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[Guiding Light Fic] Even If It Killed Her (6/23) - Otalia
Title: Even If It Killed Her
Fandom: Guiding Light
Characters: Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, Frank Cooper, Emma Spencer, Blake Marler, Rafe Rivera
Category: Angst, with a side of angst. Romance.
Rating: Eventually NC-17, though for most of it, it could probably past for oh, PG probably.
Word count: 1029
Summary: Olivia will do whatever is necessary to make Natalia happy, even if it kills her.
Spoilers: Takes place around late April, early May '09, and contains spoilers for all events therein.
Author's Note: I see you there, sitting behind your computer, wondering why I'm posting this when I haven't even finished The Importance of Family yet. And you're right, but I'm still putting the finishing touches on that one, and this is all finished. It's sitting here on my computer, staring at me, daring me to post it. So posting it, I am.
Beta:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
jlynxi was awesome enough to beta this for me. It's very much appreciated because I know this is a lot of fic! And I should definitely give a big shout out to rysler for letting me bounce ideas off of her throughout the whole process of writing this fic.
Disclaimer: All characters (Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, Emma Spencer, Ava Peralta, blah blah etc.) and situations belong to Guiding Light, Telenext, Proctor & Gamble, etc. I'm not them.
And really I only have one more thing to say, but I think ya'll are going to like it: daily posts!
Part One || Part Two || Part Three || Part Four || Part Five
Part Six
Stepping out of the bathroom, Natalia found Frank sitting on the edge of the bed, hands clasped between his legs. Hearing her come out, he glanced up at her and for the first time there wasn't blind adoration or that breathless hopefulness in his eyes. Finally Frank was really looking at her and she had to look away. There was too much that she couldn't tell him, that she didn't want him - or, maybe anyone else - to see.
Natalia tried a thin smile. "I think we need to talk, Frank."
He laughed nervously. "The six words every man loves to hear."
Instantly guilt spread, flooding through her like a dam bursting. She bit her lip and then opened her mouth, knowing if she didn't say it then, she wasn't going to be able to say it at all. "I'm not quitting my job, Frank." Okay, those weren't the words that she had planned. They had the benefit of being true, but they weren't what she had wanted to say. Saying it though, would make it real, and how could she do that when she barely understood it herself? Right and wrong, oh, she understood how that felt, but putting those feelings into words, explaining them to Frank, facing his anger in defense of them, that was hard and terrifying.
And somehow, this conversation, the one she had been avoiding, was now the easier of the two.
"Is that all, Baby?" Frank looked instantly relieved. "I was getting worried that it was something serious." He laughed again. "The look on your face..." He shook his head and reached for her, his hands coming to rest on her hips. She allowed herself to be pulled forward into his embrace, her hands resting lightly on his shoulders. He looked up at her, adoration back in his eyes. She tried to ignore the tug of guilt in her heart. "You know," Frank whispered softly. "There was another reason I was hoping you would be open to quitting."
Natalia's fingers clenched a little bit tighter until she realized what she was doing and forced herself to relax. "What's that?"
"Well," Frank said slowly, a grin forming on his face. "I was hoping if you were here, home, all day, you might, you know, get bored." He shrugged. "And maybe start thinking about filling this big empty farmhouse up again."
"Filling-" Natalia froze as she suddenly realized what Frank was talking about. "Kids? You want to..."
"Sure!" Frank said, enthusiastically. "I know we both want a big family, and the sooner the better, right? Neither of us is getting any younger."
"Frank..." There were so many things to say to that she didn't even know where to start.
It only took a second for Frank to catch on. "You don't want to-"
"It's not that," Natalia said quickly, jumping back into the conversation, hating herself for the devastated look on his face. "I would love to have more children some day." She didn't have to fake the enthusiasm for what she had said because she meant it. She had always dreamed of giving Rafe a big family, brothers and sisters to surround him with, a house like this farmhouse filled with love and laughter and life. But the moment Frank had mentioned children, her heart had sunk into her stomach. Making mistakes with her own life was one thing, bringing a child or children into it was another entirely and until she was sure and certain in her marriage and in her own heart, she wouldn't bring another child into this. "I'm just not ready...yet." She touched her hand to his cheek. "This is still so new and we need time. Children are a huge responsibility and I want to be sure we're ready before we take that step."
Frank was silent and Natalia wondered what he was thinking, wondered when lies had started to come so easily to her lips. The things she told Frank were true, but oh, the reasons behind them - those she was keeping firmly to herself. Just long enough, she promised herself, for her to figure everything out and then she would be honest, not just with Frank but with everyone. She just needed time.
"I understand," Frank said, deflated. "I guess." He smiled a little. "Is that why you want to keep your job? So you don't have to sit around at home all day and think about our future? How many rugrats we'll have running around this place?"
She could tell he was teasing, trying to lift them both out of the uncomfortable mood that had settled over them, but she didn't think it was funny at all. "No, Frank," she said firmly, stepping back from him. "I want to keep my job because I like what I do and I'm good at it. I like working for Olivia."
"Really?" At her puzzled look he continued. "I mean, I know you've said that, but come on: it's Olivia. She can be a little, well, demanding, even on a good day. Much less the bad ones."
"You're right, Frank. Olivia can be demanding. She demands that people do the job that she's paying them for and do it well - how horrible."
"Natalia..." Now Frank's voice was cajoling. "I didn't mean anything by it."
"Yes, you did." She said firmly. "She's not some villain, Frank. She's a good woman. I don't know how I would have gotten through the last year without her."
Immediately Frank's eyes softened. "I'm sorry," he said, truly apologetic this time and Natalia didn't resist when he pulled her into his arms again. Let him think her tears were for Gus, or about work or their argument or anything really, as long as he didn't know the real reason for them. It was easier for everyone.
Fandom: Guiding Light
Characters: Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, Frank Cooper, Emma Spencer, Blake Marler, Rafe Rivera
Category: Angst, with a side of angst. Romance.
Rating: Eventually NC-17, though for most of it, it could probably past for oh, PG probably.
Word count: 1029
Summary: Olivia will do whatever is necessary to make Natalia happy, even if it kills her.
Spoilers: Takes place around late April, early May '09, and contains spoilers for all events therein.
Author's Note: I see you there, sitting behind your computer, wondering why I'm posting this when I haven't even finished The Importance of Family yet. And you're right, but I'm still putting the finishing touches on that one, and this is all finished. It's sitting here on my computer, staring at me, daring me to post it. So posting it, I am.
Beta:
jlynxi was awesome enough to beta this for me. It's very much appreciated because I know this is a lot of fic! And I should definitely give a big shout out to rysler for letting me bounce ideas off of her throughout the whole process of writing this fic. Disclaimer: All characters (Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, Emma Spencer, Ava Peralta, blah blah etc.) and situations belong to Guiding Light, Telenext, Proctor & Gamble, etc. I'm not them.
And really I only have one more thing to say, but I think ya'll are going to like it: daily posts!
Part One || Part Two || Part Three || Part Four || Part Five
Part Six
Stepping out of the bathroom, Natalia found Frank sitting on the edge of the bed, hands clasped between his legs. Hearing her come out, he glanced up at her and for the first time there wasn't blind adoration or that breathless hopefulness in his eyes. Finally Frank was really looking at her and she had to look away. There was too much that she couldn't tell him, that she didn't want him - or, maybe anyone else - to see.
Natalia tried a thin smile. "I think we need to talk, Frank."
He laughed nervously. "The six words every man loves to hear."
Instantly guilt spread, flooding through her like a dam bursting. She bit her lip and then opened her mouth, knowing if she didn't say it then, she wasn't going to be able to say it at all. "I'm not quitting my job, Frank." Okay, those weren't the words that she had planned. They had the benefit of being true, but they weren't what she had wanted to say. Saying it though, would make it real, and how could she do that when she barely understood it herself? Right and wrong, oh, she understood how that felt, but putting those feelings into words, explaining them to Frank, facing his anger in defense of them, that was hard and terrifying.
And somehow, this conversation, the one she had been avoiding, was now the easier of the two.
"Is that all, Baby?" Frank looked instantly relieved. "I was getting worried that it was something serious." He laughed again. "The look on your face..." He shook his head and reached for her, his hands coming to rest on her hips. She allowed herself to be pulled forward into his embrace, her hands resting lightly on his shoulders. He looked up at her, adoration back in his eyes. She tried to ignore the tug of guilt in her heart. "You know," Frank whispered softly. "There was another reason I was hoping you would be open to quitting."
Natalia's fingers clenched a little bit tighter until she realized what she was doing and forced herself to relax. "What's that?"
"Well," Frank said slowly, a grin forming on his face. "I was hoping if you were here, home, all day, you might, you know, get bored." He shrugged. "And maybe start thinking about filling this big empty farmhouse up again."
"Filling-" Natalia froze as she suddenly realized what Frank was talking about. "Kids? You want to..."
"Sure!" Frank said, enthusiastically. "I know we both want a big family, and the sooner the better, right? Neither of us is getting any younger."
"Frank..." There were so many things to say to that she didn't even know where to start.
It only took a second for Frank to catch on. "You don't want to-"
"It's not that," Natalia said quickly, jumping back into the conversation, hating herself for the devastated look on his face. "I would love to have more children some day." She didn't have to fake the enthusiasm for what she had said because she meant it. She had always dreamed of giving Rafe a big family, brothers and sisters to surround him with, a house like this farmhouse filled with love and laughter and life. But the moment Frank had mentioned children, her heart had sunk into her stomach. Making mistakes with her own life was one thing, bringing a child or children into it was another entirely and until she was sure and certain in her marriage and in her own heart, she wouldn't bring another child into this. "I'm just not ready...yet." She touched her hand to his cheek. "This is still so new and we need time. Children are a huge responsibility and I want to be sure we're ready before we take that step."
Frank was silent and Natalia wondered what he was thinking, wondered when lies had started to come so easily to her lips. The things she told Frank were true, but oh, the reasons behind them - those she was keeping firmly to herself. Just long enough, she promised herself, for her to figure everything out and then she would be honest, not just with Frank but with everyone. She just needed time.
"I understand," Frank said, deflated. "I guess." He smiled a little. "Is that why you want to keep your job? So you don't have to sit around at home all day and think about our future? How many rugrats we'll have running around this place?"
She could tell he was teasing, trying to lift them both out of the uncomfortable mood that had settled over them, but she didn't think it was funny at all. "No, Frank," she said firmly, stepping back from him. "I want to keep my job because I like what I do and I'm good at it. I like working for Olivia."
"Really?" At her puzzled look he continued. "I mean, I know you've said that, but come on: it's Olivia. She can be a little, well, demanding, even on a good day. Much less the bad ones."
"You're right, Frank. Olivia can be demanding. She demands that people do the job that she's paying them for and do it well - how horrible."
"Natalia..." Now Frank's voice was cajoling. "I didn't mean anything by it."
"Yes, you did." She said firmly. "She's not some villain, Frank. She's a good woman. I don't know how I would have gotten through the last year without her."
Immediately Frank's eyes softened. "I'm sorry," he said, truly apologetic this time and Natalia didn't resist when he pulled her into his arms again. Let him think her tears were for Gus, or about work or their argument or anything really, as long as he didn't know the real reason for them. It was easier for everyone.
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Waiting for more! :)
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Sooo glad that Natalia can see that bringing in kids would be wrong, and I am not sure what kind of denial Frank is in to not hear the words that are and aren't being said. She says she wants kids but they need to be sure, I would ask what makes us not be ready.
You know what I think makes us very squeaked out too, your Frank is very real, very Frank and god Frank on the show was intolerable, and his use of the word baby made me want to slap him on the show and made me gag here.
OMG, I just noticed something, something to start redeeming Natalia with... she called Olivia a "good woman." I was about to lament that I was surprised she hadn't called him a good man when I realized she had called Olivia a good woman, go Natalia and go Jaina!
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