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[Guiding Light Fic] Even If It Killed Her (23/24) - Otalia
Title: Even If It Killed Her
Fandom: Guiding Light
Characters: Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, Frank Cooper, Emma Spencer, Blake Marler, Rafe Rivera
Category: Angst, with a side of angst. Romance.
Rating: Eventually NC-17, though for most of it, it could probably past for oh, PG probably.
Word count: 3,889
Summary: Olivia will do whatever is necessary to make Natalia happy, even if it kills her.
Spoilers: Takes place around late April, early May '09, and contains spoilers for all events therein.
Author's Note: Anyone who's been familiar with my writing for some time will know that I don't write smut. There have been two exceptions to this apparent rule of mine, and both times the plot demanded it. I couldn't go with the usual tasteful fade to black that I tend to favor. This time it's all![[info]](https://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif)
rysler's fault. You can send the thank you's to her. But in the end, I'm glad I did write it. I think it added something...and not just that.
Beta:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
jlynxi was awesome enough to beta this for me. It's very much appreciated because I know this is a lot of fic! And I should definitely give a big shout out to rysler for letting me bounce ideas off of her throughout the whole process of writing this fic.
Disclaimer: All characters (Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, Emma Spencer, Ava Peralta, blah blah etc.) and situations belong to Guiding Light, Telenext, Proctor & Gamble, etc. I'm not them.
And really I only have one more thing to say, but I think ya'll are going to like it: daily posts!
Part One || Part Two || Part Three || Part Four || Part Five || Part Six || Part Seven || Part Eight || Part Nine || Part Ten || Part Eleven || Part Twelve || Part Thirteen || Part Fourteen || Part Fifteen || Part Sixteen || Part Seventeen || Part Eighteen || Part Nineteen || Part Twenty || Part Twenty-One || Part Twenty-Two
Part Twenty-Three
Much to Olivia's disappointment, the drive back out to the farmhouse seemed to take no time at all. She wasn't ready to drop Natalia off at home and return to her empty suite at the Beacon for the night. At the last moment, Emma had gotten invited to a sleepover, so Jane's assistance hadn't been necessary, but now it meant she wouldn't even have Emma there to cheer her up.
When the car finally slowed to a stop, they both took their time getting out and walking hand-in-hand to the porch. Natalia let her hand go when they reached the door and fumbled in her purse for her key. Olivia was grinning by the time Natalia got it out.
"Do I make you nervous, Natalia?" Olivia asked, leaning in close enough that she was almost pressed up against Natalia's back.
Natalia shivered and Olivia chuckled.
"You're being mean," Natalia protested.
Olivia gasped and put a hand over her heart. "Me? Mean? But everyone always says I'm the picture of sweetness."
Now it was Natalia's turn to snort. "Everyone doesn't know you very well."
"And you do," Olivia said simply.
Natalia nodded and bit her lip. Olivia didn't push, giving her time to say whatever she was thinking. Natalia stepped back further into the house, holding the door open wide.
"Do you want to come in?"
Olivia thought her heart might stop. Was Natalia asking what she thought Natalia was asking? Or something far more innocent. Giving herself a mental shake, Olivia pushed that thought away. Of course, Natalia didn't mean what she had hoped Natalia meant. She was just inviting her in for coffee. Just coffee, she told her overactive mind and eager body. Nothing more.
"I would love to." She stepped inside and was immediately enveloped in the familiar warmth of the farmhouse. Olivia smiled involuntarily as she shrugged out of her coat, hanging it in the small closet by the entrance out of habit.
Natalia was standing there watching her when Olivia turned back around. Her smile grew when she caught Natalia looking. Olivia held her gaze for a moment until Natalia flushed and looked away.
"Would you like.... I could make some coffee?"
"Coffee sounds great," Olivia said softly.
"Great," Natalia echoed back.
Olivia followed her into the kitchen, sliding into a seat at the table as she watched Natalia start the coffee. When she was finished, Natalia turned back to face her. Olivia could see the nervousness in her eyes, the way her gaze couldn't seem to settle, jumping from one thing to another in the room. Olivia opened her mouth to say something. She wasn't sure what, but the silence in the room wasn't like the silences that they usually shared. It was heavy and tense and demanded something to fill it, even if it was just an anecdote about something Emma had done at school the previous day.
But Natalia was walking toward her with determination. Olivia couldn't help a bemused smile as she waited to see what Natalia would do. The smile fell away from her lips as Natalia leaned down, one hand sliding through Olivia's hair and cupping the back of her neck as Natalia pulled her into a kiss. It was so unexpected Olivia almost forgot to breathe. She made a sound of surprise, but it was muffled by Natalia's mouth covering hers. Not that she was complaining. Oh-so-definitely not complaining. It only took her a second to catch up with Natalia, her hands greedily finding Natalia's hips and tugging her closer.
Never breaking contact with her, Natalia shuffled closer, following Olivia's lead willingly. She wanted to be closer, as close as she could get to Olivia. It wasn't the image she projected. She was supposed to be the good girl, the one who would wait until after she was married. But she had already proven that she wasn't a "good girl", time and again, and there would be no marriage for them. Natalia wasn't waiting any longer. She had decided that before she left the house earlier that evening - a month ago in a room at the Beacon. She'd had time to think about it, to process what it would mean for them and for her. Now she just wanted.
Natalia had never been so bold before except with Frank and that she had ended up regretting. This time would be different, because it was with Olivia. There were no more reasons why they shouldn't be together now. She wondered if Olivia could feel the way her hands were trembling? Excitement and uncertainty were mixing together into a heady rush. It felt like standing at the top of a waterfall and jumping off, hoping...hoping that the water would be there for her landing and not sharp, deadly rocks.
"Natalia?" She jumped, so lost in her thoughts and what she was feeling that she was startled when Olivia spoke.
"Hmm?"
"I don't..." Olivia shook her head, looking tenderly at Natalia. "We don't have to do this." It was a delicate balance that she was walking, just like she always was with Natalia. She didn't want to presume too much, but it was Natalia who had kissed her, who was somehow now sitting on her lap. She wanted Natalia, had, in fact, been aching to touch Natalia like this for months, but she didn't want Natalia to feel like this was something she had to do. Olivia knew her reputation. It wasn't one of hand-holding and chaste kisses, but with Natalia it was different. With Natalia she would take whatever she could get, just to keep Natalia in her life. She had already proven that, hadn't she?
Natalia laid a finger over her lips, silencing her. "I know. But...I want to." She spoke slowly and firmly, forcing herself to hold Olivia's gaze and not look away. "I want to be with you," she said, emphasizing each word carefully.
Olivia was silent a moment and then her smile began to grow. She lifted a hand to tuck a lock of hair back behind Natalia's ear. "You do, huh?"
"You know I do," Natalia whispered.
"I might have some idea," Olivia admitted.
"Then let me show you. Just so we're clear."
Olivia smiled, steadying Natalia as she stood. "Sounds good to me." She let Natalia pull her to her feet and followed her a few steps as Natalia drew her toward the stairs. "But promise me," Olivia interjected. "Promise me that if you change your mind or decide you can't do this, or anything.... Promise me that you'll tell me if this is too much, too soon. Because I couldn't handle it if you regretted this, okay?" She was trying to hold back the tears that were threatening to spill out as she said it, but it was hard. She had seen Natalia after the first time she had slept with Frank and she knew how distraught Natalia had been then. The thought of being responsible for making Natalia feel that way was horrible.
Natalia cupped her cheek gently. "I promise. But I don't think that's going to be a problem. You're all I can think about lately." She kissed Olivia, deeply, hungrily, trying to show her that she meant every word. "Come on," Natalia said softly as they separated, once again pulling Olivia toward the stairs.
Olivia followed willingly. They rushed up the stairs, Natalia taking them two at a time and Olivia right behind her. They slowed when they reached Natalia's bedroom door. Natalia pulled her inside and then shut it behind them, twisting the lock before she stepped away.
When she turned back to Olivia, her breath caught at the look in Olivia's eyes. For the first time that evening, she faltered. Not from lack of desire, but because she was overwhelmed by it.
"Olivia..." Her name came out in a breathy, desperate whisper.
"I know," Olivia said. She stepped forward slowly, watching Natalia as Natalia watched her. Olivia slipped Natalia's dress off one shoulder and kissed the skin she had bared reverently. Then she repeated the motion on the other side and Natalia's dress pooled at her feet. She lifted her head to make certain that Natalia was still okay with this. The small nod that she got in return for her questioning look was enough. Her eyes drifted away from Natalia's face to take all of her in, standing there in front of her.
"You're so beautiful." Olivia said the only thing she could think. "I want to touch you."
Natalia took Olivia's hand in her own and raised it to her lips, gently kissing the back of it. Then she opened Olivia's hand, turned it and placed it on her breast. Even under the smooth fabric of her bra, Olivia could feel the slight bump of her nipple beneath. It was as if Natalia's gesture had given her permission to do what she wanted. Olivia moved closer, pressing her body up against Natalia's, and felt soft curves meet. Her thumb began to move in a slow circle and Natalia whimpered. It was better and more intoxicating than any drink ever had been. All Olivia needed now was more.
She began nudging Natalia gently backward until the back of her knees hit the bed. Natalia fell back onto it, as if she had suddenly gone boneless. She had only meant to sit down, but she was already a little off balance and her momentum sent her sprawling. Natalia had a moment to flush at how not smooth it all was, but then Olivia was standing over her, looking down at her with something undefinable in her eyes. Natalia couldn't help but smile back up at her. Then before the moment was lost, she scooted a little further back onto the bed so that she was in no danger of sliding off and held out a hand to Olivia.
Olivia took it and stepped forward slowly, easing one knee up onto the bed and then the other, almost slinking toward Natalia. As soon as she was close enough, Natalia slipped her arms around Olivia, needing to touch her and hold her.
Ducking her head, Olivia leaned down and kissed her, not desperately, but hello again. Natalia responded tilting her head up, trying to turn the kiss into something more, but Olivia wouldn't allow it. Natalia was about to get frustrated when Olivia pulled away so that she could look at her. She put her finger over Natalia's lips before she could say anything.
But Olivia couldn't hold Natalia's gaze, looking at something just past her ear. "I haven't been with anyone in..." She shook her head and gave a twisted little smile. "A while. Months. Since before." She touched her own chest just above the scar that Natalia couldn't yet see but knew was there. She glanced back at Natalia. "Should we... do we need to use protection?"
Natalia felt her cheeks flush and grow warm. She shook her head, swallowing until she could get words out. "No. Uh, Frank...we always used condoms." She winced inwardly. She hadn't meant to say his name now. She didn't want to bring anyone in to this bed but the two of them.
Gently, Natalia touched Olivia's cheek, bringing Olivia back to look at her. Hearing that Olivia hadn't been with anyone since before the heart transplant both had and hadn't been a surprise. She hadn't heard of Olivia being with anyone since they had started living together, but she knew that Olivia had certainly had offers. The thought that Olivia might have been waiting for something crossed Natalia's mind, waiting for her, maybe. It felt egotistical to think it. There were plenty of other explanations, not least of all Olivia's health. But somehow she knew that while it may not have started that way, she was part of the reason why it had been so long for Olivia.
She flushed for an entirely different reason thinking of how unfaithful she had been during that same period of time. Sleeping with Frank on a whim, or as she could admit to herself now, in an effort to get Olivia off her mind. And then there had been her biggest betrayal of all - her wedding.
"What's wrong?" Olivia asked, seeing the discomfort cross Natalia's features, but Natalia shook her head. She didn't want this to become about her. It already had been for too long. She wanted this to be about Olivia, about both of them and how much they loved each other.
Her fingers trailed down Olivia's cheek and then back up again. "I love you, you know?" Natalia said simply, redirecting the focus of the moment in a far more pleasant direction.
Just as she had hoped, a bright smile flashed over Olivia's face. "I can't get enough of hearing you say that."
"Then I'll say it again: I love you."
Olivia dipped her head, hungrily capturing Natalia's lips, spurred on by her words. Her hands were moving, straying away from the respectful - safe - places where they had lingered on Natalia's body. One hand sliding up to now familiar territory, covering Natalia's breast as the other slipped down her side, grabbing the back of her thigh and pulling it up. Natalia needed no more encouragement wrapping her leg around the back of Olivia's and using it to pull them closer together.
Olivia's eyes fluttered briefly shut, her heart pounding wildly. The languid kiss she shared with Natalia shifted, changing to brief brushes of her lips that gradually moved away, trailing across the line of her jaw and then down Natalia's neck. Olivia flicked her tongue out against sensitive skin and then grazed it lightly with her teeth. Natalia shivered beneath her.
"Wait," Natalia breathed. "Wait."
It took a second for what she had said to penetrate the haze of desire that was clouding Olivia's mind, but when it did she froze immediately.
"What?" Olivia didn't mean to sound so harsh, but Natalia had startled her and she was suddenly frightened that she had done something wrong.
"Off," Natalia said firmly. It took Olivia another second to realize that Natalia was tugging at the hem of her shirt, lifting it upward. Then she laughed.
"So impatient," Olivia said as her hands joined Natalia's pulling the shirt over her head and tossing it...elsewhere. She made quick work of her pants and the thong beneath them and then leaned back on her heels, nestled between the vee of Natalia's thighs. Her gaze never left Natalia's as she slipped her bra straps first off one shoulder and then the other, slipping her arms out and undoing the front clasp to let the bra fall away completely.
Olivia wasn't sure what Natalia's reaction would be so she sat still and waited. Natalia had moved this along to second base, but her bra was still on. Olivia had just upped the ante as she was want to do, and to mix her metaphors dreadfully, the ball was now in Natalia's court.
Natalia sat up, grabbing pillows from behind them to prop herself up without looking away. She reached out, cupping Olivia's breasts in her hands, feeling the weight and texture of them. Delicate fingers traced over sensitive skin and the palm of her hand brushed over nipples already standing at attention. One hand disappeared and Olivia almost whimpered at the loss, her eyes snapping back open when she hadn't even realized they had fallen shut. It had been so long.... Suddenly the lost sensation was replaced by wet warmth, the velvet of Natalia's tongue laving tentatively, then more confidently, the pressure of her lips sucking and Olivia was undone.
In that moment, almost all coherent thought was lost. Olivia grabbed for Natalia, her hand going to the back of her neck, supporting her and holding her where she was. It felt so good. The attention from Natalia, the sight of what she was doing to Olivia, was almost better than the actual physical sensation of it.
"God..." Olivia moaned. She realized distantly that Natalia's free hand was sliding down her body, over her ribcage and down her abdomen. It wasn't until Natalia's fingers skimmed across neatly trimmed curls that Olivia knew what Natalia was doing. For an instant, Olivia considered stopping her, insisting that she give Natalia her pleasure first. She had wanted so much to show Natalia how much she loved her. But Natalia's fingers were already trailing over damp folds and it was too late. It had been a long time and she wanted this so badly.
Olivia whimpered as Natalia stroked more firmly, squirming as she searched for something more substantial. Natalia pressed and Olivia squeaked, grinding herself down into Natalia's hand.
"Please." Olivia was already begging and this had hardly begun, but she had waited so long and wanted it so badly. It was so unlike her. In bed, just as out of it, she usually demanded and commanded. Pleading was something lesser mortals did, not Olivia Spencer. But with Natalia it was as if all the usual rules had been erased. There was no hidden agenda, no game to be played or power to be won. There was just the two of them.
Natalia didn't disappoint. Her touches grew more certain as she began to discover what Olivia liked, what she needed. Every whimper and groan seemed to increase her desire to draw more sounds like that from Olivia.
The steady build of sensation had grown so that when Olivia came it almost caught her by surprise. She collapsed limply into Natalia's embrace, trusting her to catch them both and ease them back down to the bed.
Natalia held her, her hands roaming over Olivia's body, bringing her back down gently. Olivia lay content against Natalia's chest as she waited for her heartbeat to slow and to catch her breath. A familiar feeling, both languid and euphoric began to slip over her. Olivia nuzzled her cheek against the top of Natalia's breast and slipped her hand under Natalia's back, running her fingers up Natalia's spine until she found the clasp of her bra. She raised her head enough that she could look at Natalia.
Natalia responded by arching her back off the bed to give Olivia better access. A moment later, Olivia had it undone. She pushed herself up on one elbow until she could draw the bra down Natalia's arms and then tossed it off the bed behind them. Olivia took a moment to simply look at the woman stretched out beside her. Natalia was gorgeous, with dark, mussed hair splayed out behind her on the pillow and a curious smile on her face. She was content to just watch Olivia and see what she would do next.
Olivia smirked and bent to lick newly bared skin. She felt Natalia jerk underneath her at the unexpected sensation. It was a heady feeling, making Natalia who was always so calm begin to lose it. Olivia licked again, flicking her tongue back and forth until she didn't think Natalia's nipple could get any harder. Natalia's hands sank into her hair, her back once again arching off the bed and into Olivia's touch. Unlike Natalia, however, Olivia wasn't content to stay where she was. She wanted something else.
Olivia shifted, using knees and elbows to push herself down Natalia's body, dropping a kiss on the side of her breast and then trailing down Natalia's stomach. Her tongue darted out to catch Natalia's belly button and Natalia jumped, her hands clenching in Olivia's hair.
"Ticklish?" Olivia teased, doing it again just because she could.
"Olivia." Natalia sounded aggrieved and petulant. Olivia relented before she could get herself in trouble, although that was a thought for another time.
But her momentary playfulness ceased as she slipped a little bit further down Natalia's body and placed a kiss just above the lace of Natalia's panties. Olivia sat up and scooted back a little bit further, tucking her fingers under the edges of flimsy fabric. Slowly she eased them down Natalia's legs and discarded them, not caring where they went. This time she worked her way back up Natalia's body, massaging her calf, pressing a kiss to the back of her knee and trailing fingers up her inner thigh until she had reached her destination.
Olivia eased Natalia's legs up over her shoulders, loving the firm weight of them as her heels pressed into the small of Olivia's back. How many times had Olivia done this with men? She had always loved the power of it. The way their eyes rolled back in their heads and how helpless they had seemed in her grasp. Now she just wanted to give this to Natalia. Olivia dipped her head and pressed her tongue flat against Natalia, drawing it upward. She wasn't prepared for the way that Natalia's hips jerked. Natalia's hand was back in her hair again, drawing her closer and Olivia didn't resist.
She licked and sucked, her arms wrapped around Natalia's waist to still her motions and make it easier for Olivia to keep contact with her.
"Olivia." Natalia called her name again, but this time it was different, not annoyed but expectant. It was a good sound, a sound Olivia immediately loved hearing.
She sucked harder, stroking with her tongue as she did until Natalia came, her hand digging into the sheet, scrabbling for something to hold onto, the fingers in Olivia's hair, clenching and twisting tightly. Olivia winced, the angle required to keep Natalia's grip from pulling painfully at her scalp was awkward to maintain for more than a moment. When her grip eased, Olivia contented herself with one final stroke of her tongue before she pushed herself back up next to Natalia. She ran her fingers up and down Natalia's side as she waited for her to say something.
Natalia's gaze found hers almost immediately and she smiled, raising one arm to limply touch Olivia's face. Olivia caught her wrist and pressed a kiss to her palm. Natalia's fingers hooked behind her jaw and drew her down until she could kiss her without having to move. For a second Olivia hesitated, uncertain how Natalia would react to kissing her when her lips were still damp from Natalia's own wetness, but Natalia was insistent and finally Olivia gave in.
It was a surprisingly tender kiss that shouldn't have surprised Olivia at all. This was Natalia after all.
"How was that for you?" Olivia asked quietly after they separated, her cheek still close enough to brush against Natalia's.
Natalia snorted, a puff of air against her ear. "You have to ask?" She relented and stroked Olivia's cheek. "It was everything I hoped it would be." She hesitated again. "It was better than I imagined."
Olivia laughed softly. "I'm a better lover than fantasy-me?"
"The real you is always better than any other you," Natalia said gently.
Her simple statement caught Olivia off guard and she sank back down, her head hitting the pillow beside Natalia's. She recognized that there was more to Natalia's statement than the obvious and it touched her in a way that she hadn't expected. Without a word, she snuggled closer to Natalia, laying her head on Natalia's shoulder and putting an arm across her waist.
She could live with that.
Fandom: Guiding Light
Characters: Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, Frank Cooper, Emma Spencer, Blake Marler, Rafe Rivera
Category: Angst, with a side of angst. Romance.
Rating: Eventually NC-17, though for most of it, it could probably past for oh, PG probably.
Word count: 3,889
Summary: Olivia will do whatever is necessary to make Natalia happy, even if it kills her.
Spoilers: Takes place around late April, early May '09, and contains spoilers for all events therein.
Author's Note: Anyone who's been familiar with my writing for some time will know that I don't write smut. There have been two exceptions to this apparent rule of mine, and both times the plot demanded it. I couldn't go with the usual tasteful fade to black that I tend to favor. This time it's all
rysler's fault. You can send the thank you's to her. But in the end, I'm glad I did write it. I think it added something...and not just that. Beta:
jlynxi was awesome enough to beta this for me. It's very much appreciated because I know this is a lot of fic! And I should definitely give a big shout out to rysler for letting me bounce ideas off of her throughout the whole process of writing this fic. Disclaimer: All characters (Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, Emma Spencer, Ava Peralta, blah blah etc.) and situations belong to Guiding Light, Telenext, Proctor & Gamble, etc. I'm not them.
And really I only have one more thing to say, but I think ya'll are going to like it: daily posts!
Part One || Part Two || Part Three || Part Four || Part Five || Part Six || Part Seven || Part Eight || Part Nine || Part Ten || Part Eleven || Part Twelve || Part Thirteen || Part Fourteen || Part Fifteen || Part Sixteen || Part Seventeen || Part Eighteen || Part Nineteen || Part Twenty || Part Twenty-One || Part Twenty-Two
Part Twenty-Three
Much to Olivia's disappointment, the drive back out to the farmhouse seemed to take no time at all. She wasn't ready to drop Natalia off at home and return to her empty suite at the Beacon for the night. At the last moment, Emma had gotten invited to a sleepover, so Jane's assistance hadn't been necessary, but now it meant she wouldn't even have Emma there to cheer her up.
When the car finally slowed to a stop, they both took their time getting out and walking hand-in-hand to the porch. Natalia let her hand go when they reached the door and fumbled in her purse for her key. Olivia was grinning by the time Natalia got it out.
"Do I make you nervous, Natalia?" Olivia asked, leaning in close enough that she was almost pressed up against Natalia's back.
Natalia shivered and Olivia chuckled.
"You're being mean," Natalia protested.
Olivia gasped and put a hand over her heart. "Me? Mean? But everyone always says I'm the picture of sweetness."
Now it was Natalia's turn to snort. "Everyone doesn't know you very well."
"And you do," Olivia said simply.
Natalia nodded and bit her lip. Olivia didn't push, giving her time to say whatever she was thinking. Natalia stepped back further into the house, holding the door open wide.
"Do you want to come in?"
Olivia thought her heart might stop. Was Natalia asking what she thought Natalia was asking? Or something far more innocent. Giving herself a mental shake, Olivia pushed that thought away. Of course, Natalia didn't mean what she had hoped Natalia meant. She was just inviting her in for coffee. Just coffee, she told her overactive mind and eager body. Nothing more.
"I would love to." She stepped inside and was immediately enveloped in the familiar warmth of the farmhouse. Olivia smiled involuntarily as she shrugged out of her coat, hanging it in the small closet by the entrance out of habit.
Natalia was standing there watching her when Olivia turned back around. Her smile grew when she caught Natalia looking. Olivia held her gaze for a moment until Natalia flushed and looked away.
"Would you like.... I could make some coffee?"
"Coffee sounds great," Olivia said softly.
"Great," Natalia echoed back.
Olivia followed her into the kitchen, sliding into a seat at the table as she watched Natalia start the coffee. When she was finished, Natalia turned back to face her. Olivia could see the nervousness in her eyes, the way her gaze couldn't seem to settle, jumping from one thing to another in the room. Olivia opened her mouth to say something. She wasn't sure what, but the silence in the room wasn't like the silences that they usually shared. It was heavy and tense and demanded something to fill it, even if it was just an anecdote about something Emma had done at school the previous day.
But Natalia was walking toward her with determination. Olivia couldn't help a bemused smile as she waited to see what Natalia would do. The smile fell away from her lips as Natalia leaned down, one hand sliding through Olivia's hair and cupping the back of her neck as Natalia pulled her into a kiss. It was so unexpected Olivia almost forgot to breathe. She made a sound of surprise, but it was muffled by Natalia's mouth covering hers. Not that she was complaining. Oh-so-definitely not complaining. It only took her a second to catch up with Natalia, her hands greedily finding Natalia's hips and tugging her closer.
Never breaking contact with her, Natalia shuffled closer, following Olivia's lead willingly. She wanted to be closer, as close as she could get to Olivia. It wasn't the image she projected. She was supposed to be the good girl, the one who would wait until after she was married. But she had already proven that she wasn't a "good girl", time and again, and there would be no marriage for them. Natalia wasn't waiting any longer. She had decided that before she left the house earlier that evening - a month ago in a room at the Beacon. She'd had time to think about it, to process what it would mean for them and for her. Now she just wanted.
Natalia had never been so bold before except with Frank and that she had ended up regretting. This time would be different, because it was with Olivia. There were no more reasons why they shouldn't be together now. She wondered if Olivia could feel the way her hands were trembling? Excitement and uncertainty were mixing together into a heady rush. It felt like standing at the top of a waterfall and jumping off, hoping...hoping that the water would be there for her landing and not sharp, deadly rocks.
"Natalia?" She jumped, so lost in her thoughts and what she was feeling that she was startled when Olivia spoke.
"Hmm?"
"I don't..." Olivia shook her head, looking tenderly at Natalia. "We don't have to do this." It was a delicate balance that she was walking, just like she always was with Natalia. She didn't want to presume too much, but it was Natalia who had kissed her, who was somehow now sitting on her lap. She wanted Natalia, had, in fact, been aching to touch Natalia like this for months, but she didn't want Natalia to feel like this was something she had to do. Olivia knew her reputation. It wasn't one of hand-holding and chaste kisses, but with Natalia it was different. With Natalia she would take whatever she could get, just to keep Natalia in her life. She had already proven that, hadn't she?
Natalia laid a finger over her lips, silencing her. "I know. But...I want to." She spoke slowly and firmly, forcing herself to hold Olivia's gaze and not look away. "I want to be with you," she said, emphasizing each word carefully.
Olivia was silent a moment and then her smile began to grow. She lifted a hand to tuck a lock of hair back behind Natalia's ear. "You do, huh?"
"You know I do," Natalia whispered.
"I might have some idea," Olivia admitted.
"Then let me show you. Just so we're clear."
Olivia smiled, steadying Natalia as she stood. "Sounds good to me." She let Natalia pull her to her feet and followed her a few steps as Natalia drew her toward the stairs. "But promise me," Olivia interjected. "Promise me that if you change your mind or decide you can't do this, or anything.... Promise me that you'll tell me if this is too much, too soon. Because I couldn't handle it if you regretted this, okay?" She was trying to hold back the tears that were threatening to spill out as she said it, but it was hard. She had seen Natalia after the first time she had slept with Frank and she knew how distraught Natalia had been then. The thought of being responsible for making Natalia feel that way was horrible.
Natalia cupped her cheek gently. "I promise. But I don't think that's going to be a problem. You're all I can think about lately." She kissed Olivia, deeply, hungrily, trying to show her that she meant every word. "Come on," Natalia said softly as they separated, once again pulling Olivia toward the stairs.
Olivia followed willingly. They rushed up the stairs, Natalia taking them two at a time and Olivia right behind her. They slowed when they reached Natalia's bedroom door. Natalia pulled her inside and then shut it behind them, twisting the lock before she stepped away.
When she turned back to Olivia, her breath caught at the look in Olivia's eyes. For the first time that evening, she faltered. Not from lack of desire, but because she was overwhelmed by it.
"Olivia..." Her name came out in a breathy, desperate whisper.
"I know," Olivia said. She stepped forward slowly, watching Natalia as Natalia watched her. Olivia slipped Natalia's dress off one shoulder and kissed the skin she had bared reverently. Then she repeated the motion on the other side and Natalia's dress pooled at her feet. She lifted her head to make certain that Natalia was still okay with this. The small nod that she got in return for her questioning look was enough. Her eyes drifted away from Natalia's face to take all of her in, standing there in front of her.
"You're so beautiful." Olivia said the only thing she could think. "I want to touch you."
Natalia took Olivia's hand in her own and raised it to her lips, gently kissing the back of it. Then she opened Olivia's hand, turned it and placed it on her breast. Even under the smooth fabric of her bra, Olivia could feel the slight bump of her nipple beneath. It was as if Natalia's gesture had given her permission to do what she wanted. Olivia moved closer, pressing her body up against Natalia's, and felt soft curves meet. Her thumb began to move in a slow circle and Natalia whimpered. It was better and more intoxicating than any drink ever had been. All Olivia needed now was more.
She began nudging Natalia gently backward until the back of her knees hit the bed. Natalia fell back onto it, as if she had suddenly gone boneless. She had only meant to sit down, but she was already a little off balance and her momentum sent her sprawling. Natalia had a moment to flush at how not smooth it all was, but then Olivia was standing over her, looking down at her with something undefinable in her eyes. Natalia couldn't help but smile back up at her. Then before the moment was lost, she scooted a little further back onto the bed so that she was in no danger of sliding off and held out a hand to Olivia.
Olivia took it and stepped forward slowly, easing one knee up onto the bed and then the other, almost slinking toward Natalia. As soon as she was close enough, Natalia slipped her arms around Olivia, needing to touch her and hold her.
Ducking her head, Olivia leaned down and kissed her, not desperately, but hello again. Natalia responded tilting her head up, trying to turn the kiss into something more, but Olivia wouldn't allow it. Natalia was about to get frustrated when Olivia pulled away so that she could look at her. She put her finger over Natalia's lips before she could say anything.
But Olivia couldn't hold Natalia's gaze, looking at something just past her ear. "I haven't been with anyone in..." She shook her head and gave a twisted little smile. "A while. Months. Since before." She touched her own chest just above the scar that Natalia couldn't yet see but knew was there. She glanced back at Natalia. "Should we... do we need to use protection?"
Natalia felt her cheeks flush and grow warm. She shook her head, swallowing until she could get words out. "No. Uh, Frank...we always used condoms." She winced inwardly. She hadn't meant to say his name now. She didn't want to bring anyone in to this bed but the two of them.
Gently, Natalia touched Olivia's cheek, bringing Olivia back to look at her. Hearing that Olivia hadn't been with anyone since before the heart transplant both had and hadn't been a surprise. She hadn't heard of Olivia being with anyone since they had started living together, but she knew that Olivia had certainly had offers. The thought that Olivia might have been waiting for something crossed Natalia's mind, waiting for her, maybe. It felt egotistical to think it. There were plenty of other explanations, not least of all Olivia's health. But somehow she knew that while it may not have started that way, she was part of the reason why it had been so long for Olivia.
She flushed for an entirely different reason thinking of how unfaithful she had been during that same period of time. Sleeping with Frank on a whim, or as she could admit to herself now, in an effort to get Olivia off her mind. And then there had been her biggest betrayal of all - her wedding.
"What's wrong?" Olivia asked, seeing the discomfort cross Natalia's features, but Natalia shook her head. She didn't want this to become about her. It already had been for too long. She wanted this to be about Olivia, about both of them and how much they loved each other.
Her fingers trailed down Olivia's cheek and then back up again. "I love you, you know?" Natalia said simply, redirecting the focus of the moment in a far more pleasant direction.
Just as she had hoped, a bright smile flashed over Olivia's face. "I can't get enough of hearing you say that."
"Then I'll say it again: I love you."
Olivia dipped her head, hungrily capturing Natalia's lips, spurred on by her words. Her hands were moving, straying away from the respectful - safe - places where they had lingered on Natalia's body. One hand sliding up to now familiar territory, covering Natalia's breast as the other slipped down her side, grabbing the back of her thigh and pulling it up. Natalia needed no more encouragement wrapping her leg around the back of Olivia's and using it to pull them closer together.
Olivia's eyes fluttered briefly shut, her heart pounding wildly. The languid kiss she shared with Natalia shifted, changing to brief brushes of her lips that gradually moved away, trailing across the line of her jaw and then down Natalia's neck. Olivia flicked her tongue out against sensitive skin and then grazed it lightly with her teeth. Natalia shivered beneath her.
"Wait," Natalia breathed. "Wait."
It took a second for what she had said to penetrate the haze of desire that was clouding Olivia's mind, but when it did she froze immediately.
"What?" Olivia didn't mean to sound so harsh, but Natalia had startled her and she was suddenly frightened that she had done something wrong.
"Off," Natalia said firmly. It took Olivia another second to realize that Natalia was tugging at the hem of her shirt, lifting it upward. Then she laughed.
"So impatient," Olivia said as her hands joined Natalia's pulling the shirt over her head and tossing it...elsewhere. She made quick work of her pants and the thong beneath them and then leaned back on her heels, nestled between the vee of Natalia's thighs. Her gaze never left Natalia's as she slipped her bra straps first off one shoulder and then the other, slipping her arms out and undoing the front clasp to let the bra fall away completely.
Olivia wasn't sure what Natalia's reaction would be so she sat still and waited. Natalia had moved this along to second base, but her bra was still on. Olivia had just upped the ante as she was want to do, and to mix her metaphors dreadfully, the ball was now in Natalia's court.
Natalia sat up, grabbing pillows from behind them to prop herself up without looking away. She reached out, cupping Olivia's breasts in her hands, feeling the weight and texture of them. Delicate fingers traced over sensitive skin and the palm of her hand brushed over nipples already standing at attention. One hand disappeared and Olivia almost whimpered at the loss, her eyes snapping back open when she hadn't even realized they had fallen shut. It had been so long.... Suddenly the lost sensation was replaced by wet warmth, the velvet of Natalia's tongue laving tentatively, then more confidently, the pressure of her lips sucking and Olivia was undone.
In that moment, almost all coherent thought was lost. Olivia grabbed for Natalia, her hand going to the back of her neck, supporting her and holding her where she was. It felt so good. The attention from Natalia, the sight of what she was doing to Olivia, was almost better than the actual physical sensation of it.
"God..." Olivia moaned. She realized distantly that Natalia's free hand was sliding down her body, over her ribcage and down her abdomen. It wasn't until Natalia's fingers skimmed across neatly trimmed curls that Olivia knew what Natalia was doing. For an instant, Olivia considered stopping her, insisting that she give Natalia her pleasure first. She had wanted so much to show Natalia how much she loved her. But Natalia's fingers were already trailing over damp folds and it was too late. It had been a long time and she wanted this so badly.
Olivia whimpered as Natalia stroked more firmly, squirming as she searched for something more substantial. Natalia pressed and Olivia squeaked, grinding herself down into Natalia's hand.
"Please." Olivia was already begging and this had hardly begun, but she had waited so long and wanted it so badly. It was so unlike her. In bed, just as out of it, she usually demanded and commanded. Pleading was something lesser mortals did, not Olivia Spencer. But with Natalia it was as if all the usual rules had been erased. There was no hidden agenda, no game to be played or power to be won. There was just the two of them.
Natalia didn't disappoint. Her touches grew more certain as she began to discover what Olivia liked, what she needed. Every whimper and groan seemed to increase her desire to draw more sounds like that from Olivia.
The steady build of sensation had grown so that when Olivia came it almost caught her by surprise. She collapsed limply into Natalia's embrace, trusting her to catch them both and ease them back down to the bed.
Natalia held her, her hands roaming over Olivia's body, bringing her back down gently. Olivia lay content against Natalia's chest as she waited for her heartbeat to slow and to catch her breath. A familiar feeling, both languid and euphoric began to slip over her. Olivia nuzzled her cheek against the top of Natalia's breast and slipped her hand under Natalia's back, running her fingers up Natalia's spine until she found the clasp of her bra. She raised her head enough that she could look at Natalia.
Natalia responded by arching her back off the bed to give Olivia better access. A moment later, Olivia had it undone. She pushed herself up on one elbow until she could draw the bra down Natalia's arms and then tossed it off the bed behind them. Olivia took a moment to simply look at the woman stretched out beside her. Natalia was gorgeous, with dark, mussed hair splayed out behind her on the pillow and a curious smile on her face. She was content to just watch Olivia and see what she would do next.
Olivia smirked and bent to lick newly bared skin. She felt Natalia jerk underneath her at the unexpected sensation. It was a heady feeling, making Natalia who was always so calm begin to lose it. Olivia licked again, flicking her tongue back and forth until she didn't think Natalia's nipple could get any harder. Natalia's hands sank into her hair, her back once again arching off the bed and into Olivia's touch. Unlike Natalia, however, Olivia wasn't content to stay where she was. She wanted something else.
Olivia shifted, using knees and elbows to push herself down Natalia's body, dropping a kiss on the side of her breast and then trailing down Natalia's stomach. Her tongue darted out to catch Natalia's belly button and Natalia jumped, her hands clenching in Olivia's hair.
"Ticklish?" Olivia teased, doing it again just because she could.
"Olivia." Natalia sounded aggrieved and petulant. Olivia relented before she could get herself in trouble, although that was a thought for another time.
But her momentary playfulness ceased as she slipped a little bit further down Natalia's body and placed a kiss just above the lace of Natalia's panties. Olivia sat up and scooted back a little bit further, tucking her fingers under the edges of flimsy fabric. Slowly she eased them down Natalia's legs and discarded them, not caring where they went. This time she worked her way back up Natalia's body, massaging her calf, pressing a kiss to the back of her knee and trailing fingers up her inner thigh until she had reached her destination.
Olivia eased Natalia's legs up over her shoulders, loving the firm weight of them as her heels pressed into the small of Olivia's back. How many times had Olivia done this with men? She had always loved the power of it. The way their eyes rolled back in their heads and how helpless they had seemed in her grasp. Now she just wanted to give this to Natalia. Olivia dipped her head and pressed her tongue flat against Natalia, drawing it upward. She wasn't prepared for the way that Natalia's hips jerked. Natalia's hand was back in her hair again, drawing her closer and Olivia didn't resist.
She licked and sucked, her arms wrapped around Natalia's waist to still her motions and make it easier for Olivia to keep contact with her.
"Olivia." Natalia called her name again, but this time it was different, not annoyed but expectant. It was a good sound, a sound Olivia immediately loved hearing.
She sucked harder, stroking with her tongue as she did until Natalia came, her hand digging into the sheet, scrabbling for something to hold onto, the fingers in Olivia's hair, clenching and twisting tightly. Olivia winced, the angle required to keep Natalia's grip from pulling painfully at her scalp was awkward to maintain for more than a moment. When her grip eased, Olivia contented herself with one final stroke of her tongue before she pushed herself back up next to Natalia. She ran her fingers up and down Natalia's side as she waited for her to say something.
Natalia's gaze found hers almost immediately and she smiled, raising one arm to limply touch Olivia's face. Olivia caught her wrist and pressed a kiss to her palm. Natalia's fingers hooked behind her jaw and drew her down until she could kiss her without having to move. For a second Olivia hesitated, uncertain how Natalia would react to kissing her when her lips were still damp from Natalia's own wetness, but Natalia was insistent and finally Olivia gave in.
It was a surprisingly tender kiss that shouldn't have surprised Olivia at all. This was Natalia after all.
"How was that for you?" Olivia asked quietly after they separated, her cheek still close enough to brush against Natalia's.
Natalia snorted, a puff of air against her ear. "You have to ask?" She relented and stroked Olivia's cheek. "It was everything I hoped it would be." She hesitated again. "It was better than I imagined."
Olivia laughed softly. "I'm a better lover than fantasy-me?"
"The real you is always better than any other you," Natalia said gently.
Her simple statement caught Olivia off guard and she sank back down, her head hitting the pillow beside Natalia's. She recognized that there was more to Natalia's statement than the obvious and it touched her in a way that she hadn't expected. Without a word, she snuggled closer to Natalia, laying her head on Natalia's shoulder and putting an arm across her waist.
She could live with that.