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Title: The Importance of Family
Fandom: Guiding Light
Characters: Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, Ava Peralta, Emma Spencer, Jeffrey O'neil
Category: Angst, but the good kind. Romance, Drama.
Rating: R...I'm gonna say because there are some disturbing themes explored in here and some violence, although I don't think either is described in graphic detail.
Word count: 4,191
Summary: Life goes on. Sometimes it throws you a curveball and you never know what's coming your way on any given day.
Spoilers: Takes place around Thanksgiving '10, and includes the events of the finale.
Author's Note: This fic is solely for![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
kelltwomyn. I was bemoaning the fact that I wasn't going to be able to afford a Venice subscription and she swooped in and got when for me when I said I'd be willing to offer fic in exchange. I hope this fic is both somewhat what you were hoping for and also worth your ten bucks and the wait. I really have enjoyed Venice so far. Thank you. :)
Beta: Many thanks toq_wordy13 for beta'ing this for me! Your insights, comments, suggestions and encouragement have all been very much appreciated! :D
Disclaimer: All characters (Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, Emma Spencer, Ava Peralta, blah blah etc.) and situations belong to Guiding Light, Telenext, Proctor & Gamble, etc. I'm not them.
Warning: This story eventually deals with Olivia's rape. I don't think it's discussed graphically, but I don't want anyone to stumble upon it unaware either.
Part One || Part Two || Part Three
Part Four
The distinctive click of high heels on concrete caught Natalia's attention a moment before she heard someone fumbling with the door handle. Her eyes widened and she glanced over at Olivia sharply. They had decided to lock the farmhouse up tight that evening and to make it a habit for evenings to come. Edmund might be dead and the apparent, immediate threat gone, but both she and Olivia would feel much better knowing that they weren't taking any chances with the safety of their daughters.
Olivia shook her head - they weren't expecting anyone - but didn't move. Emma was sprawled across her lap, where she had fallen asleep wedged tightly in between them on the couch, halfway through the movie. Both of them had probably spent more time watching her sleep than watching the movie, and Olivia's hand had stroked soothingly through Emma's hair in one continuous motion, reassuring herself that Emma was really there and that she was all right.
Natalia was just rising to go to the door when there was a loud impatient knock. It startled Emma out of the light doze that she had fallen into and she jerked up out of her mother's lap. Olivia's arms surrounded her immediately, pulling Emma back into her chest and whispering soothing words to her. A certain tightness in her jaw was the only indication of how it pained her to see her daughter so frightened and jumpy. She wanted her irrepressible, fearless Jellybean back.
"It's just someone at the door, Emma," Natalia explained as she rose, exchanging a quick, slightly worried glance with Olivia as she did. She caught the tension in Olivia's eyes immediately: they were stormy and full of turmoil. Olivia was torn between her need to stay by Emma and comfort their daughter and her desire to be the one to open that door. Once again, she was trying to protect Natalia and keep her away from any possible harm. That wasn't how it worked anymore, however. They were a team, partners in the truest since of the word, and whether Olivia liked it or not, that was the way it was now. They protected one another, fought with and for the other and loved each other. That was how it worked.
Taking strength from what she saw in Olivia's eyes, Natalia crossed the room, striding toward the door with determination and not anxiety. There was every chance that this was nothing more threatening than Frank dropping by without remembering to call first. Irritating, but hardly more than that. After all, it had happened numerous times before and would surely happen numerous more times, and yet they were all still here.
"Ava?" Natalia could honestly say that the young woman standing before her was the last person that she had expected to see. It was true that she had only met Ava briefly before this visit, but despite that the impression that Natalia had gathered of her was of a woman very like her mother, despite the years that they had spent apart. Today had done nothing to change that impression, so Ava's appearance was nothing short of a complete surprise. She had expected absence and cold silence and then, with Ava's return sharp words and angry lashing out. What she had not expected was for Ava to return so soon, no longer nursing a wounded heart.
"Just thought I'd drop by," Ava spoke a little too loudly, and Natalia winced.
She glanced instinctively at the baby monitor sitting on the end table nearest Olivia. It wasn't as if she could see Francesca restlessly stirring through the monitor. Despite Olivia's insistence on everything being state of the art and the newest, latest and best, Natalia had drawn the line at a video monitoring system in the nursery. It felt intrusive, less like a home and more like an institution, and she didn't want anything like that for their little girl. Through her worry for Francesca, however, Natalia didn't miss the subtle way that Olivia shifted Emma to the side, so that she was free to move.
"I wanted to come see my big, happy family." It was impossible to miss the sarcasm in her voice this time or the way her words were just slightly beginning to slur. "Is that a problem? Maybe I wasn't invited." Her words stung, as they had been intended too.
"Of course it isn't a problem," Natalia said, automatically making her voice soothing. "We just weren't expecting you. Come on in." The polite thing, of course, would be to ask after Jeffrey next, yet Natalia couldn't bring herself to do it, the words sticking in her throat.
"Oh, thanks." Unfortunately her tone didn't match her words.
Olivia rose off the couch, her expression shifting as she did, knowing and a little bit arrogant, just enough to drive whoever the look was directed at completely mad. Of course when Olivia looked at Natalia that way it drove her crazy too, but in an entirely different way. The fact that Olivia was looking at Ava like that, however, was not a good sign. Usually it was reserved for incompetent underlings or someone who had managed to insult someone that Olivia cared about.
"We were just finishing a movie," Natalia continued, as if she hadn't caught Ava's deliberately provocative tone. Battles with Olivia before and even after they had become friends had left Natalia with a strong sense of irritation at being mocked. Not that the irritation hadn't been there before, but before she hadn't wanted to fight back. Now she curbed that impulse, not because she feared being impolite, but for Olivia's sake. She didn't need to make this moment any worse than it was already shaping up to be.
"Someone fell asleep before the first half was over," Olivia said with a fond glance back over her shoulder at Emma. "She's had a long day." Her focus shifted back to Natalia and she seemed to silently plead for understanding. "Would you mind taking her up to bed? It's still early, but I think she's had it."
Natalia smiled genuinely for the first time since Ava had entered. "I'd love to." She stopped in front of Olivia and brushed her cheek with a kiss, a reminder that she was loved and that Natalia would always be there for her, in whatever way she needed her. For Olivia's ears only, she whispered, "I'll be back down whenever I finish reading her a story."
Olivia's head dipped into the crook of her neck for a moment, her hair hiding her expression for Ava. "I love you." The equally quiet words were both affirmation and thanks.
Natalia resisted the urge to kiss her again and slipped past her to kneel down in front of Emma. "Time for bed, little one," she said, letting her voice fill with all the fondness that she felt for her.
Groggily, Emma held her arms out, slipping them around Natalia's neck and scooting forward until her legs were around Natalia's waist and she clung to her like a limpet. She laid her head on Natalia's shoulder and almost immediately her breathing began to resume its previous deep, even cadence. Maybe that story wouldn't be necessary after all, Natalia thought to herself, as she hefted Emma's weight a little bit closer to her and rose.
Emma was getting a little bit big to be carried, but today was an exception for obvious reasons. Natalia balanced carefully on the way up the stairs and let out a sigh of relief when she got to the top, not so worried about falling, but more concerned about bumping into the wall and waking Emma. Usually she loved being a part of all the girl's night time rituals, but tonight she was anxious to get back downstairs to Olivia and Ava.
Natalia held her breath as she carefully pulled back the covers and lowered Emma to her mattress. It was only years of a mother's practice that allowed her to pull off the complicated maneuver without jarring Emma. She didn't exhale until after she had disentangled Emma's arms from around her neck and tucked the covers in around her. Placing one final kiss on Emma's forehead, Natalia finally began to ease out of the room, pausing at the door way to leave it cracked open. Usually she wouldn't worry, but tonight she wanted to be able to hear if Emma was having nightmares or called out for them.
With a quick glance at the stairs, Natalia changed direction and looked into the nursery. Francesca looked as content as the little angel that she was - when she was sleeping - her breathing just as deep and even as Emma's had been moments before. Satisfied now that both of her girls were sleeping peacefully and easy, Natalia could dive back into the fray. She hadn't been eager to leave Olivia alone, despite her obvious silent request to remove Emma from the situation before anything happened that they would all regret the next morning.
She had complied because she knew it was the best thing to do, but she had hated leaving Olivia alone to face Ava. She knew that there were still things that they couldn't face together. Some things, especially with their grown children, had to be handled differently, but knowing what she knew now about Olivia's past she wasn't about to stand by and let Ava hurt her without any regard for Olivia. She wouldn't let that happen; not in their own home, not in the one place above all others that was supposed to be safe and theirs.
Natalia hesitated at the top of the stairs, bending forward to eavesdrop on the conversation unfolding downstairs. From the way that things had been going when she had left the room, it wasn't going to be a pleasant or quiet discussion, but there was always a chance that things had changed and settled in her absence. If Olivia and Ava were finally having the long-overdue conversation that they needed to be having, Natalia didn't want to get in the way.
"I didn't expect to see you tonight." Olivia said carefully, testing the water before diving in. Years before - before Natalia - she would have dived back in headfirst without consideration for any of the jagged rocks that might be hiding just beneath the surface, launching into the argument before Ava could get there first. She had been a take-no-prisoners kind of woman. In many ways she still was. Now she could admit how much it hurt to argue with Ava like this; she wanted something different than this endless battle between them, often deferred for another day when things were better, but still simmering below the surface waiting for a moment like this.
"If you don't want me here, then just say it. Jeffery did."
Olivia winced. "I'm sorry." What the hell had Jeffrey been thinking? Clearly he wasn't, or at least not about Ava. The anger at him that had barely subsided all day roared back to life. The one thing they could always - had always - agreed on was Ava and her importance in both of their lives. She had forgiven him for Ava and for herself, because Ava needed him to be a father, and now he had hurt her.
"Are you?" Ava asked bitterly. "Shouldn't you be happy that he doesn't want me? I'm finally free of his evil influences, right, Mom?" Ava was baiting her, spoiling for a fight.
"Ava, I am angry with your father, but not for the reasons that you think. I'm angry that he endangered you and Emma; I'm angry that he hurt you. Those are the only reasons."
Even from her perch on the stairs, Natalia could hear the way the tightness in Olivia's voice as she struggled to keep it even and calm. That was enough for her. Taking a deep breath, Natalia made her way down the rest of the stairs and crossed the living room to stand beside Olivia. She couldn't resist touching Olivia, reaching out to place a hand at her back. She needed the connection; she had a feeling they both did.
Ava looked startled at the reminder of her presence, actually stumbling slightly backwards on her unsteady feet. Olivia reached out instinctively and caught her elbow, steadying her, but Ava jerked out of her grasp, sending her stumbling even further backwards.
"Don't touch me," Ava said belligerently.
"I was trying to help you," Olivia countered, her irritation plain in her voice.
"I don't want your help."
Olivia rolled her eyes. "Really? I hadn't noticed," she muttered sarcastically, under her breath.
Natalia winced, hoping that Ava wouldn't hear it. Ava was every bit as drunk as she had seemed when she first came in, and Olivia's comment was not helping.
"Ava, why don't you sit down," Natalia interjected. Before you fall, was probably best left unsaid. If she was anything like her mother, Ava would only be more resistant to doing what was best for her if someone pointed out the hazards of doing the opposite. And Ava was exhibiting some very Olivia like tendencies for someone who hadn't known her mother for the first twenty-something years of her life.
"Don't feel like it," Ava said grumpily, rubbing her shoulder where it had hit the wall, stopping her backwards stumble.
"Oh, stop being like this and sit down, Ava," Olivia snapped, rubbing the bridge of her nose. She couldn't believe they were doing this here and now. She hated that they were bringing this into Natalia's home, polluting it with their anger and the bitter hurts of their past.
"Don't tell me what to do," Ava snapped back. "You don't have the right-"
"Enough." Natalia was surprised by the strength of her own voice. It wasn't loud and she hadn't yelled, but something in it seemed to cut through the room, silencing all of its occupants. Even Olivia was staring at her with surprise. Of course, now that she had silence, she wasn't quite sure what to do with it. It was unnerving the way that both of them were staring at her. "You can't talk to Olivia like that." Her voice was quieter this time, when she spoke, a little bit shaky, but full of determination. "Not in our home." She held up her hand when Ava started to speak again. "I won't allow it."
"She's my mother. You can't tell me how to treat her." She still sounded angry, but confusion had begun to seep into her voice.
The look on her face made Natalia want to reach out and comfort her, but she knew that wasn't an option. It was a gesture that would be immediately and harshly rejected at the moment. "I can," Natalia said firmly, "Because I love your mother. I love her so much that I won't stand by and watch anyone hurt her - even when that person is her own daughter." She hesitated, knowing that what she was about to say was likely to make Ava even more upset, but that it needed to be said all the same. "Especially when I know that the only reason that you're lashing out at her is because you're hurt and scared."
Ava laughed, but it sounded thin and brittle. "You don't know anything about me. You're just some woman who barged into Olivia's life. She stole your husband and you gave her his heart. Who does that?"
"Ava," Olivia's voice cut sharply into her drunken ramble, but she wasn't paying any attention to what Olivia was saying.
"What's wrong with you? You just waltz into her life and then waltz back out again whenever you feel like it. You have no right to say that to me. You probably won't even be here the next time she needs you."
Just for an instant, Natalia froze, stricken into silence by the accusation in Ava's words. She had no intention of leaving Olivia ever again, of running away from them. She had been forced into facing every fear that she been avoiding when she had discovered that she was pregnant with Francesca and it had sent her running out of town. What she had ultimately discovered, however, was that worse than everything she had feared before, worse than Father Ray's disapproval, Frank's betrayed puppy dog looks, and Rafe's belligerent condemnation was the thought of losing Olivia. For a time it had been an all too real possibility and Natalia had vowed to herself that if by some miracle, Olivia did take her back - and she could consider no other option at the time - then she would never again do anything to betray Olivia's trust in her. She would prove everyday just how much she loved Olivia and that with her was where she wanted to be.
"You're wrong." Olivia's words broke the sudden silence in the room and brought both women's attention back to her immediately. It was Olivia's turn to step forward, moving to Natalia's side and wrapping an arm around her waist. "We have a family and a home here and she isn't going anywhere."
Natalia hardly noticed the tears that slipped down her cheeks. She knew Olivia had forgiven her. It hadn't been as easy as her instant decision - under pleasant duress - to move back in; it had taken time for Natalia to re-earn her trust, but it had happened. It still amazed her, however, to hear the certainty in Olivia's voice after everything she had done. She was a very lucky woman.
"And we want you to be a part of that, Baby," Olivia said, softening her voice and stepping close enough to Ava to reach out and touch her cheek. "I want you here, Ava. I want to be a part of your life; I want to be there for you when you need me, and to protect you from everything that could hurt you. That's all. I love you."
Ava's face crumpled, all of the anger draining out of her in an instant, replaced by tears that streamed down her face. "Mom?" She sounded so broken and hesitant. It tugged at Natalia's heart as she recognized the pain and request for forgiveness and acceptance implicit in that single word.
"It's okay," Olivia reassured her, letting go of Natalia to hold Ava, who fell dissolved in her arms.
"I'm sorry," Ava whispered. "I didn't mean-"
"I know," Olivia said calmly. "I know you didn't mean it."
*** *** ***
It had taken several minutes to get Ava calmed down enough to stop crying now she sat awkwardly on the edge of the couch, a blanket around her shoulders and holding the mug of tea that Natalia had made for her. She was staring at it more than she drank from it, but when Natalia had offered to take it back, Ava had shook her head.
"I'm going to take her upstairs and get her settled," Olivia said quietly, as she came up from behind Natalia as she stood in the walkway from the kitchen, watching over Ava. "She's still pretty upset, but she's calmer now." She let out a sigh that only Natalia could hear and briefly laid her head on Natalia's shoulder. "We'll deal with everything else in the morning." Olivia raised her head and started to step past her, but Natalia caught her hand before she could go any farther.
"Are you okay?"
Olivia shrugged, not quite meeting Natalia's eyes. "As okay, as I can be. I hate seeing her like this."
"It's not your fault," Natalia spoke the words, knowing the fear that Olivia would never vocalize.
But Olivia only shook her head, denying Natalia's words.
"Olivia-" Natalia began, only to be cut off as Olivia gently placed a finger over her lips.
"You were amazing, you know that?" Olivia said reverently. "I have never had anyone stand up for me like you did tonight. Thank you."
There were some things, Natalia knew, where Olivia was concerned that pushing simply didn't work and this was one of them. They had already faced so many demons today; this one could wait for another day. She would simply make sure that day did come.
"I love you," Natalia said. "I couldn't do anything else."
"You could have," Olivia corrected her, "But you didn't."
The adoration in her gaze was almost enough to make Natalia weak in the knees. She kissed her instead, a brief, tender brush of her lips against Olivia's. "Go take care of your daughter," she whispered. "I'll be waiting when you're done to take care of you."
She watched as Olivia walked toward her daughter and gently removed the mug from her hand, setting it down on the coffee table with an apologetic glance behind her at Natalia, and reaching back to take Ava's hand, pulling her to her feet.
"C'mon, let's get you to bed." This time Ava didn't push her away and allowed her to steady her as they started up the stairs. She stumbled once and they fell against the rail before Olivia could steady them. "Easy there," Olivia chided, wrapping her arm around Ava's waist and making sure she had her own balance before she righted Ava and got them started back up the stairs once again. Thankfully Ava was staying in her old room just past the top of the stairs so they didn't have very much farther to go.
Once they were in the room, she got Ava seated on the bed. It was only then that she realized Ava had never brought her bags up before she and Emma had gone to the park earlier in the day.
"I'm going to get you something to change into for tonight." What Olivia saw when she really stopped and looked at Ava worried her. She hadn't spoken since they'd come upstairs and she looked distant and withdrawn. Not surprising given the events of the day, but this wasn't the homecoming that Olivia had wanted for them. She had wanted to draw Ava in and give her the family that she - and Olivia - had never had when they were growing up. She resisted the urge to sigh, not wanting Ava to take it the wrong way. She sat down beside Ava on the bed, close enough that their arms brushed. "You'll be okay here for a minute?"
Ava nodded, but didn't speak.
"Okay," Olivia said, giving up on a response for a moment, as she rose. "Be right back." It didn't take her long to get an old t-shirt and pair of sleep shorts from her bedroom as well as a few other things. She had ended the evening this way many times in her life and she was well aware of the things Ava would need the next morning, water and tylenol being the first among them.
When she re-entered the room, however, Ava was no longer sitting on the bed, but curled up on her side, almost folded up into the fetal position with her hands tucked under her chin. Olivia sat down on the edge of the bed beside her and touched her arm gently. "Hey. You want to get changed?"
Her only response was a slight shake of her head; her eyes didn't even open. Everything must have finally caught up with her, Olivia decided as she set down the half-full glass of water and the tylenol in her hand down on the bedside table.
"Okay," Olivia said softly. "Get some sleep then. We'll talk in the morning." She brushed a lock of hair back from Ava's face and gently placed a kiss on her forehead, just the way she tucked Emma in every night. "Sweet dreams, Baby," she whispered as she stood and caught the edge of the light blanket at the end of the bed to pull it up over Ava.
Ava reached out groggily from underneath the blanket, her eyes still closed as she managed to catch a hold of Olivia's wrist. "Stay." The single word surprised Olivia, bringing tears to her eyes at its unexpectedness. With effort, Ava forced her eyes open until she could look at Olivia. "Just until I fall asleep. Please." The request was asked so softly that even standing right next to her Olivia had to strain to hear it, and Ava couldn't hold her gaze as she made it, her eyes flicking down to where she held on to Olivia.
"Okay," Olivia said simply. "Scoot over," she commanded her daughter playfully, before she slid her heels off and sat down, leaning against the headboard. She waited until Ava was resettled to flick off the bedside lamp, plunging the room into darkness. They sat in silence for several long moments, Ava's breathing growing steadily deeper as she drifted toward sleep, Olivia's fingers creating a soothing rhythm as she stroked her hair.
"I love you, Ava," she whispered into the silence, not quite able to make out Ava's features in the darkened room, but looking down at where she knew she lay nonetheless. "Don't ever doubt that."
Fandom: Guiding Light
Characters: Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, Ava Peralta, Emma Spencer, Jeffrey O'neil
Category: Angst, but the good kind. Romance, Drama.
Rating: R...I'm gonna say because there are some disturbing themes explored in here and some violence, although I don't think either is described in graphic detail.
Word count: 4,191
Summary: Life goes on. Sometimes it throws you a curveball and you never know what's coming your way on any given day.
Spoilers: Takes place around Thanksgiving '10, and includes the events of the finale.
Author's Note: This fic is solely for
kelltwomyn. I was bemoaning the fact that I wasn't going to be able to afford a Venice subscription and she swooped in and got when for me when I said I'd be willing to offer fic in exchange. I hope this fic is both somewhat what you were hoping for and also worth your ten bucks and the wait. I really have enjoyed Venice so far. Thank you. :) Beta: Many thanks to
q_wordy13 for beta'ing this for me! Your insights, comments, suggestions and encouragement have all been very much appreciated! :D Disclaimer: All characters (Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, Emma Spencer, Ava Peralta, blah blah etc.) and situations belong to Guiding Light, Telenext, Proctor & Gamble, etc. I'm not them.
Warning: This story eventually deals with Olivia's rape. I don't think it's discussed graphically, but I don't want anyone to stumble upon it unaware either.
Part One || Part Two || Part Three
Part Four
The distinctive click of high heels on concrete caught Natalia's attention a moment before she heard someone fumbling with the door handle. Her eyes widened and she glanced over at Olivia sharply. They had decided to lock the farmhouse up tight that evening and to make it a habit for evenings to come. Edmund might be dead and the apparent, immediate threat gone, but both she and Olivia would feel much better knowing that they weren't taking any chances with the safety of their daughters.
Olivia shook her head - they weren't expecting anyone - but didn't move. Emma was sprawled across her lap, where she had fallen asleep wedged tightly in between them on the couch, halfway through the movie. Both of them had probably spent more time watching her sleep than watching the movie, and Olivia's hand had stroked soothingly through Emma's hair in one continuous motion, reassuring herself that Emma was really there and that she was all right.
Natalia was just rising to go to the door when there was a loud impatient knock. It startled Emma out of the light doze that she had fallen into and she jerked up out of her mother's lap. Olivia's arms surrounded her immediately, pulling Emma back into her chest and whispering soothing words to her. A certain tightness in her jaw was the only indication of how it pained her to see her daughter so frightened and jumpy. She wanted her irrepressible, fearless Jellybean back.
"It's just someone at the door, Emma," Natalia explained as she rose, exchanging a quick, slightly worried glance with Olivia as she did. She caught the tension in Olivia's eyes immediately: they were stormy and full of turmoil. Olivia was torn between her need to stay by Emma and comfort their daughter and her desire to be the one to open that door. Once again, she was trying to protect Natalia and keep her away from any possible harm. That wasn't how it worked anymore, however. They were a team, partners in the truest since of the word, and whether Olivia liked it or not, that was the way it was now. They protected one another, fought with and for the other and loved each other. That was how it worked.
Taking strength from what she saw in Olivia's eyes, Natalia crossed the room, striding toward the door with determination and not anxiety. There was every chance that this was nothing more threatening than Frank dropping by without remembering to call first. Irritating, but hardly more than that. After all, it had happened numerous times before and would surely happen numerous more times, and yet they were all still here.
"Ava?" Natalia could honestly say that the young woman standing before her was the last person that she had expected to see. It was true that she had only met Ava briefly before this visit, but despite that the impression that Natalia had gathered of her was of a woman very like her mother, despite the years that they had spent apart. Today had done nothing to change that impression, so Ava's appearance was nothing short of a complete surprise. She had expected absence and cold silence and then, with Ava's return sharp words and angry lashing out. What she had not expected was for Ava to return so soon, no longer nursing a wounded heart.
"Just thought I'd drop by," Ava spoke a little too loudly, and Natalia winced.
She glanced instinctively at the baby monitor sitting on the end table nearest Olivia. It wasn't as if she could see Francesca restlessly stirring through the monitor. Despite Olivia's insistence on everything being state of the art and the newest, latest and best, Natalia had drawn the line at a video monitoring system in the nursery. It felt intrusive, less like a home and more like an institution, and she didn't want anything like that for their little girl. Through her worry for Francesca, however, Natalia didn't miss the subtle way that Olivia shifted Emma to the side, so that she was free to move.
"I wanted to come see my big, happy family." It was impossible to miss the sarcasm in her voice this time or the way her words were just slightly beginning to slur. "Is that a problem? Maybe I wasn't invited." Her words stung, as they had been intended too.
"Of course it isn't a problem," Natalia said, automatically making her voice soothing. "We just weren't expecting you. Come on in." The polite thing, of course, would be to ask after Jeffrey next, yet Natalia couldn't bring herself to do it, the words sticking in her throat.
"Oh, thanks." Unfortunately her tone didn't match her words.
Olivia rose off the couch, her expression shifting as she did, knowing and a little bit arrogant, just enough to drive whoever the look was directed at completely mad. Of course when Olivia looked at Natalia that way it drove her crazy too, but in an entirely different way. The fact that Olivia was looking at Ava like that, however, was not a good sign. Usually it was reserved for incompetent underlings or someone who had managed to insult someone that Olivia cared about.
"We were just finishing a movie," Natalia continued, as if she hadn't caught Ava's deliberately provocative tone. Battles with Olivia before and even after they had become friends had left Natalia with a strong sense of irritation at being mocked. Not that the irritation hadn't been there before, but before she hadn't wanted to fight back. Now she curbed that impulse, not because she feared being impolite, but for Olivia's sake. She didn't need to make this moment any worse than it was already shaping up to be.
"Someone fell asleep before the first half was over," Olivia said with a fond glance back over her shoulder at Emma. "She's had a long day." Her focus shifted back to Natalia and she seemed to silently plead for understanding. "Would you mind taking her up to bed? It's still early, but I think she's had it."
Natalia smiled genuinely for the first time since Ava had entered. "I'd love to." She stopped in front of Olivia and brushed her cheek with a kiss, a reminder that she was loved and that Natalia would always be there for her, in whatever way she needed her. For Olivia's ears only, she whispered, "I'll be back down whenever I finish reading her a story."
Olivia's head dipped into the crook of her neck for a moment, her hair hiding her expression for Ava. "I love you." The equally quiet words were both affirmation and thanks.
Natalia resisted the urge to kiss her again and slipped past her to kneel down in front of Emma. "Time for bed, little one," she said, letting her voice fill with all the fondness that she felt for her.
Groggily, Emma held her arms out, slipping them around Natalia's neck and scooting forward until her legs were around Natalia's waist and she clung to her like a limpet. She laid her head on Natalia's shoulder and almost immediately her breathing began to resume its previous deep, even cadence. Maybe that story wouldn't be necessary after all, Natalia thought to herself, as she hefted Emma's weight a little bit closer to her and rose.
Emma was getting a little bit big to be carried, but today was an exception for obvious reasons. Natalia balanced carefully on the way up the stairs and let out a sigh of relief when she got to the top, not so worried about falling, but more concerned about bumping into the wall and waking Emma. Usually she loved being a part of all the girl's night time rituals, but tonight she was anxious to get back downstairs to Olivia and Ava.
Natalia held her breath as she carefully pulled back the covers and lowered Emma to her mattress. It was only years of a mother's practice that allowed her to pull off the complicated maneuver without jarring Emma. She didn't exhale until after she had disentangled Emma's arms from around her neck and tucked the covers in around her. Placing one final kiss on Emma's forehead, Natalia finally began to ease out of the room, pausing at the door way to leave it cracked open. Usually she wouldn't worry, but tonight she wanted to be able to hear if Emma was having nightmares or called out for them.
With a quick glance at the stairs, Natalia changed direction and looked into the nursery. Francesca looked as content as the little angel that she was - when she was sleeping - her breathing just as deep and even as Emma's had been moments before. Satisfied now that both of her girls were sleeping peacefully and easy, Natalia could dive back into the fray. She hadn't been eager to leave Olivia alone, despite her obvious silent request to remove Emma from the situation before anything happened that they would all regret the next morning.
She had complied because she knew it was the best thing to do, but she had hated leaving Olivia alone to face Ava. She knew that there were still things that they couldn't face together. Some things, especially with their grown children, had to be handled differently, but knowing what she knew now about Olivia's past she wasn't about to stand by and let Ava hurt her without any regard for Olivia. She wouldn't let that happen; not in their own home, not in the one place above all others that was supposed to be safe and theirs.
Natalia hesitated at the top of the stairs, bending forward to eavesdrop on the conversation unfolding downstairs. From the way that things had been going when she had left the room, it wasn't going to be a pleasant or quiet discussion, but there was always a chance that things had changed and settled in her absence. If Olivia and Ava were finally having the long-overdue conversation that they needed to be having, Natalia didn't want to get in the way.
"I didn't expect to see you tonight." Olivia said carefully, testing the water before diving in. Years before - before Natalia - she would have dived back in headfirst without consideration for any of the jagged rocks that might be hiding just beneath the surface, launching into the argument before Ava could get there first. She had been a take-no-prisoners kind of woman. In many ways she still was. Now she could admit how much it hurt to argue with Ava like this; she wanted something different than this endless battle between them, often deferred for another day when things were better, but still simmering below the surface waiting for a moment like this.
"If you don't want me here, then just say it. Jeffery did."
Olivia winced. "I'm sorry." What the hell had Jeffrey been thinking? Clearly he wasn't, or at least not about Ava. The anger at him that had barely subsided all day roared back to life. The one thing they could always - had always - agreed on was Ava and her importance in both of their lives. She had forgiven him for Ava and for herself, because Ava needed him to be a father, and now he had hurt her.
"Are you?" Ava asked bitterly. "Shouldn't you be happy that he doesn't want me? I'm finally free of his evil influences, right, Mom?" Ava was baiting her, spoiling for a fight.
"Ava, I am angry with your father, but not for the reasons that you think. I'm angry that he endangered you and Emma; I'm angry that he hurt you. Those are the only reasons."
Even from her perch on the stairs, Natalia could hear the way the tightness in Olivia's voice as she struggled to keep it even and calm. That was enough for her. Taking a deep breath, Natalia made her way down the rest of the stairs and crossed the living room to stand beside Olivia. She couldn't resist touching Olivia, reaching out to place a hand at her back. She needed the connection; she had a feeling they both did.
Ava looked startled at the reminder of her presence, actually stumbling slightly backwards on her unsteady feet. Olivia reached out instinctively and caught her elbow, steadying her, but Ava jerked out of her grasp, sending her stumbling even further backwards.
"Don't touch me," Ava said belligerently.
"I was trying to help you," Olivia countered, her irritation plain in her voice.
"I don't want your help."
Olivia rolled her eyes. "Really? I hadn't noticed," she muttered sarcastically, under her breath.
Natalia winced, hoping that Ava wouldn't hear it. Ava was every bit as drunk as she had seemed when she first came in, and Olivia's comment was not helping.
"Ava, why don't you sit down," Natalia interjected. Before you fall, was probably best left unsaid. If she was anything like her mother, Ava would only be more resistant to doing what was best for her if someone pointed out the hazards of doing the opposite. And Ava was exhibiting some very Olivia like tendencies for someone who hadn't known her mother for the first twenty-something years of her life.
"Don't feel like it," Ava said grumpily, rubbing her shoulder where it had hit the wall, stopping her backwards stumble.
"Oh, stop being like this and sit down, Ava," Olivia snapped, rubbing the bridge of her nose. She couldn't believe they were doing this here and now. She hated that they were bringing this into Natalia's home, polluting it with their anger and the bitter hurts of their past.
"Don't tell me what to do," Ava snapped back. "You don't have the right-"
"Enough." Natalia was surprised by the strength of her own voice. It wasn't loud and she hadn't yelled, but something in it seemed to cut through the room, silencing all of its occupants. Even Olivia was staring at her with surprise. Of course, now that she had silence, she wasn't quite sure what to do with it. It was unnerving the way that both of them were staring at her. "You can't talk to Olivia like that." Her voice was quieter this time, when she spoke, a little bit shaky, but full of determination. "Not in our home." She held up her hand when Ava started to speak again. "I won't allow it."
"She's my mother. You can't tell me how to treat her." She still sounded angry, but confusion had begun to seep into her voice.
The look on her face made Natalia want to reach out and comfort her, but she knew that wasn't an option. It was a gesture that would be immediately and harshly rejected at the moment. "I can," Natalia said firmly, "Because I love your mother. I love her so much that I won't stand by and watch anyone hurt her - even when that person is her own daughter." She hesitated, knowing that what she was about to say was likely to make Ava even more upset, but that it needed to be said all the same. "Especially when I know that the only reason that you're lashing out at her is because you're hurt and scared."
Ava laughed, but it sounded thin and brittle. "You don't know anything about me. You're just some woman who barged into Olivia's life. She stole your husband and you gave her his heart. Who does that?"
"Ava," Olivia's voice cut sharply into her drunken ramble, but she wasn't paying any attention to what Olivia was saying.
"What's wrong with you? You just waltz into her life and then waltz back out again whenever you feel like it. You have no right to say that to me. You probably won't even be here the next time she needs you."
Just for an instant, Natalia froze, stricken into silence by the accusation in Ava's words. She had no intention of leaving Olivia ever again, of running away from them. She had been forced into facing every fear that she been avoiding when she had discovered that she was pregnant with Francesca and it had sent her running out of town. What she had ultimately discovered, however, was that worse than everything she had feared before, worse than Father Ray's disapproval, Frank's betrayed puppy dog looks, and Rafe's belligerent condemnation was the thought of losing Olivia. For a time it had been an all too real possibility and Natalia had vowed to herself that if by some miracle, Olivia did take her back - and she could consider no other option at the time - then she would never again do anything to betray Olivia's trust in her. She would prove everyday just how much she loved Olivia and that with her was where she wanted to be.
"You're wrong." Olivia's words broke the sudden silence in the room and brought both women's attention back to her immediately. It was Olivia's turn to step forward, moving to Natalia's side and wrapping an arm around her waist. "We have a family and a home here and she isn't going anywhere."
Natalia hardly noticed the tears that slipped down her cheeks. She knew Olivia had forgiven her. It hadn't been as easy as her instant decision - under pleasant duress - to move back in; it had taken time for Natalia to re-earn her trust, but it had happened. It still amazed her, however, to hear the certainty in Olivia's voice after everything she had done. She was a very lucky woman.
"And we want you to be a part of that, Baby," Olivia said, softening her voice and stepping close enough to Ava to reach out and touch her cheek. "I want you here, Ava. I want to be a part of your life; I want to be there for you when you need me, and to protect you from everything that could hurt you. That's all. I love you."
Ava's face crumpled, all of the anger draining out of her in an instant, replaced by tears that streamed down her face. "Mom?" She sounded so broken and hesitant. It tugged at Natalia's heart as she recognized the pain and request for forgiveness and acceptance implicit in that single word.
"It's okay," Olivia reassured her, letting go of Natalia to hold Ava, who fell dissolved in her arms.
"I'm sorry," Ava whispered. "I didn't mean-"
"I know," Olivia said calmly. "I know you didn't mean it."
*** *** ***
It had taken several minutes to get Ava calmed down enough to stop crying now she sat awkwardly on the edge of the couch, a blanket around her shoulders and holding the mug of tea that Natalia had made for her. She was staring at it more than she drank from it, but when Natalia had offered to take it back, Ava had shook her head.
"I'm going to take her upstairs and get her settled," Olivia said quietly, as she came up from behind Natalia as she stood in the walkway from the kitchen, watching over Ava. "She's still pretty upset, but she's calmer now." She let out a sigh that only Natalia could hear and briefly laid her head on Natalia's shoulder. "We'll deal with everything else in the morning." Olivia raised her head and started to step past her, but Natalia caught her hand before she could go any farther.
"Are you okay?"
Olivia shrugged, not quite meeting Natalia's eyes. "As okay, as I can be. I hate seeing her like this."
"It's not your fault," Natalia spoke the words, knowing the fear that Olivia would never vocalize.
But Olivia only shook her head, denying Natalia's words.
"Olivia-" Natalia began, only to be cut off as Olivia gently placed a finger over her lips.
"You were amazing, you know that?" Olivia said reverently. "I have never had anyone stand up for me like you did tonight. Thank you."
There were some things, Natalia knew, where Olivia was concerned that pushing simply didn't work and this was one of them. They had already faced so many demons today; this one could wait for another day. She would simply make sure that day did come.
"I love you," Natalia said. "I couldn't do anything else."
"You could have," Olivia corrected her, "But you didn't."
The adoration in her gaze was almost enough to make Natalia weak in the knees. She kissed her instead, a brief, tender brush of her lips against Olivia's. "Go take care of your daughter," she whispered. "I'll be waiting when you're done to take care of you."
She watched as Olivia walked toward her daughter and gently removed the mug from her hand, setting it down on the coffee table with an apologetic glance behind her at Natalia, and reaching back to take Ava's hand, pulling her to her feet.
"C'mon, let's get you to bed." This time Ava didn't push her away and allowed her to steady her as they started up the stairs. She stumbled once and they fell against the rail before Olivia could steady them. "Easy there," Olivia chided, wrapping her arm around Ava's waist and making sure she had her own balance before she righted Ava and got them started back up the stairs once again. Thankfully Ava was staying in her old room just past the top of the stairs so they didn't have very much farther to go.
Once they were in the room, she got Ava seated on the bed. It was only then that she realized Ava had never brought her bags up before she and Emma had gone to the park earlier in the day.
"I'm going to get you something to change into for tonight." What Olivia saw when she really stopped and looked at Ava worried her. She hadn't spoken since they'd come upstairs and she looked distant and withdrawn. Not surprising given the events of the day, but this wasn't the homecoming that Olivia had wanted for them. She had wanted to draw Ava in and give her the family that she - and Olivia - had never had when they were growing up. She resisted the urge to sigh, not wanting Ava to take it the wrong way. She sat down beside Ava on the bed, close enough that their arms brushed. "You'll be okay here for a minute?"
Ava nodded, but didn't speak.
"Okay," Olivia said, giving up on a response for a moment, as she rose. "Be right back." It didn't take her long to get an old t-shirt and pair of sleep shorts from her bedroom as well as a few other things. She had ended the evening this way many times in her life and she was well aware of the things Ava would need the next morning, water and tylenol being the first among them.
When she re-entered the room, however, Ava was no longer sitting on the bed, but curled up on her side, almost folded up into the fetal position with her hands tucked under her chin. Olivia sat down on the edge of the bed beside her and touched her arm gently. "Hey. You want to get changed?"
Her only response was a slight shake of her head; her eyes didn't even open. Everything must have finally caught up with her, Olivia decided as she set down the half-full glass of water and the tylenol in her hand down on the bedside table.
"Okay," Olivia said softly. "Get some sleep then. We'll talk in the morning." She brushed a lock of hair back from Ava's face and gently placed a kiss on her forehead, just the way she tucked Emma in every night. "Sweet dreams, Baby," she whispered as she stood and caught the edge of the light blanket at the end of the bed to pull it up over Ava.
Ava reached out groggily from underneath the blanket, her eyes still closed as she managed to catch a hold of Olivia's wrist. "Stay." The single word surprised Olivia, bringing tears to her eyes at its unexpectedness. With effort, Ava forced her eyes open until she could look at Olivia. "Just until I fall asleep. Please." The request was asked so softly that even standing right next to her Olivia had to strain to hear it, and Ava couldn't hold her gaze as she made it, her eyes flicking down to where she held on to Olivia.
"Okay," Olivia said simply. "Scoot over," she commanded her daughter playfully, before she slid her heels off and sat down, leaning against the headboard. She waited until Ava was resettled to flick off the bedside lamp, plunging the room into darkness. They sat in silence for several long moments, Ava's breathing growing steadily deeper as she drifted toward sleep, Olivia's fingers creating a soothing rhythm as she stroked her hair.
"I love you, Ava," she whispered into the silence, not quite able to make out Ava's features in the darkened room, but looking down at where she knew she lay nonetheless. "Don't ever doubt that."
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