I'm seriously impressed. The story was so cohesive and flowed effortlessy, while still being quite complex and carrying the plot forward. Very well done. I can't resist nit-picking though (sorry :p). I think with "The limp relaxation of sleep was hard to fake when you were boiling with anger." you broke the 3rd wall. The "you" should've been "I" IMO. Also of the characterization of Jenks: he's a warrior and a man. He's not cute. He doesn't blush. But what do I know, that's just how I would like to see Jenks, my personal opinion. I think even Kim makes him too cute and that really devalues the character IMHO. And those small things (that were purely my subjective observations) don't really matter in the overall picture when the whole part was so great. I can't wait for the plot to unfold. :)
no subject
Date: 2008-11-20 08:56 am (UTC)