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As a fandom, Guiding Light is very different for me than the other fandoms that I've been involved in.
For one thing, it's a fandom that has a canon pairing. That's a first for me. All the other fandoms that I've participated in that involve femslash is reliant solely on subtext that is so microscopic as to be invisible. You can make a case for a pairing, but there is no evidence to back it up, nothing that you can point out to a skeptic and say "these women are a couple. I'm not crazy."
And then there's the fandom. This fandom is special. I've heard people say it before about other groups of fans and I've said it myself. There are amazing people in fandom, but I think this group really is special. They are articulate. Passionate, but not disturbing (and I know disturbing). They understand that entertainment is a business and they approach their goals in that manner. They are respectful and positive, but open to debate and differing points of view. For the longest time, they were optimistic.
This is the first soap opera I've ever watched, so I don't know if this is a soap thing. From what I've heard, it's not. But the access that particularly Crystal Chappell and Jessica Leccia have given their fans is amazing. Their openness, their dedication to the storyline. They've gone so far beyond the dictates of their job and even beyond the efforts of many of the dedicated and out-reaching actors/creators that I've seen in other fandom places that it's honestly just unbelievable.
I had no intention of getting into Guiding Light when it first exploded into constant femslash visibility. It couldn't be ignored. It was everywhere. Usually I'll admit this produces a knee-jerk reaction in me to avoid something with as much determination as the people who are trying to sell it to me are using in presenting it. But one day, out of boredom, I watched a clip. What I saw was definitely a soap opera. I rolled my eyes at the heart transplant, at the woman falling in love with the wife of the woman who's heart was keeping her alive. It was cheesy and kind of unbelievable frankly, but what killed me was what came after that. The painful emotional confession, the true selflessness of her love for Natalia (okay, for the most part), and the tentative steps back toward one another. That's what got me hooked.
After seeing that clip, I wanted more. I had to see where these women went. I've been involved in a lot of fandoms, and I've seen the characters and plots that I've rooted for and been interested in on my favorite tv shows and books get screwed over more times than I can count, and I'm not just talking about femslash here. This is fans and fandom in general. Most of the time, I'm first in line to lead the cynic parade. If there's a way to screw something up or screw over the fans, well, I'm the first to believe that's gonna happen. I used to be a part of group of fans who considered the writers on a particular show a group of 'crack smoking monkeys'. Okay, that's not a compliment. It really was that bad.
But this time, with this fandom, I made a conscious decision to ditch the cynicism. I was going to go in with a positive attitude and embrace optimism. If the show made a mistake, I could admit that fair enough. Optimism isn't being blind to faults. It's hoping for the best, despite the faults. But what I didn't want is to get so caught up in what the show was doing wrong, that I lost sight of and the enjoyment in, what they happened to be doing right.
Slowly, with the cancellation of Guiding Light rapidly approaching, and the announcement of the pregnancy storyline, Guiding Light fans and especially Otalia fans have been losing their faith and optimism in the writing and creative staff of Guiding Light. Or really who the hell ever is making these decisions. We've heard all of the excuses. CBS, Proctor and Gamble, the Standards and Practices folks, Ellen Wheeler, even Jill Lorie Hurst. I don't know, but it's kind of not the point. Does it really matter to me who's making these decisions, as long as I have to view the consequences? Not really. Not to me at least.
Many people hated the pregnancy storyline. I wasn't particularly one of them. I hated the leaving-without-so-much-as-a-note-or-smoke-signal storyline more than that. It's been long rumored that Otalia fans won't even get so much as a kiss. It's a possibility, and a very, very good one at this point that rumor is true, but until today I've been holding out hope that it will actually happen. I'm not sure why. I think I took that clinging to optimism thing pretty seriously, because I really do have a special place in my heart for this fandom and I think a lot of it does have to do with how I approached it.
Do I think a kiss will happen? At this point...who the hell knows? I can think of several people who do know for sure, but they aren't saying definitively. Is it looking pretty damn gloomy? Yep. Yep, it really is. Do I think a kiss will happen? Not really. Am I going to keep hoping to the very end? I am actually. Until the final shot of the final scene of the final show, I'm going to keep holding out. Maybe just because I'm a determined stubborn little shit.
Then...then I'll be dissapointed (possibly crushed), but until it ends I'm going to hold out. I'm going to cling to the last shreds of my newly found optimism and enjoy the rest of the show (and the fans, and the fan fiction) for as long as it lasts. Of course after that I'm sure I'll return to my default cynical bitch - probably worse than ever before, but for now, that's just how I want to finish enjoying the rest of this show that has given me so much enjoyment thus far.
For one thing, it's a fandom that has a canon pairing. That's a first for me. All the other fandoms that I've participated in that involve femslash is reliant solely on subtext that is so microscopic as to be invisible. You can make a case for a pairing, but there is no evidence to back it up, nothing that you can point out to a skeptic and say "these women are a couple. I'm not crazy."
And then there's the fandom. This fandom is special. I've heard people say it before about other groups of fans and I've said it myself. There are amazing people in fandom, but I think this group really is special. They are articulate. Passionate, but not disturbing (and I know disturbing). They understand that entertainment is a business and they approach their goals in that manner. They are respectful and positive, but open to debate and differing points of view. For the longest time, they were optimistic.
This is the first soap opera I've ever watched, so I don't know if this is a soap thing. From what I've heard, it's not. But the access that particularly Crystal Chappell and Jessica Leccia have given their fans is amazing. Their openness, their dedication to the storyline. They've gone so far beyond the dictates of their job and even beyond the efforts of many of the dedicated and out-reaching actors/creators that I've seen in other fandom places that it's honestly just unbelievable.
I had no intention of getting into Guiding Light when it first exploded into constant femslash visibility. It couldn't be ignored. It was everywhere. Usually I'll admit this produces a knee-jerk reaction in me to avoid something with as much determination as the people who are trying to sell it to me are using in presenting it. But one day, out of boredom, I watched a clip. What I saw was definitely a soap opera. I rolled my eyes at the heart transplant, at the woman falling in love with the wife of the woman who's heart was keeping her alive. It was cheesy and kind of unbelievable frankly, but what killed me was what came after that. The painful emotional confession, the true selflessness of her love for Natalia (okay, for the most part), and the tentative steps back toward one another. That's what got me hooked.
After seeing that clip, I wanted more. I had to see where these women went. I've been involved in a lot of fandoms, and I've seen the characters and plots that I've rooted for and been interested in on my favorite tv shows and books get screwed over more times than I can count, and I'm not just talking about femslash here. This is fans and fandom in general. Most of the time, I'm first in line to lead the cynic parade. If there's a way to screw something up or screw over the fans, well, I'm the first to believe that's gonna happen. I used to be a part of group of fans who considered the writers on a particular show a group of 'crack smoking monkeys'. Okay, that's not a compliment. It really was that bad.
But this time, with this fandom, I made a conscious decision to ditch the cynicism. I was going to go in with a positive attitude and embrace optimism. If the show made a mistake, I could admit that fair enough. Optimism isn't being blind to faults. It's hoping for the best, despite the faults. But what I didn't want is to get so caught up in what the show was doing wrong, that I lost sight of and the enjoyment in, what they happened to be doing right.
Slowly, with the cancellation of Guiding Light rapidly approaching, and the announcement of the pregnancy storyline, Guiding Light fans and especially Otalia fans have been losing their faith and optimism in the writing and creative staff of Guiding Light. Or really who the hell ever is making these decisions. We've heard all of the excuses. CBS, Proctor and Gamble, the Standards and Practices folks, Ellen Wheeler, even Jill Lorie Hurst. I don't know, but it's kind of not the point. Does it really matter to me who's making these decisions, as long as I have to view the consequences? Not really. Not to me at least.
Many people hated the pregnancy storyline. I wasn't particularly one of them. I hated the leaving-without-so-much-as-a-note-or-smoke-signal storyline more than that. It's been long rumored that Otalia fans won't even get so much as a kiss. It's a possibility, and a very, very good one at this point that rumor is true, but until today I've been holding out hope that it will actually happen. I'm not sure why. I think I took that clinging to optimism thing pretty seriously, because I really do have a special place in my heart for this fandom and I think a lot of it does have to do with how I approached it.
Do I think a kiss will happen? At this point...who the hell knows? I can think of several people who do know for sure, but they aren't saying definitively. Is it looking pretty damn gloomy? Yep. Yep, it really is. Do I think a kiss will happen? Not really. Am I going to keep hoping to the very end? I am actually. Until the final shot of the final scene of the final show, I'm going to keep holding out. Maybe just because I'm a determined stubborn little shit.
Then...then I'll be dissapointed (possibly crushed), but until it ends I'm going to hold out. I'm going to cling to the last shreds of my newly found optimism and enjoy the rest of the show (and the fans, and the fan fiction) for as long as it lasts. Of course after that I'm sure I'll return to my default cynical bitch - probably worse than ever before, but for now, that's just how I want to finish enjoying the rest of this show that has given me so much enjoyment thus far.