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[Guiding Light Fic] July 5th - Otalia (12/14)
Title: July 5th
Fandom: Guiding Light
Characters: Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, Emma Spencer, Rafe Rivera, Blake Marler, Frank Cooper
Category: Angst, Romance, Drama
Rating: NC-17 eventually, with mostly PG-13 stuff for now.
Word count: 36,471 (total)
Summary: It's the fifth of July. What will Natalia do?
Spoilers/Timeline Spoilers for everything through July 9th. Goes off canon after that.
Disclaimer: All characters (Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, blah blah etc.) and situations belong to Guiding Light, Telenext, Proctor & Gamble, etc. I'm not them.
Author's Note: There's lesbian touching in this part. You've been warned.
Beta: Many thanks to aimlessla for looking over this massive thing for me, pointing out plot holes and my constant comma issues.
Part One || Part Two || Part Three || Part Four || Part Five || Part Six || Part Seven || Part Eight || Part Nine || Part Ten || Part Eleven
Part Twelve
“Hey, Frank,” Blake said, giving him a gentle pat on the shoulder as she walked by.
“Hey, Blakie,” Frank said excitedly.
“You sound happy,” Blake noted, glancing over her shoulder at him as she grabbed her apron, getting ready for her shift. “What’s up?”
“I just got off the phone with Natalia.”
Blake stopped and looked up. “Yeah?”
Frank nodded. “I’m really excited, Blake.”
Blake hesitated. So Natalia had told him then? It didn’t seem like the kind of news to be delivered over the phone but to each her own. If it worked for Natalia then that was great. Blake smiled, bright and warm, relieved and happy for both of her friends. “That’s really great, Frankie. I’m so happy for you.” She stood up to enfold him in a hug. “For both of you,” she emphasized as she squeezed him tight.
“She said something to you, Blake?” Frank said hopefully, hugging her back more out of habit than anything. He was still a little bit confused.
“Of course! She told me the whole thing. I was the one who helped her get out of town over the holiday.”
“Out of town?” So that was where she had gone, Frank mused. Strange that she had taken a trip without telling Olivia, unless there was a reason she hadn’t told Olivia.
“Well, you know, it’s a lot to take in all at once. It’s a big change, especially when you’re not expecting it!” Blake snorted ruefully, patting his shoulder. “I should know.” She shook her head. “At least Natalia won’t be dealing with twins. Well,” she amended. “As far as I know.”
“Twins?” Frank blurted, now thoroughly confused. “What are you talking about, Blake?”
A sudden, horrible thought hit Blake. Could she have...but, no. Surely Natalia had already told him. He seemed so happy.
“I...nothing.” Her eyes narrowed. “What are you talking about, Frank?”
“Natalia called. I told you that! She said she wanted to meet me somewhere, at the park or some place private. To, you know, talk. Not about Rafe.” His expression was pleading for Blake to understand and she still wasn’t.
“Okay,” Blake drawled the word out, clearly searching for more explanation.
If it was possible Frank looked even more excited. “She said something to you, didn’t she, Blakie?”
“I-,” Blake paused, searching for a way not to lie. She wished she had just kept her mouth shut. She had thought she’d already learned her lesson about that, but apparently not. “Yes.”
“So, what do you think?” Frank asked, sounding like a kid on Christmas morning. “Do you think I still have a shot? Me and Natalia?”
Oh, Frank. Blake wished more intently than she ever had before that she had just kept her mouth shut. Or never come into work that day. That could work too.
*** *** ***
Olivia rapped her knuckles against the doorframe. It was little more than a formality because she didn’t even pause for a response, just stepped inside.
Doris glanced up from the papers on her desk and arched an eyebrow at Olivia. “Dropping in unannounced. You and Natalia really do have so much in common.”
Olivia rolled her eyes. “You know you’re happy to see me, Doris.”
Doris snorted in response, although secretly she was. She had an image to maintain, however, even if she and Olivia both understood it was just that - an image.
“So why was your girlfriend out looking for you? After the way you were talking the other day I was sure I wouldn’t be seeing the two of you for several days after the Fourth.”
Olivia’s lips pursed. “Things didn’t exactly go as planned.”
Doris’ eyes narrowed. “How not exactly?”
“Natalia left.”
Doris shot up in her chair. “She did what?” She had many opinions on Natalia Rivera, but that was one thing she had never even contemplated the woman doing.
“There were extenuating circumstances,” Olivia continued.
“Like, what? Cold feet,” Doris scoffed.
“Like, she’s pregnant.” Olivia said, her voice almost devoid of tone.
“Damn,” Doris said succinctly.
Olivia just nodded. “Tell me about it.”
“But she came back?” Doris asked. “She was looking for you.”
“She came back,” Olivia said with a slow nod.
“She wants to be with you? Not the father. Frank?”
“Frank,” Olivia confirmed and then hesitantly she smiled. “Yeah. Yes. That’s what she says.”
Doris fiddled with her pen for a moment, staring intently at Olivia, searching for something in her face. “Do you believe her?”
“What kind of a question is that?” Olivia demanded.
“A valid one,” Doris said. “If she left once, she could do it again.”
“She won’t,” Olivia countered.
“And you’re sure enough about that to risk everything?”
“You know, I didn’t come here for this. Why are you trying to make me doubt her?”
“That’s not what I’m trying to do. I just want to make sure that you’ve thought about what you’re doing before it’s too late.”
“This from the woman who pushed me to tell Natalia how I felt about her at her own wedding!”
“That was different,” Doris said. “And you know it. That was taking the coward’s way out. This is...not putting your heart out there when you know for sure it’s going to get stomped.”
Olivia’s lips twisted into a wry smile. “It’s too late for that. I’m already all-in.”
“What about the baby?” Doris asked, more gently this time. “Have you thought about that?”
“Of course, I’ve thought about it, Doris. It’s practically the only thing I’ve been thinking about since Natalia told me.”
“So what are you thinking?”
Olivia swallowed and looked down, studying her hands. Finally her gaze flicked back up to Doris. “I would do anything to be with Natalia. You know that.”
Doris’ eyes narrowed again. “I do. Is that all it is? You’ll put up with Frank’s baby to be with Natalia?”
“I...No. It’s not like that.” She tilted her head, looking down to conceal the emotion welling up in her eyes. “She said she wants me to be the baby’s other mom.”
“That’s quite a commitment. Is that something you’re willing to do?”
“It’s not like the thought of Natalia having more kids hasn’t crossed my mind. When she and Frank were getting married...but since then... There was just so many other things we had to deal with first. But I realized that I love the thought of that. I want to share that with her.”
“So what’s the problem?” Doris asked with surprising gentleness.
“The problem is that Frank is going to hate the idea of having me in his baby’s life and he’s going to make Natalia’s life hell because of it. It’s exactly what I didn’t want for her, Doris. Being with me is going to hurt her - and worse - hurt her baby.”
“Olivia, you can’t let your fear control you,” Doris said softly. “Natalia is better for having you in her life - even I can see that. And her baby will be too.”
“How, Doris? You tell me that.”
“So you’re just going to give up? Because of Frank Cooper. You could eat him alive, Olivia. He doesn’t stand a chance.”
“Except for the fact that, I can’t,” Olivia snapped back. “My hands are tied. I have to play fair with Frank, try to be the better person and he can do whatever he wants because he’s-” Olivia bit the sentence off, her nails digging into the palms of her hand as they clenched into fists.
“He’s the father of her child?” Doris finished for her.
Olivia nodded. “Yeah, that.”
“And I’m telling you that it doesn’t matter.”
“Of course it does,” Olivia shot back. “It matters with everything.”
“The only thing that matters is how much you love that child,” Doris countered. “And don’t try to say that you don’t, because I know you. You already do - so much - because it’s who you are. You love your kids and you want to protect them from anything that might hurt them. You’re mad because Frank’s probably not going to handle this maturely and you can’t do anything about it. But stepping back is not the answer.”
“Then what is? Huh, Doris?”
“Being there for Natalia, whenever and however she needs you, and letting her be there for you,” Doris said simply.
Her answer rocked Olivia back into her chair. “It’s not that easy.”
“I didn’t say it would be easy. Just that it’s what you should do, if you love Natalia the way you say you do.”
Olivia glared. Doris knew better than almost anyone the way she felt about Natalia. Slowly she relaxed, her indignation slipping away. If anyone understood, it would be Doris. Telling each other the things that were hard to hear was what they did best.
“How did you get so smart, Wolfe?”
Doris smiled tightly. “I just think of the choices that I made, and then suggest the opposite.”
“It’s not too late, Doris. You can still tell Ashley.”
“I know,” Doris admitted. “But there are other things. Things that it is too late for.”
“Doris-”
But Doris held up a hand, cutting off whatever Olivia had been about to say. “It doesn’t matter. I knew what I wanted and I did what I had to, to get it. Just...make sure you know what you want before you make any decisions.”
Olivia smiled and if it was a little bittersweet, Doris pretended not to notice. “That’s easy. Natalia is what I want.”
Then Doris smiled too, because they both knew it wasn’t easy at all.
*** *** ***
The park was quiet at this time of day, too early for moms to be out with their young children or the lunch crowd. It felt strange to Natalia to be meeting Frank here. The gazebo was her spot with Olivia, but when she had requested to meet him somewhere quiet, where they could talk - not Company - this had been his suggestion.
All it made her do was think back to the moments they had shared here - an almost too-warm summer’s day spent planting flowers with Olivia and Emma torn between worry for Rafe and wanting to forget about everything else in the world except for Olivia, and a winter’s day that it had been its diametrical opposite - everything covered with snow for as far as the eye could see as she confessed her feelings to Olivia for the first time.
Of course, Frank had been there that day too, but that part of the memory was one that she regretted instead of cherished. As if summoned by her thoughts, Frank came into view, walking down the path toward the gazebo. There was a bounce in his step and he almost looked like he was whistling as he walked. He was in a good mood; it let Natalia relax a little, knowing that he was happy. It would be easier to tell him about the baby in the absence of the uncomfortable tension that had been between them since he had found out about she and Olivia.
“Hey, Natalia,” Frank said, swinging up the gazebo steps’ with the gate of a much younger man.
“Hi, Frank,” Natalia replied, nervous but smiling. Sometimes she missed the rings that had adorned her finger simply because it had given her fingers something to occupy them. Now her fidgeting was more obvious. “Thank you for coming. I know it was short notice.”
“No problem,” he said, as he reached her, giving her a hug that lingered longer than she had expected and a kiss on the cheek in greeting.
A frisson of nervousness worked its way up her spine.
“I’m always available whenever you need me, Natalia. You know that.”
“Thank you, Frank,” Natalia said, feeling more uncomfortable yet. She looked around the gazebo. “Why don’t we have a seat?” With Olivia, the decision of how to tell her had been taken away from her, fate intervening to illustrate it for her plain as day. Here, now, she still had to find some way to tell Frank.
“Is everything okay?” Frank asked, showing concern as he sat down next to her, turning toward her. “Blake said you were out of town over the holiday.”
The revelation that Blake had said something to Frank about her was jarring and unexpected. She wondered what else Blake had said, surely nothing too revealing or Frank would have said something already.
“I needed to clear my head,” Natalia said, with a thin smile. “But when I got there, I realized that the answers that I was looking for were all back here waiting on me.”
“That’s good, right?” Frank asked, with a chuckle.
Natalia nodded. “It is.” She took a deep breath. “Frank, I’m not sure how to say this, so I’m just going to say it. Things have been such a mess since...” She shook her head. “I’m not sure how long, but for months now. Since the wedding, at least. I’ve been so focused on Olivia - and Rafe getting out of prison - and everything else, that I missed the thing that’s been staring me in the face. What I’m trying to say, Frank, is that I’m sorry. I should have realized sooner...”
“Realized what?” Frank prompted her breathlessly.
“That I,” Natalia paused and corrected herself, “That we...”
“You can tell me anything,” Frank said, earnestly reaching out to cover her hand with his. “I hope you know that, Natalia.”
“Thank you, Frank.” Natalia said, wondering if there was a polite way she could reclaim her hand. She was normally a person who didn’t mind casual, friendly physical contact with others but things with Frank were different. They shared more than a casual history.
“You know,” Frank said. “I think I might have some idea what you want to talk about.”
“You do?” For the first time, Natalia was really surprised. But he couldn’t, not really. It didn’t make any sense at all. Unless he had just been trying to wait and let her tell him herself.
“I do,” Frank replied. “I know that you had to get out of town this weekend and that you left without telling Olivia.”
“How do you-” Natalia started to ask. She couldn’t imagine Olivia voluntarily sharing that information with Frank.
“She was worried about you; she tried to file a missing persons report. It was too soon, but I told her we would keep an eye out for you.”
“Oh, God,” Natalia murmured. Olivia hadn’t mentioned that. She couldn’t imagine how worried and crushed Olivia must have been to be willing to do that. “I can’t believe.... I didn’t know.”
“It’s okay,” Frank reassured her. “I understand why you had to do that.”
“Do what?” Natalia asked, something like the beginning of comprehension starting to take hold.
“Leave without telling Olivia. I understand, Natalia. I really do,” Frank hurried on. “You made a mistake and that’s okay. I’m just glad you felt comfortable enough to come here today and talk about it.”
“A mistake?” Natalia looked a little stunned. She wasn’t certain whether to be horrified at the misunderstanding or angry at his assumptions. “The only mistake I made, Frank, was leaving in the first place.”
“Right,” he said with a nod. “You could have come to me first. You didn’t have to go anywhere. I’ve been here, waiting.”
“No, Frank, you don’t understand.” Natalia closed her eyes, praying for strength. “I’m so sorry. This isn’t... Nothing I’ve done with Olivia has been a mistake - nothing. I’m in love with her.”
Frank looked stunned. “But Blake this morning in Company, she congratulated me - us. Why would she do that if you weren’t interested in getting back together? And why would you leave without telling Olivia if you weren’t upset with her?”
“Because I made a mistake. I was scared and I thought she would hate me for it, but she doesn’t. She loves me anyway and I love her.” Natalia rose to her feet pulling her hand back from Frank, one arm wrapped around her waist and the other coming up to rest at the base of her throat. “Frank, just before the barbecue I found out that I’m pregnant.”
It was several long moments before Frank spoke again. “You’re what?” he asked as if he hadn’t heard her correctly.
“I’m pregnant.” Despite the awkwardness of the moment and her own nerves, Natalia tried to smile. “We’re going to have a baby.”
Frank looked stunned. Natalia could imagine the dramatic shift taking place inside of him. His cheeks reddened as he stood. “So I guess I’m the idiot again, huh?”
“Frank,” Natalia pleaded. She wished fleetingly that they could just forget that this conversation had even taken place. She had hoped that he was getting over what she had done. That he was over her, and was moving on.
“No, I get it, Natalia. I jumped to conclusions because I wanted...” His tight smile twisted into a grimace. “I thought...but I was wrong.” He rubbed a hand over his face. “You know, after Coop died, when we,” he tumbled his hands in a vague gesture. “It was about more than just Coop for me. I hoped it meant something more permanent for us. You know that. I guess it did - just not what I was expecting.”
“I’m sorry that things didn’t work out the way that you hoped. There was a time when I thought that was what I wanted. I didn’t plan any of this, but I think this baby will be a blessing, Frank. I can’t see it as anything but that.”
Frank nodded, but he seemed distant, still reeling and consumed by his own thoughts. “So, what does this mean?”
Natalia wasn’t quite sure what he was asking, but did her best to answer it anyway. “It means that in a few months we’re going to have a beautiful baby boy or girl.”
“What about Olivia?”
“She knows and she supports me.”
“You told her first?” Frank sounded hurt and Natalia flinched away from it.
“She’s the woman I love, Frank,” Natalia said tightly. “I wasn’t going to keep it from her.”
“But you could keep it from me? Just like you did with Gus.”
Natalia paled. The situations weren’t remotely similar and she could hardly believe that he had gone there. She was almost shaking, not with fear but nerves and disbelief. “It’s...That has nothing to do with this. I told you as soon as I could.”
“That’s not good enough, Natalia. I’m this baby’s father and-”
“You are,” Natalia agreed. “But Olivia is going to be a huge part of this baby’s life too, and she deserved to know.”
Frank folded his arms over his chest. “I’m not sure how comfortable I am with that.”
Natalia felt at a loss for words, frustration welling up inside her chest. The first time she had done this, it had been without the father of her child. She had wanted this time to be different. She had wanted them to be a happy family and for her child to have a mother and father - who if they didn’t love each other as a couple - at least liked and respected each other.
“With what, Frank?” Natalia asked, trying to remain calm. Maybe she had jumped to conclusions.
“Olivia. I don’t know that I want her being apart of my child’s life like that.”
“Frank, I don’t want to fight about this,” Natalia cajoled. This wasn’t a good start. She had hoped it would be a happy occasion for both of them.
“It’s how I feel.”
Natalia struggled to find a polite reply for that. Frank was driving her to levels of anger and frustration that in the past only Olivia had been able to achieve. Funny that this should be about her too, but not amusing at all.
“Frank,” Natalia said, choosing her words as carefully as she could. “I understand that you feel that way, but I love Olivia. She’s going to be moving back into the farmhouse soon. Just because we’re having a child together doesn’t mean that you can dictate my life.”
Frank snorted. “So I’m just the sperm donor for you and your girlfriend?”
“Of course not. You’re this baby’s father and I want you to be a big part of his or her life.” She put her hand over her abdomen in an instinctive gesture. “Rafe didn’t have that and I want this baby to. But not at the expense of losing Olivia. I want this baby to have family surrounding it from the day that’s born - all of its family.”
“I’m not sure that I can do that,” Frank admitted, but something in him eased, Natalia could tell. “Why her, Natalia? Why not anyone else?”
She shrugged weakly. “It’s not something I did deliberately. I tried so hard not to be in love with her,” Natalia told him. “In the end, I just couldn’t deny it. It had nothing to do with you, Frank. You’re a good man and I would have been lucky to have married you.”
“Are you sure? We could still have that, you know? Give this baby a life with both his Mom and Dad. It would be good, if you let it. I would be the best husband.”
“I’m sorry, Frank,” Natalia said as gently as she could. “But I can’t. Not like this. We would both be miserable and you would resent me for it. It would be no way to raise a child.”
He nodded reluctantly. “I had to ask.”
“I know.”
He swallowed and gestured behind him. “I’m going to go. I need to think. Call me if you need anything.”
Natalia nodded. There was no need to point out that if something came up Olivia would already likely be there with her.
“I want our baby to have the best life, to be so happy. It’s just hard, knowing what could have been.”
She wanted to say something to make it easier for him. She wanted to say that she wished it could have been different but the truth was that she didn’t. The only thing she could have wished away was having sex with him in the first place and that was too cruel to say.
“I’m sorry,” Natalia couldn’t help but apologize one more time. “I never meant to hurt you, Frank. I hope you find someone who makes you happy.”
He shrugged. “No one ever means to, but it always seems to happen that way.” He left without waiting for her to respond.
Natalia was almost glad because she didn’t know what else to say. She sighed. “That could have gone better, baby,” she murmured, rubbing her belly protectively. Then she straightened. “But it’s going to be okay. Your Mommy and I love you so much and your Daddy is going to come around, I promise.”
Fandom: Guiding Light
Characters: Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, Emma Spencer, Rafe Rivera, Blake Marler, Frank Cooper
Category: Angst, Romance, Drama
Rating: NC-17 eventually, with mostly PG-13 stuff for now.
Word count: 36,471 (total)
Summary: It's the fifth of July. What will Natalia do?
Spoilers/Timeline Spoilers for everything through July 9th. Goes off canon after that.
Disclaimer: All characters (Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, blah blah etc.) and situations belong to Guiding Light, Telenext, Proctor & Gamble, etc. I'm not them.
Author's Note: There's lesbian touching in this part. You've been warned.
Beta: Many thanks to aimlessla for looking over this massive thing for me, pointing out plot holes and my constant comma issues.
Part One || Part Two || Part Three || Part Four || Part Five || Part Six || Part Seven || Part Eight || Part Nine || Part Ten || Part Eleven
Part Twelve
“Hey, Frank,” Blake said, giving him a gentle pat on the shoulder as she walked by.
“Hey, Blakie,” Frank said excitedly.
“You sound happy,” Blake noted, glancing over her shoulder at him as she grabbed her apron, getting ready for her shift. “What’s up?”
“I just got off the phone with Natalia.”
Blake stopped and looked up. “Yeah?”
Frank nodded. “I’m really excited, Blake.”
Blake hesitated. So Natalia had told him then? It didn’t seem like the kind of news to be delivered over the phone but to each her own. If it worked for Natalia then that was great. Blake smiled, bright and warm, relieved and happy for both of her friends. “That’s really great, Frankie. I’m so happy for you.” She stood up to enfold him in a hug. “For both of you,” she emphasized as she squeezed him tight.
“She said something to you, Blake?” Frank said hopefully, hugging her back more out of habit than anything. He was still a little bit confused.
“Of course! She told me the whole thing. I was the one who helped her get out of town over the holiday.”
“Out of town?” So that was where she had gone, Frank mused. Strange that she had taken a trip without telling Olivia, unless there was a reason she hadn’t told Olivia.
“Well, you know, it’s a lot to take in all at once. It’s a big change, especially when you’re not expecting it!” Blake snorted ruefully, patting his shoulder. “I should know.” She shook her head. “At least Natalia won’t be dealing with twins. Well,” she amended. “As far as I know.”
“Twins?” Frank blurted, now thoroughly confused. “What are you talking about, Blake?”
A sudden, horrible thought hit Blake. Could she have...but, no. Surely Natalia had already told him. He seemed so happy.
“I...nothing.” Her eyes narrowed. “What are you talking about, Frank?”
“Natalia called. I told you that! She said she wanted to meet me somewhere, at the park or some place private. To, you know, talk. Not about Rafe.” His expression was pleading for Blake to understand and she still wasn’t.
“Okay,” Blake drawled the word out, clearly searching for more explanation.
If it was possible Frank looked even more excited. “She said something to you, didn’t she, Blakie?”
“I-,” Blake paused, searching for a way not to lie. She wished she had just kept her mouth shut. She had thought she’d already learned her lesson about that, but apparently not. “Yes.”
“So, what do you think?” Frank asked, sounding like a kid on Christmas morning. “Do you think I still have a shot? Me and Natalia?”
Oh, Frank. Blake wished more intently than she ever had before that she had just kept her mouth shut. Or never come into work that day. That could work too.
*** *** ***
Olivia rapped her knuckles against the doorframe. It was little more than a formality because she didn’t even pause for a response, just stepped inside.
Doris glanced up from the papers on her desk and arched an eyebrow at Olivia. “Dropping in unannounced. You and Natalia really do have so much in common.”
Olivia rolled her eyes. “You know you’re happy to see me, Doris.”
Doris snorted in response, although secretly she was. She had an image to maintain, however, even if she and Olivia both understood it was just that - an image.
“So why was your girlfriend out looking for you? After the way you were talking the other day I was sure I wouldn’t be seeing the two of you for several days after the Fourth.”
Olivia’s lips pursed. “Things didn’t exactly go as planned.”
Doris’ eyes narrowed. “How not exactly?”
“Natalia left.”
Doris shot up in her chair. “She did what?” She had many opinions on Natalia Rivera, but that was one thing she had never even contemplated the woman doing.
“There were extenuating circumstances,” Olivia continued.
“Like, what? Cold feet,” Doris scoffed.
“Like, she’s pregnant.” Olivia said, her voice almost devoid of tone.
“Damn,” Doris said succinctly.
Olivia just nodded. “Tell me about it.”
“But she came back?” Doris asked. “She was looking for you.”
“She came back,” Olivia said with a slow nod.
“She wants to be with you? Not the father. Frank?”
“Frank,” Olivia confirmed and then hesitantly she smiled. “Yeah. Yes. That’s what she says.”
Doris fiddled with her pen for a moment, staring intently at Olivia, searching for something in her face. “Do you believe her?”
“What kind of a question is that?” Olivia demanded.
“A valid one,” Doris said. “If she left once, she could do it again.”
“She won’t,” Olivia countered.
“And you’re sure enough about that to risk everything?”
“You know, I didn’t come here for this. Why are you trying to make me doubt her?”
“That’s not what I’m trying to do. I just want to make sure that you’ve thought about what you’re doing before it’s too late.”
“This from the woman who pushed me to tell Natalia how I felt about her at her own wedding!”
“That was different,” Doris said. “And you know it. That was taking the coward’s way out. This is...not putting your heart out there when you know for sure it’s going to get stomped.”
Olivia’s lips twisted into a wry smile. “It’s too late for that. I’m already all-in.”
“What about the baby?” Doris asked, more gently this time. “Have you thought about that?”
“Of course, I’ve thought about it, Doris. It’s practically the only thing I’ve been thinking about since Natalia told me.”
“So what are you thinking?”
Olivia swallowed and looked down, studying her hands. Finally her gaze flicked back up to Doris. “I would do anything to be with Natalia. You know that.”
Doris’ eyes narrowed again. “I do. Is that all it is? You’ll put up with Frank’s baby to be with Natalia?”
“I...No. It’s not like that.” She tilted her head, looking down to conceal the emotion welling up in her eyes. “She said she wants me to be the baby’s other mom.”
“That’s quite a commitment. Is that something you’re willing to do?”
“It’s not like the thought of Natalia having more kids hasn’t crossed my mind. When she and Frank were getting married...but since then... There was just so many other things we had to deal with first. But I realized that I love the thought of that. I want to share that with her.”
“So what’s the problem?” Doris asked with surprising gentleness.
“The problem is that Frank is going to hate the idea of having me in his baby’s life and he’s going to make Natalia’s life hell because of it. It’s exactly what I didn’t want for her, Doris. Being with me is going to hurt her - and worse - hurt her baby.”
“Olivia, you can’t let your fear control you,” Doris said softly. “Natalia is better for having you in her life - even I can see that. And her baby will be too.”
“How, Doris? You tell me that.”
“So you’re just going to give up? Because of Frank Cooper. You could eat him alive, Olivia. He doesn’t stand a chance.”
“Except for the fact that, I can’t,” Olivia snapped back. “My hands are tied. I have to play fair with Frank, try to be the better person and he can do whatever he wants because he’s-” Olivia bit the sentence off, her nails digging into the palms of her hand as they clenched into fists.
“He’s the father of her child?” Doris finished for her.
Olivia nodded. “Yeah, that.”
“And I’m telling you that it doesn’t matter.”
“Of course it does,” Olivia shot back. “It matters with everything.”
“The only thing that matters is how much you love that child,” Doris countered. “And don’t try to say that you don’t, because I know you. You already do - so much - because it’s who you are. You love your kids and you want to protect them from anything that might hurt them. You’re mad because Frank’s probably not going to handle this maturely and you can’t do anything about it. But stepping back is not the answer.”
“Then what is? Huh, Doris?”
“Being there for Natalia, whenever and however she needs you, and letting her be there for you,” Doris said simply.
Her answer rocked Olivia back into her chair. “It’s not that easy.”
“I didn’t say it would be easy. Just that it’s what you should do, if you love Natalia the way you say you do.”
Olivia glared. Doris knew better than almost anyone the way she felt about Natalia. Slowly she relaxed, her indignation slipping away. If anyone understood, it would be Doris. Telling each other the things that were hard to hear was what they did best.
“How did you get so smart, Wolfe?”
Doris smiled tightly. “I just think of the choices that I made, and then suggest the opposite.”
“It’s not too late, Doris. You can still tell Ashley.”
“I know,” Doris admitted. “But there are other things. Things that it is too late for.”
“Doris-”
But Doris held up a hand, cutting off whatever Olivia had been about to say. “It doesn’t matter. I knew what I wanted and I did what I had to, to get it. Just...make sure you know what you want before you make any decisions.”
Olivia smiled and if it was a little bittersweet, Doris pretended not to notice. “That’s easy. Natalia is what I want.”
Then Doris smiled too, because they both knew it wasn’t easy at all.
*** *** ***
The park was quiet at this time of day, too early for moms to be out with their young children or the lunch crowd. It felt strange to Natalia to be meeting Frank here. The gazebo was her spot with Olivia, but when she had requested to meet him somewhere quiet, where they could talk - not Company - this had been his suggestion.
All it made her do was think back to the moments they had shared here - an almost too-warm summer’s day spent planting flowers with Olivia and Emma torn between worry for Rafe and wanting to forget about everything else in the world except for Olivia, and a winter’s day that it had been its diametrical opposite - everything covered with snow for as far as the eye could see as she confessed her feelings to Olivia for the first time.
Of course, Frank had been there that day too, but that part of the memory was one that she regretted instead of cherished. As if summoned by her thoughts, Frank came into view, walking down the path toward the gazebo. There was a bounce in his step and he almost looked like he was whistling as he walked. He was in a good mood; it let Natalia relax a little, knowing that he was happy. It would be easier to tell him about the baby in the absence of the uncomfortable tension that had been between them since he had found out about she and Olivia.
“Hey, Natalia,” Frank said, swinging up the gazebo steps’ with the gate of a much younger man.
“Hi, Frank,” Natalia replied, nervous but smiling. Sometimes she missed the rings that had adorned her finger simply because it had given her fingers something to occupy them. Now her fidgeting was more obvious. “Thank you for coming. I know it was short notice.”
“No problem,” he said, as he reached her, giving her a hug that lingered longer than she had expected and a kiss on the cheek in greeting.
A frisson of nervousness worked its way up her spine.
“I’m always available whenever you need me, Natalia. You know that.”
“Thank you, Frank,” Natalia said, feeling more uncomfortable yet. She looked around the gazebo. “Why don’t we have a seat?” With Olivia, the decision of how to tell her had been taken away from her, fate intervening to illustrate it for her plain as day. Here, now, she still had to find some way to tell Frank.
“Is everything okay?” Frank asked, showing concern as he sat down next to her, turning toward her. “Blake said you were out of town over the holiday.”
The revelation that Blake had said something to Frank about her was jarring and unexpected. She wondered what else Blake had said, surely nothing too revealing or Frank would have said something already.
“I needed to clear my head,” Natalia said, with a thin smile. “But when I got there, I realized that the answers that I was looking for were all back here waiting on me.”
“That’s good, right?” Frank asked, with a chuckle.
Natalia nodded. “It is.” She took a deep breath. “Frank, I’m not sure how to say this, so I’m just going to say it. Things have been such a mess since...” She shook her head. “I’m not sure how long, but for months now. Since the wedding, at least. I’ve been so focused on Olivia - and Rafe getting out of prison - and everything else, that I missed the thing that’s been staring me in the face. What I’m trying to say, Frank, is that I’m sorry. I should have realized sooner...”
“Realized what?” Frank prompted her breathlessly.
“That I,” Natalia paused and corrected herself, “That we...”
“You can tell me anything,” Frank said, earnestly reaching out to cover her hand with his. “I hope you know that, Natalia.”
“Thank you, Frank.” Natalia said, wondering if there was a polite way she could reclaim her hand. She was normally a person who didn’t mind casual, friendly physical contact with others but things with Frank were different. They shared more than a casual history.
“You know,” Frank said. “I think I might have some idea what you want to talk about.”
“You do?” For the first time, Natalia was really surprised. But he couldn’t, not really. It didn’t make any sense at all. Unless he had just been trying to wait and let her tell him herself.
“I do,” Frank replied. “I know that you had to get out of town this weekend and that you left without telling Olivia.”
“How do you-” Natalia started to ask. She couldn’t imagine Olivia voluntarily sharing that information with Frank.
“She was worried about you; she tried to file a missing persons report. It was too soon, but I told her we would keep an eye out for you.”
“Oh, God,” Natalia murmured. Olivia hadn’t mentioned that. She couldn’t imagine how worried and crushed Olivia must have been to be willing to do that. “I can’t believe.... I didn’t know.”
“It’s okay,” Frank reassured her. “I understand why you had to do that.”
“Do what?” Natalia asked, something like the beginning of comprehension starting to take hold.
“Leave without telling Olivia. I understand, Natalia. I really do,” Frank hurried on. “You made a mistake and that’s okay. I’m just glad you felt comfortable enough to come here today and talk about it.”
“A mistake?” Natalia looked a little stunned. She wasn’t certain whether to be horrified at the misunderstanding or angry at his assumptions. “The only mistake I made, Frank, was leaving in the first place.”
“Right,” he said with a nod. “You could have come to me first. You didn’t have to go anywhere. I’ve been here, waiting.”
“No, Frank, you don’t understand.” Natalia closed her eyes, praying for strength. “I’m so sorry. This isn’t... Nothing I’ve done with Olivia has been a mistake - nothing. I’m in love with her.”
Frank looked stunned. “But Blake this morning in Company, she congratulated me - us. Why would she do that if you weren’t interested in getting back together? And why would you leave without telling Olivia if you weren’t upset with her?”
“Because I made a mistake. I was scared and I thought she would hate me for it, but she doesn’t. She loves me anyway and I love her.” Natalia rose to her feet pulling her hand back from Frank, one arm wrapped around her waist and the other coming up to rest at the base of her throat. “Frank, just before the barbecue I found out that I’m pregnant.”
It was several long moments before Frank spoke again. “You’re what?” he asked as if he hadn’t heard her correctly.
“I’m pregnant.” Despite the awkwardness of the moment and her own nerves, Natalia tried to smile. “We’re going to have a baby.”
Frank looked stunned. Natalia could imagine the dramatic shift taking place inside of him. His cheeks reddened as he stood. “So I guess I’m the idiot again, huh?”
“Frank,” Natalia pleaded. She wished fleetingly that they could just forget that this conversation had even taken place. She had hoped that he was getting over what she had done. That he was over her, and was moving on.
“No, I get it, Natalia. I jumped to conclusions because I wanted...” His tight smile twisted into a grimace. “I thought...but I was wrong.” He rubbed a hand over his face. “You know, after Coop died, when we,” he tumbled his hands in a vague gesture. “It was about more than just Coop for me. I hoped it meant something more permanent for us. You know that. I guess it did - just not what I was expecting.”
“I’m sorry that things didn’t work out the way that you hoped. There was a time when I thought that was what I wanted. I didn’t plan any of this, but I think this baby will be a blessing, Frank. I can’t see it as anything but that.”
Frank nodded, but he seemed distant, still reeling and consumed by his own thoughts. “So, what does this mean?”
Natalia wasn’t quite sure what he was asking, but did her best to answer it anyway. “It means that in a few months we’re going to have a beautiful baby boy or girl.”
“What about Olivia?”
“She knows and she supports me.”
“You told her first?” Frank sounded hurt and Natalia flinched away from it.
“She’s the woman I love, Frank,” Natalia said tightly. “I wasn’t going to keep it from her.”
“But you could keep it from me? Just like you did with Gus.”
Natalia paled. The situations weren’t remotely similar and she could hardly believe that he had gone there. She was almost shaking, not with fear but nerves and disbelief. “It’s...That has nothing to do with this. I told you as soon as I could.”
“That’s not good enough, Natalia. I’m this baby’s father and-”
“You are,” Natalia agreed. “But Olivia is going to be a huge part of this baby’s life too, and she deserved to know.”
Frank folded his arms over his chest. “I’m not sure how comfortable I am with that.”
Natalia felt at a loss for words, frustration welling up inside her chest. The first time she had done this, it had been without the father of her child. She had wanted this time to be different. She had wanted them to be a happy family and for her child to have a mother and father - who if they didn’t love each other as a couple - at least liked and respected each other.
“With what, Frank?” Natalia asked, trying to remain calm. Maybe she had jumped to conclusions.
“Olivia. I don’t know that I want her being apart of my child’s life like that.”
“Frank, I don’t want to fight about this,” Natalia cajoled. This wasn’t a good start. She had hoped it would be a happy occasion for both of them.
“It’s how I feel.”
Natalia struggled to find a polite reply for that. Frank was driving her to levels of anger and frustration that in the past only Olivia had been able to achieve. Funny that this should be about her too, but not amusing at all.
“Frank,” Natalia said, choosing her words as carefully as she could. “I understand that you feel that way, but I love Olivia. She’s going to be moving back into the farmhouse soon. Just because we’re having a child together doesn’t mean that you can dictate my life.”
Frank snorted. “So I’m just the sperm donor for you and your girlfriend?”
“Of course not. You’re this baby’s father and I want you to be a big part of his or her life.” She put her hand over her abdomen in an instinctive gesture. “Rafe didn’t have that and I want this baby to. But not at the expense of losing Olivia. I want this baby to have family surrounding it from the day that’s born - all of its family.”
“I’m not sure that I can do that,” Frank admitted, but something in him eased, Natalia could tell. “Why her, Natalia? Why not anyone else?”
She shrugged weakly. “It’s not something I did deliberately. I tried so hard not to be in love with her,” Natalia told him. “In the end, I just couldn’t deny it. It had nothing to do with you, Frank. You’re a good man and I would have been lucky to have married you.”
“Are you sure? We could still have that, you know? Give this baby a life with both his Mom and Dad. It would be good, if you let it. I would be the best husband.”
“I’m sorry, Frank,” Natalia said as gently as she could. “But I can’t. Not like this. We would both be miserable and you would resent me for it. It would be no way to raise a child.”
He nodded reluctantly. “I had to ask.”
“I know.”
He swallowed and gestured behind him. “I’m going to go. I need to think. Call me if you need anything.”
Natalia nodded. There was no need to point out that if something came up Olivia would already likely be there with her.
“I want our baby to have the best life, to be so happy. It’s just hard, knowing what could have been.”
She wanted to say something to make it easier for him. She wanted to say that she wished it could have been different but the truth was that she didn’t. The only thing she could have wished away was having sex with him in the first place and that was too cruel to say.
“I’m sorry,” Natalia couldn’t help but apologize one more time. “I never meant to hurt you, Frank. I hope you find someone who makes you happy.”
He shrugged. “No one ever means to, but it always seems to happen that way.” He left without waiting for her to respond.
Natalia was almost glad because she didn’t know what else to say. She sighed. “That could have gone better, baby,” she murmured, rubbing her belly protectively. Then she straightened. “But it’s going to be okay. Your Mommy and I love you so much and your Daddy is going to come around, I promise.”
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Okay, so Frank didn't need the truth knocked into him and was surprising civil for the most part. I did want to smack Blake for being a big mouth.
Loved the conversation between Olivia and Doris, their whole dynamic is wonderful.
More please. :o)
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Heh, and as for Blake, well no one reforms over night.:D
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Natalia talk with Rafe was right on target-she is confident in telling him how she wants to live her life.
Please keep writing!
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Someone really needs to clarify with him that he will be just as much a part of this baby's life as Phillip is with Emma.
And please, if you're gonna put Frank together with someone, have it be with Lynn (the waitress at Company) and NOT Blake. Please?
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Yeah, I definitely don't think they want to keep Frank from being the best father that he can be. He just needs some time to see past his hurt feelings and that what they need to do is all three work together for what's best for the baby. In a perfect world.
I am not a Flake/Blank shipper. I just say no. It just didn't work for me.
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I hate that this is ending.
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As for Frank what can I say he's just Frank. Desperately wishing for something that he knows deep down is never going to happen.
I know you needed to write the part about Natalia telling Frank, still I miss Olivia and Natalia together.
And I'm so not happy about chapter 12, that means only 2 more chapters. That's not enough. A couple more would be great, I'm not saying 20 or 30 but at least 5-6 more. Any change to persuade you?
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Afraid not, but I am already working on more Otalia stuff. Is that a slight consolation?