be in the same room with her. She needed time to lick her wounds and rebuild her heart before she could even imagine being around Natalia without feeling like her heart was breaking again.
And now, if Frank was right, she was going to be losing that last little bit of connection with Natalia, too. She clenched her hand into a fist and ignored the way her long, expertly manicured nails bit into her palm, leaving crescent shaped indentations. No, what she needed now was to rip the band aid off and just finish this. She couldn't stand wondering, dragging this out any longer. If Natalia really wanted to quit working for her, then she would make it easy on her. Natalia was always nice to people - too nice, sometimes - and if niceness was what was keeping Natalia from taking this step then she would take it for her. No one had ever accused Olivia of being nice, after all.
Olivia picked up her Blackberry and fired off a quick text. It was so much easier than talking to Natalia face to face. Unfortunately Olivia wasn't going to be able to avoid talking to Natalia much longer. Then Olivia looked down at the text she had just sent and she wondered, for the first time, if Natalia would come. If she did, it would be the last time.
I need you. I'm in my office.
She was pacing back and forth, covering the distance between desk and window across to the couch and then back again. Waiting had never been her forte and this was proving to be no exception. Fortunately she didn't have to wait long before she heard a single knock at the door. Her head snapped around as if drawn by some magnetic force as Natalia stepped inside without waiting for an answer. What she saw startled her more than Frank's unexpected intrusion had earlier.
Natalia might not have loved her back - clearly did not love her - but that didn't mean the reverse wasn't true and she had learned every nuance of the woman in front of her in an effort to understand her better. Natalia wasn't one to share her feelings. Oh, happiness and joy, a ready smile for everyone, those were easily available, but the dark things, the serious things, her worries and fears, those she kept hidden from nearly everyone. Occasionally she had let Olivia see them and each time she had felt honored that Natalia would trust her that completely, but it hadn't happened often. To others, Natalia might have seemed happy. There was a smile on her face, despite the slightly worried furrow of her brow, but it was her eyes that gave her away and the slight droop of her shoulders. They screamed that Natalia was not happy, that, in fact, she was very sad. The thought that she might have been the source of Natalia's sadness twisted something painfully inside of Olivia and she blurted out her next words like an antidote to that feeling.
"You're fired."
"What?" If lifting that burden off Natalia had been her intention, it had gone badly wrong. Tears filled Natalia's eyes and she looked like a defenseless puppy Olivia had just kicked. "Is it something I did? Or, or..." She shook her head. "Why are you doing this?" She pleaded. The way she said it made Olivia feel lower than she had in years, worse than she had since she had demanded Gus' rings from Natalia.
"Look, I'm doing you a favor here," Olivia bit out, trying to keep her instinctive angry response from spilling out. "Frank came by earlier. I know you want to quit, so I'm making it easy for you. Now get out of here so you can go start your new, happy life as a housewife with him." She couldn't keep the bitter twist out of the last syllable. She was trying her best here, but she was no saint.
"Frank...was here?" Natalia sounded confused. Apparently she hadn't known he was coming either. But was that just confusion or was she glad that her champion had come to fight her battles for her? Funny she would allow Frank that privilege, but never Olivia, even when she had already stepped up to the plate, even when it had been for the three of them. But then she didn't need any more proof that Natalia didn't see their little family the same way she had. "Oh, God, Olivia." Her hand covered her mouth for a brief instant before she reached out to Olivia, stopping herself just before she touched her. Olivia tried not to be bitter about that too. "I'm so sorry," Natalia continued. "I had no idea he was going to do that."
"It doesn't really matter, does it?" Olivia asked, softening to Natalia despite herself, still unable to stand seeing Natalia in pain. That was what this was supposed to be about anyway, making things easier for Natalia. "He did and now I know. I'm sorry that you didn't feel like you could come to me about it yourself." She looked down at her desk, unable to hold back the tears that were welling in her eyes. "I just want you to be happy." The words came out so softly that Natalia could barely hear them. "If this is what you want, then of course I'll let you quit." She forced herself to focus on the details instead of what she was feeling. Maybe that would help. "The severance package is excellent." Except for the part where there wasn't one, where even now she couldn't stop trying to take care of Natalia, even when it wasn't hers to do anymore. "And I'll write you a glowing letter of recommendation in case you ever decide you want to start working again." She took a deep breath. "Frankie is a really good guy, Natalia. I know he'll take care of you the way you deserve to be taken care of."
Silence descended on them, but still Olivia couldn't bring herself to raise her eyes and look at Natalia. She didn't want to see the pity in them, or worse - revulsion.
"But I don't want to quit."
Natalia's words exploded like a bomb inside her head, sending shrapnel in every direction.
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